# Three jokes my nephew got from his childcare kids. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374 "2006-07-06T15:36:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/21 "2006-07-07T21:18:41Z")
> [@don't ask](#): > > Why are pirates pirates? > > _They just arrrrrrrrrrrr!_ Hahahahahahahah Ooooha God My God! Hahahaha 😛 🙂 🙂🙂🙂 :rolleyes: 😃😃😃🙂😛 :rolleyes: 🙂 :rolleyes: 😛😉😛 :rolleyes: 😛🙂 😉🙂 :rolleyes: 😃😃😉😉😛🙂😃😛🙂😛😛 Thanks, **don’t ask**. Oh, I never laughed so hard in my life. My sides are still hurting. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/22 "2006-07-07T21:25:16Z")
Why didn’t Cinderella’s soccer team win the game? Cause they had a pumpkin for a coach ---
**Author:** ![samm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@samm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samm)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/23 "2006-07-07T21:44:23Z")
How do you fix a pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch. Why was the cemetery so full? Because people were dying to get in. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/24 "2006-07-07T21:48:19Z")
> [@Dracona](#): > > Q. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? > > A. Pilgrims. Alternate: June bugs. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/25 "2006-07-08T00:11:19Z")
What kind of toys do a psychiatrist’s children play with? Mental blocks! And, to tease my church: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? Change? Why change? My _grandmother_ gave the church that lightbulb! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/26 "2006-07-08T00:26:19Z")
What’s red and goes ding dong? _A red ding dong._ What’s blue and goes ding dong? _A blue ding dong._ What’s green and goes ding dong? _A green ding dong?_ Sorry, ding dongs only come in red and blue. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/27 "2006-07-08T02:41:24Z")
“Pops” Mercotan loved to make me crazy with this one when I was about 4: Pops: Pete and Repete are two birds, sitting on a telephone wire. Pete flies away. Who’s left? Me: Repete! Pops: Okay, Pete and Repete are two birds, sitting on a telephone wire. Pete flies away. Who’s still on the wire? Me: Repete! Pops: Should I speak slower? Pete and Repete are two birds, sitting on a telephone wire. Pete flies away. Who’s still on the wire? Me: Repete!!! Pops: All right, I’ll say it again, but I want you to listen this time! Pete and Repete are two birds, sitting on a telephone wire. Pete flies away. Who’s still on the wire? Me: Repete! Repete! Repete is still there! Pops: Son, now you need to concentrate on what I’m saying better. I can’t keep telling this over and over! Pete and Repete are two birds, sitting on a telephone wire. Pete flies away. Who’s still on the wire? Me: Mommmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/28 "2006-07-08T02:57:52Z")
Why is the sky so high? _So that birds won’t bump their heads._ What has three syllables, but only one letter? _An envelope!_ ---
**Author:** ![pipperroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@pipperroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pipperroo)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/29 "2006-07-08T03:45:16Z")
How do you shoot a Blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a red elephant? Hold his trunk until he turns blue, then shoot him with the blue elephant gun. * * * What’s purple and goes slam, slam, slam, slam? A four door grape ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/30 "2006-07-08T03:52:46Z")
Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan! Tris ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/31 "2006-07-08T03:59:51Z")
What goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump? A centipede with a wooden leg! ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/32 "2006-07-08T04:29:41Z")
Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, “Hey, are you worried about that mad cow disease?” The second cow says “Not me, I’m a helicopter!” Two parrots, standing on a perch. One of them says “Hey, do you smell fish?” What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper. ---
**Author:** ![sneezy5660](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@sneezy5660](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sneezy5660)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/33 "2006-07-08T04:47:12Z")
This was the first joke I ever learned: What is the biggest pencil in the world? Pennsylvania! (hey, I was six years old!) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/34 "2006-07-08T10:06:04Z")
> [@sinjin](#): > > Two parrots, standing on a perch. One of them says “Hey, do you smell fish?” Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says “Say, you know how to drive this thing?” ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/35 "2006-07-08T16:38:42Z")
> [@pipperroo](#): > > How do you shoot a Blue elephant? > > With a blue elephant gun. > > How do you shoot a red elephant? > > Hold his trunk until he turns blue, then shoot him with the blue elephant gun. OK, I do _not_ believe that someone actually beat me to this joke. Of course, my second elephant is pink, not red, but still… **Bippy** , that may be the funniest dumb joke I’ve ever heard. I’ve told it with great success to many people, and the darndest thing is, the more you think about it, the funnier it gets! It works best if you say the punchline in a deep ringing tone and give it a little vibrato! Here’s one that I loved as a kid: Q: What does a 500 lb canary say? A: “HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!” or alternately A: “CHIRP!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/36 "2006-07-08T16:54:34Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > From a book I read as a kid: > > What’s big, red, and eats rocks? > > A big red rock-eater. DUH! The version I know: What’s big, green, lives 10 feet underground and eats rocks? A big, green, rock-eater. … (perferably about 5 silly jokes later…) Say there’s a tunnel right through the Earth. What happens if you throw a rock down the tunnel? No, seriously! [Wait for all the scientific explanations about how it will _just_ make it to the other side, will end up in the middle, melt…] No, no, no… it’ll go about 10 feet down and then the big, green rock-eater will eat it! ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/37 "2006-07-08T19:28:28Z")
[QUOTE=Chanteuse] Q: What does a 500 lb canary say?[\QUOTE] Q. Where does a 500 lb canary live? A. Anywhere it wants to. ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/38 "2006-07-09T13:59:20Z")
Why did the chicken cross the playground? –To get to the other slide! ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/39 "2006-07-09T18:09:37Z")
> [@Civil Guy](#): > > What has three syllables, but only one letter? Well, um… W. > [@sinjin](#): > > Two parrots, standing on a perch. One of them says “Hey, do you smell fish?” I don’t get it. Does perch mean something besides a place for birds to stand on? How is an elephant like a grape? They’re both purple (except the elephant). What did the pirate say when he lost his tricycle? Oh no, I lost my tricycle! What’s the Louis Sachar book with the joke that has 15 or so possible punchlines? I think the question was “Why did the man eat two dead skunks for breakfast?” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374/40 "2006-07-09T18:13:33Z")
> [@TJdude825](#): > > Well, um… W. > > I don’t get it. Does perch mean something besides a place for birds to stand on? [Here you go.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perch) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-jokes-my-nephew-got-from-his-childcare-kids/363374.md?page=3)