# Thunderball! Design a sport one rule at a time **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [September 13, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388 "2014-09-13T14:24:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/21 "2014-09-15T01:42:48Z")
At halftime, each team shall assume the score earned by their opponent plus 3d4+3 points. ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/22 "2014-09-15T01:46:38Z")
No edged weapons. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/23 "2014-09-15T02:03:56Z")
The Bill Cosby Rule: No drugs will be administered into the players’ bodies. The spectators can have all they want. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/24 "2014-09-15T03:09:40Z")
The defense shall consist of 9 players and a viper: 2 players in each quadrant and 1 viper tender to stay within two yards of the viper at all times. ---
**Author:** ![Jabaski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5ac83/32.png) [@Jabaski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jabaski)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/25 "2014-09-15T20:40:33Z")
Upon the death or otherwise incapacitation of a player’s buffalo the party at blame will be fined the cost of the buffalo as well as charged a 15 minute penalty to facilitate the removal of aforementioned buffalo. For the remainder of the game, the affected player must ride an emu. ---
**Author:** ![WreckingCrew](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wreckingcrew/32/4080_2.png) [@WreckingCrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WreckingCrew)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/26 "2014-09-15T21:00:34Z")
Each coach can challenge up to three (3) referees decisions each half of the game. Challenged calls will then be reviewed by the International Court of Justice in The Hague. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/27 "2014-09-15T21:03:48Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > The referees shall be dressed as zebras. The zebrae shall be dressed as referees. Any player refusing to follow the instructions of a zebra shall be summarily trampled to death and then given a five-minute penalty. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/28 "2014-09-15T21:54:53Z")
A single game of Thunderball! lasts 5 days. There are no breaks. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/29 "2014-09-15T22:10:26Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > A single game of Thunderball! lasts 5 days. There are no breaks. Except, of course, if the game falls over Christmas day, during which time play continues but the timer is stopped, and all points scored are donated to charity and distributed to other teams in the league according to their need. Also, a 15-minute break is permitted if the field of play becomes unnavigable due to bomb craters, lahars, or large accumulations of undergarments thrown onto the field by spectators. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/30 "2014-09-15T22:18:55Z")
The offense can call for a billiard ball to be put in play at any time; it they call for the billiard ball, they are required to knock the entire defense unconscious by throwing the billiard ball at their heads. If they complete this task before losing possession of the log, they shall be awarded 12 points. Failure to complete this task is called a “pathetic simjock” and 9 points are awarded to the defensive team. (“Did they finally knock Gibbons out?” “No, it was a pathetic simjock.” “Dammit it all!”) ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/31 "2014-09-15T22:26:47Z")
All other forms of simjocks, however, shall result in a 14.6752 yard penalty for the offending team and loss of bathroom privileges. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/32 "2014-09-15T22:28:19Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > The zebrae shall be dressed as referees. Any player refusing to follow the instructions of a zebra shall be summarily trampled to death and then given a five-minute penalty. The Zebras shall refer to all players, coaches, referees, officials, reporters, spectators and Red-Headed Big Sisters as “Kevin”. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/33 "2014-09-15T22:41:59Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > The Zebras shall refer to all players, coaches, referees, officials, reporters, spectators and Red-Headed Big Sisters as “Kevin”. All persons actually named “Kevin” are banned from playing, refereeing, attending, or enjoying the game on an abstract level, so as to avoid confusing the zebrae. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/34 "2014-09-16T20:32:44Z")
The offense may call at any time for a billiard ball to be put into play. Once in play, they must make contact with every defensive player on the field by throwing the billiard ball at them. They have 75 seconds from the time the ball enters the field of play. If they are successful, they score a “big time,” worth 12 points. If they fail, the defense scores a “two pointer,” worth 5 points. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/35 "2014-09-16T20:40:24Z")
> [@NeonMadman](#): > > Catching the snitch is worth 150 points. A goal is scored by placing the ball between the posts. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/36 "2014-09-16T21:07:20Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > The offense can call for a billiard ball to be put in play at any time; it they call for the billiard ball, they are required to knock the entire defense unconscious by throwing the billiard ball at their heads. If they complete this task before losing possession of the log, they shall be awarded 12 points. Failure to complete this task is called a “pathetic simjock” and 9 points are awarded to the defensive team. > [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > The offense may call at any time for a billiard ball to be put into play. Once in play, they must make contact with every defensive player on the field by throwing the billiard ball at them. They have 75 seconds from the time the ball enters the field of play. If they are successful, they score a “big time,” worth 12 points. If they fail, the defense scores a “two pointer,” worth 5 points. Any team responsible for a two pointer and a pathetic simjock in the same game shall be banned from the sport and subjected to _damnatio memoriae_. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/37 "2014-09-16T21:17:07Z")
Punching is only permitted when the red torch is lit. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/38 "2014-09-16T21:53:15Z")
The banked track circling the field is in play at all times. Steel spikes periodically spring out of the track. In the preseason, postseason, and during 7th quarter stretch, the steel spikes are replaced with tubs of Jello. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/39 "2014-09-17T00:08:04Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > Any team responsible for a two pointer and a pathetic simjock in the same game shall be banned from the sport and subjected to _damnatio memoriae_. :smack: Didn’t realize I posted that already. I stand by both! ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388/40 "2014-09-17T02:07:09Z")
Each player gets six cards, except for the player on the dealer’s right, who gets seven. The second card is turned up, except on Tuesdays. Two jacks are a “half-fizzbin”. If you have a half-fizzbin: ``` [ol] ``` [li]a third jack is a “shralk” and results in disqualification;[/li][li] one wants a king and a deuce, except at night, when one wants a queen and a four;[/li][li] if a king had been dealt, the player would get another card, except when it is dark, in which case he’d have to give it back.[/li][/ol] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thunderball-design-a-sport-one-rule-at-a-time/698388.md?page=3)