# This Week in Penis Theft News

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [April 23, 2008, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532 "2008-04-23T12:48:32Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\
**Post date:** [April 24, 2008, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/21 "2008-04-24T04:17:08Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

I smell a New Mafia Theme!

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**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\
**Post date:** [April 24, 2008, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/22 "2008-04-24T20:10:21Z")

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[QUOTE=Marley23]  
Here’s a sentence I never expected to type: “For your convenience, I’ve merged all the penis stealing threads.”  
[/QUOTE]

Are you questioning your new gig? 😃

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**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\
**Post date:** [April 24, 2008, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/23 "2008-04-24T21:37:12Z")

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So, I guess there would be some questions asked of the victim as to whether it was grand theft penis or just petty theft.

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**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\
**Post date:** [April 24, 2008, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/24 "2008-04-24T21:54:10Z")

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If your penis hasn’t been stolen yet, you can always use it to [pee into a gas tank](http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-14934). Of course, the entire incident is caught on video, including the police who happen to drive by on bicycles. The idiot decides to piss off and run, only to be caught (off camera).

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**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\
**Post date:** [April 25, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/25 "2008-04-25T02:32:50Z")

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They can have **my** penis when they take it from my cold dead hands!

…wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right… 😛

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**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\
**Post date:** [April 25, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-week-in-penis-theft-news/446532/26 "2008-04-25T02:47:41Z")

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Gives a whole new meaning to Warren Zevon’s lyrics:

> [@](#):
>
> For days and nights they battled the Bantu to their knees  
> They killed to earn their living and to help out the Congolese  
> …  
> Roland the Headless Thompson gunner

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