# Thought for the Day **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 21, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492 "2005-07-21T16:38:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/1 "2005-07-21T16:38:15Z")
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction; I get to the end and think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.” (Rita Rudner) ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/2 "2005-07-21T16:57:24Z")
Sure, women SAY the love you Then they chew through the ropes and run away. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/3 "2005-07-22T17:48:53Z")
The toughest time…in anyone’s life…is when you have to kill a loved one just because they’re the devil. – Emo Phillips ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/4 "2005-07-22T18:06:15Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > The toughest time…in anyone’s life…is when you have to kill a loved one just because they’re the devil. – Emo Phillips **Zeldar** , you left out the best part! Emo pauses and then says “but other than that, today’s been ok!” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/5 "2005-07-22T18:19:56Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > **Zeldar** , you left out the best part! Emo pauses and then says “but other than that, today’s been ok!” Sorry. I just ripped it off from a site that had some Emo “quotes” and I never actually saw/heard his actual bit. For me, Emo set the stage for Steven Wright and Jack Handey. If you have some more Emo, please share! ---
**Author:** ![zoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7ea924/32.png) [@zoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoog)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/6 "2005-07-22T18:51:46Z")
I wish I knew to whom I could attribute this old nugget I’ve used for 20+ years: “If you can’t be a big wheel in the great machine, at least try to be a good screw.” ---
**Author:** ![Meaty\_Beaty\_Big\_and\_Bouncy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Meaty\_Beaty\_Big\_and\_Bouncy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meaty_Beaty_Big_and_Bouncy)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/7 "2005-07-22T19:09:58Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Sorry. I just ripped it off from a site that had some Emo “quotes” and I never actually saw/heard his actual bit. For me, Emo set the stage for Steven Wright and Jack Handey. > > If you have some more Emo, please share! I figure it this way, if I make just one person laugh, I’m doing better than Tony Danza --Emo Phillips ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/8 "2005-07-22T19:18:53Z")
My love for animals is almost…illegal. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/9 "2005-07-22T19:58:13Z")
Some days you’re the bat… …and some days you’re the ball. > **[Home of Demotivators® - The World's Best Demotivational Posters](https://despair.com/)** > > Motivational posters don't work. But our legendary demotivational posters don't work even BETTER! Browse our famed Demotivators® line and see for yourself! ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/10 "2005-07-22T20:03:43Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > If you have some more Emo, please share! Okay, if you insist: “The host for the party told me to make myself feel at home. So I pulled down my pants and sat in the pudding.” “When I was growing up, my parents often warned me not to open the basement doors. “Never open the basement doors!” they said again & again. One day, I DID open the basement doors, and I saw the most amazing things - trees, our back yard and the sky!” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/11 "2005-07-22T20:05:24Z")
> [@Tomcat](#): > > Some days you’re the bat… > …and some days you’re the ball. > > [www.despair.com](http://www.despair.com) Nice source. Here’s another from there: Hard Work Pays Off After Time, But Laziness Always Pays Off Now ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thought-for-the-day/313492/12 "2005-07-23T01:30:49Z")
Please grant me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.