# Time for some basic dating advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953 "2007-01-22T14:26:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/21 "2007-01-22T17:34:33Z")
[QUOTE=Scribble] I don’t really think it matters. If she’s interested in you at all, she’d be happy to hear from you by either method. (Or, at least, that’s the way I’ve always felt about guys I’d be willing to go on a first date with.) If you’re shy on the phone and are concerned about things to say, are afraid of sounding nervous or don’t want to take the chance of leaving a dorky voicemail message, go with e-mail. If you want something a little more personal, or you want to have a short conversation, go with the phone call. If you ask her out by e-mail, make sure you send her your phone number, so that she has the option of calling you. [/QUOTE] Agreed. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, just so long as it gets the message across. I personally would prefer a call, and if it came at a bad moment I’d just ask to call back in 20 minutes and then gush for about 10 of those. But that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/22 "2007-01-22T17:40:32Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] Another vote for e-mail. She’ll appreciate the fact that you’re being extra careful to respect her privacy. [/QUOTE] But she volunteered the phone number to the friend, so it’s just as good as if she gave it to **gadarene** himself. Why is this so complicated? Call. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/23 "2007-01-22T17:48:54Z")
Looks like I’m a little late, but I’d say call, for the same reason **Martiju** gave. You’ll be able to tell much more quickly how interested she is, which will hopefully help your over/under thinking. [QUOTE=Scribble] \ If you ask her out by e-mail, make sure you send her your phone number, so that she has the option of calling you. [/QUOTE] Hehe, yes, exactly. You should put her in the same conundrum you’re in, that way you’ll have a little something extra in common on the first date. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/24 "2007-01-22T17:51:29Z")
> [@](#): > > Why is this so complicated? Call. I admit I’m beginning to think that it’s more complicated than it initially appeared. 🙂 Seriously, though, it’s a somewhat nuanced situation. I’ve spent all of fifteen minutes talking to her. There’s mutual interest, none of which was overtly expressed during those fifteen minutes (that is, I didn’t say, “Gee, I think you sure are purty!”). She has indirectly given me multiple methods by which to contact her. I’m sure each method is appropriate, because she proffered them (I would not, for example, try a singing telegram). But to the extent that one method is more appropriate than the other, I’d be a damn fool—a damn, damn fool!—not to utilize it. And there appears to be a fascinating split amongst the Teeming Millions as to which method of communication should be preferred. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/25 "2007-01-22T17:53:40Z")
As a clueless male, I can only offer one piece of advice. \*\*Get on with it! \*\* :smack: She knows you asked about her. She passed on her details. Now she’s waiting to hear how much of an impression she made. The longer you delay, the less your chances become. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/26 "2007-01-22T17:55:20Z")
My recommendation is to do one of two things: Use deaf services and have a typist transmit your conversation to her through a box. Or download Skype and call her, using a voice synthesizer to converse as you type your responses. That way you’ll either be talking through writing or writing through talking. But both are sure to impress! ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/27 "2007-01-22T17:59:23Z")
I would definitely send a phone text message. You don’t do that in Washington? ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/28 "2007-01-22T17:59:53Z")
If it were me, I’d want a call. I really don’t think you can go too wrong here. She seems to be open to either mode of communication. I will say this: the sooner the better. As Mr. Stuff and I joke, when a woman says she’ll call, she means as soon as she gets home and puts the groceries away. When a man says he’ll call, he means before he dies. Exceed expectations, and don’t leave the girl hanging! ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/29 "2007-01-22T18:05:45Z")
Hee hee, Ender! It seems like in this technological age, everything is shaded with meaning, depending on what mode you use! EVERYONE has a cell phone; everyone’s on it constantly. Why calling someone is a problem I have no idea. But for years I’ve been amazed at how phone-shy people are. One example: in an office I used to work in, we’d have pizza on the day we finished putting the magazine together. I always had to call. Everyone else was too nerveous or shy. Too shy to call for pizza! 😕 My vote: placing a phone call conveys no nuanced information. It’s a call on the phone. Call. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/30 "2007-01-22T18:06:32Z")
> [@](#): > > As Mr. Stuff and I joke, when a woman says she’ll call, she means as soon as she gets home and puts the groceries away. When a man says he’ll call, he means before he dies. Exceed expectations, and don’t leave the girl hanging! Heh. You mean not all women abide religiously by The Rules?? :eek: To be fair, my friend e-mailed me with her information last night at around 10. And I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be the best of ideas to call her while she’s at work. E-mail, yes. Phone call, not so much. Even _I_, with my spectacular capacity for hyperanalysis, can see that relatively clearly. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/31 "2007-01-22T18:06:56Z")
[QUOTE=StuffLikeThatThere] I really don’t think you can go too wrong here. [/QUOTE] I agree. I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here, per se, but to me a phone call seems more personal and confident. But, no, I don’t think this is a test that you will fail if you choose one mode of communication over another. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/32 "2007-01-22T18:17:44Z")
[QUOTE=Gadarene] And I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be the best of ideas to call her while she’s at work. E-mail, yes. Phone call, not so much. Even _I_, with my spectacular capacity for hyperanalysis, can see that relatively clearly. 🙂 [/QUOTE] So – there’s your answer. Email her now, and say “hi! I got your phone number frorm Nameoffriend – would this evening be a good time for me to call?” ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/33 "2007-01-22T18:51:10Z")
This whole thread makes me glad I got married before email and cell phones! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/34 "2007-01-22T19:15:54Z")
Definitely call. It projects confidence, which is your primary goal in trying to date someone. Don’t try to have a long and/or serious conversation, go for something like: You: Hey, this Gadarene – we met at B’s party. Her: Oh, hey, how are you? You: I’m good, thanks. Hey, I enjoyed talking to you at the party and was wondering if you’d like to go out this weekend? If she says yes: Her: Sure, that sounds like fun! You: Great! Do you want to do dinner on Saturday? (Or whatever – have several ideas of things to do ready. Then get off the phone.) If she says no: Her: Um, uh, I’m not sure I have time this weekend. I’m real busy… You: I hate you! I hope you get cancer! Simple! ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/35 "2007-01-22T19:26:50Z")
Giraffe, I must say, after reading that, I’m considering leaving my husband - for you, you suave thing!!! I may swoon!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/36 "2007-01-22T19:27:53Z")
My opinion is: Call. It is much more classy and personal. Good luck! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/37 "2007-01-22T19:29:50Z")
Call! If you’re thinking of having an actual in-person relationship with this woman, it is better to talk to her in what is closest to an actual in-person manner. On the phone, you can interact, be charming, exchange information, share jokes, get nuances, and otherwise connect. Text-based communication is much slower, easier to misinterpret, and less able to convey tone. It’s not like you would be calling this woman out of the blue. She gave her number, and would not be surprised by a call. Although a call from an utter stranger has the potential to be more creepy than an e-mail, when you’ve hung out at a party (even if briefly), and the host has exchanged the info, you’re not a stranger. Call her. Tell us how it goes. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/38 "2007-01-22T19:43:22Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Definitely call. It projects confidence, So right off the bat, you want him to lie to her? heh. An email saying you’re glad you met her and wonder when would be a good time to call doesn’t have to be less personal than a phone call, as long as you keep the internet jargon out of it. You guys are joking about the text messaging thing, right? That’s totally the worst from both possibilities. > [@Billdo](#): > > On the phone, you can interact, be charming, exchange information, share jokes, get nuances, and otherwise connect. What if being charming on the phone isn’t one of the OP’s strong suits? Ultimately it’s going to have to be what Gadarene feels most comfortable with. As stated earlier, the girl gave both contacts so she probably won’t be disappointed with either method. Just don’t wait too long. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/39 "2007-01-22T19:52:28Z")
[QUOTE=Gadarene] (I would not, for example, try a singing telegram). [/QUOTE] No, certainly not. However, if you can find out where she lives, I recommend standing below her window at 2 AM and shouting “MY FRIEND GAVE ME YOUR NUMBER! WOULD NOW BE AN OK TIME TO CALL YOU?” You can’t go wrong. Or, if you have any self-possession at all, call, don’t e-mail. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953/40 "2007-01-22T21:43:38Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] What if being charming on the phone isn’t one of the OP’s strong suits? Ultimately it’s going to have to be what Gadarene feels most comfortable with. As stated earlier, the girl gave both contacts so she probably won’t be disappointed with either method. Just don’t wait too long. [/QUOTE] Well, I actually know **Gadarene** from meeting him in the 3-dimentional world, so I strongly suspect that he will be able to handle a telephone call with rather a bit of charm and grace. In the unlikely event that he is unable, however, he might get lucky and find out that she has a fetish for the gibbering and charmless. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/time-for-some-basic-dating-advice/388953.md?page=3)