# Three parents **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 8, 2006, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860 "2006-09-08T01:05:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/41 "2006-09-08T20:14:18Z")
I really wish I had never seen the phrase “woman sperm,” or that I could somehow erase it from my brain. It’s proven unusually sticky, though. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/42 "2006-09-08T20:16:02Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] Fucking _woman sperm_ (like I need to re-live that visual) would not have come up if the OP didn’t insist on posting the details of what was once described as a happy accident, and is now described as an intentional plan. Which the fuck is it, by the way? Was the yummy woman sperm accidentally sucked up into the vagina by capillary action, or was it deposited there by more convention means… say with a woman penis? [/QUOTE] I’m guessing KellyM woman-screwed lee. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/43 "2006-09-08T20:20:44Z")
Yeah, whatever works, works. I do wonder though, at why some posters have referred to polyamory as akin to a sexual orientation. It’s really quite different. Different people choose different relationship dynamics for a variety of reasons. If we understand that sexual orientation is _not_ a choice, then I don’t see how you can compare the two. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/44 "2006-09-08T20:21:07Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] Was the yummy woman sperm accidentally sucked up into the vagina by capillary action, or was it deposited there by more convention means… say with a woman penis? [/QUOTE] I’m totally going to hell, but this made me actually laugh out loud. In my office. Good thing people around this place already think I’m nutty… ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/45 "2006-09-08T20:23:25Z")
[QUOTE=Elenfair] Maeglin, you are a \* bad, bad man.\* 😃 [/QUOTE] I thought that was why we liked him so. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/46 "2006-09-08T20:24:46Z")
[QUOTE=Eonwe] Yeah, whatever works, works. I do wonder though, at why some posters have referred to polyamory as akin to a sexual orientation. It’s really quite different. Different people choose different relationship dynamics for a variety of reasons. If we understand that sexual orientation is _not_ a choice, then I don’t see how you can compare the two. [/QUOTE] Except that for some people, relationship dynamics aren’t a choice either. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/47 "2006-09-08T20:28:01Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Besides, doesn’t this rather go against the polyamorous community’s usual claims (which I don’t necessarily doubt) that polyamory is something analogous to a sexual orientation? [/QUOTE] I don’t think those are the usual claims, personally. It is in fact the case for some people, but not all. That it exists in the community doesn’t make it universal. For _me_, it is orientational; for a number of others, this is also the case, though the precise orientation varies a lot. (I’m someone who is best off with two partners; I know people who are best off with open systems. And a few other particular things.) For _my husband_, it’s a matter of choice and preference and appropriate reaction to the situation he’s in. I know a large number of other switches – both people who can do either happily with shifts in mindset and people who honestly don’t care what the overall structure is. I know people who would probably file as switches if they didn’t have thought-out preferences as to which system they prefer to implement. (Including a friend of mine who is capable of doing either and has come to the conclusion that he prefers monogamy.) I know people for whom polymaory is ideological. Mostly I want to smack those, because they annoy the everliving hell out of me. In general, I would say that _for some people_ any of a wide variety of sexually-linked traits may be orientation, but for none of those traits will every person consider them relevant to their orientation. (Including sex; I know a reasonable number of bisexuals whose attraction patterns don’t treat sex/gender as relevant. I also know a reasonable number of bisexuals who are attracted to men _and_ attracted to women – the sex is relevant, but not limited to one option.) ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/48 "2006-09-08T20:28:27Z")
[QUOTE=Eonwe] Yeah, whatever works, works. I do wonder though, at why some posters have referred to polyamory as akin to a sexual orientation. It’s really quite different. Different people choose different relationship dynamics for a variety of reasons. If we understand that sexual orientation is _not_ a choice, then I don’t see how you can compare the two. [/QUOTE] I don’t know…it seems to me that some people live a poly lifestyle because they can’t be happy in a mono lifestyle. That seems a little bit like a sexual orientation to me. I think where some of us were confused was where **Lee** seemed to be solely attributing her poly lifestyle to the desire to have a baby. I guess I don’t see how a committedly mono couple could just decide to change their lifestyle so radically, in order to solve such a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/49 "2006-09-08T20:28:49Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] I’m totally going to hell, but this made me actually laugh out loud. In my office. Good thing people around this place already think I’m nutty… [/QUOTE] I will buy you a drink in hell when I get there, provided they give me some time off being buggered by demons and all. Excalibre, can’t you put a put a prophylactic on a woman cock before you get woman railed? A Trojaness, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/50 "2006-09-08T20:34:18Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] A Trojaness, so to speak. [/QUOTE] I think I love you. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/51 "2006-09-08T20:39:09Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] I will buy you a drink in hell when I get there, provided they give me some time off being buggered by demons and all. Excalibre, can’t you put a put a prophylactic on a woman cock before you get woman railed? A Trojaness, so to speak. [/QUOTE] The _Troiades_, that’s perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/52 "2006-09-08T20:45:45Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] I’m totally going to hell, but this made me actually laugh out loud. In my office. Good thing people around this place already think I’m nutty… [/QUOTE] Me too. I can just imagine some poor unsuspecting person walking by and saying “Well what’s so funny mister chuckles?!?” “Uhh… it involves woman sperm and… nevermind I’ll go find a new job now.” ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/53 "2006-09-08T21:07:14Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Exactly. It’s simply false to say that lee “became poly” in order to conceive a child, when conceiving a child doesn’t require becoming poly. There are other, normal ways to do so, either through technology or just through opening your home to a needy child. . [/QUOTE] Well, I think it is important in any conversation involving women sperm to be precise. And to be precise, it seems to me the most normal – that is, common – way of dealing with this situation is to quietly involve a third party without benefit of technology. Along with India and Tibet, polyandry was a sort of available arrangement in ancient Briton, and amoung some of the Native American tribes at least. But if KellyM is a girl then this is polygamy, a far more common arrangement historically speaking. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/54 "2006-09-08T21:13:12Z")
[QUOTE=Hamadryad] I thought that was why we liked him so. [/QUOTE] It’s that and the jew-fro. 😃 (Before anyone gets offended, you had to be at NYC-Dope back in… uh… was it January 2003? and staying at the aptly named “House of Pain”… ) ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/55 "2006-09-08T21:14:29Z")
[QUOTE=Marienee] Well, I think it is important in any conversation involving women sperm to be precise. And to be precise, it seems to me the most normal – that is, common – way of dealing with this situation is to quietly involve a third party without benefit of technology. [/quote] That’s probably true. Certainly not true within our culture, though - it’s not the approach normally taken by couples having difficulty conceiving. Furthermore, the third party doesn’t ordinarily become a member of the marriage. > [@](#): > > Along with India and Tibet, polyandry was a sort of available arrangement in ancient Briton, and amoung some of the Native American tribes at least. > > But if KellyM is a girl then this is polygamy, a far more common arrangement historically speaking. No, this is “polyamory”, not polygamy. The difference is not just in the gender makeup of the participants. While I already know far more than I would ever have wanted to about their sexcapades, I don’t know the precise bedroom situation of this group. Nevertheless, it’s clear that lee and KellyM are having sex, which is assuredly not “polygamy” as it’s normally practiced. A three-way relationship like this doesn’t even resemble the grouping of one man with his several wives found in various cultures across the world. Modern polyamorous relationships are vastly different from polygamy as practiced in the many cultures it’s been practiced in, whether or not the gender balance occasionally coincides. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/56 "2006-09-08T21:17:45Z")
[QUOTE=John Corrado] But I’ve revamped my rebate policy! [/QUOTE] So you’re now a master rebater? ---
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/57 "2006-09-08T21:18:43Z")
I never heard the term “polyamorous,” until this week, now it’s everywhere. Well, I’m from Tennessee. We aren’t polyamorous in Tennessee, we just sleep around. ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/58 "2006-09-08T21:21:22Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] No, this is “polyamory”, not polygamy. The difference is not just in the gender makeup of the participants. While I already know far more than I would ever have wanted to about their sexcapades, I don’t know the precise bedroom situation of this group. Nevertheless, it’s clear that lee and KellyM are having sex, which is assuredly not “polygamy” as it’s normally practiced. A three-way relationship like this doesn’t even resemble the grouping of one man with his several wives found in various cultures across the world. Modern polyamorous relationships are vastly different from polygamy as practiced in the many cultures it’s been practiced in, whether or not the gender balance occasionally coincides. [/QUOTE] I don’t know anything about them, I’m just playing along. About three posts in it became clear to me that this situation isn’t _ahem_ really anything as it’s usually practiced. I mean, I am fairly widely read but I can’t really think of a culture with widespread, er, pair bonding practices mapping onto this one. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/59 "2006-09-08T21:28:35Z")
[QUOTE=Maeglin] [Oh.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=154476&page=5&pp=50&highlight=woman+sperm) I only link it because it has been well and truly locked. [/QUOTE] Thanks for sharing that one. Woman sperm , sea monkeys and jimmy dean sausage (gift pack ) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860/60 "2006-09-08T21:44:47Z")
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill] I never heard the term “polyamorous,” until this week, now it’s everywhere. Well, I’m from Tennessee. We aren’t polyamorous in Tennessee, we just sleep around. [/QUOTE] Suuuuuuuure. Keep tellin’ yourself that. One of the best polyamory conferences in the US is in Tennessee every year, sweetie. I’m not sure what I think about the “born poly” idea. It’s actually not at all widespread in the circles I move in, and is often seen as riding the coattails of the gay movement with no evidence to back it up (even less evidence than the innateness of homosexuality.) I’ve done mono well and I’ve done it poorly. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been now that I’m in an open relationship. Could I (have I) been happy in monogamous relationships? Sure, but they’ve almost all ended in infidelity (usually I’m the one cheated on, but not always) and the attendant drama, lies and pain. So maybe I’m not cut out for it. I don’t know. This just makes more sense and less negativity for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-parents/371860.md?page=4)