# This week's (kind of sad) lesson: kill your procrastination habits while you still have most of your marbles **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 16, 2026, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933 "2026-06-16T14:40:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2026, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/61 "2026-09-30T14:57:57Z")
Today in the care home, she has refused her morning meds, complained that she has been there forever and that she’s tried to fit in but everyone has been horrible day after day (it had been 18 hours since she got there at that point). She didn’t believe she was in a care home in England, was threatening to kill herself again, tried to pack up all her clothes to leave (no bag to put them in so just stacked everything on the bed). My sister (who lives closer than I do) went in to see if she could get her to take her pills, but she wouldn’t. Mum spent 20 minutes ranting that her suicide would be on my sister’s conscience (‘mark my words’) - eventually she calmed down after she managed to take a benzo pill. She may calm down after a few more days - much of this is probably still the grief from her loss - the traditional 5 stages of grief aren’t really happening sequentially here because of her memory issues, but she does seem to be progressing through it in some fashion. What _would_ have troubled our conscience, would be if we had somehow enabled her to attempt to live alone in her house in Spain (she wouldn’t last a week, I’m sure), or if she had decided to throw herself down the stairs or run off from my sister’s house, if we had kept trying for her to stay there. If she attempts self-harm in the care home, she’ll probably end up in a psychiatric unit, but at least now the professionals are on the case. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2026, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/62 "2026-09-30T15:21:29Z")
> [@orcenio](#): > > I am sorry for your loss. You did everything in your power and it did matter. As for your mom, I’m sorry for the trauma that you and your sis have been going through. I can’t say it any better than this. You and your family did well for Dad and are doing so now for Mum. A beastly job, but you’re making an excellent fist of it. As sad as Mum’s passing will be, that too will be a blessing. And probably a fairly imminent blessing. Which feeling of relief on your and your sibs’ parts will be a mixed bag. Totally understandable, totally commonplace, but also discomfiting. Be easy on yourselves when that inevitable feeling of guilt over the inevitable feeling of relief washes over you. Hugs from afar. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2026, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/63 "2026-09-30T17:17:39Z")
I’m so sorry to read this. Id been thinking of you, and hoped no news was good news. The "why didn’t anybody tell me"s are terrible to deal with. My Dad’s got some brain fog,–probably grief, maybe just being 80. I don’t mind making decisions or taking action, but I don’t like him not listening to me (and I know that’s not always what it is. Even when it looks like it. ). Your Mom’s dementia may get better once she settles into the new place, but it also may not. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2026, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/64 "2026-09-30T17:21:46Z")
This is possible but not guaranteed. My mom these last six months or a year would ask questions about her parents deaths and why she wasn’t informed. She was informed and actively involved. But that was forty years ago for her dad and almost twenty for her Mom. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2026, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/65 "2026-10-01T07:06:23Z")
Apparently a further update from yesterday’s visit was very emotional pleading/begging **not** to take her back to Spain and leave her there (this keeps flipping back and forth as it did between our last night out in Spain and our first morning back in England) - makes me feel a bit better about getting her into a secure care home - not just because she can’t have the life she wants/keeps asking for, but there is no consistent version of that anyway. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2026, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/66 "2026-10-03T01:49:28Z")
I feel for you too - I dealt with similar issues with my parents, though thankfully they were just in a different state, not a different country. Lots of resistance and strum and drang. Good on you for thinking ahead so your own kids don’t have to go through this kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2026, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/67 "2026-10-03T02:32:21Z")
My mother, who will be 93 at the end of this month, has just decided in the past few weeks that it’s time to move out of the house where she has lived since 1965. She looked at one place where a friend of hers has lived for many years, and from that perspective, she knew it wasn’t for her. A couple days later, she and my sister looked at another place that just happened to have a vacancy, and she has signed all the paperwork and plans to move in on Monday. A long term care policy will probably pay for some of it, and she can thankfully afford the rest. It’s an individual apartment, with 3 meals a day, housekeeping service, and medication management. My brother is keeping me updated as things progress. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2026, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933/68 "2026-10-03T21:26:03Z")
Most LTC policies pay zero towards room and board. If the place has helpers to help her eat, bathe, etc., that work can be reimbursed up to a certain number of dollars per day that services are provided. If they don’t, that work can often be hired in from an outside agency under the same reimbursement rules. Also be aware that if she hasn’t already been getting assistive services in her home that are already being paid for by the LTC policy there is often an “elimination period” where you need to pay OOP for that stuff for X number of days before the LTC policy will begin reimbursing. And no, you can’t retroactively get reimbursed for the OOP expenses. Common elimination periods are 30, 60, and 90 days. 90 days of home help (whether in her current home or the new facility) can add up to an impressive pile of unreimbursed money for her and her family = you. Good luck. LTC can be a godsend. But it (generally) isn’t a magic wand that makes all care bills disappear. Much less all rent and food and housekeeping expenses. More like “some, maybe most” and “none” respectively. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-weeks-kind-of-sad-lesson-kill-your-procrastination-habits-while-you-still-have-most-of-your-marbles/1030933.md?page=3)