Go back to Thermopylae and get Leonidas to block the secret path through the mountains.
Build an absurdly large wooden boat and smear it with every kind of animal shit I could find, then zip back to about 3000BC and park it on Mount Ararat. 
Give Babbage a modern PC, a generator, and a temporal WiFi card so he can access the Internet.
Give da Vinci an Apache helicopter.
Give the Apaches an Apache helicopter.
Give the Mongols invading Japan ships that could survive the freak storms. And an Apache helicopter.
Introduce 17th century Holland to such things as Pokemon, Beanie Babies, and Magic: The Gathering cards.
Assassinate the people who invented Santa Claus.
Bring the worst movies ever made back to the first filmmakers.
Steal the source code for all versions of Windows and post them everywhere.
Inscribe Stonehenge with the entire contents of the Human Genome Project. And the plans to build an Apache helicopter.
Travel forward in time until space travel to the Moon is cheap, then take the time machine up there and travel back to late June 1969 and leave an inscribed metal plate on the Sea of Tranquillity, saying something like “Greetings Earthlings”…
Aw, come on, Chrysler isn’t that far behind in body styles.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
I know this is probably a joke, but I’ve heard Canadians referencing this so strongly that you’d think they did believe it would’ve made Canada a major world power had it gone through development and evil whitey not kept the canadian man down.
Well, I don’t think it would have made Canada any sort of ‘major world power’–we simply don’t have the population base to sustain that kind of political activity. But I do think that cancelling it closed off options that might have developed into some interesting independent ‘third way’ policies during the Cold War.
Shoot Muhammed in the back of the head. Burn corpse.
Rescue Christ at the crucifiction and tell him to make some concrete plans for saving humanity. Shoot him if he doesn’t comply.
Stop the African slave trade before it starts by killing all Muslim and Europeans who come anywhere near sub-Saharan Africa.
Record the Red Sox’s blown 3-run leads in games 6 and 7 of the 1986 World Series, making sure, in my commentary, to cite all the guilty parties. Make a really, really big deal of the wild pitch that gave up the tying run in game 6. Make several dozen copies and distribute them to media centers nationwide.
Go to a sports bar in Buffalo during the Bills third Super Bowl; bring a camera and record the proceedings. After Leon Lett’s fumble, ask everyone what they thought about this incredible blunder and how it affected the Bills’ chances of winning. Make copies, etc.
Take lots of extremely graphic photos of French soldiers killed in Vietnam and mail them to John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson with a note saying “Well, they’re just a bunch of frogs. I’m sure we’ll do a lot better.”
Steal the Macarena music video before it goes to air and replace it with my recording of a bunch of guys cheerfully flailing their arms around set to the original version of the song.
Immediately after Tokyopop gets the rights to Initial D, convince Stuart Levy to test-market volume 1 before committing to a full printing, then conduct interviews with comic store owners and readers. Make sure to get their opinions about nicknames, adjusting the dialogue to American tastes, editing one panel for content inappropriate for a teen rating, and possible errors in the glossary at the end. Say he’ll thank me later.
Before the theatrical run of The Empire Strikes Back, spread the rumor that Darth Vader is actually Princess Leia’s father. Let 'em chew on that for a few years.
Around 1991 or so, organize a massive protest against violence and other inappropriate content in video games. Explicitly demand that every company make a detailed account of all inappropriate content in every game and have this information available on request. Do not let up until my demands are met.
Then blow up the ESRB building anyway, just to be safe.
Find L. Ron Hubbard’s father and de-nut him before he meets the future Mrs. Hubbard.
Travel back to one of the first Homo neanderthalensis tribes and show them my divine and supreme power over fire using a Bic lighter. Teach them how to make better weapons than a spear or hand-axe. Show them a PSP. Henceforth be regarded as God for the rest of humanity.
Adam
Shoot Watt, Savery, Gainsborough & Newcomen in 1697, thus derailing the Industrial Revolution before truly effective steam engines could be introduced.
Introduce HIV into Imperial China, during the T’ang Dynasty.
December 23rd 1913; when the Federal Reserve Act was pushed through an empty Congress.
-Woodrow Wilson
Oh, President Wilson, if only your country alone had been ruined…
I would stage the Roswell-alien crash and leave my signature to prove I did it.
Phnord – “wait for God to leave…” That’s hilarious! 
Convince Gene to make Sulu openly gay.
Turn a yong Jesus ben Joseph on to Zoroastrianism
Save Edith Keeler from that auto-pedestrian accident
Load Booth’s gun with blanks
Talk the Pope into letting Henry divorce that woman
Teach a young Marco Polo how to play marco polo
Sink the boat that accidently brought Homo Sapiens to Australia, allowing Homo Erectus to continue to flourish on that isolated continent.
Get Hoyle to disparage the expanding quantum singularity becomes our universe theory with a different term than “Big Bang.” Maybe, “God fall down and go BOOM! theory”
Marry Grace Kelly
Look, when Spock tells you a person must die, then she must die.
:dubious:
Fascinating. But it would definitely screw up the timeline. No US in WWII, Nazis with atomics, no First Contact, no Starfleet…
Truly, the mind boggles.
You guys are waaaay too heavy handed. I’d go back and make sure some of Tutenkamen’s stuff is stored in ziplock freezer bags.
Bury a bunch of Canon AE-1s (with 50/1.8 lens and never ready vinyl case) at all the prehistoric dig sites, from the few scores of thousands of years old to the multi million plus years old sites. (I can pick 'em up for a song.) In some of the sites with proto humans, I would put the camera in their hands and pose the bodies as though they were snapping a pic.
So advanced, it’s simple.
Not ziploc baggies.
Twinkies. In every archaelogical site so far found. Twinkies. All with an expiration date of Jun 2306. Feed Twinkies to the sacrifices found in peat bogs, too.