# Time for another dumb joke thread! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 26, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555 "2005-09-26T20:59:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/1 "2005-09-26T20:59:04Z")
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a lousy summer ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/2 "2005-09-26T21:28:49Z")
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because gorillas have big fingers. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/3 "2005-09-26T21:29:19Z")
The insurance duck had to cut short his time at a French lake, so he just had time for a “half lac.” ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/4 "2005-09-27T00:17:16Z")
“Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Hatch.” “Hatch, who?” “Bless you!” ---
**Author:** ![Barely\_Adequate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/58956e/32.png) [@Barely\_Adequate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barely_Adequate)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/5 "2005-09-27T00:22:46Z")
What do a bicycle and a duck have in common? They both have wheels. [sup] (except for the duck)[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/6 "2005-09-27T00:23:25Z")
What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean? Nothing…it just waved. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/7 "2005-09-27T00:36:48Z")
What’s red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. Now, what’s blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? “The elephants are coming!” What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming with sunglasses on? Nothing, he didn’t recognize them. I’ve got a million of 'em. I could go on with elephant jokes forever, but forever is a really long time, so I’ll finish with the Officially Recognized, Doctor Recommended, FDA Approved, World Champion, Patent Pending, Worst Joke EVER: Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the Other Side. 😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/8 "2005-09-27T02:15:53Z")
> [@Barely Adequate](#): > > What do a bicycle and a duck have in common? > > They both have wheels. > [sup] (except for the duck)[/sup] Similarly, how is a grape like an elephant? They’re both purple… except the elephant. What did the pirate say when he lost his tricycle? Arrr! I lost my tricycle. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/9 "2005-09-27T03:08:04Z")
Did you hear the one about the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants? Yarr! It’s drivin’ me nuts! ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/10 "2005-09-27T03:17:44Z")
I may have posted this one before, I’m not sure. Sorry if it’s a repeat! How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot him with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a _pink_ elephant? You hold his nose until he turns blue, then you shoot him with the blue elephant gun. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/11 "2005-09-27T03:21:35Z")
Dumb jokes! Great! I can contribute! Why is the sky so high? So birds won’t bump their heads. What word has three syllables but only one letter? Envelope ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/12 "2005-09-27T03:55:24Z")
Why do skeletons hate the cold? Because they lack an insulating layer of body fat. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/13 "2005-09-27T03:59:23Z")
A skeleton walks into a bar. He asks for a beer and a mop. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/14 "2005-09-27T04:00:26Z")
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks. ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/15 "2005-09-27T05:09:47Z")
“Knock, Knock.” “Who’s there?” “Orange.” “Orange who?” “Oranges are good fruit!” It’s a funnier joke when my toddler tells it. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/16 "2005-09-27T05:35:41Z")
One of my co-workers just emailed me a whole buttload of these things. Ahem… Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on it. Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Same way, unique up on it. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psychopath. Q: How do you get holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it. Q: What does a fish say when it hits a concrete wall? A: Dam! Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids. Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A: A stick. Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese. Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers? A: Subordinate clauses. Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? A: Quattro Sinko Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck. Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A: Anyone can roast beef. Q: What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? A: The location of the dirtbag. Q: Why did the Pilgrims’ pants always fall down? A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat. Q: What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes Whack! Damn! and a bad skydiver goes Damn! Whack! Thank you, I’ll be here all we…ooh, shiny… ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/17 "2005-09-27T08:12:53Z")
What expells liquid waste from the body and sings about respect? Urethra Franklin (I’m sorry.) ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/18 "2005-09-27T09:23:16Z")
How come anteaters never get sick? Cuz they’re full of little antybodies. _giggle_ ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/19 "2005-09-27T12:42:52Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > One of my co-workers just emailed me a whole buttload of these things. Ahem… > > Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? > A: Unique up on it. > > Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? > A: Same way, unique up on it. A: **Tame** way, unique up on it. Q: What’s black and white and green and black and white and green and black and white and green? A: Two penguins rolling down a hill, fighting over a pickle. ---
**Author:** ![BadBadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BadBadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBadger)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555/20 "2005-09-27T13:16:49Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > How come anteaters never get sick? > > Cuz they’re full of little antybodies. > > _giggle_ Can I just say, that was magnificent. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-another-dumb-joke-thread/323555.md?page=2)