# Thor kicks Superman's ass? Hulk whips on the Green Lantern? Is this weasel on crack? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 2, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246 "2004-06-02T13:39:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/61 "2004-10-15T19:21:30Z")
and while all the dead heroes are being honored and eulogized… Paste-Pot Pete laughs in his secret lair! Bwaahahahahaha ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/62 "2004-10-15T21:27:00Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > and while all the dead heroes are being honored and eulogized… > > Paste-Pot Pete laughs in his secret lair! > > Bwaahahahahaha Heh…I remember once when Cap, trapped by the Trapster and Whirlwind and stuck to the highway without his shield, defeated them both with his belt. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/63 "2004-10-15T21:32:20Z")
> [@Hey you!](#): > > I’d much rather see these two in a debate than a fight. 😃 No, you don’t. One of them’s like to become President as a result! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/64 "2004-10-15T23:20:56Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Heh…I remember once when Cap, trapped by the Trapster and Whirlwind and stuck to the highway without his shield, defeated them both with his belt. Yeah - he dropped his pants, and they laughed themselves into a coma at the sight of his tiny American dick! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/65 "2004-10-15T23:39:45Z")
> [@Evil Death](#): > > Yeah - he dropped his pants, and they laughed themselves into a coma at the sight of his tiny American dick! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! > > 😛 You do know we came over here from places like Scotland, don’tcha? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/66 "2004-10-15T23:41:00Z")
> [@Evil Death](#): > > Yeah - he dropped his pants, and they laughed themselves into a coma at the sight of his tiny American dick! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! > > 😛 Shaddap, you! It’s not his fault the super-soldier serum was super-concentrated steroids! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/67 "2004-10-15T23:41:43Z")
There’s a phrase…how does it go…it involves Scots, kilts, zippers…and…_sheep_ … ---
**Author:** ![Saranga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Saranga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saranga)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/68 "2004-10-16T01:23:49Z")
Are we talking Ultimate Thor here? I thought Thor could only open dimensional gates with Mjolnir, not forcibly grab Superman and take him to a red-sun star system. He should at least get a Will save… ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/69 "2004-10-16T08:39:14Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > You do know we came over here from places like Scotland, don’tcha? > > 😉 And why do you think we made them leave? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/70 "2004-10-16T09:18:50Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Hm. Yes, I’d say crack is the culprit. > > The Lantern has mobility all over the Hulk; he can choose the battleground, leave the fight to return later if it’s advantageous, etc. The Hulk can’t fly. If it comes down to it, a GL could just toss Banner into orbit around the moon. > > Superman vs. Thor? I’m going to go with Superman, here. Except Thor’s hammer is magickal, which is a weakness of Superman’s. The hammer could cripple or kill Superman potentially. Green Lantern could take 'em all. He could hit Superman with a dose of kryptonite radiation so intense that he’d be cooked, and could either project the Hulk into space as he did with Major Force’s head, or he could just atomize Hulk so there’d be nothing left to heal. Thor… he could place a bubble around the thunder god’s head to suffocate him and as Thor tried to bash the bubble with his hammer could makethe bubble vanish so the most powerful blow would cave his head in with his own hammer. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/71 "2004-10-16T09:22:00Z")
> [@Knowed Out](#): > > Yeah well, what if the night before the fight, while THor was asleep, somebody like Lex Luthor snuck in and laced Mjolnir with green kryptonite? Superman would be Thor’s BITCH! > > Also, what if Hulk gets jaundice and turns yellow? Green Lantern can’t do shit. > > 😃 The ring isn’t vulnerable to yellow anymore. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/72 "2004-10-16T19:18:36Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > Except Thor’s hammer is magickal, which is a weakness of Superman’s. The hammer could cripple or kill Superman potentially. Green Lantern could take 'em all. He could hit Superman with a dose of kryptonite radiation so intense that he’d be cooked, and could either project the Hulk into space as he did with Major Force’s head, or he could just atomize Hulk so there’d be nothing left to heal. Thor… he could place a bubble around the thunder god’s head to suffocate him and as Thor tried to bash the bubble with his hammer could makethe bubble vanish so the most powerful blow would cave his head in with his own hammer. Can the GL’s ring mimck the effects of kryptonite? I thought it just kinda ‘faked’ what it was making. That is, it doesn’t really make a giant fist, just a bunch of green light and force that looks like a fist. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/73 "2004-10-16T20:11:53Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Can the GL’s ring mimck the effects of kryptonite? I thought it just kinda ‘faked’ what it was making. That is, it doesn’t really make a giant fist, just a bunch of green light and force that looks like a fist. It can create kryptonite radiation and it has been done in the past. ---
**Author:** ![Lochdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@Lochdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lochdale)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/74 "2004-10-18T00:34:17Z")
Ooh nice use of Green Lanterns Powers. Thing is that Thor could do a couple of things while his head was encased in the bubble (remember, heroes can breath forever even when the panels suggest they are running out of air). For example, Thor could still riddle GL with lightning or other sorts of energy blasts (again, Thor’s storms can be HUGE with hundreds of ligthning bolts) or he could use the magnetism of the hammer to take GL’s ring from him or just bring him very close and crush his head like a pineapple. Lastly, Thor could just teleport himself out of there and break the bubble himself (or does the bubble vanish once it is out of GL’s sight/range?). He’s very adaptable. While he is gone he could don his belt of strength and jump into the Destroyer armour. Game over after that 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/75 "2004-10-18T12:55:29Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > It can create kryptonite radiation and it has been done in the past. I’d be surprised if this happened post-Crisis, and I’m almost certain Kyle’s particular GL ring has never demonstrated this capability. And yes, there are things that Jordan’s ring did that Kyle’s doesn’t. Like the automatic forcefield that protects the wearer from harm without conscious action by the wearer. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/76 "2004-10-18T12:58:24Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > Except Thor’s hammer is magickal, which is a weakness of Superman’s. The hammer could cripple or kill Superman potentially. Green Lantern could take 'em all. He could hit Superman with a dose of kryptonite radiation so intense that he’d be cooked, and could either project the Hulk into space as he did with Major Force’s head, or he could just atomize Hulk so there’d be nothing left to heal. Thor… he could place a bubble around the thunder god’s head to suffocate him and as Thor tried to bash the bubble with his hammer could makethe bubble vanish so the most powerful blow would cave his head in with his own hammer. Superman’s vulnerability to magic is often overestimated. The fact that Thor’s hammer is magical doesn’t mean it tears through Superman as if he were a normal human. I’d submit that Thor’s hammer’s enchantment is the only thing that gives Thor a fighting chance against the Man of Steel. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/77 "2004-10-18T13:03:40Z")
> [@Lochdale](#): > > … or he could use the magnetism of the hammer to take GL’s ring from him … GL’s ring is not susceptible to magnetism. > [@Lochdale](#): > > While he is gone he could don his belt of strength and jump into the Destroyer armour. Game over after that. When you bring in the not-often seen conditions for one character, you have to allow the other character the same. Kyle had, at one point, the entire power supply of the Oan power battery inside him, and was in effect, a god with vast reality manipulation abilities. Think Thanos with the Infinity Gauntlet. ---
**Author:** ![Lochdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@Lochdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lochdale)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/78 "2004-10-18T15:13:24Z")
In fairness the Destroyer armour has been used many, many times in the Thor mythos. That, and his belt are readilly available to him which is not something you can say for Superman. Another thing you are missing is the sheer number of things that Thor can do with his hammer. It’s not just for hitting people upside the head anymore! He could, literally, riddle Superman with hundreds or even thousands of lightning bolts which would either kill Superman or at least stun him. He could then take his time to build up a “super hammer” hit on Superman. This hammer can shatter mountains, literally, so I have no doubt that he could cave the man of steel’s head in particularly while Kal-El is on his knees after being hit by so much lightning. Lastly, one thing that is constantly overlooked is Thor’s fighting prowess. Unlike Superman, Thor has lived for thousands of years. He has been fighting and training for all of those years so I think it is safe to assume that he is a better fighter than Superman. Anyone who has been in a fight in real life will attest to the fact that a better fighter will often beat a stronger opponent. Personally I think Thor is Superman’s equal in power except that Thor is the better fighter and has a fairly nifty hammer that could end the fight real fast. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/79 "2004-10-18T15:54:56Z")
Super-speed and heat-ray vision. Dodge the hammer, burn the handle off, or just burn his hand until he drops it. Superman wins. Remember whe Count Nefaria was super-charged? He stopped Thor’s hammer with a single bare hand. It hurt, but he did it. Thor is _a_ god, not _the_ God. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246/80 "2004-10-18T16:04:02Z")
> [@Lochdale](#): > > In fairness the Destroyer armour has been used many, many times in the Thor mythos. That, and his belt are readilly available to him which is not something you can say for Superman. Okay, now you’ve done it. Prepare to be geeked. Superman has the vast technological resources of his Fortress of Solitude at his disposal, including, among other things, capabilities for Kryptonian Battlesuits and Superman Robots. Kryptonian technology is among the more advanced examples in the galaxy. And why doesn’t Thor use his belt and armor all the time, then, if they’re so readily available? > [@](#): > > Another thing you are missing is the sheer number of things that Thor can do with his hammer. It’s not just for hitting people upside the head anymore! He could, literally, riddle Superman with hundreds or even thousands of lightning bolts which would either kill Superman or at least stun him. He could then take his time to build up a “super hammer” hit on Superman. This hammer can shatter mountains, literally, so I have no doubt that he could cave the man of steel’s head in particularly while Kal-El is on his knees after being hit by so much lightning. Okay, one, let’s keep track that we’re talking about fictional characters here. Fictional characters subject to the whims of whoever’s writing them. Two, the single official conflict we’ve seen between Superman and Thor established that while Thor’s hammer was capable of hurting Superman, it was not capable of caving in his head - even when Thor took a cheap shot on an unprepared Superman. And while Thor’s hammer has an impressive array of uses, that’s not really relevant - many of the uses aren’t useful for the conflict in question. Sure, lightning would hurt. However, it is unclear to me whether the lightning summoned by Thor’s hammer is, itself, mystical, or merely normal lightning summoned mystically. Even assuming the worst case for Supes, (that it is magical), he has been demonstrated to withstand numerous powerful magical lightning strikes in the past. > [@](#): > > Lastly, one thing that is constantly overlooked is Thor’s fighting prowess. Unlike Superman, Thor has lived for thousands of years. He has been fighting and training for all of those years so I think it is safe to assume that he is a better fighter than Superman. Anyone who has been in a fight in real life will attest to the fact that a better fighter will often beat a stronger opponent. Personally I think Thor is Superman’s equal in power except that Thor is the better fighter and has a fairly nifty hammer that could end the fight real fast. Superman did a stint in a Valhalla/Asgard like dimension, alongside Wonder Woman, where they both battled so long that Superman managed to forget all the people he knew on Earth. Centuries, at least. And of course, you’re overlooking the fact that Superman has a reaction speed that, while not quite on par with the Flash, is fast enough to catch bullets, and at least in one case, dodge lightning. Thor’s not nearly that fast. Thor’s also quite the overconfident sort. His braggadocio was what, if I recall correctly, caused Odin to bind him to Donald Blake in the first place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thor-kicks-supermans-ass-hulk-whips-on-the-green-lantern-is-this-weasel-on-crack/248246.md?page=5)