### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/1 "2001-11-21T16:29:09Z")
(1) Unless it is an emergency, would you purdy please be so kind as to poop at home instead of the bathrooms at work.
(2) Thank you grocery stores for the little black plastic that protects our eyes from the evil that is Cosmo’s magazine cover. :roleyes:
(3) If your nose is runny, blow it. Sucking snot is enough to make me puke.
Thank you.
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/2 "2001-11-21T16:31:29Z")
(4) In the name of all that is good and holy, use the preview if you want the full impact of the :rolleyes: icon.
---
### Author:  [@dietrologia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dietrologia)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/3 "2001-11-21T16:34:48Z")
**NO - BO - DY - CARES.**
---
### Author:  [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/4 "2001-11-21T16:38:08Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Diane \*
> (1) Unless it is an emergency, would you purdy please be so kind as to poop at home instead of the bathrooms at work.
Not unless you find some other way of hiding me from my boss and blowing 15 minutes (a few minutes actually doing the deed and the rest spent reading or daydreaming).
> [@](#):
>
> (2) Thank you grocery stores for the little black plastic that protects our eyes from the evil that is Cosmo’s magazine cover. :rolleyes:
I enjoy seeing near pornography while wasting time in a line. Either that or reading the headlines on World News.
> [@](#):
>
> (3) If your nose is runny, blow it. Sucking snot is enough to make me puke.
Can’t argue with you there.
---
### Author:  [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/5 "2001-11-21T16:39:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> (1) Unless it is an emergency, would you purdy please be so kind as to poop at home instead of the bathrooms at work.
Hey, if I gotta go, I’m gonna go.
[sarcasm]I’m sorry if my bowel needs interfere with your life.[/sarcasm]
What the hell is your beef with people taking a dump at work, anyway?
Do you realize that there could be health risks involved if a person forces themself to “hold it”?
So, to that little rant, I have to say, “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!”
\
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/6 "2001-11-21T16:41:19Z")
\*\*YOU - ARE - WR-ONG. I - CARE - OTH-ER-WISE - I - WOULD-N’T - HAVE - PO-STED - AND - OB-VI-OUS-LY - YOU - CARED - E-NOUGH - TO - TAKE - THE - TIME - TO - WRITE - LIKE - THIS. \*\*
---
### Author:  [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/7 "2001-11-21T16:47:55Z")
No way I’m not taking a crap at work. Some days it’s the most enjoyable and productive thing I do.
pan
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/8 "2001-11-21T16:51:06Z")
I may forgive you if you can’t hold it, but grabbing a paperback, camping out on the toilet for 30 minutes, and stinking up not only the entire bathroom but sending a green fog 50 feet down the hallway, both directions is disgusting. Hey Stinkass, you fucking stink!
If you must shit at least give a few courtesy flushes and spray.
But why the hell are you people responding? \*\*NO - BO - DY - CARES \*\*
---
### Author:  [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/9 "2001-11-21T16:58:03Z")
So, what? All of the working stiffs out there are just supposed to hold it until they get home? How about the bosses? Can the bosses poop with impunity, or is it just the grunts, flipping burgers and answering telephones all over this fair nation, who have to clamp down on the back door until they get home? That seems kind of discriminatory, though–definitely favoring Management over Labor, which is not what America is all about, I thought.
And I can see making all the school secretaries hold it, but how about the kids? Should we make _them_ hold it, too, so they don’t stink up the school’s bathrooms? Or should there be some kind of age cutoff, say, only the little kids in Kindergarten through Fifth Grade would be allowed to crap in the school’s bathrooms, but all the junior high and high school kids would be expected to cultivate adult habits of self-control and wait until they get home?
How about if we passed laws requiring folks to “crap and spray”, making it a federal offense to not use that purse-sized dispenser of Glade after you’ve unloaded at your workplace? Or we could …
Or we could …
I mean–What? Huh? Hanh?
Diane? Hello? Like, what the fuck?
Ah, upon Preview, I see that she’s back and has elaborated somewhat.
Er, Diane, it takes some of longer to evacuate our bowels than others, and we don’t enjoy the process of “camping out” any more than you do, dear. And no, we don’t “save it up” and wait until we get to work to unload, just so we can make a green fog all the way down the hallway. I’m sorry that evidently you work with people who don’t understand the principle of the courtesy flush, but I don’t think that’s a good reason to require school secretaries all over this fair nation to go through unspeakable agonies just so the school’s bathroom don’t stink.
---
### Author:  [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/10 "2001-11-21T16:58:38Z")
Where else am I going to do the crossword, dude?
Anyway - bowel movements feel _good_.
pan
---
### Author:  [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/11 "2001-11-21T17:14:51Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \*
> \*\*Er, Diane, it takes some of longer to evacuate our bowels than others, and we don’t enjoy the process of “camping out” any more than you do, dear. And no, we don’t “save it up” and wait until we get to work to unload, just so we can make a green fog all the way down the hallway. \*\*
Hmmm. I actually do enjoy the whole camping out process. Gives me a chance to collect my thoughts, catch a few pages in the book I’m reading. I liken it to taking a smoke break for those of us who don’t smoke. And on a sub-concious level, there’s a good chance I do “save it up”. It’s amazing how regular I am at work, of course the 4-5 cups of coffee may contribute to that. On the plus side, saving it up gives my septic system at home a break.
As far as the porno-partitions on the Cosmo, I usually grab a copy (that’s right, a guy reads Cosmo, where else can I find out where my secret errogenous zones are?) and replace it in front of the shield. If they are out of Cosmo, the Weekly World New does in a pinch (did you see it this week? they cloned Hitler’s nose and it’s growing a moustache! Holy Miles Monroe!).
---
### Author:  [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/12 "2001-11-21T17:15:22Z")
Visual joke.
Q: What’s green and goes 100 miles an hour in reverse?
A: \
I poop at work, I sniffle my nose loudly and I glare at the babeses on Cosmo. Two outta three ain’t bad.
---
### Author:  [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/13 "2001-11-21T17:24:15Z")
Is the OPer experiencing what’s known as “hitting the perverbial wall”?
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/14 "2001-11-21T17:26:16Z")
Look, I agree there should be no discrimination when it comes to pulling the old pucker string a little tighter until you get home. EVERYONE should hold it, except for me, whose shit doesn’t stink, but for the rest of you - CORK IT! YOU SMELL REALLY BAD! If you MUST crap at least give us a courtesy flush or two and S-P-R-A-Y!
And wash your hands! That is doubly gross!
I still haven’t recovered from the wall of poop fumes I slammed into this morning went I walked into the bathroom to take an innocent pee. I’ve just now regained my eyesight.
> [@](#):
>
> the Weekly World New does in a _pinch_
Oh Jeeeezuz, now you’re reading the WWN while you’re taking a dump?!?!?! :eek:
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/15 "2001-11-21T17:28:17Z")
Hello, assholes.
I think that if you’re SO concerned with being able to drop a festering, stinky wolf egg at work, you should consider the miracle of the Courtesy Flush, by which olfactory nerves are spared your previous meals. If you like the smell so much, shit your pants.
---
### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/16 "2001-11-21T17:32:53Z")
AMEN MR C!!!
---
### Author:  [@johnboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnboy)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/17 "2001-11-21T17:35:49Z")
Hi Diane. I’m with you on the snotting and pooping issues. The sound of snot percolating in one’s nasopharangeal cavity makes me wanna puke! Also, If people eat normally (once at breakfast, once at lunch and once at dinner) then they typically get on a poping schedule of once in morning upon waking up and once upon returning from work (at least that is how it works with me.)
I realize everybody’s nutritional needs are different and the three squares a day method may not work for everyone. Not to mention working odd shifts.
One thing my dad demonstrated throughout his lifetime: I’f you are constantly eating, you are constantly shitting. I could tell you some stories. I loved my dad but he would shit with his bathroom door open and in the summertime, with the fans going, he would stink up the entire second floor of our house.
---
### Author:  [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/18 "2001-11-21T17:37:43Z")
Look, I always flush. I’ll even opt for a half-time flush if the odor (or sheer quantity) is too much. And I’ll throw in an extra post-poop flush if I happen to leave streaks.
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Diane \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > the Weekly World New does in a _pinch_
>
> Oh Jeeeezuz, now you’re reading the WWN while you’re taking a dump?!?!?! :eek: \*\*
I’m glad somebody picked up on that. I was going to italicize it, but that would’ve been begging for attention. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@Sweet\_Sota\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Sota_Girl)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/19 "2001-11-21T17:39:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Diane \*
> \*\*Look, I agree there should be no discrimination when it comes to pulling the old pucker string a little tighter until you get home. EVERYONE should hold it, except for me, whose shit doesn’t stink, but for the rest of you - CORK IT! YOU SMELL REALLY BAD! If you MUST crap at least give us a courtesy flush or two and S-P-R-A-Y!
>
> And wash your hands! That is doubly gross!
>
> I still haven’t recovered from the wall of poop fumes I slammed into this morning went I walked into the bathroom to take an innocent pee. I’ve just now regained my eyesight.
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > the Weekly World New does in a _pinch_
>
> Oh Jeeeezuz, now you’re reading the WWN while you’re taking a dump?!?!?! :eek: \*\*
All right lady, you’re starting to really piss me off.
Maybe not everyone has **the** tightest sphincter muscles. Plus, did you read what I said before… IT’S NOT HEALTHY TO HOLD IN YOUR SHIT! So excuse the fuck out of me if I think my health is more important.
Now, the bitch about not flushing well and not using “poop spray” I can understand. People _should_ “clean up their messes.”
---
### Author:  [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604/20 "2001-11-21T17:42:07Z")
I dunno, I’m still reeling from the revelation that ladies do anything as indelicate as evacuating their bowels.
Me, when I gotta go, I gotta go. However, I try to do it quickly, quietly, and with a minimum of olfactory effluvia left behind.
Besides, **Diane** , I thought you lived in SLC, where folks eat a healthy, bland diet which should result in low-smell quotient bowel movements. 😃
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/three-short-and-sweet-rants/94604.md?page=2)