# Threadkillers 2001! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015 "2001-01-01T21:16:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/301 "2001-01-04T04:39:29Z")
Zero Hero had too much free time. As for everyone else, HI! Briefcases are full of gummy goodness. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/302 "2001-01-04T04:59:44Z")
Sheesh, you guys are killing me. I’m almost naked here, wait, we are supposed to remove one article of clothing for every futile post we submit, right? ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/303 "2001-01-04T06:17:51Z")
Kinda quiet in here tonight… \ Ahhh, much better. ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/304 "2001-01-04T07:55:35Z")
It’s all about me! Damnit! ---
**Author:** ![jb\_farley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9d8465/32.png) [@jb\_farley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jb_farley)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/305 "2001-01-04T08:30:35Z")
I just counted- I’ve killed 9 so far in the past week. That puts me at over 1 a day! The leads I got were shit, Aaronow, but I’m a closer. A closer! ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/306 "2001-01-04T09:58:23Z")
Jester’s awful quiet since his ordeal…I volunteer anyone else to go see if he’s still breathing…and if he isn’t to perform mouth to tmouth (I am not going over there until this place has been decontam’d…uh-huh, no way). Hey, we’ve got an RN on the premises…maybe she should ckeck Jester out… ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/307 "2001-01-04T10:20:46Z")
Anyone mind if I jump into the fracas? Just curious, how long can this thread get before they lock it cause it’s eating the whole board? ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/308 "2001-01-04T11:59:56Z")
So what about them Bronco’s, eh? oops…sorry… ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/309 "2001-01-04T12:28:58Z")
Just wanted to say that pwill’s story reminded me of when that happened to my cousin…course, my cousin was so poor he didn’t have no heating or no cellar either, so when he heard thumping coming from under the floor, he called the local militia men. Since there wasn’t a nice handy door to investigate through, they starts a-digging at the side of the house. Then the sun moves round and the beer comes out, and they decide to dig on the side of the house in shade. This goes on for several days. Course, my cousin isn’t entirely stupid, so he’s staying at the bar in town while this goes on, getting free drinks by telling everyone his terrifying tale (which gets more terrifying with every telling). That reminds me…this story telling’s thirsty work… (Fierra returns with another beer, checking to see if the thread is still conscious on the way) So, a week later, when the house is about 10 feet deeper on one side than the other (cos the south side is never in shade and tehm militia boys is too dumb to dig there early before it gets hot) and leaning into the vast pit beneath, out comes this enormous monster lizard and eats them all up. Course it turns out that the lizard was the only thing holding up the house at this point, so it collapses into the hole and the lizard (if that’s what it really was, ain’t no survivors done seen it properly) goes back into the house ruins for some peace and quiet. Now one of the militia boys done have him a wife and she needed the car that day, so she got ol’ Jeb that ran the mill to drive her out there to pick it up. Course, the lizard didn’t take too kindly to her screaming and carrying on like that, and promptly ate her and went back to sleep. ol’ Jeb didn’t get to be ol’ Jeb by not havin’ his head screwed on right, so he promptly skedaddled back to town while she was bein’ et up and told the sherriff. Now, mah cousin hasn’t got anywhere to live by now, but the bar is making more with him there than they ever did before, so they don’t mind and he don’t even know what day of the week it is no more, so he’s surely not carin’, but the sherriff decides that this can’t go on - that lizard ain’t payin’ no govmint taxes and they pay his wages. Course, he wants to make his pension, so he ain’t going to go out there hisself, no they hire a stranger to town who’d just come out to cement up the ole mine shaft for is to go out there and fill the hole and the house with cement (without tellin’ him about the lizard of course…didn’t want to pay no hazardous pay bonus or nuthin’). So anyways, him bein’ a stranger in town, he just drives out there and fills her with cement and nothin’ more happens…course, I can’t help wondering of a quiet night, when the moon is full and the trees move against the window, if a lizard strong enough to hold up a house might not be able to dig its way out and make a new lair somewhere and I get to thinkin’ how one of tehm new-fangled bulletin boards might be the perfec’ place for it… ---
**Author:** ![Pnuk\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Pnuk\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pnuk_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/310 "2001-01-04T13:47:19Z")
Same thing happened to me… but it wasn’t no lizard. It was God himself dressed as a lemur. honest guv. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/311 "2001-01-04T13:59:27Z")
You know, there is nothing more disgusting than waking up in the morning, hitting the refresh button and seeing that this thread is still going. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must wipe up the drool from my keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/312 "2001-01-04T14:15:55Z")
\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ What the? \ (that was mouth to MOUTH…just wanted to make that clear.) JESTER? Jester? Hey guys, come and help me. I don’t care how long this beast is…it’s just not the same without Jester. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/313 "2001-01-04T14:28:04Z")
I have just outlawed Russia forever. The bombing begins in 5 minutes. Tripler One twig lower on the evolutionary tree. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/314 "2001-01-04T14:42:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amp \* > \*\*You know, there is nothing more disgusting than waking up in the morning, hitting the refresh button and seeing that this thread is still going. > > Now if you’ll excuse me, I must wipe up the drool from my keyboard. \*\* That’s the spirit, Amp! Chirpily pleasant posts and such are basically fertilizer for unkillable threads. They feed and grow off them. The true threadkillers smile and join in, but they know, deep in their hearts, that all these attempts to be pleasant and happy serve no purpose. What you’ve gotta do is learn to hate the thread. It can easily consume you (believe me, I know). You’ve gotta be willing to rouse yourself from lethargy and slumber at any time, swat at it feebly with the last ounce of energy you possess while cursing it with your last breath, and collapse from the effort. The merry little band that was left at the end of the first threadkilling effort finally realized this, and we were basically a bunch of zombies shambling around by the time the final blow was delivered. If it weren’t for struuter’s knishes I’m not sure we would have all survived. ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/315 "2001-01-04T15:20:55Z")
Woohoo! The thread is still here! I just wouldn’t know what to do without it… Are there any fresh knishes? I’m starving. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/316 "2001-01-04T15:27:10Z")
Are there any fresh knishes…are there any fresh knishes, he asks. You bet your sweet…knish. 😉 I was surprised to see the old thread here this morning. THought for sure it’d be closed–put out of its misery by a mod. It’s looking real ugly, though, isn’t? And I don’t take too kindly to thread who swallow down my friends. I may have to start singing bad 70s ballads pretty soon. Yes. It’s come to that. Bad 70s ballads. I told you I was serious. ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/317 "2001-01-04T15:29:06Z")
Ack! It lives! But not for long… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/318 "2001-01-04T15:39:23Z")
Walks in assesses the situation notices struuter’s brave struggle adjusts her little nurses cap dives right in I know CPR I can help, someone please call 911, tell them Jester is down :WyclefJean:\* When I look into your eyes, you’re worth that sacrifice,if this the kind of love my mom used to warn me about…Man I’m in trouble, real big trouble,If this the kind of love the old folks used to warn me about… Man I’m in real big trouble\* Hey that’s not what I meant, but I like it. Ok I’l kis…er give him breaths while you do compressions. Why honey, I can’t say he’s not responding cause, well look at that thing,but the _mouth_ is up here. strutter and mermaid proceed to perform the best damn cpr anyone has ever seen. Then something happens… ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/319 "2001-01-04T15:43:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\* > Ok I’l kis…er give him breaths while you do compressions. > Why honey, I can’t say he’s not responding cause, well look at that thing,but the _mouth_ is up here. > strutter and mermaid proceed to perform the best damn cpr anyone has ever seen. > > Then something happens… > \*\* NOOOOO! Not…ahem…premature respiration? ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/320 "2001-01-04T15:45:16Z")
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