# Three Musketeers reboot -- dreadful? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 2, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359 "2011-10-02T17:09:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/21 "2011-10-02T20:45:31Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > The film version with Depardieu is by far my favorite _Jawdrop_ ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/22 "2011-10-02T20:46:12Z")
> [@George\_Kaplin](#): > > IMDB says this reboot is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Does anyone familiar with his work know of anything he’s been involved in that _hasn’t_ turned out to be a total piece of shit? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve no fucking idea how this guy keeps getting work. he’s a genius…he somehow managed to get scantily clad women into a prison movie. The movies - and probably the three musketeers - are usually shit though, yes. ---
**Author:** ![DeptfordX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DeptfordX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeptfordX)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/23 "2011-10-02T21:54:11Z")
> [@George\_Kaplin](#): > > IMDB says this reboot is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. Does anyone familiar with his work know of anything he’s been involved in that _hasn’t_ turned out to be a total piece of shit? I’m genuinely curious. I’ve no fucking idea how this guy keeps getting work. Ah, as i was watching the trailer i was wondering why’d they cast Milla (married to the director) Jovovitch. ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/24 "2011-10-02T23:15:02Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > The film version with Depardieu is by far my favorite, however. I don’t expect this one to come close, but I’m expecting cheese. Cheese with swords! I don’t expect I’ll be disappointed. 🙂 Are you thinking of the man in the iron mask, thats the only movie about musketeers that I remember with him in it. Declan ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/25 "2011-10-02T23:24:42Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > And yes, I’m the one guy in the world who likes Alien vs Predator. So you’re the one!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/26 "2011-10-02T23:24:52Z")
Gah, d’Artagnon’s accent drives me up the wall. As a firm fan of all things steampunk, this looks like a terrible, terrible movie. I’m really sick of the whole ‘no, our heroes aren’t super-powered, they can just dodge bullets’ thing. Swordsmen and machine guns don’t work well together. Guns and swords, yes - even in the original, the Musketeers used pistols as often as swords, and even muskets occasionally. But once you throw in corridors with hundreds of guns mounted in the walls, you pretty much have to find a better way to get past than ‘NOBODY will think of sliding along the floor! BRILLIANT!’. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/27 "2011-10-03T00:09:51Z")
Personally, I’m not troubled at all by it. It’s such a huge departure from the original, in such blatant ways, that it hardly even feels like an adaptation any more, and if it’s not an adaptation, then it no longer needs to bear any particular resemblance. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/28 "2011-10-03T00:18:41Z")
Titus Pullo’s in it. It’s worth a rental just for that. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/29 "2011-10-03T05:53:11Z")
Lester’s made-for-TV set is my favorite, as well. I’ve seen ratings/reviews that say his were the closest to the books out of all the versions. I have _Three…_ and _Four…_, which I understand were drawn from Dumas’ book but split up (kind of like the last Harry Potter, but predating the approach by three decades). I remember reading end of the book and being a bit irritated that it has D’Artagnan and Rocheforte on amicable terms; I much preferred the grueling duel and its ending. Made a nice book-end opposite the way they first met I understand Lester also made a version of _The Fifth Musketeer_, \*Count of Monte Cristo, \*_Man in the Iron Mask_, and a couple others in an attempt to do Dumas’ whole musketeer-involving this was France-undergoing-change series. I think I saw Fifth… once and a snippet of _…Monte Cristo_ with Chamberlain reprising Aramis once. I don’t remember if I was impressed 😕 > [@JoelUpchurch](#): > > But she was married to Athos in the Lester version. Athos strangled her instead of hanging her like the book. Well, actually in The Four Musketeers (q.v.) he remembered strangling her [we see this in his flashback – is this a de-facto divorce?] and, thinking she was dead, left his position and name behind to become Athos, only to find out later that she didn’t actually die. Near the end of the referenced sequel, the four of heroes arrange to have her head cut off – but we don’t actually see it, so maybe… :smack: In high school I was in a skit which the writers claimed was based on details in the book that weren’t in Lester’s TV movies. The writers had me do a monologue about how Milady corrupted a lot of lives with her (_ahem_) beauty, including the life of the executioner’s brother who had been a priest who was caught with Milady, then got defrocked and committed suicide. It was a fun monologue, but I don’t know if that’s part of Dumas’ tale. I’ll have to haul that thing out and really pore over it some time. > [@hajario](#): > > I have a side question if you all don’t mind: Why are they called musketeers if they mainly fight with swords rather than muskets? I have always wondered that. Captain de Treville explains to D’Artagnan that, only after they distinguish themselves as swordsmen, are militiamen allowed to also carry and train in the use of muskets. The three that the main protagonist initially meets, challenges, and is befriended by, are a clique of soldiers who have “distinguished themselves in the killings” but they are by no means the only ones who have done so. But if you haven’t shown a knack for fighting/surviving, and a tolerance of blood/killing, then I suspect you’re more likely to be relegated to less glamorous duties like latrine-digging, drum corps, hauling cannonballs, raking the coals, etc. Okay, okay, quick answer: the three musketeers are the clique the protagonizt wants to join – kinda like the campus-dominating social group or the #1 Fraternity/sorority or – well, you get the picture. > [@Chronos](#): > > Personally, I’m not troubled at all by it. It’s such a huge departure from the original, in such blatant ways, that it hardly even feels like an adaptation any more, and if it’s not an adaptation, then it no longer needs to bear any particular resemblance. At least the last people who attempted such a feat realized they had gone too far and went ahead and renamed the result as “The Musketeer” and called it a ‘re-imagining’ of the Dumas classics. > [@amarinth](#): > > …in the Kiefer Sutherland/Charlie Sheen version (which was not good for other, hopefully apparent reasons)… Yeah, basically it seems this thing is hauled out every few years. Douglas Fairbanks, Gene Kelley, Michael York, Chris O’Donnel … I dunno if it’s Hollywood recycling a superb story because they’re cheap, or Hollywood trying at yet another relevant time to get Dumas’ point\* out to the masses – and wrapping it up in the latest special effects and popular stars to try and get people to watch. \*The point as I always saw it The Church (personified by Cardinal Richelieu) is corrupt and power-hungry. We need heroes to stop them! ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/30 "2011-10-03T06:41:37Z")
> [@Grestarian](#): > > ``` > At least the last people who attempted such a feat realized they had gone too far and went ahead and renamed the result as “The Musketeer” and called it a ‘re-imagining’ of the Dumas classics. > > ``` The Peter Hyams movie? The one with Tim Roth and Deneuve? It was shitty but the light was really good. They were fighting in Vermeer-lit rooms. > [@Grestarian](#): > > \*The point as I always saw it > > The Church (personified by Cardinal Richelieu) is corrupt and power-hungry. We need heroes to stop them! Which is funny, because in truth, Richelieu is actually doing his job, it’s the Musketeers that are continuously betraying their country for vainglorious reasons. I think either towards the end of the book, or in one of the latter books, Richelieu and d’Artagnan (or is it Aramis?) have a conversation about duty, where the Musketeer comes to realize that Richelieu is more an adversary than an enemy. BTW, are you sure that Lester’s movies were made for TV? They were released as feature films in Europe. ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/31 "2011-10-03T10:38:38Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > We already had a thread about that. They’re a soldier company, with musket as their main weapon. The use of a sword is for their duellist activities. How about when all \*three \*of them fight? ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/32 "2011-10-03T12:25:58Z")
I’m sorry, I’d duty-bound to watch any movie that has airships in it. And c’mon - this is worth watching for Orlando Bloom’s hair alone. It really looks like a movie that does not, in any way, take itself seriously, and i like that. ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/33 "2011-10-03T12:54:22Z")
> [@Grestarian](#): > > In high school I was in a skit which the writers claimed was based on details in the book that weren’t in Lester’s TV movies. The writers had me do a monologue about how Milady corrupted a lot of lives with her (_ahem_) beauty, including the life of the executioner’s brother who had been a priest who was caught with Milady, then got defrocked and committed suicide. It was a fun monologue, but I don’t know if that’s part of Dumas’ tale. I’ll have to haul that thing out and really pore over it some time. Don’t know about the whole monologue, but the bit about the executioner’s brother is accurate. ---
**Author:** ![JoelUpchurch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@JoelUpchurch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoelUpchurch)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/34 "2011-10-03T13:05:55Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > BTW, are you sure that Lester’s movies were made for TV? They were released as feature films in Europe. It was released in the theater in the U.S. also. I saw the Four Musketeers in a theater. The Lester version was rather infamous because the actors sued the production company since they were paid for one movie and it was released as two movies. I’m glad they released it as two movies, since I can’t figure out how they could have released it as single movie without leaving some wonderful footage on the cutting room floor. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/35 "2011-10-03T13:18:00Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > I’m sorry, I’d duty-bound to watch any movie that has airships in it. > > It really looks like a movie that does not, in any way, take itself seriously, and i like that. snip. I KNEW we had common ground! 😃 This looks fun; you fuddy-duddys can go grouse somewhere else. This movie is cheese, eye candy, and possibly the first really good venture into steampunk territory. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/36 "2011-10-03T13:23:57Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > I think either towards the end of the book, or in one of the latter books, Richelieu and d’Artagnan (or is it Aramis?) have a conversation about duty, where the Musketeer comes to realize that Richelieu is more an adversary than an enemy. It’s actally hilarious that these adaptations usually portray (as Dumas did) Richelieu as the secret evil mastermind undercutting the King, because the IRL Richelieu was basically a patriot who wanted a safe and secure France under a unified but generous monarchy. He actually pushed hard to get rid of many of the old feudal customs and problems, and had France continued under that path it might have avoided the Revolution or even become a Constitutional Monarchy. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/37 "2011-10-03T13:24:50Z")
I never thought there’d be a version that made the Disney abomination look good… until now. > [@RealityChuck](#): > > People have been appalled by this for months. **The Three Musketeers** is the perfect swashbuckler and has never really been treated well on film (The closest was the Richard Lester version in the 1970s). But they will probably still use the early setpiece swordfights (e.g., D’Artagnan challenging all three Musketeers to a duel). Using the name made it stand out, but it’s looks like it’s going to be a third-rate cliched adventure ( **The Three Musketeers** only seems cliched because everyone else has copied it). > > Until they have a version where: > > Milady is married to Athos, as she is in the book > > They’re not really doing **the Three Musketeers**. Agreed - except for the last part. Didn’t this happen in the second part of the 1973 version? Remember - Lester made one very long movie that was released in two parts. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/38 "2011-10-03T13:36:54Z")
> [@Grestarian](#): > > Captain de Treville explains to D’Artagnan that, only after they distinguish themselves as swordsmen, are militiamen allowed to also carry and train in the use of muskets. The three that the main protagonist initially meets, challenges, and is befriended by, are a clique of soldiers who have “distinguished themselves in the killings” but they are by no means the only ones who have done so. But if you haven’t shown a knack for fighting/surviving, and a tolerance of blood/killing, then I suspect you’re more likely to be relegated to less glamorous duties like latrine-digging, drum corps, hauling cannonballs, raking the coals, etc. Weren’t the Musketeers all at least semi-noble? (Especially, impoverished nobility (exhibit A: D’Artagnan) and/or younger sons who couldn’t just live off of their father’s estate) So even if they had no fighting talent at all they wouldn’t be ever digging latrines and the like; that’s for their commoner lackeys. So, being a musketeer is a bit like being a fighter pilot or something: glamorous, high-tech (for the day) and even though they rely on their ground crew to keep everything running, they’re not expected to use the enlisted men’s crapper. And, if they’re running around a city causing trouble investigating plots, you’d expect them to use fists and/or pistols, not their battlefield weapons. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/39 "2011-10-03T14:24:03Z")
The Lester movies most assuredly **were not** Made-For-TV. Charlton Heston writes about them in loving detail in his autobiography. They were studio-made, theater-released films. As noted, the actors sued because they made one movie and the director/studio released two. Chuck wasn’t too upset about it because he was very well paid for what amounted to a lengthy cameo. The Lester version had Milady and Athos married (estranged)(attempted murder will do that), her beheaded at the end, and lots of musketwork by all concerned. They are pretty good shots, too. Only Athos could fire a wheellock pistol off-hand without aiming and hit a man 40 yards away in the ass. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359/40 "2011-10-03T14:32:42Z")
It reminds me of that Wild Wild West abortion with Will Smith. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-musketeers-reboot-dreadful/598359.md?page=3)