# Threadkillers 2001!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [January 1, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015 "2001-01-01T21:16:08Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 25

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**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/481 "2001-01-05T16:30:28Z")

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Just doing my part to kill the thread with layers of boredom. Don’t mind me.

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**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/482 "2001-01-05T16:30:42Z")

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I don’t think that’s a good idea sauron…it might just fling itself off onto Jester…and he’s got enough problems already!

Lets drag him clear of the thread, but no cpr this time - I think that’s what caused the problems last time! I think his brain overheated…or something 😉

Right, I’m running a book…I’m offering 2:1 on wakes up ok (ok for jester this is - usual accent etc), 16:1 on urdu, evens on total gibberish, other odds by arrangement…

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**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/483 "2001-01-05T16:33:36Z")

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I’ll take “Wakes up sane and sober, speaking clearly” for 2000:1. Here’s my $2 🙂

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**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/484 "2001-01-05T16:35:25Z")

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fierra – offering any odds on Farsi? I bet I could work out a deal with Jester on the sly and we could clean up big-time.

Wait – did I type that out loud?

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**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/485 "2001-01-05T16:38:15Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Sauron \*  
> \*\*\*\*Jester[B/]'s obvious homage to The Crocodile Hunter makes me think of the FedEx commercial running now, starring that guy (whose name I cannot remember). \*\*

Steve Irwin. Just in case you were wondering. Mate.

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**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/486 "2001-01-05T16:40:01Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Cobravert \*
> 
> That’s just mildly obnoxious.  
> \*\*

True. It was early on in the morning. My bad. . . Perhaps I should have said something to the effect of sending Reno to the glue factory?

Tripler  
I’m going to get fired for this. . .

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/487 "2001-01-05T16:48:18Z")

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elbows, I do readily admit to its loveliness. You are so very correct.

Could you show me that slide of the water from the houseboat? It was…lovely.

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**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/488 "2001-01-05T17:02:49Z")

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we must wake up Jester…and tymp’s codpiece may be needed…struuter : sob : I can barely bear to type it… struuter has been hypnotised by elbows’ holiday slides! Hurry, it may be too late!!!

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/489 "2001-01-05T18:22:38Z")

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\<eyes glazed over, dreamy expression twists her face into an eerie Wednesday Addams-like smile, her voice a hollow monotone\>

Ooooh…that’s a rather nice snap, if I do say so. And did you say you had a whole set of slides of Jakarta? Perhaps when we’re done with these…?

I quite like how you contrasted the light and shadow in that last picture. Oh! There’s a lively bunch! Tell me who each and every one of them are…and where they’re from…and how you know them…and all about their families…and…and…

\<Dew can slips from her weakening fingers and rolls across the floor a la Citizen Kane, as she whispers\>

…lovely…

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**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/490 "2001-01-05T18:24:41Z")

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Stand back I’m a professional

\>walks up to Jester  
\>gently picks up his hand to check his pulse

He lives, but just barely

\>reaches into her bra and pulls out Big Ass Wupping Stick®

\>Notices Jester has begun to sweat profusely

Hmmm, It occurs to me that he may be playing 'possum.  
What do you think fellow threadkillers?

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**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/491 "2001-01-05T18:26:37Z")

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Wouldn’t it be ironic if either Jester or struuter wind up killing this thread, but don’t remember doing it?

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**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/492 "2001-01-05T18:27:47Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Saint Zero \*  
> \*\*  
> That’s all for now. we return you to your regularly unscheduled flirting.  
> \*\*

Hey, sexy! Let me sit on your lap. I’ve got over 300 days to tell you what I want for Christmas… 😃

I love you!

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**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/493 "2001-01-05T18:33:37Z")

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Walks up to Struuter with Big Ass Wupping Stick® in hand.

Strutter doesn’t even appear to notice.

:scary music: Nurse Mermaid reached over and pulls mask off Stuuter to reveal…

The stinking nasty rotten Thread.

\>grabs Thread by the collar(?) and proceeds to shake and slap it vigorously

:shreiking:What have you done with Struuter, you bastard. Oh and which one of you bitches is my mother. Uhm Sorry, Tell me where Struuter is… now!!! You bastard!!!

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/494 "2001-01-05T19:09:09Z")

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well, if it is the thread that is your mother, that answers the parthenogenesis question!

Sorry, I mean…

Fierra walks over to thread & kicks it…“Give us back our knish maker, urm, friend, immediately or else!!!”

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**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/495 "2001-01-05T19:09:18Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Juliana \*  
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by Saint Zero \*  
> > \*\*  
> > That’s all for now. we return you to your regularly unscheduled flirting.  
> > \*\*
> 
> Hey, sexy! Let me sit on your lap. I’ve got over 300 days to tell you what I want for Christmas… 😃
> 
> I love you! \*\*

_makes Lap_

Sure Julie-babe! Come on over, I’m sure something will come up we can discuss! 😃

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/496 "2001-01-05T19:13:21Z")

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Deep within the bowels (ugh) of the beast, a groggy struuter awakens. The monstrous heartbeat throbs in her ears as she struggles to her feet. Reaching out for support, she realizes she is trapped inside…

I…I thought I was just going into the kitchen to make up fresh knishes…dear God…what happened?

\<echo\>  
Hello?  
\<echo\>

struuter checks her pockets for sporks or a paring knife. Nothing.

How’m I going to get out of this? What are they doing out there? I’m not the most popular person, but surely they’ve missed me by now…haven’t they?

Someone will come and rescue me…won’t they? \<she hugs herself in fear\>

What if they don’t care? What if they _wanted_this to happen? No, no. Snap out of it, struuter. They’ll come for you…if for no other reason than their hunger for…

\<realization\>  
fierra’s snausages…they can eat…

\<muffled sobbing…\>

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/497 "2001-01-05T19:23:33Z")

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Say… I wonder if that’s stuuter’s evil twin enjoying the slides…

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**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/498 "2001-01-05T19:24:16Z")

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Hey has anybody seen Struuter and why does the monster look like it was going to throw up. Omigawd, it’s gonna blow…run for your lives…

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**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/499 "2001-01-05T19:30:33Z")

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\<pan around to **struuters** hand resting on a wall inside the beast\>

\<zoom in to a detail level, showing the formation of frost and then…ice\>

_crack crack crack SMASH_

\<zoom back out, from over our fair maidens shoulder, we see a fist smash through the wall\>

“Fairest **struuter** , I’ve come the rescue you. Our motto being that we never leave our troops behind, I devised a scheme to free you. Take my hand, follow me back through this hole I made after freezing a small part of the beasts side and then breaking through it.”

\<spiral pan in to our weary **snow** , leading the beleaguered Mistress **struuter** from her ensnarement, trailing thread slime and ooze\>

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/threadkillers-2001/48015/500 "2001-01-05T19:31:58Z")

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Oh My god it’s coming from within the belly of the beast. It sounds like someone sobbing pitifully. That must be where struuter is. I think I might have just the thing to help her.

\>reached in bra and pulls out

a scalpel (safety wrapped of course, you don’t think I would just carry it around loose in there do you?)

\>thinks to self…It’s not the real struuter’s body, it just looks like her.

Bystanders gasp

\>Lunges forward and with one fell swoop makes a strutter-sized incision in the beast belly just as the thread beast smacks her with one giant paw and sends mermaid flying across the room, hitting the wall and falling to the floor with a dull thud.

Oooh that’s going to leave a mark.

Collapses, severely, possibly mortally wounded.

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