# Thor kicks Superman's ass? Hulk whips on the Green Lantern? Is this weasel on crack? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 2, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246 "2004-06-02T13:39:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/1 "2004-06-02T13:39:19Z")
[Comic Book Duels Part 4](http://funkdiggityfresh.com/review241.html) [and of course the Joker kicks Lex Luthor’s rear end - Umm… Yeah](http://funkdiggityfresh.com/review183.html) ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/2 "2004-06-02T14:02:17Z")
Hm. Yes, I’d say crack is the culprit. The Lantern has mobility all over the Hulk; he can choose the battleground, leave the fight to return later if it’s advantageous, etc. The Hulk can’t fly. If it comes down to it, a GL could just toss Banner into orbit around the moon. Superman vs. Thor? I’m going to go with Superman, here. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/3 "2004-06-02T14:04:38Z")
He doesn’t really quite know what he’s talking about, does he? As far as I knew, Green Lantern doesn’t have the weakness to yellow anymore. Plus, he didn’t even mention Thor being able to teleport him and Kal-El to a red sun solar system, where Superman would just shrivel and die whilst expending his last energy by burning a couple holes into Thor’s skull. End result: Tie, both dead. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/4 "2004-06-02T14:15:11Z")
Yeah well, what if the night before the fight, while THor was asleep, somebody like Lex Luthor snuck in and laced Mjolnir with green kryptonite? Superman would be Thor’s BITCH! Also, what if Hulk gets jaundice and turns yellow? Green Lantern can’t do shit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tanstaafl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@tanstaafl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanstaafl)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/5 "2004-06-02T16:01:51Z")
Of course, Batman would win if he was… Oh, never mind… ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/6 "2004-06-02T16:46:23Z")
Hmm. IIRC, didn’t Superman have a weakness to magic? If he still has this one, Mjolnir is definitly a magical artifact, and should knock him for a loop! ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/7 "2004-06-02T16:49:32Z")
> [@tanstaafl](#): > > Of course, Batman would win if he was… > > Oh, never mind… What? What? Don’t leave us hanging, friend! ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/8 "2004-06-02T16:52:10Z")
I’ve got to agree with him about Captain America vs Batman. Cap’s a one-trick pony. Batman would whup his ass up, down, sideways, and around the corner. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/9 "2004-06-02T17:21:48Z")
Superman’s “vulnerability” to magic is often overstated. Much of Superman’s superhuman damage-taking capacity comes (in the post-Crisis DC Universe) form a skin-tight psionic forcefield. This forcefield is rendered useless against certain exotic energies… 1.) Red sun radiation … 2.) Kryptonite … and 3.) Magic. Even without the forcefield, however, he’s still got an extraordinarily tough structure. In the recent JLA /Avengers crossover, Superman takes out Thor after an epic battle… Mjolnir knocks the Man of Steel for a loop, but he still takes hits that would liquefy Batman. For further evidence, Captain Marvel in the Kingdom Come Graphic Novel - repeatedly hits Superman with magical lightning bolts. It hurts Superman - but the first one would’ve killed a normal person. Does that clarify anything? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/10 "2004-06-02T17:25:17Z")
Superman would totally outclass Thor, and after a brief scuffle, Thor would retreat to lick his wounds… Lex Luthor would come along, offering Thor a sample of red Kryptonite to even the odds… Thor would launch back into battle with Superman, who would turn into a poodle from the effects of the Red K, he’d get a thought balloon stating “Great Rao!” … and then he and Thor would work out their differences and go foil crimes with Hostess Twinkies. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/11 "2004-06-02T17:37:55Z")
What I would really like to see is a fight between Solomon Grundy and the Hulk. They both have pretty much the same skill sets. They are both very strong and they both speak in 2 or 3 word sentances. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/12 "2004-06-02T17:55:15Z")
> [@adam yax](#): > > What I would really like to see is a fight between Solomon Grundy and the Hulk. They both have pretty much the same skill sets. They are both very strong and they both speak in 2 or 3 word sentances. I’d much rather see these two in a debate than a fight. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/13 "2004-06-02T17:56:52Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > I’ve got to agree with him about Captain America vs Batman. Cap’s a one-trick pony. Batman would whup his ass up, down, sideways, and around the corner. Since we’re evoking the JLA/Avengers crossover, I have to disagree with this one. Batman readily admits to the Cap’n that Cap’n could have won. Something like, “it would be a long, hard battle, but I imagine you’d find a way to win”. Of course at the time Batman wasn’t prepared, and Captain can adapt to any situation. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/14 "2004-06-02T18:17:28Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Since we’re evoking the JLA/Avengers crossover, I have to disagree with this one. Batman readily admits to the Cap’n that Cap’n could have won. Something like, “it would be a long, hard battle, but I imagine you’d find a way to win”. Of course at the time Batman wasn’t prepared, and Captain can adapt to any situation. Not quite. Batman admits to the fact that Captain America _might_ be good enough to beat him. (Which fits with your first assertion, but not the paraphrased quote.) Stacking them up… Cap’s marginally stronger and faster. But Batman has a utility belt full of gadgets, and is a master of multiple martial arts styles… which puts him ahead in my book, as Cap’s training consists of Nazi-busting haymakers and the occasional acrobatic-flip-session in the Avengers training room. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/15 "2004-06-02T18:28:47Z")
Hey, I just thought up a sure-fire way to beat Batman… His opponent can just team up with “The Spanish Inquisition”, Batman could never prepare for that… ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/16 "2004-06-02T18:31:43Z")
I gotta give Caps the win on a Caps/Bats fight – sure, Batman has a belt full of gadgets, but Cap’s got _lots_ of experience fighting foes with gadgets, death-rays, and what-have-you. And _without_ the gadgets, Batman’s just a highly skilled unarmed combatant, and Cap’s got lots of experience against those, too. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/17 "2004-06-02T18:37:19Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > I gotta give Caps the win on a Caps/Bats fight – sure, Batman has a belt full of gadgets, but Cap’s got _lots_ of experience fighting foes with gadgets, death-rays, and what-have-you. And _without_ the gadgets, Batman’s just a highly skilled unarmed combatant, and Cap’s got lots of experience against those, too. What’s this logic? Cap’s just a just a strong, fast-moving thug, and Batman has **tons** of experience fighting those. ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/18 "2004-06-02T18:46:26Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Superman’s “vulnerability” to magic is often overstated. Much of Superman’s superhuman damage-taking capacity comes (in the post-Crisis DC Universe) form a skin-tight psionic forcefield. This forcefield is rendered useless against certain exotic energies… 1.) Red sun radiation … 2.) Kryptonite … and 3.) Magic. > > Even without the forcefield, however, he’s still got an extraordinarily tough structure. In the recent JLA /Avengers crossover, Superman takes out Thor after an epic battle… Mjolnir knocks the Man of Steel for a loop, but he still takes hits that would liquefy Batman. For further evidence, Captain Marvel in the Kingdom Come Graphic Novel - repeatedly hits Superman with magical lightning bolts. It hurts Superman - but the first one would’ve killed a normal person. > > Does that clarify anything? ``` Thanks. As I said, I weasn't even sure if he still had any vunerability to magic in the post chrises universe. Pre-chrises it seemed like he was MORE vunerable to magic than everyone else. ``` ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/19 "2004-06-02T18:51:11Z")
> [@Sweetums](#): > > Thanks. As I said, I weasn’t even sure if he still had any vunerability to magic in the post chrises universe. Pre-chrises it seemed like he was MORE vunerable to magic than everyone else. When it comes to straight-up damaging “mystic blasts” or enchanted weapons… not really. However, when it came to mind-control … yeesh. Let’s just sya it’s a good thing Batman kept some Kryptonite in the Batcave for those days when Superman got mind-controlled. “Thursdays”, I think they were called. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/20 "2004-06-02T18:55:21Z")
I think it is (or was) established that Captain America was as strong and as skilled a combatant as a human could be without actually being \*super-\*human; he’s as good as _Homo sapiens_ can get. He’s more than capable of beating Batman; I’d say Bats would have his work cut out for him. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246.md?page=2)