# Tim Tams suck **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 8, 2009, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264 "2009-09-08T10:53:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/1 "2009-09-08T10:53:56Z")
I’m craving chocolate and the only thing in my office is a 3/4 pack of [Tim Tams](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Tam). My roomie is Australian and has a packet of them in the fridge, and an Australian coworker just brought this current packet as a gift from vacation. The reason the packet here is 3/4 full is that each member of my department tried one and said “never again”. No freaking way. They’re dis **GUS** ting. The biscuit (cookie) is tasteless; the cream filling bland, and the chocolate… I’m gagging as I think about it. Slimy, waxy, plasticy. Worse than American chocolate. How do you Aussies eat this crap? The only thing they’re good for is a [Tim Tam Slam](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MQZX1nLOJ4), and even that’s only successful because they’re some kind of industrial byproduct and hold their structure for minutes longer than would be normal for something actually made out of _food_. Is this why you’re so keen to beat everyone at sport, because your chocolate biscuits are so vile and you need to prove yourselves some other way? I’m off down the shop at lunchtime to buy some [Penguins](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penguin_(biscuit)). Ha ha, stick that in your one-day series victory. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/2 "2009-09-08T10:57:40Z")
You’re crazy. Gimme those Tim Tams!!! _drool_ ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/3 "2009-09-08T11:01:57Z")
You Philistine. You are sentenced to eating black pudding for the remainder of your life. And watching your team play cricket. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/4 "2009-09-08T11:04:25Z")
Well, at least I finally know what they are. I remember them from this article about Australia relocating itself to the North Atlantic so people would pay attention to them: [http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/australia.shtml](http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/australia.shtml) \*“Australia bumped into us at about midnight local time,” said Hawaii governor Ben Cayetano. “They were very friendly — they always seem friendly — but they refused to go around unless we answered their questions. But the questions were impossible. ‘Who is Ian Thorpe? Do you have any Tim Tams? What day is Australia Day?’” “Fortunately, somebody here had an Unimportant World Dates calendar and we aced the last one,” Cayetano added.\* ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/5 "2009-09-08T11:21:28Z")
I think you should slather one with vegemite to see if it improves the flavour. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/6 "2009-09-08T11:56:52Z")
I’m with you, jjimm. They are the blandest of all biscuits. They must have an amazing PR strategy behind them, because their appeal surely couldn’t lie in their taste. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/7 "2009-09-08T12:00:03Z")
I only like the dark chocolate versions, not the regular milk chocolate ones. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/8 "2009-09-08T12:05:24Z")
Yeah, they are kind of overrated - I much prefer a Kiwi [Mallowpuff](http://www.griffins.co.nz/by-name/mallowpuffs). But while you have them there, why not try a [Tim Tam Slam](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Tam_Slam)? ETA Oops, didn’t see your reference to the slam in your OP. Carry on! ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/9 "2009-09-08T14:05:10Z")
I was a fan of the Mallowpuff before I moved to London and discovered the joy that is the Tunnock’s Teacake. The marshmallow is mellowier, the biscuit/mellow ration more favourable. Ordinary Tim Tams are awful, although some of the variations - caramel, or dark chocolate are pretty good. I don’t get the ex-pat love for them, but there’s no accounting for taste - half my office thinks Pineapple Lumps are food of the devil, whereas I know in my heart that they’re one of my country’s great contributions to world cuisine. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/10 "2009-09-08T22:59:06Z")
> [@manx](#): > > half my office thinks Pineapple Lumps are food of the devil, whereas I know in my heart that they’re one of my country’s great contributions to world cuisine. And a [divine gift](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpj2oVJhYjM). 😃 (youtube link) ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/11 "2009-09-09T06:16:47Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I’m off down the shop at lunchtime to buy some [Penguins](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penguin_(biscuit)). Attention Shoppers: Penguins are Britain’s [third most dangerous biscuit](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6153518/Crumbs-half-of-Britons-injured-by-their-biscuits-on-coffee-break-survey-reveals.html). > [@](#): > > More than half of all Britons have been injured by biscuits ranging from scalding from hot tea or coffee while dunking or breaking a tooth eating during a morning tea break, a survey has revealed. One man even ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit. > > The full list of riskiest biscuits: > > Custard Cream 5.64 > > Cookie 4.34 > > Choc Biscuit Bar (eg: Rocky) 4.12 > > Wafer 3.74 > > Rich Tea 3.45 > > Bourbon 3.44 > > Oat Biscuit 3.31 > > Digestive 3.14 > > Ginger Nut 2.99 > > Shortbread 2.90 > > Caramel Shortcake 2.76 > > Nice Biscuit 2.27 > > Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16 > > Chocolate Finger 1.38 > > Jaffa Cakes 1.16 ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/12 "2009-09-09T07:41:26Z")
I don’t think they’re disgusting but they are bland. Very over-rated. Arnott’s used to have another biscuit (cookie) called gaiety which was much much better. But as often happens the bland prevailed. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/13 "2009-09-09T10:05:41Z")
> [@manx](#): > > I don’t get the ex-pat love for them, but there’s no accounting for taste - half my office thinks Pineapple Lumps are food of the devil, whereas I know in my heart that they’re one of my country’s great contributions to world cuisine. Ah the Pineapple Lump. One thing I could never work out though - most of them are soft and chewy - but every so often you get one that snaps in half. Imagine someone at Lincoln Uni is getting a lot of money investigating the phenomenon. The other great biscuit that I recally was the limited edition Mint Toffee Pop - when they launched in 2003 you could get sent a free packet per email address you supplied - our office was bursting with them for ages - like a humbug biscuit. But they’ve been discontinued now…☹ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/14 "2009-09-09T10:37:30Z")
BTW my ire isn’t directed at all Aussie chocolate. Said roomie got me a Cherry Ripe bar too, and I fell in love instantly: where have they been all my life? Why can’t we get them here? ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/15 "2009-09-09T11:10:11Z")
[You can, but it won’t be cheap!](http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/aaasmt/index.php/url_pmet3/xlc_3961/xdbc_5/dbtc_3/pic_1/add_44112/stc_1/scope_short#3961) Easier though if you live near a Cybercandy store. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/16 "2009-09-09T11:16:59Z")
Or you could be nice to me and I will post you some. ---
**Author:** ![BigNik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/73ab20/32.png) [@BigNik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigNik)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/17 "2009-09-10T05:26:18Z")
Your mistake was getting them from the fridge - they’re much better at room temperature. But not as good as the Mint Slice. ---
**Author:** ![Omgalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/41988e/32.png) [@Omgalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omgalion)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/18 "2009-09-10T08:32:09Z")
I’m not a big fan of the Tim Tam either; they’re so sweet my teeth want to fall out after just one. The Mint Slice, however, is worth eating. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/19 "2009-09-10T08:54:38Z")
I can’t stand Tim Tams. Never seen the appeal (clever marketing, as far as I can tell). There are only Five (5) Approved Biscuits in the Enfield Household: 1. Griffin’s Chocolate Chippies 2. Gingernuts 3. Toffee Pops 4. Arrowroots 5. Cookie Time I have to say I’m not a huge fan of Australian chocolate. It’s OK, but the NZ stuff is better IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2009, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264/20 "2009-09-10T09:04:59Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > There are only Five (5) Approved Biscuits in the Enfield Household: > > 1. Griffin’s Chocolate Chippies > > 2. Gingernuts > > 3. Toffee Pops > > 4. Arrowroots > > 5. Cookie Time Wow! Have you tried Girl Guide Biscuits, Cameo Cremes, and Squiggles? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tim-tams-suck/509264.md?page=2)