# Time For Another "Bizarre Church Signs" Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2004, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172 "2004-08-23T23:45:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/1 "2004-08-23T23:45:46Z")
Saw this the other day > [@](#): > > I come quickly. I’m sure that makes Jesus real popular with the ladies. Another hysterical one I saw was in front of a private religious school > [@](#): > > Welcome back students > We will pray for you faculty and staff Funny, you wouldn’t expect kids at a religious school to be such hellions that a special prayer call was made for the faculty and staff. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/2 "2004-08-24T00:46:17Z")
A church near me has had this sign for a long time. I cringe at the awfulness every time I see it. “Warning: Exposure to the son may prevent burning.” ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/3 "2004-08-24T01:39:02Z")
An often seen one in this country is covered with dripping blood and says ‘Washed in the Blood of the lamb’ - just the thought of this makes me wanna retch. I don’t like the sight of blood. I’m surprised that the animal rights people aren’t concerned - and it seems a bit kinky to me too. ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/4 "2004-08-24T01:49:19Z")
You people really need [this link](http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/). Enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![WCStyles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7cd45c/32.png) [@WCStyles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WCStyles)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/5 "2004-08-24T01:58:17Z")
Took a picture of one a few years ago at a Methodist church that liked to advertise the sermon titles: **WORSHIP 8:30 & 11:00 SUNDAY SCHOOL 9:30 PALM SUNDAY NONE OF IT MAKES SENSE** ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Gutgore\_Blooddrink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Captain\_Gutgore\_Blooddrink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Gutgore_Blooddrink)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/6 "2004-08-24T02:07:31Z")
Wasn’t right outside of the church, but a billboard on the highway that they had purchased. I might still have a picture of it somewhere. It simply said: “Jesus is Lord at Paula’s Fishhouse.” I’ve never been able to forget that one. Been 11 years. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/7 "2004-08-24T02:16:35Z")
I grew up in a small Tennessee town that had three churches on every corner and four or five between so I grew up with the signs and never really gave them much thought until I happened to notice one on a billboard a few miles away from the last house I lived in there. It said “Saturday is the true day of the lord; All those that worship on Sunday shall be marked with the Sign of the Beast”. I couldn’t help but stare at it in a mixture of awe, hilarity, and revulsion every time I passed it going into town. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/8 "2004-08-24T03:10:20Z")
Today, _today_, on my way to a job interview I passed one that had their service times and then “Free Paternity Test”. I couldn’t quite make that match up theologically. ---
**Author:** ![MidnightRadio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@MidnightRadio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MidnightRadio)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/9 "2004-08-24T05:54:05Z")
One time, some prankster changed the letters around on the one by my house. It had originally read, “Celebrate Thanksgiving with thanks living.” It was changed to, “Celebrate shit with vagina.” > [@Max Torque](#): > > A church near me has had this sign for a long time. I cringe at the awfulness every time I see it. > > “Warning: Exposure to the son may prevent burning.” The one near us had the variation, “Don’t burn. Use sonblock.” > [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > An often seen one in this country is covered with dripping blood and says > ‘Washed in the Blood of the lamb’ - just the thought of this makes me wanna retch. I don’t like the sight of blood. > > I’m surprised that the animal rights people aren’t concerned - and it seems a bit kinky to me too. That is seriously fucked up. Even here in America’s Bible belt we don’t see shit like that, although sometimes you’ll see a Christian wearing a shirt with a gory color drawing of Jesus’s hand with a nail driven through it. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/10 "2004-08-24T06:10:19Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > I grew up in a small Tennessee town that had three churches on every corner and four or five between so I grew up with the signs and never really gave them much thought until I happened to notice one on a billboard a few miles away from the last house I lived in there. > > It said “Saturday is the true day of the lord; All those that worship on Sunday shall be marked with the Sign of the Beast”. > > I couldn’t help but stare at it in a mixture of awe, hilarity, and revulsion every time I passed it going into town. I’ve seen that on billboards as far away as Montgomery, Alabama. Really bizarre and disjointed too. It’s like Dr. Bronner got all _mean_ and rented some ad space in the Deep South. ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/11 "2004-08-24T06:16:54Z")
One near my friend’s house said: “Jesus is your homeboy” We laughed for days. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/12 "2004-08-24T06:27:17Z")
I thought this one was pretty good: “You asked god for a sign, here it is - see you sunday at 9:00 or 11:00” ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/13 "2004-08-24T10:55:10Z")
A friend and I saw one as we were driving last week: “GOD IS CALLING YOU TO SERVE.” I turned to my friend and said, “Yeah. God wants me to bring him a beer.” “You’re not listening,” he replied. “God said he wants you to bring ME a beer.” ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/14 "2004-08-24T11:17:48Z")
Yesterday I saw these two gems: “Wal-Mart isn’t the ONLY Saving Place” “If you were arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” If I have to stop and think for a minute (and I am a churchgoing Christian) then your sign just isn’t effective. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/15 "2004-08-24T12:50:08Z")
> [@MidnightRadio](#): > > One time, some prankster changed the letters around on the one by my house. It had originally read, “Celebrate Thanksgiving with thanks living.” It was changed to, “Celebrate shit with vagina.” I need to quit trying to read these while answering the phone at work! It was either hold my breath or answer the guy’s question “Bwahahahaha!” ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/16 "2004-08-24T13:52:32Z")
I thought this one was just bad on all counts: > [@](#): > > 3 Nails + > 1 Cross = > > * * * > > 4 Giveness (Best I could do with the formatting ☹ ) ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/17 "2004-08-24T14:00:43Z")
I’ve seen this one more than once: SIGN BROKEN, PLEASE COME INSIDE FOR MESSAGE. ---
**Author:** ![Gotterfunken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@Gotterfunken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotterfunken)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/18 "2004-08-24T14:01:26Z")
> [@Filthy Beast of Meat and Hair](#): > > Wasn’t right outside of the church, but a billboard on the highway that they had purchased. I might still have a picture of it somewhere. > > It simply said: > > “Jesus is Lord at Paula’s Fishhouse.” > > I’ve never been able to forget that one. Been 11 years. That’s brilliant. I get this image of Jesus as a waiter. “Today’s special: Fish and Loaves. All You Can Eat. No, _really_, **All** You Can Eat.” ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/19 "2004-08-24T14:06:28Z")
> [@Filthy Beast of Meat and Hair](#): > > Wasn’t right outside of the church, but a billboard on the highway that they had purchased. I might still have a picture of it somewhere. > > It simply said: > > “Jesus is Lord at Paula’s Fishhouse.” > > I’ve never been able to forget that one. Been 11 years. Right after 9/11, the marquee at a local Mexican food place read: _Two tamales now we pray for America._ I love tamales. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172/20 "2004-08-24T14:31:09Z")
My least favorite of all time: CHCH WHAT’S MISSING? UR [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-bizarre-church-signs-thread/261172.md?page=2)