# Three Musketeers reboot -- dreadful? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 2, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359 "2011-10-02T17:09:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/1 "2011-10-02T17:09:46Z")
There’s a [trailer](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_three_musketeers_2011/trailers/11140715/) available for the big budget remake of the Three Musketeers. It looks like they’re giving it the “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”/“Sherlock Holmes” treatment. Specifically, “let’s add big explosions and bullet-time action sequences and anachronisms” because, you know, there’s not quite enough derring do and action in one of the most swashbuckling, action-packed stories of all time. From the trailer, we apparently have the Duke of Buckingham’s aerial ships of the lines fighting broadside to broadside over Versailles. Somehow, this makes Richelieu the bad guy. Meanwhile Milady has been transmuted from a conniving murderess to some kind of deadly ninja assassin in a big skirt. There’s also some kind of steampunky mines and some kind of ninja with weird clicky weapons that look like they’re borrowed from Hellboy. (Maybe this is Milady, but it’s hard to tell, because it’s a medieval ninja wearing a mask. ) Oh yeah, and there are flame throwers. (Maybe it’s me, but if you’re in a universe with flame throwers, you should possibly reconsider your choice of becoming a great swordsman.) All this noise seems to be to distract us from the character of D’Artagnan who, let’s face it, appears to be even more of a dork than he was in the original book. Every line he delivers in the preview is cringeworthy. “We are the Musketeers – it’s up to us to put and end to the Cardinal’s plot!” So, I dunno. If they hadn’t slapped the name “The Three Musketeers” on it and instead had called it “Four Hundred Years Ago in Alternate World France, Weird Stuff Happened” this might have been a good movie. Who am I kidding? It would still be loud, crass and awful. But at least they wouldn’t be pissing so loudly and voluminously on the grave of Alexandre Dumas, pere. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/2 "2011-10-02T17:24:08Z")
As soon as I saw an airship I knew this wasn’t the movie for me. I don’t really expect any movie to demonstrate slavish devotion to the source material. But when the deviate so far I wonder to myself why they bothered with the source material at all. Aside from name recognition of course. The previews showing Milady de Winter doing aerial acrobatics didn’t seal the movie’s fate for me so much as it simply put a giant rock over it. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/3 "2011-10-02T17:30:36Z")
People have been appalled by this for months. **The Three Musketeers** is the perfect swashbuckler and has never really been treated well on film (The closest was the Richard Lester version in the 1970s). But they will probably still use the early setpiece swordfights (e.g., D’Artagnan challenging all three Musketeers to a duel). Using the name made it stand out, but it’s looks like it’s going to be a third-rate cliched adventure ( **The Three Musketeers** only seems cliched because everyone else has copied it). Until they have a version where: Milady is married to Athos, as she is in the book They’re not really doing **the Three Musketeers**. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/4 "2011-10-02T17:32:29Z")
I don’t really have any problem with them adding a bunch of crazy sci-fi or over-the-top action to an old property. There are plenty of more faithful adaptations of the Dumas novel, if thats what you want. The dialogue in the trailer is pretty cringe worthy though, so I suspect this will suck in anycase. > [@Finagle](#): > > But at least they wouldn’t be pissing so loudly and voluminously on the grave of Alexandre Dumas, pere. Eh, Dumas took the character of D’Artagnian from another author, who in turn got it from heavily fictionalizing an account of the life of a real muskateer. I can’t imagine he’d have much grounds for complaining if other people continue the chain. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/5 "2011-10-02T17:36:58Z")
As long as they remain faithful to the candy bar… ---
**Author:** ![Fourtyfold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f475e1/32.png) [@Fourtyfold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fourtyfold)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/6 "2011-10-02T18:00:31Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Eh, Dumas took the character of D’Artagnian from another author, who in turn got it from heavily fictionalizing an account of the life of a real muskateer. I can’t imagine he’d have much grounds for complaining if other people continue the chain. But on the other hand, Dumas did greatly improve on the original. (by Courtilz de Sandras, if anyone is interested. Dumas did leave one of the main characters, Besmaux, out of his version) ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/7 "2011-10-02T18:06:17Z")
I have a side question if you all don’t mind: Why are they called musketeers if they mainly fight with swords rather than muskets? I have always wondered that. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/8 "2011-10-02T18:07:25Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Until they have a version where: > > Milady is married to Athos, as she is in the book > > They’re not really doing **the Three Musketeers**. I pretty sure that happened in the Kiefer Sutherland/Charlie Sheen version (which was not good for other, hopefully apparent reasons) but that, they got right at least. I’m not planning on re-watching it to make certain. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/9 "2011-10-02T18:08:30Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > I have a side question if you all don’t mind: Why are they called musketeers if they mainly fight with swords rather than muskets? I have always wondered that. We already had a thread about that. They’re a soldier company, with musket as their main weapon. The use of a sword is for their duellist activities. ---
**Author:** ![JoelUpchurch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@JoelUpchurch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoelUpchurch)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/10 "2011-10-02T18:13:49Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Until they have a version where: > > Milady is married to Athos, as she is in the book > > They’re not really doing **the Three Musketeers**. But she was married to Athos in the Lester version. Athos strangled her instead of hanging her like the book. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/11 "2011-10-02T18:17:19Z")
That and a musket has one shot and it takes a while to reload. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/12 "2011-10-02T18:20:41Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > That and a musket has one shot and it takes a while to reload. I tried that excuse before, to no avail. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/13 "2011-10-02T18:21:21Z")
IMDB says this reboot is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Does anyone familiar with his work know of anything he’s been involved in that _hasn’t_ turned out to be a total piece of shit? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve no fucking idea how this guy keeps getting work. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/14 "2011-10-02T18:23:26Z")
> [@George\_Kaplin](#): > > IMDB says this reboot is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Does anyone familiar with his work know of anything he’s been involved in that _hasn’t_ turned out to be a total piece of shit? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve no fucking idea how this guy keeps getting work. I disagree. His early works were really good, he was kind of a young Carpenter. Event Horizon, Resident Evil 1, and even Mortal Kombat were really well done (very subtle sound work). It got bad when he started to get big. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/15 "2011-10-02T19:00:27Z")
Ah, see, I hated all those 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/16 "2011-10-02T19:00:44Z")
> [@George\_Kaplin](#): > > IMDB says this reboot is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Does anyone familiar with his work know of anything he’s been involved in that _hasn’t_ turned out to be a total piece of shit? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve no fucking idea how this guy keeps getting work. Anderson makes rainy Saturday afternoon movies. They’re not great cinema, but for 90 minutes you’re pretty entertained. And yes, I’m the one guy in the world who likes Alien vs Predator. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/17 "2011-10-02T19:09:23Z")
The whole “Wonder Woman in a ball gown” routine made me wanna barf. Seriously. I’m all for capable women in movies being a feminist and all, but please. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/18 "2011-10-02T19:38:28Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > As long as they remain faithful to the candy bar… 🙂 Yum, my favorite. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/19 "2011-10-02T20:16:01Z")
Am I the only one looking forward to losing myself in fantasy for a couple of hours? 😃 I loved the books \ and have so far enjoyed every dorky/bad/awful/popcorn-munching-worthy version on film. Love 'em all; will not be a waste of time. 🙂 The film version with Depardieu is by far my favorite, however. I don’t expect this one to come close, but I’m expecting cheese. Cheese with swords! I don’t expect I’ll be disappointed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/20 "2011-10-02T20:22:24Z")
I’m actually looking forward to it. Looks cool, in a “waste a few hours” kinda way. Since nobody can beat the Lester version, I have no problem with Anderson doing a romp. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359.md?page=2)