# This whole sexual accusation thing – a perspective I’ve not heard discussed **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2017, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295 "2017-12-02T02:24:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![johnod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dc4da7/32.png) [@johnod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnod)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/221 "2017-12-06T22:49:36Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I went to see a movie by myself last week. Sitting to my left was a young girl, maybe 6 or 7; to her left, her father (I presume). A normal day, a normal occurrence. > > Except, with all the sexual stuff that has permeated the media over the past several weeks, I had a random but horrifying thought: what if this girl said something to her dad along the lines of ‘that man touched me’. > > Here is what if: my life would be ruined. Just like that. That is all it would take to destroy my world. > > I considered changing seats (I didn’t). I consciously edged myself toward the right, feeling stupid for doing so. I didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I would have if the thought had never entered my mind, because it never totally left my mind. > > Forget about a lack of proof. Forget about due process. Forget about innocent until proven guilty. A single accusation – from anyone - is a death sentence to one’s reputation. > > I feel sad for all the victims, and I know there are tons. But I also feel vulnerable and uneasy. > > Have any other guys been bothered by this? Or am I needlessly obsessing? > > Women, what are your thoughts? > mmm You seem to have a firm grasp of the situation. Proof is a thing of the past apparently. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4bbf92/32.png) [@Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Hamsandwich)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2017, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/222 "2017-12-06T23:11:59Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Okay, I see what you’re saying (I think). I’m arguing that your experience–awful as it was–doesn’t support the idea that a single accusation is a death sentence. On the contrary, it shows that a single accusation CAN BE (as it was in your case) an entry to a terrible, traumatic period of time, but is not necessarily a death sentence for a reputation. > > As I see it, that girl wronged you as surely as if she’d cut the brake lines on your car. In both cases, she put you in a lot of danger. In neither case do I think she should be tried as an adult. in both cases I’d think the kid needs some serious counseling and discipline to see how dangerous her actions were. And I can certainly see how undergoing that trauma would affect your emotional outlook on the situation, and how it’d lead to a totally understandable paranoia for you, based on that experience. > > But I come at it from my experience. I’m a male teacher who works around kids, and I have very little fear of false accusations, and I think that’s reasonable. There are half a dozen or so other male teachers at my school, and I taught at another school with more male teachers. I was once in an environment where someone was arrested for indecent liberties with a minor. The charges were substantiated (I won’t give more details because I really don’t want to identify the specific situation). Of all the male teachers and teacher assistants and principals and custodians and such that I’ve known, in our collective centuries of time in the classroom, none of us have faced a serious false allegation of misconduct. > > I have, however, known teachers who have been stabbed with a pencil by kindergarteners, hard enough to pierce the skin. I have seen kids throw chairs. I have been cussed out by parents, and I know more than one teacher who has received a death threat from a mentally ill parent. I’ve sat in my closet during a lockdown because of a kid’s relative that brought a weapon onto campus, and didn’t tell anyone except a kid, and staff found out about it indirectly. And we all catch regular viruses from the walking germ factories that we educate each day. > > When I’m thinking about the threats I face on the job, the nongendered ones are a lot more at the forefront of my concerns. I think that’s true for my male colleagues as well. Thanks brother, for relating your experiences. That’s great that you have never, up until this point, been on the receiving end of one of these things. I think that speaks volumes about your professionalism and common sense when considering these potential problems. However, reputation is a weird thing. Even though I’m nearly %100% percent certain that the situation was quietly resolved and with no ill-will, I can’t ever be entirely sure unless I flat out ask her family. And trust me when I say that it’s not something that could be easily brought up again with a mere phone call to assuage my uneasiness. Even at family dinners, although it’s rare, I still feel a pang of guilt where there should be none and wonder if some of her family may still feel hostility towards me. I realize this is a failing on my own part, but that’s the way it is. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/223 "2017-12-07T00:13:38Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > **I know this.** I am not dismissing this. But that is in no way a product of this recent movement, referred to as this this “sexual accusation thing”. I know this because the few instances I do know of that qualify as false accusations pre-date this “sexual accusation thing” by ten years or more. Right. This is what I was trying, clumsily, to get at. To say now that we have a new situation seems to be an argument that it’s problematic for men if women speak out because someone is likely to believe a child who makes a false accusation. ---
**Author:** ![johnod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dc4da7/32.png) [@johnod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnod)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/224 "2017-12-07T01:35:55Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > I’m not saying that false accusations of men by women or children \*never \*happen. But this being the Dope, let’s get a statistical analysis of how often that occurs (and an _innocent man_ has his life ruined because the woman or child is of course believed over the man’s protestations. Versus how often the exact opposite occurs, in which there is an actual attack, and the woman or child is disbelieved. Without even adding in the something like 75% of attacks which the woman or child never tells anyone about, because of the likelihood of that occurring. > > I am guessing here that the amazing lopsidedness of these statistics might give someone on the non-male side, just a bit of jadedness or dare I say it, even a tad of schadenfreude. > > SNL just did a skit on it. Titled, Welcome To Hell. I thought it was kinda funny. I’ve always wondered how " like 75% of attacks which the woman or child never tells anyone about, " are then able to be statistically verified? Makes me question the validity of rape/assualt numbers, and sincerely doubt they’re accuracy. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/225 "2017-12-07T01:46:43Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > I think the timing is in that stories of sexual assault are more likely to be believed. … Which they mostly should be. That said while it seems that there is a flood of accusations being made and being believed, the flood is specific to celebrities of various sorts (media or political mostly.) Not sure that this visible flood in any way corrects how victims who speak up against those who are not celebrities are handled. The hope is that the wide attention results in that, but assuming it has already would be facts not in evidence. Most here at least I think would agree that revictimizing victims is bad and that our work and cultural environments should work towards making reporting abuse a safe thing to do. And there is lots of work to do to get there, current media attention notwithstanding. The problem is that a few of those advocating for that end take extreme positions. Some in threads on this subject (I can search and find for each when time permits if someone insists) have argued that expressing any doubt about an accusation, questioning whether or not it is credible, giving any benefit of the doubt to one accused, makes you part of the problem. Some believe that we should just accept that all males over 50 with _any_ power or celebrity are guilty and should not be surprised. Many believe the existence of an accusation, even if you do not know what the accusation was, is enough to find a man guilty in the court of public opinion and to justify ending the career of the individual (see Keillor, Garrison). I can understand why seeing those positions expressed can trigger thinking about the issue from the perspective of someone who has not done anything wrong but is accused and, with no way to prove innocence, suffers career and societal (not criminal) impacts. I can understand how irrational fears about absurd accusations and to irrationally generalize those fears can be triggered. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/226 "2017-12-07T01:47:47Z")
> [@johnod](#): > > I’ve always wondered how " like 75% of attacks which the woman or child never tells anyone about, " are then able to be statistically verified? … Confidential polls in identities are protected. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/227 "2017-12-07T02:06:09Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > … Ya see? This is how the whole empathy thing works. … Ya may want to give it a try yourself then. > [@](#): > > Why are you asking me these questions? You do you. There is no “set of rules” that will ensure you will navigate every situation in life without upsetting somebody else. There is no magic checklist. … How I do me is based on what I understand might be reasonably expected to bother or not bother others. I believe it is reasonable to expect a woman to be concerned that a man they do not know appears to be following her into a parking structure late at night. Thus I will give more space if I am heading in the same direction to my car than I would if I was behind a male. I do not think it is reasonable to expect a typical woman to be fearful if, in a movie theater, I sat in the same safe personal space zone that I would apply to another male. Nor for a parent or child to be worried about me on a park bench near a playground. But I am always interested in hearing if many others have a different sense of what reasonable is. Are irrational fears of stranger danger so pervasive that more would be worried about a short bald man sitting on a park bench near a park than I would think. Is **LHOD** ’s altering his behavior to avoid a child making a false accusation against him in the classroom really rationally based? I do briefly consider the inequity of being profiled based on my gender, and am cognizant that I would be upset if someone was expecting the same changes of behavior out of consideration of someone based on them looking Arab, or dark. But let’s be real. For me in my position in our society the parking structure (or dark street scenario) is a small ask. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/228 "2017-12-07T02:19:11Z")
> [@B-Rad](#): > > Women and children don’t exploit ‘vulnerable’ men. But district attorneys seeking convictions certainly do. Why do we put up with DAs who politicize law enforcement? Seriously. I don’t know. > [@Darth\_Hamsandwich](#): > > I’m sorry Tee, I see now that you were referring to exactly what MMM posted in regard to his fears being directly correlated to the recent floodgates being opened. I took your quote out of context. But as someone mentioned upthread, I think that the fear is justified, even before all this stuff started coming out in the news. You mentioned that yourself actually, since I agree with you that the risk of being accused is the same as it ever was. I read your reply as being ultimately dismissive, and I shouldn’t of done that. > > However, for me, it was a club being used against an innocent man. No worries. You’re right, it was a weapon. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Right. This is what I was trying, clumsily, to get at. To say now that we have a new situation seems to be an argument that it’s problematic for men if women speak out because someone is likely to believe a child who makes a false accusation. I don’t think it was clumsy. A lot of people have to say the same thing in different ways to get a point across, and I really hope we did. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/229 "2017-12-07T02:31:33Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Ya may want to give it a try yourself then. …empathy with the OP? Nah. And I’ve already explained why. > [@](#): > > How I do me is based on what I understand might be reasonably expected to bother or not bother others. > > I believe it is reasonable to expect a woman to be concerned that a man they do not know appears to be following her into a parking structure late at night. Thus I will give more space if I am heading in the same direction to my car than I would if I was behind a male. > > I do not think it is reasonable to expect a typical woman to be fearful if, in a movie theater, I sat in the same safe personal space zone that I would apply to another male. Nor for a parent or child to be worried about me on a park bench near a playground. Well good for you. You do you. > [@](#): > > But I am always interested in hearing if many others have a different sense of what reasonable is. Are irrational fears of stranger danger so pervasive that more would be worried about a short bald man sitting on a park bench near a park than I would think. Feel free to ask these question to somebody interested in answering them. But please stop tacking them onto your responses to me because I do not care to answer them. > [@](#): > > Is **LHOD** ’s altering his behavior to avoid a child making a false accusation against him in the classroom really rationally based? Case in point. > [@](#): > > I do briefly consider the inequity of being profiled based on my gender, and am cognizant that I would be upset if someone was expecting the same changes of behavior out of consideration of someone based on them looking Arab, or dark. But let’s be real. For me in my position in our society the parking structure (or dark street scenario) is a small ask. Thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/230 "2017-12-07T02:40:43Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > … Feel free to ask these question to somebody interested in answering them. But please stop tacking them onto your responses to me because I do not care to answer them. … My apologies. The intent was to use an answer to you to pose the question to others reading as well. I appreciate that you are not curious about these things just as you are not interested in empathy that is not empathy to positions you like. Are any others who are not the above poster interested in answering those questions? If not fine. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/231 "2017-12-07T04:41:20Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > The problem is that a few of those advocating for that end take extreme positions. Some in threads on this subject (I can search and find for each when time permits if someone insists) have argued that expressing any doubt about an accusation, questioning whether or not it is credible, giving any benefit of the doubt to one accused, makes you part of the problem. Some believe that we should just accept that all males over 50 with _any_ power or celebrity are guilty and should not be surprised. Many believe the existence of an accusation, even if you do not know what the accusation was, is enough to find a man guilty in the court of public opinion and to justify ending the career of the individual (see Keillor, Garrison). I haven’t seen accusations expressed online that weren’t questioned at length, and I think its pretty standard in a thread to see numerous people chiming in on whether or not they are credible. It’s expected. The rest is kind of situational. Re: Garrison Keillor and his show. His employers felt strongly enough to part ways with him, and no one else seems to know what he did. I read a comments section, there’s a mix of judgments and defenses and fence-sitting and outright disbelief, and things like: “I hope the woman that ruined Keillor has fun dying alone among her cats.” Again as expected. I’m not seeing how the court of opinion has ruled one way or another on Keillor to leave you with a negative impression, but you have one. Would you mind explaining why? ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/232 "2017-12-07T10:53:50Z")
> [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](#): > > I’ve coached and refereed youth soccer for the AYSO (Americna Youth Soccer Organization) for the last 14 years and worked with kids from ages 4 to 12, both boys and girls. I am also a single male in his 60’s now, but have coached on and off since my 20’s. Never had a single problem, mostly because I follow the AYSO guidelines for coaches, which in brief: > > 1. Never be on the field with the kid/kids by yourself. Always have a parent or two around, or if one player is left waiting after practice, stay near a larger group. > > 2. Never invite kids to get in/ride in your car. Only time I didn’t obey this rule was during a thunderstorm at practice–the kids were in the back seats, I was under the back hatch (it was an SUV). No possibility of contact. > > 3. Hugs were permitted, but only if the player initiated them and always from the side. > > 4. All records with names/addresses/phone/e-mail are destroyed at the end of the season. > > This isn’t all the rules, but following them seems logical and prudent and I’ve never had an incident in all my time coaching. Why? Why does following these rules seem logical and prudent to you? Is it because you have some deep down fear that if you didn’t you would suddenly become a sexual predator and start attacking kids. No. Of course not. You know there is no way in hell you would ever harm one of those kids. So the only other explanation that I can see is that the OP is FUCKING DEAD ON. We all alter our behavior in order to avoid being in a situation where we could be accused of doing something and our only defense would be denial. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/233 "2017-12-07T11:32:15Z")
Just to bring this all the way back to the OP: > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I considered changing seats (I didn’t). I consciously edged myself toward the right, feeling stupid for doing so. I didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I would have if the thought had never entered my mind, because it never totally left my mind. Next time you’re in a significantly similar situation, figure you’ll change seats? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/234 "2017-12-07T11:38:53Z")
> [@Fugazi](#): > > We all alter our behavior in order to avoid being in a situation where we could be accused of doing something and our only defense would be denial. We do this in many ways. Last month, a nonprofit I work with changed its money handling rules to ensure that two people would see every donation check (I think the specifics are that the person who opens the mail isn’t the person who makes the deposit, or something). It’s not that we think there’s anyone in the office who’s gonna embezzle our limited funds; it’s that we alter our behavior in order to avoid being in a situation where we could be accused of malfeasance. And this is also something of a modern thing: financial norms for nonprofits have tightened up in the last couple of decades, as near as I can tell. It’s no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/235 "2017-12-07T15:02:21Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > So, yeah, due to an irrational fear on both of the sex’s part, I sent an employee home who could have liked to get the hours, and kept my sister here who could have like to get some sleep. NBD, sure, but it’s not like it has no effect at all. So you are afraid to be alone with a non-related woman in a store? Isn’t this what the VP gets made fun of for? ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/236 "2017-12-07T15:10:56Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > … Re: Garrison Keillor and his show. His employers felt strongly enough to part ways with him, and no one else seems to know what he did. … Yes. Without knowing even what the single accusation even was many here feel the decision of MPR to publicly “part ways” over sexual impropriety was just, and that there was no possibility that it was just … for PR purposes in the current MPR environment in which the PR costs of being perceived as enabling bad behavior or doubting an accuser could be significant. Read our [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=843289) on it for what readers here might be reacting to. Yes some wondering if this might be an overreaction but some also quite otherwise, and those quite otherwise it what I am talking about. Let’s ignore the person who believes that any touch at the workplace is across the line and the one who insisted on sticking to an untruth that this was part of more than one accusation. [Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20632933&postcount=39) a typically very rational **carnivorousplant** responding to my observing that it seems “To question any presumed victim, to give any benefit of the doubt to an accused, is right now being seen as enabling abuse and as being part of the poblem.” with the simple > [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Yes. And [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20633940&postcount=51), meant I think seriously. > [@DCnDC](#): > > Can we just go ahead and assume there are going to be some episodes of inappropriate behavior by basically any man over 40 with almost any degree of celebrity or power? > > Frankly it’s bizarre to me that this is shocking to anyone. … Is it unreasonable to have that sort of discussion trigger irrational fear among those over 40 who, to someone else may at least seem to have _some_ power, that they could be accused just once (even by someone who just misinterpreted what they did or meant) and have no way to defend themselves? ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/237 "2017-12-07T15:20:24Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > So you are afraid to be alone with a non-related woman in a store? No, I respect that she may be afraid to be alone with me in the store. > [@](#): > > Isn’t this what the VP gets made fun of for? He goes a bit further than that, you know. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/238 "2017-12-07T15:22:15Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > We do this in many ways. … Yes we do. Many of us change our behavior out of fear that we could be falsely accused of something and would have no way to defend ourselves from the false accusation. Most of the time the actual risk of that happening is extremely infinitesimally small, yet we change our behaviors to protect ourselves anyway. No big deal, you say. I can accept that But why are those instances rational and understandable acceptable concerns and actions while **MMM** is being mockably unacceptably irrational? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/239 "2017-12-07T15:24:57Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > No, I respect that she may be afraid to be alone with me in the store But you don’t respect that men might be afraid to be alone with you in the store? > [@](#): > > He goes a bit further than that, you know. In what way can he go further than “Afraid to be alone in a store with a woman”? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/240 "2017-12-07T15:51:40Z")
I think an important takeaway from recent events is that this is an opportune time for growth and self-awareness from EVERYONE, and there will be growing pains. As with any social movement. And since this is a social movement that affects EVERYONE maybe it will end up with the greatest changes. A hastily-done wish list: Victims will know that it’s ok to speak out Higher-ups will know that it’s important to listen and take accusations seriously People will know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior People will teach kids what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and respect for others Attackers will know that they can’t get away with it anymore Those looking to falsely accuse will know that it’s not worth it, and it is harmful to both the alleged attacker and to actual victims [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295.md?page=13)