# This whole sexual accusation thing – a perspective I’ve not heard discussed **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2017, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295 "2017-12-02T02:24:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/161 "2017-12-05T02:45:15Z")
This thread is all over the place. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/162 "2017-12-05T02:54:32Z")
The OP is not “I have this irrational fear. How do I cope?” The OP is “Here’s a new perspective. What is your reply to this?” I’m not prone to call irrational fears new perspectives. I’ll say right up front that I’m dismissive of treating irrational fears like a perspective. If someone tells me of their irrational fear and wants my sympathy, my empathy, my thoughts on what can be done to overcome it, or my understanding if they do something weird, they can get those things. But I’m not going to say “Hmm, what a valuable and interesting perspective.” I’m developing some sort of claustrophobia type thing as I get older. That doesn’t give me perspective. It gives me anxiety. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/163 "2017-12-05T03:47:07Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …the OP has expressed no empathy for anyone … Huh. Really? > [@the OP in the goshdarned OP itself](#): > > … I feel sad for all the victims, and I know there are tons … **LHOD** I disagree strongly. “Reframing” something so that it no longer expresses the actual thought is no solution. He has fear. It is irrational and it is real. It turns out that he is not alone. Look at what **Cartooniverse** describes he does, out of fear … of what? He avoids sitting near a child and to all in the subway commits to “Zero contact. Zero words. Zero looking or reacting.” His fear of a false “life-changing accusation” has him potentially even withholding his assisting someone in an emergency. How often do these false life-changing accusations of assault based on casual contact with an unknown person on the train actually occur to warrant such fear? Is that zero contact and being afraid to offer help in an emergency also in the range of someone not enjoying the movie as much? The point of the op was his admitting to that fear and wondering if he is alone in them or not. Pretending that he is asking about something else instead of honestly sharing his fear and asking what he meant to ask is required? Yes, the threat of sexual assault is in our society, especially but not solely for women and girls is pervasive in our society. The subject deserves the serious discussion and attention it is getting and such is long overdue. And the op was asking about something else. Such should be be permissible. Really I wonder how posters so insulting to him would feel if they started a thread on sexual harassment and genocide survivors came in and made fun of them for concerned about that after what they’ve gone through: A bit of Schadenfreud Americans. Welcome to my world. Except we were butchered. Now you know a little bit of what it felt like. Yeah, it’s always what about meee with you Americans. **jsgoddess** when the op asks “Have any other guys been bothered by this? Or am I needlessly obsessing?” it reads pretty clearly to me as asking if he is or is not alone being afraid like this and an understanding that indeed his fear may be needless. At least an openness to being told that it is. Which would be a rational response that probably would not relieve the fear because, y’know, irrational. So, I’ll ask. There seem to be quite a few Americans, males in particular, who are irrationally fearful of false accusations. It impacts their behavior (see **Cartooniverse** above) and possibly even makes some of them less likely to be as supportive of helping implement whatever societal changes are needed to help decrease the abuse and harassment that many women are very _rationally_ afraid of. If you are not curious as to how pervasive that fear is and what its impact is, fine. If you feel that those with that fear should just just keep their mouths the fuck shut about it and keep it to themselves, because women actually getting assaulted and afraid to speak up is a more important problem. Okay. But it really is possible to accept that one problem is real big and important and still have conversations about other problems too. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/164 "2017-12-05T06:27:32Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Huh. Really? …yep really. This is my full quote: including what you snipped what you snipped: “the OP has expressed no empathy for anyone with a different perspective at all.” “Feeling sad” for victims is not the same as expressing empathy for people with a different perspective. They are two different things. Because the different perspective we are talking about is one: > [@Broomstick](#): > > Welcome to our world. > > Sorta. > > I go to the movies alone when I want to see a particular movie and no one is available to go with me. If someone sits next to me… will that man attempt to touch me? Will he follow me out of the theater? Will he follow me to my car? Will he try to rape me? If he tries to rape me, how badly will he hurt me? > > This second-guessing, this paranoid alertness to everyone around you, the worrying about the consequences to your life due to the actions of a stranger, is what women have lived with since… well, since probably forever. > > I’m sorry you had to go through that, but perhaps this will make you more aware of how other peoples’ lives are different from yours. Mean Mr. Mustard didn’t acknowledge, let alone express empathy with Broomstick. So other people have chimed into the thread to make the same identical point, albeit less “politely”. And Mean Mr. Mustard has not expressed empathy with any of them either. So “yes really.” I stand by what I said. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/165 "2017-12-05T08:31:33Z")
And the rest of of your quote: > [@](#): > > … People aren’t being dismissive of “the subject.” They are being dismissive of the tone-deaf and insulting opening post. When Mean Mr. Mustard starts to show that he understands where people like Broomstick and Maggie and jsgoddess are coming from then maybe people will stop being so “dismissive.” But the OP set the tone. Okay, I get how labelling his fear a “perspective” can rub **jsgodess** the wrong way, but what else of his op sharing of his fear while expressing an awareness that there are many victims and some empathy for them, was so “insulting”? For the record, I am sorry that **Broomstick** also, for reasons other that those of the op, has “paranoid alertness” about people in movie theaters. I appreciate the fact that she is not alone in that sense and do wonder how widespread that degree of worry is. I also appreciate that that worry is less irrational than the op’s. The broader subject of sexual assault by strangers (which occurs albeit less often than by those already known to the victim) is of real concern. It is a fear women have to deal with that men do not. And since I am male and this is all about me (amirite?) how much _should_ males be concerned that they are setting off the fears of women by themselves or of parents? Should they intentionally give additional personal space to a woman in a populated public space than they would to a male to avoid triggering anxiety? Is it really necessary for males to be careful about not letting your eyes linger on any one child who isn’t interacting with your own child as reasonable caution, to be sure to communicate through body language that they’e not particularly interested in the other kids? Personally I have no concern about looking at kids on a playground and smiling at the things they do. I just have not ever considered that I would potentially be seen as Aqualung based on my gender. I am however conscious to not follow too closely behind woman going into a parking structure at night, for example. Not because I am afraid of a false charge though, but because I am afraid of making her afraid. But I would not think of giving additional personal space over another unknown male sitting at a movie. Should I? The question is independent of whether or not the fear of a male sitting nearby in a theater is rational or irrational. It is based on whether or not it is commonly held. Is asking these questions allowed or is it also “What About MEEEEE???” ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/166 "2017-12-05T08:41:21Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > \ > > Vaccination hysteria is a fine example and one I deal with probably more than anyone else here. Mocking those afraid of immunizations has no positive impact on changing behaviors. Presenting the facts? Minimal impact as the fear is not rational in its origins. In fact very often those two immediate responses are counterproductive if anything. Changing the behavior, and I do succeed in doing that a fair fraction of the time, requires _first_ listening to those who are afraid with full attention and having the parents feel that they have been heard and respected, not dismissed. It requires a conversation, not a lecture, and sometimes more than one. It requires understanding where the fear actually comes from. Good for you, and I think it’s great if you do that. But it’s a big ask from women (or men) who are also full of fear and are living their lives that way. Like, why do I have to console your fear; who is consoling me? It amazes me that some men are so afraid of being falsely accused of something. But I’m a woman; I don’t live in their world and I don’t see what they see, so I can’t really judge if it’s reasonable or not. I do think it’s a shame if men are now afraid to interact with children. It seems like a big loss to society, to everyone involved. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/167 "2017-12-05T10:06:40Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I went to see a movie by myself last week. Sitting to my left was a young girl, maybe 6 or 7; to her left, her father (I presume). A normal day, a normal occurrence. > > Except, with all the sexual stuff that has permeated the media over the past several weeks, I had a random but horrifying thought: what if this girl said something to her dad along the lines of ‘that man touched me’. > > Here is what if: my life would be ruined. Just like that. That is all it would take to destroy my world. > > I considered changing seats (I didn’t). I consciously edged myself toward the right, feeling stupid for doing so. I didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I would have if the thought had never entered my mind, because it never totally left my mind. > > Forget about a lack of proof. Forget about due process. Forget about innocent until proven guilty. A single accusation – from anyone - is a death sentence to one’s reputation. > > I feel sad for all the victims, and I know there are tons. But I also feel vulnerable and uneasy. > > Have any other guys been bothered by this? Or am I needlessly obsessing? > > Women, what are your thoughts? > mmm Honestly, I think this is completely unrealistic paranoia. Some random 6 year old in a movie theater is no more likely to spontaneously make a false allegation of sexual assault than she is to spontaneously pull out a gun and shoot you. There isn’t some rash of _adults_ making false accusations against total strangers, either – no matter how much the perpetrators out there would like you to think there is – but moreover, a typical six year old wouldn’t even understand _how_ to make such an accusation, because most six year olds are (thankfully) not aware that sexual assault is a thing. If for some implausible reason a kid that age wanted to try to get you in trouble, they’d be more likely to think of something like accusing you of “saying a bad word”. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/168 "2017-12-05T11:44:36Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > AI just have not ever considered that I would potentially be seen as Aqualung based on my gender. Aqualung? ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/169 "2017-12-05T12:09:22Z")
[Old Jethro Tull song.](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jethrotull/aqualung.html) > [@](#): > > Sitting on the park bench > Eyeing little girls with bad intent. > Snot is running down his nose > Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes. > > Hey Aqualung > Drying in the cold sun > Watching as the frilly panties run. > Hey Aqualung > Feeling like a dead duck > Spitting out pieces of his broken luck. > Whoa, Aqualung … ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/170 "2017-12-05T14:10:06Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Some fathers are [under suspicion at playgrounds even when watching over their own kids.](https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/im-dad-creep-dkz/) Is that site trying to be the non-awful version of /r/MensRights? If so: I can _totally_ get behind that. > [@Nisslbody](#): > > It’s probably worth bearing in mind that the vast, vast majority of men who are accused of sexual assault actually have committed sexual assault. If you aren’t molesting children, your odds of being accused of molesting children are incredibly, spectacularly minimal. Really? I’ve heard figures for false rape accusations between 2% and 8% - i.e. in line with _most_ crimes. Your odds of getting falsely accused of rape, as a man, are low, and considerably lower than your odds of getting raped as a woman, but it’s not “incredibly, spectacularly minimal”. You’re not talking about Clymer’s bogus stats, are you? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/171 "2017-12-05T15:49:23Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > [Old Jethro Tull song.](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jethrotull/aqualung.html) Heh. I even googled Aqualung, and read the Wikipedia summary of the song, and dismissed that as a reference. The more you know… ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/172 "2017-12-05T15:53:55Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Some fathers are [under suspicion at playgrounds even when watching over their own kids.](https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/im-dad-creep-dkz/) The thing is, I’ve probably taken my kids to the playground hundreds of times. I have never, to the best of my knowledge, been subject to such suspicion. The closest I can think of is when my wife and I struck up a conversation with another mom at the park, and when the mom found out (through an innocuous but convoluted method) that my wife had given birth via c-section, started giving passive-aggressive snipes at her for not choosing natural childbirth. And I think that’s about the level of harm we’re talking about here: someone engages in social disapproval for stupid reasons that show they don’t know what they’re on about. Yeah, that’s infuriating when it happens. But it doesn’t bear worrying about. It doesn’t support a culture of fear. And it sure isn’t the same thing either as an actual false accusation of assault, or as an actual assault. We’re talking apples and tornadoes here. ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/173 "2017-12-05T17:30:06Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Is that site trying to be the non-awful version of /r/MensRights? If so: I can _totally_ get behind that. > > Really? I’ve heard figures for false rape accusations between 2% and 8% - i.e. in line with _most_ crimes. Your odds of getting falsely accused of rape, as a man, are low, and considerably lower than your odds of getting raped as a woman, but it’s not “incredibly, spectacularly minimal”. You’re not talking about Clymer’s bogus stats, are you? Let’s split the difference and assume that 5% of all rape accusations are false. In 2011, which was the most recent convenient year I have numbers for, 243,800 sexual assaults were reported to the police. The CDC estimates that the number of actual rapes/assaults is close to two million, but we’re talking about _accusations_. For the purposes of this math, we are going to pretend that every single one of those reported assaults has a suspect, and hence an accused. 0.05 x 243,800 = 12,190. To be clear, that is 12,190 men per year that we are postulating may be falsely accused of sexual assault, and this is likely far higher than the actual number. There are approximately 119.4 million men over the age of 18 in the United States. 12,190/119,400,000 = 0.00001. Multiply by 100 for percentage, and any individual man’s odds of being falsely accused of sexual assault comes to 0.001%, about the same as your odds of being hospitalized from a dog attack. ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/174 "2017-12-05T17:32:14Z")
The real odds, using real numbers, are of course much, much lower still, I was generous with my assumptions in these calculations. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/175 "2017-12-05T17:54:41Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > Let’s split the difference and assume that 5% of all rape accusations are false. In 2011, which was the most recent convenient year I have numbers for, 243,800 sexual assaults were reported to the police. The CDC estimates that the number of actual rapes/assaults is close to two million, but we’re talking about _accusations_. For the purposes of this math, we are going to pretend that every single one of those reported assaults has a suspect, and hence an accused. 0.05 x 243,800 = 12,190. To be clear, that is 12,190 men per year that we are postulating may be falsely accused of sexual assault, and this is likely far higher than the actual number. There are approximately 119.4 million men over the age of 18 in the United States. 12,190/119,400,000 = 0.00001. Multiply by 100 for percentage, and any individual man’s odds of being falsely accused of sexual assault comes to 0.001%, about the same as your odds of being hospitalized from a dog attack. You’re off by a factor of 1000. 12190/119400000 \* 100 = 0.0102, _not_ 0.00001. So the actual number is 0.01%. Okay. A woman’s individual odds of being raped, by this calculation, are… 321,500 (stats from RAINN) / 125,000,000 = 0.002572 = 0.2%. Which is _also_ quite a small number, although I will note that it is about an order of magnitude more likely than being falsely accused of rape, which I will freely concede. Maybe this isn’t the best way of examining the risk. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/176 "2017-12-05T17:56:14Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > The thing is, I’ve probably taken my kids to the playground hundreds of times. I have never, to the best of my knowledge, been subject to such suspicion. The closest I can think of is when my wife and I struck up a conversation with another mom at the park, and when the mom found out (through an innocuous but convoluted method) that my wife had given birth via c-section, started giving passive-aggressive snipes at her for not choosing natural childbirth. So it hasn’t happened to you. But it DOES happen. I’ll counteract your anecdote with mine: I had occasion, several years ago, to watch over my neighbor’s kids at a playground while neighbor was sitting nearby engrossed in a discussion with her lawyer (over unrelated matters). Somebody suspiciously asked me if I had kids there. The first concern here is: Why did he even have cause to ask that? There was no reason to suspect that I might be different than any other adult nearby. The next thing I know, I was greeted by cops bearing questions. From the line of questioning, it became apparent that somebody _else_ had called them. So there were _two_ people suspicious of me for no apparent reason. The sole obvious reason to be suspicious of me was that I was a single adult male there. There would have been no way for either of them to know if any of the children there were mine or otherwise in my care. I was under suspicion simply for EWM (Existing While Male) and nothing more. The issue with the police was quickly settled. The mother came over and spoke for me (and it probably helped that there was a lawyer there too). The person who called the cops was also questioned, and I heard (second-hand) that the withdrew her complaint (whatever it was) and apologized. The police did, however, take down my name, address, and other identifying details. (They were also a bit apologetic, saying it was their duty to respond to ALL complaints.) So I guess I’m now a known entity at the police department. I’d probably be well advised to NOT linger to watch some children playing soccer in that city for the near foreseeable eternity. (I no longer live in that city.) ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/177 "2017-12-05T18:07:31Z")
> [@Nisslbody](#): > > The real odds, using real numbers, are of course much, much lower still, I was generous with my assumptions in these calculations. You are only using numbers for sexual assaults reported to the police. That does not include matters settled more informally. Anything from a “how dare you sit that close to my daughter” hairy eyeball to an actual physical attack. In any case, I see this as more a question of how to avoid causing other people to feel fear from my presence, not really how to prevent them from expressing that fear in legal or extra legal ways. If there are other seats to be had, do you think it would be appropriate for me, a 40 year old guy, to sit down next to a small child? How about a single woman? Should I not be concerned about the people I sit near, should I not be concerned about their irrational fear that I may molest them? I’m not really worried about having my life ruined, but having my movie made less enjoyable, sure. If I am getting dirty looks from a parent who thinks I am sitting too close, or a woman who feels I have invaded her space, and you know what, they aren’t going to be enjoying the movie either. So yeah, I’m going to be aware of my surroundings, and avoid doing any actions that could be taken as malicious, because even if I don’t get accused, even if I go on about my day without a single recrimination, if I take actions that could be interpreted as malicious, I could be ruining someone else’s day. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/178 "2017-12-05T18:10:48Z")
I am sorry that happened to you **Senegoid** but I can easily believe it. Besides my problem with the clueless bitch psychologist, the only other problem I have noticed with my daughters was when I was traveling with them alone especially when they were very young. TSA doesn’t like to see a male travelling cross-country alone with two young girls. They got singled out for questioning to make sure what our relationship was, where we were going and when we were coming back. I had to coach them on what to say each time because they were very shy around people they thought were police officers and wouldn’t even give their names the first couple of times. It is a little better now especially because we look alike but I can imagine it would be a big problem for a single man with an adopted daughter, especially one of a different race. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/179 "2017-12-05T18:11:15Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Honestly, I think this is completely unrealistic paranoia. Some random 6 year old in a movie theater is no more likely to spontaneously make a false allegation of sexual assault than she is to spontaneously pull out a gun and shoot you. There isn’t some rash of _adults_ making false accusations against total strangers, either – no matter how much the perpetrators out there would like you to think there is – but moreover, a typical six year old wouldn’t even understand _how_ to make such an accusation, because most six year olds are (thankfully) not aware that sexual assault is a thing. If for some implausible reason a kid that age wanted to try to get you in trouble, they’d be more likely to think of something like accusing you of “saying a bad word”. You really haven’t been paying careful attention to this thread, have you? The big problem is not children making overt accusations of sexual assault. The problem is the Big Folks making absurd over-the-top interpretations of the most innocuous incidents. Did you see my post, in which I mention that my 3rd grade teacher tucked in my shirt for me? Do you recognize how the shit could have hit the fan IF (a) that had happened today AND (b) if I had innocuously mentioned it to somebody. Did you read **Shagnasty** ’s event at Post #147? > [@Shagnasty](#): > > The only problem I ever had was with a psychologist oddly enough. My daughter was having emotional problems and the psychologist asked her “Has your father ever touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?” My daughter said “Yes” so she reported it to CPS. What she didn’t ask the then 6 year old was what she meant by that. What she meant was that I patted her on the back once when she had a sunburn. I have to give credit to my ex-wife. She defended me and opened up her full Italian temper on the psychologist. It may have been resolved, buy you can be sure that **Shagnasty** has a permanent dossier at CPS now. If he ever pats his daughter on the back again while she has a sunburn, he could be in big shit trouble. THAT’S the kind of shit that **Mean Mr. Mustard** , and **Cartooniverse** , and **Shagnasty** , have to be wary of. It’s not their own paranoia that’s the problem. It’s the pervasive paranoia throughout the ambient society in these hysterical times that we need to worry about. ETA: And I see **Shagnasty** has ninjae’d me even as I typed this post. Geez! ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2017, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295/180 "2017-12-05T19:51:14Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > You are only using numbers for sexual assaults reported to the police. That does not include matters settled more informally. Anything from a “how dare you sit that close to my daughter” hairy eyeball to an actual physical attack. > > In any case, I see this as more a question of how to avoid causing other people to feel fear from my presence, not really how to prevent them from expressing that fear in legal or extra legal ways. > > If there are other seats to be had, do you think it would be appropriate for me, a 40 year old guy, to sit down next to a small child? How about a single woman? > > Should I not be concerned about the people I sit near, should I not be concerned about their irrational fear that I may molest them? > > I’m not really worried about having my life ruined, but having my movie made less enjoyable, sure. If I am getting dirty looks from a parent who thinks I am sitting too close, or a woman who feels I have invaded her space, and you know what, they aren’t going to be enjoying the movie either. > > So yeah, I’m going to be aware of my surroundings, and avoid doing any actions that could be taken as malicious, because even if I don’t get accused, even if I go on about my day without a single recrimination, if I take actions that could be interpreted as malicious, I could be ruining someone else’s day. So what you’re concerned about are breaches of social etiquette, not actual accusations? OK then. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/this-whole-sexual-accusation-thing-a-perspective-i-ve-not-heard-discussed/803295.md?page=10)