# Thoughts On Getting a 16 Yr Old Son to Clean His Room **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756 "2008-09-29T19:58:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756/81 "2008-09-30T19:57:47Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Are you 16 and male and have a basement bedroom? What if I said yes? > [@](#): > > Since when is not doing drugs, being honest, and a dedicated student the minimum standard? So you do this for your parents too? Your adult siblings? Your friends? Your co-workers? People you meet at cocktail parties? > [@](#): > > Housework never goes away–I don’t care who you are or how much money you make. And different people chose to maintain different levels of tidiness. > [@](#): > > All my kids whom I made to say “please” and “thank you” and take turns, besides making them be polite to their elders, not act out physically or emotionally in public, not allowing them to pick their noses or worse etc–this has caused them lifelong resentment and soured our relationship? Only if you continue to do this to adolescent and post-adolescent children? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756/82 "2008-09-30T20:05:34Z")
For the record, I’d consider “No food or drinks (except water) in bedrooms” to be a perfectly reasonable public-health-based rule. ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756/83 "2008-09-30T20:22:37Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > But as far as whether any specific situation is hazardous, well, that’s merely a question of fact, isn’t it? I’d like to think so, but when we had our go rounds about this, his position was that he would not maintain my levels of cleanliness. I’m sure in his mind that’s what I was asking for and I’m equally sure I wasn’t asking for that. Nevertheless this falls into the space you mentioned later–different cleanliness standards for different people. So yes at some point it does become ever so slightly “my house and a minimum standard of cleanliness my way.” Again, not saying white glove checks or spotless cleaning every day–I’m saying that children get to respect parents as much as parents get to respect children. IMO it’s a two way street, and in this case at least I did expect to be able to walk around MY house and not get stabbed in the foot with his used needles. He pretty clearly didn’t see it that way. We get along MUCH better now that he’s grown and married and living in his own home. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756/84 "2008-09-30T20:32:26Z")
> [@Contrary](#): > > I’d like to think so Just to be clear, when I say that it’s “merely a question of fact,” I don’t mean that I know what the answer is. I’m using it in the legal sense. However, if people are getting stabbed with needles, I think it’s not that difficult a question. I’m not sure where the “MY house” bit comes in, though. One would hope that no matter where one was walking around, there would not be a significant risk of stepping on discarded needles. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756/85 "2008-09-30T20:52:38Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > What if I said yes? So what if you did? I don’t care what you do or where you do it–I said that because this issue seems to be very personal to you. > [@](#): > > So you do this for your parents too? Your adult siblings? Your friends? Your co-workers? People you meet at cocktail parties? Where did you get any of this from? We’re talking about a teenage boy keeping his room somewhat tidy. I don’t know what you’re talking about. > [@](#): > > And different people chose to maintain different levels of tidiness. And when he lives by himself, I will bite my tongue. I don’t tell my 18 year old how to clean her dorm room. IF I had adult children living with me, we would have some negotiations re rent, food, utilities, privacy etc. I have no adult children living with me. I don’t want them to live with me unless needs must. I think once you’re done with college, you’re on your own (for the most part). Some things must be learned (and are learned best) by doing, by yourself. FRT, we don’t have ants or mice (not yet–they come in every year off the golf course across the street–that’s why we have a cat). ---
**Author:** ![dinoboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dinoboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinoboy)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756/86 "2008-09-30T22:41:32Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > … … Maybe if he felt more “ownership” of it, he’d respect it, have a sense of pride in it and take care of it more. Just a thought. I think a very good thought (worked for me anyway) This kid sounds like me: I got along with the Ps but was a slob (My solution to mom’s haranguing was to close my door - the famous “Schrödinger’s Cat” solution 😃 ) 20 years later (holy lightyears Batman! It’s been 20 years!?! :eek:) though not pristine, I’ve learned to value the ownership concept. Further, I mostly use the guerrilla tactics mentioned above – Also I clean as I go (or \*follow \*my 3 year old) staying on top of things is much less work than catching up later. Another option: **pay him**. Seriously. Your time/a cleaning service has a value attached to it. Find out what that value is (or a fair compensation) and give it to him if he cleans (or charge him if he doesn’t). He learns a valuable lesson in capitalism to boot! (unless you live in a socialist country; _then_ have a bigger slob move in to his room) 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-getting-a-16-yr-old-son-to-clean-his-room/465756.md?page=4)