# Thoughts on becoming a SAHM **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2025, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160 "2025-09-18T18:35:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2026, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/301 "2026-08-27T21:25:05Z")
Yeah, my son asked me what happens when they throw him out of the public school and I said, “They can’t.” Hopefully that will bring him some comfort. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2026, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/302 "2026-08-27T21:26:18Z")
Poor kid. I know I shouldn’t be pissed at the academy on his behalf, but I am. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2026, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/303 "2026-08-27T21:27:24Z")
I wouldn’t be. You can’t know whether he’s ready for it until you try, and at least they came to a decision quickly. Better this than setting him up for failure, and it sounds like they’re open to welcoming him next year when he might be more ready. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2026, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/304 "2026-08-27T21:27:47Z")
They do want to meet with us to debrief and talk about next steps, presumably 1-2 years from now, but I figure by then he’ll be pretty well settled at the public school and I won’t want to move him. Academically it’s one of the best schools in the state. I think we just need to get him into the public school and stay the course. It will be rough at first but he’ll figure it out. He told me how much he hates not getting his way, and how he wishes it was only 20% of the time instead of 50%. I just tried to hug him and listen to him. I’m kind of past the point of lectures. If they could help, they would have already. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2026, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/305 "2026-08-27T22:20:50Z")
I’m sorry your family is dealing with this. I hope the public school is a good fit. Do they provide a lot of services that will be beneficial to him? What will his class size be? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2026, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/306 "2026-08-27T22:38:49Z")
I truly have no idea what the public school offers, I only know it by reputation. I have been told by multiple people that they provide excellent support for gifted and 2e kids but beyond that I really have no idea what to expect. My husband is going to call the school tomorrow to follow up on the paperwork submitted. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/307 "2026-08-28T00:17:42Z")
I thought a public school could kick a student out? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/308 "2026-08-28T01:10:27Z")
I think they can kick them out of a class, but not of being educated altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/309 "2026-08-28T01:20:18Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > I thought a public school could kick a student out? They can in extreme circumstances, but for a disabled kid they have to prove the behavior is not a result of the disability, and it’s a whole long drawn out process with a very high bar to clear, and it typically only applies if it’s something extreme, like bringing a weapon to school. So they are not throwing out my six year old for standing on furniture. I wasn’t about to worry his little brain with all the exceptions. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/310 "2026-08-28T13:09:03Z")
Edit: reread the last post and realized I was just repeating what it said. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/311 "2026-08-28T14:09:59Z")
Spoke with the administrator for public school district, the boy should be enrolled today and they will give us a start date next week. This district is crazy gatekeepy because it’s in such high demand. They wanted proof we weren’t paying rent on our old place, I said we haven’t sold it yet and we’re still paying rent. She had to go talk to her supervisor! Since we submitted a homestead tax affadavit, they said we could enroll. We’ve been living here for two months. While public school is going to be a rough transition, one bonus is the elementary school is only 0.5 miles from our house. We may as well walk, I figure. Maybe it will help him to burn off some energy in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/312 "2026-08-28T20:09:45Z")
OK, the kid starts public school Monday. Is there a tactful way to tell them, “This is going to be an absolute shit show for a while?” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2026, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/313 "2026-08-28T21:55:38Z")
Why be tactful? I think being direct and clear, all the while reassuring them that you and your spouse are doing everything you can, would be more helpful. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2026, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/314 "2026-08-29T00:23:17Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Is there a tactful way to tell them, “This is going to be an absolute shit show for a while?” I kept telling the teachers that I trusted them. I’d tell them tactics my kid would use to manipulate them, and that I trusted them to know when a meltdown was just manipulation and when it was a real problem. My kid would lie about situations and events, and I trusted them to judge the accuracy. I let them know that we were nearby, and I’d happily bring new socks (or whatever) if they judged it to be necessary, and not just a tactic to get out of an undesired activity. Almost all of them proved they deserved my trust, which I granted before they earned it. “The next few weeks are likely to be very rough. I trust your judgement in handling it, and I’m always just a phone call away.” ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2026, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/315 "2026-08-29T19:59:44Z")
My experience in a fantastic public school in the Seattle area was great. The teachers and staff at your son’s school are probably very experienced and professional in educating, managing, doing the on-boarding, etc. Here’s my mobile and call me any time if needed. You’ll likely be pleasantly surprised that calls are few and far between. Suggest you write up a one page overview on triggers, tips and tricks that work at home, how he tries to manipulate, etc. Also, suggest asking if they want to use a back and forth notebook (this worked really well for us: notebook goes in kiddos backpack, every day the teacher or para writes something quick, you read it, make comments or suggestions, and it goes back to school the next day). ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2026, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/316 "2026-08-29T20:01:50Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > Suggest you write up a one page overview on triggers, tips and tricks that work at home, how he tries to manipulate, etc. Great suggestion! We’ll do that this weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2026, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/317 "2026-08-30T00:18:51Z")
A couple bright spots: 1. One of the mothers/kids who was in our son’s ECSE class now lives just down the road from us, we texted her and she RAVED about the new elementary school. And also invited us to her daughter’s birthday party tomorrow. 2. Our new neighbors invited us to go get ice cream tonight, they have a 7 year old girl also attending the new elementary school. The Mom is a developmental psychologist who had to pivot after federal funding cuts, so we had nice conversations about the State of Things in grants. Turns out she used to work for the department of the grant for which I’m currently applying. Turns out we’re so close to the school there is no bus service to our subdivision. They showed us a secret walking shortcut for when we’re running behind. I did draft a one-page introduction to my son with some tips and tricks for crisis moments to share with the teacher. It’s meant to serve as a stop-gap until we can get some more intentional supports in place. Is it too early to feel optimistic? I’m feeling a lot better than I was earlier in the week, I can say that for sure. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2026, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/318 "2026-08-31T00:46:39Z")
🤞 for a good first day of school! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2026, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/319 "2026-08-31T21:16:10Z")
And we have already heard from the IEP Team. Message from social worker: “Overall, **Wee Weasel** had a good first day of school. He experienced a few episodes of behavioral escalation, including four instances of physical aggression towards staff and peers. We worked with him to problem-solve and practice coping strategies and behavioral expectations. He did a great job listening, engaging with us, and working through those moments.” I was just gobsmacked they didn’t drag him out of class and call his parents, but actually tried to teach him skills in the moment. Whereas with the old school they would call the security guard (in all fairness, my son became great friends with him.) But the idea that every act of aggression deserves this oversized response… I’m glad this school seems to get it. We met briefly with his teacher, who seemed to indicate that it went relatively smoothly only because there happened to be a para available. I’m picking up that she thinks he needs a para of his own, which is consistent with The Academy saying he needs 1:1 support. She also encouraged him to keep his Beep with him in the classroom, to help with emotional regulation, so Beep is an official support Squashmallow now. So I gave an effusively thankful reply that also not so subtly indicated we want a para. I’m optimistic we won’t have to fight for it too hard because this school is very well funded. I’m very happy with how fast the IEP team is moving. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2026, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160/320 "2026-09-01T02:00:28Z")
Great news!!! Not sure how the para system works in Canada? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-becoming-a-sahm/1023160.md?page=17)