# Thread Killers Official Scorecard **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 10, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583 "2001-10-10T15:11:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mske](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mske](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mske)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/21 "2001-10-11T17:33:12Z")
I would like to point out that the last post to a thread is likely not the one that killed it. Often, issues are cleared up, questions answered, or debates settled ( ::snicker:: ) before the last couple of stragglers come waltzing in with “Me Too!” posts or similar. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/22 "2001-10-11T18:22:47Z")
> [@](#): > > I would like to point out that the last post to a thread is likely not the one that killed it. Often, issues are cleared up, questions answered, or debates settled ( ::snicker:: ) before the last couple of stragglers come waltzing in with “Me Too!” posts or similar. How do you propose we solve this problem? An elected board of judges to make the call in the event of a dispute? I’m down. How many judges do you think we should have? DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/23 "2001-10-11T18:43:24Z")
Impossible! Because if you start disqualifying last-posts because they weren’t the actual killers, you have to qualify those 3rd-to-last posts that WERE the killers. And that’s just a pain in the ass. But maybe it’s just the title of “thread killer” that needs to be changed - I’m sure there’s a more accurate description to include the “me too!” posts. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/24 "2001-10-11T18:58:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Impossible! Because if you start disqualifying last-posts because they weren’t the actual killers, you have to qualify those 3rd-to-last posts that WERE the killers. And that’s just a pain in the ass. Hmmmmm. It seems like a good point, but maybe you’re just trying to save some of your threadkills. . . The name stays the same. But you’re right. After a little thought, it would be a pain in the ass (and alot more vague) if we had to discount “me too” type posts. The true thread killer, I fear, must be the one to show enough interest to keep posting in the thread. This has to include “me too”'s. But this thread offers an opportunity for ridicule should someone try to claim a weak kill. So beware which points you call . . .the pile-on gangs are out tonight . . . DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/25 "2001-10-11T20:44:04Z")
I don’t kill threads Sometimes they languish in misery for days afterwards before expiring. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/26 "2001-10-12T16:20:10Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=82446](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=82446) Booyica! I got’s me another. I killed this one first with a response that summed things up nicely, but then **jab1** came along with a punk-ass little comment, and so I had to kill it with a response which refered his petty attack to the proper thread. **dalovindj** - 2 Score: .004 Damn. **DJScherr** has a .07? I’ll have to work on that. But I’m not done searchin yet! Dalovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/27 "2001-10-12T17:07:34Z")
So what’s the trophy gonna look like? A clenched sphincter? ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/28 "2001-10-12T17:11:34Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83134](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83134) [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=80686](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=80686) [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=82160](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=82160) [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=85368](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=85368) 4/60 = .06666… round to .07 WooHoo! I’m in the running. ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/29 "2001-10-23T19:46:31Z")
I claim this thread in the name of epolo the Uninteresting. I knew I could do it. _pats self on back_ ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/30 "2001-10-23T19:58:48Z")
Ah, but you just posted to it! ---
**Author:** ![Acco40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Acco40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acco40)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/31 "2001-10-23T20:18:18Z")
Threads I kill die a slow death. Apparently I am unable to bring anything to the table even remotely provacative/entertaining/what have you. I’m the one who doesn’t necessarily _kill_ a thread, but my Midas’ touch definetely will slow down its growth, and contribute, however indirectly to its demise. Much like Superman, I’m able to stop a freight train in that respect. Like an elderly elephant, my posts veer off into the desert, dragging the thread along behing to die in shame, hidden from sight. Watch out **dj** ; my powers may well be at work on _this_ thread right now. Hmmmm??? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/32 "2001-10-23T22:22:35Z")
I think I lose by default;) ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/33 "2001-10-24T08:26:25Z")
Surely you need: **9. Once a thread is dead, it is _dead_. Resurrections will not count as fresh kills.** Otherwise some _incredibly_ sad doper is going to go round resurrecting old threads to add an inane comment and claim a kill. I’m not even going to _try_ to look for my score in this one. It constantly depresses me just how many threads I kill. I must be up into the twenties already at least - in GD alone. The last thing I need to know is a precise score. Have at it. pan ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/34 "2001-10-24T12:34:35Z")
I have, on any number of occassions, posted an argument so concise, so insightful, and well-reasoned, that all opposition evaporates, at which point the thread ends (save for a few tag-ons expressing awe and admiration) I hardly think of this as “thread-killing”, more like bringing a thread to its glorious fullfilment. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/35 "2001-10-24T15:19:52Z")
I want a special category for my unique talent: Posting something that doesn’t kill the thread, but rather everyone else keeps on posting without ever acknowledging a word of what I typed or going in the direction the post suggests. That my dear friends, takes a special kind of untalent. And I have it in SPADES. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/36 "2001-10-24T20:52:48Z")
**kabbes** : > [@](#): > > Surely you need: > > 1. Once a thread is dead, it is dead. Resurrections will not count as fresh kills. Check rule number 6. That covers it. Congratulations on killing this thread **epolo**. Truly you are a force to be ignored. . . I mean. . . reckoned with. DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/37 "2001-10-24T22:45:52Z")
Ok, here is an excercise in boredom. Following is a rating of all thread killers. I’ve set up my own rules, though. I’ve only considered those threads that have not been extended for at least ten days and no more than twenty (so, threads with a last post between 10/4 and 10/14). I’m measuring _efficiency_ of the threadkiller, not the volume of the thread killer. If someone can kill three threads with only three posts, that is impressive. Killing three threads with 120 posts in the period is more mundane. Closed threads have been discarded from the sample. General Qestions have been ignored since killing a thread in there is a good thing (hopefully) and Great Debates is ignored because you can’t kill a thread in there. To qualify, a person must have killed at least two threads in the time period. Any person can get lucky and kill one thread. The formula I am using to calculate efficiency is: E = (K/(P/(M\*3))\*100 E = Kill efficiency K = Number of threads killed in the time period P = Total posts for the killer M = Length of posters membership at SDMB, in months Since we can’t directly measure the total posts made in a time period, I am calculating the average number of posts made by the person per month since they registered. Multiplying the months by three delivers the average number of posts in a ten day period. I have assumed that all posters registered on the first of the month and have counted October as 1 whole month. The ways in which this number could falsely represent actual posting activity in the period are obvious\*, but should serve to equalize somewhat across posters. Phase One will just present those most skilled in killing Pit threads. Other phases will follow (assuming I continue to be bored): 33.3 Zaphod Beeblebrox 21.5 Neurotik 19.6 PunditLisa 18.5 particlewill 18.1 mswas 13.3 Çyrin 12.9 Cartooniverse 12.5 Eternal 12.0 HairyPotter 11.8 Michael Ellis 7.5 Dijon Warlock 7.5 saepiroth 7.2 Tuckerfan 6.6 Venoma 6.5 The Great Gazoo 6.4 featherlou 5.4 Rilchiam 5.3 Jodi 4.5 Smeghead 2.8 Anthracite 1.4 Guinastasia - The most obvious skewing effect would be if a person registered many months ago, but just recently began posting in earnest. **DETAILS** **Anthracite** 4218 posts in 20 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [For the last time, I don’t want to register my copy of OS/2!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90919) [Have you NEVER seen a Black woman NAKED!!!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90609) Efficiency Rating: 2.8 **Cartooniverse** 1740 posts in 25 months 3 threads killed in timeframe [down n dirty oral sex ranting](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90432) [This is simply too delicious to believe.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91126) [TubaDiva](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91256) Efficiency Rating: 12.9 **Çyrin** 135 posts in 3 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Flame Çyrin Thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91069) [Hey! CO-WORKER! SHUT UP!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91258) Efficiency Rating: 13.3 **Dijon Warlock** 1197 posts in 15 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [I’m doing bad things](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91034) [It’s PUS, dammit!!!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91693) Efficiency Rating: 7.5 **Eternal** 114 posts in 2 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [bin Laden as moron?!?!?!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91823) [Enough with the fucking conspiracies!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92436) Efficiency Rating: 12.5 **featherlou** 1222 posts in 13 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [I can’t believe they saw this in an email.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92504) [On Being Stood Up](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90680) Efficiency Rating: 6.4 **Guinastasia** 6227 posts in 15 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Finally, a picture of the fruit punch “penis”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91042) [What on EARTH is wrong with you?!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91617) Efficiency Rating: 1.4 **HairyPotter** 200 posts in 4 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Evidentally Evil?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91353) [There is a fucking SCORPION in my room!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=97411) Efficiency Rating: 12.0 **Jodi** 3365 posts in 30 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Arturo’s open letter to Lynn, et al](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92231) [Why Are Conservatives So Evil?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=88274) Efficiency Rating: 5.3 **Michael Ellis** 408 posts in 8 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Michael vents at the knee-jerkers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91476) [Peace Protestors, Grow The Fuck Up!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90206) Efficiency Rating: 11.8 **mswas** 430 posts in 13 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Stupid Yuppie STOP FUCKING UP MY COUNTRY](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91081) [what the fuck is wrong with some gamers?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91620) Efficiency Rating: 18.1 **Neurotik** 278 posts in 10 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [The bastards want a road tax!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92479) [Win Ben Stein’s Ignorance](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91669) Efficiency Rating: 21.5 **particlewill** 484 posts in 15 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [They’re called nipples, Jackass!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92037) [This is my brain. This is my brain on Marlo Thomas. Any Questions?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90986) Efficiency Rating: 18.5 **PunditLisa** 1958 posts in 32 months 4 threads killed in timeframe [L.P.C.S.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92319) [Thanks, FBI. Or … gulp!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92521) [What the fuck’s wrong with you people?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90875) [#straightdope people are going to be a clique at DTF!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92167) Efficiency Rating: 19.6 **Rilchiam** 3422 posts in 31 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Cantor Fitzgerald widows on 20/20](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92446) [Nice Kitty](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92713) Efficiency Rating: 5.4 **saepiroth** 637 posts in 8 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Fighting Ignorance Etiquette](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92648) [Would you like me to shove a Bible up your ass?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91662) Efficiency Rating: 7.5 **Smeghead** 2542 posts in 19 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Fuckin SDMB almost cost me my job today…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91880) [You’ve RUINED Monty Python for me](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91538) Efficiency Rating: 4.5 **The Great Gazoo** 278 posts in 3 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [How to cash in on Patriotism.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90787) [Look, charities . . . . . . . .I’M TAPPED OUT!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91049) Efficiency Rating: 6.5 **Tuckerfan** 830 posts in 10 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [Fuck Your National Security State](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90569) [Fucking Paranoia (long)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90956) Efficiency Rating: 7.2 **Venoma** 181 posts in 2 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [No, dearest Mom, the dog is YOUR problem.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90799) [We, the irrationally upset.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90429) Efficiency Rating: 6.6 **Zaphod Beeblebrox** 323 posts in 17 months 2 threads killed in timeframe [I’m going to beat the snot out of someone](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=91721) [Why the mother fuck have the MODS not…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92114) Efficiency Rating: 33.3 ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/38 "2001-10-25T08:26:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dalovindj \* > \*\ ***kabbes** : > > > [@](#): > > > > Surely you need: > > > > 1. Once a thread is dead, it is dead. Resurrections will not count as fresh kills. > > Check rule number 6. That covers it.\*\* You know, sometimes I stagger myself with my own ineptitude. Thankyou for letting me know nicely. pan ---
**Author:** ![Damhna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Damhna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damhna)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/39 "2001-10-25T09:23:34Z")
The stunned silence is not an indication that **Kabbes** has added to his own score. Its quite simply dumbfouded awe at what **obfusciatrist** has gone and done. ---
**Author:** ![toshirodragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e68b1a/32.png) [@toshirodragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toshirodragon)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583/40 "2001-10-25T16:07:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > \*\*I want a special category for my unique talent: Posting something that doesn’t kill the thread, but rather everyone else keeps on posting without ever acknowledging a word of what I typed or going in the direction the post suggests. > > That my dear friends, takes a special kind of untalent. And I have it in SPADES. \*\* OH! Me too… sometimes I just know I am talking to myself here… Hello?.. Hello? I know of 3 posts in MPSIMS that I am the last poster on… one of them is an apology for my tantrum several posts earlier 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thread-killers-official-scorecard/86583.md?page=3)