# Tips to be a nonconfrontational poster **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [November 15, 2023, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198 "2023-11-15T17:25:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/21 "2023-11-15T20:24:24Z")
I’m with you on that. I make no claim to being a perfect poster. I know I have many poorly done/awful posts. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/22 "2023-11-15T21:38:16Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > This thread feels like a discussion of bad drivers. It is always the other person who is driving badly. Quoting George Carlin as best I can recall > Did you ever notice that everyone who drives faster than you is crazy and everyone who drives slower than you is a moron? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/23 "2023-11-15T21:54:36Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Did you ever notice that everyone who drives faster than you is crazy and everyone who drives slower than you is a moron? I have never noticed that, not have I ever thought someone cut me off on purpose or ran a signal on purpose. I always assume the best intentions and that makes my life a lot easier. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/24 "2023-11-15T22:07:14Z")
One problem with taking up the banner of “Fighting Ignorance” is that some posters make it their life mission to both prove the person wrong **and** get them to admit they are wrong. For instance, if Soandso says the moon is made of cheese, a quick rebuttal can prove that statement false. But some posters don’t stop there. They make it their life’s mission to make Soandso actually realize he’s wrong and admit he made a mistake. That’s often an unwinnable flight. The endless battle to change someone’s mind often derails threads. That’s when I just go PgDn-PgDn-PgDn… waiting for the thread to get back on track. Sometimes it’s better to just respond with “No it’s not” and just move on. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/25 "2023-11-15T22:12:02Z")
Sometimes, I think there’s value in remembering what _not_ to do. > The Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory (GIFT) is a postulate which asserts that normal, well-adjusted people may display psychopathic or antisocial behaviors when given both anonymity and a captive audience on the Internet. I try very hard to assume that the collective you are sitting right next to me on a park bench when we’re communicating. It _tends to_ keep me from falling _too far_ into that ‘anonymity = causticity’ trap. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/26 "2023-11-15T22:15:58Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > some posters make it their life mission to both prove the person wrong **and** get them to admit they are wrong. I’ll admit to having trouble with that one. must . . . let . . . the wrong person . . . have . . . the . . . last . . . word . . . sometimes I find it a hard thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2023, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/27 "2023-11-15T22:24:57Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > They make it their life’s mission to make Soandso actually realize he’s wrong and admit he made a mistake. It’s a well documented phenomenon. > **[Duty Calls](https://xkcd.com/386/)** > > What do you want me to do? LEAVE? Then they'll keep being wrong! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/28 "2023-11-16T00:14:10Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > For instance, if Soandso says the moon is made of cheese, a quick rebuttal can prove that statement false. But some posters don’t stop there. They make it their life’s mission to make Soandso actually realize he’s wrong and admit he made a mistake. yeah, that rabbit hole is very alluring. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/29 "2023-11-16T00:18:07Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Did you ever notice that everyone who drives faster than you is crazy and everyone who drives slower than you is a moron? Yeah, but…they _are!_ mmm ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/30 "2023-11-16T02:08:44Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > The issue with that is that their bullshit continues un-opposed. And/or it sinks unnoticed, due to lack of response. I’ve never agreed with this view that a bad argument will win over random readers if it is not opposed, as if these readers don’t have minds of their own, and won’t know what to think unless you tell them. If a poster makes an assertion of fact that is both unsupported and incorrect, you can make a simple statement asking for a cite. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/31 "2023-11-16T02:41:45Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I’ve never agreed with this view that a bad argument will win over random readers if it is not opposed, as if these readers don’t have minds of their own, and won’t know what to think unless you tell them. > > If a poster makes an assertion of fact that is both unsupported and incorrect, you can make a simple statement asking for a cite. Good points. But some people dont know what “cite?” means, it appears. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/32 "2023-11-16T02:47:33Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I always assume the best intentions and that makes my life a lot easier. It’s actually easier to assume everyone has the worst intentions. It works out the same way: that person wasn’t trying to screw you over _in particular_, so there’s no need to take it personally. But in addition to this, sometimes people surprise you by _not_ being an asshole, which brightens your day. If instead you start out as an optimist, you can only be disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/33 "2023-11-16T02:52:25Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > It’s actually easier to assume everyone has the worst intentions. It works out the same way: that person wasn’t trying to screw you over _in particular_, so there’s no need to take it personally. But in addition to this, sometimes people surprise you by _not_ being an asshole, which brightens your day. If instead you start out as an optimist, you can only be disappointed. I have experienced parking lot rage a couple of times but never road rage. Parking lots don’t leave much doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/34 "2023-11-16T02:54:58Z")
_Raging_ is totally pointless (and potentially dangerous). If someone is a jerk on the road, I assume they’re an asshole or stupid. Either way, nothing will be accomplished by tailgating them, honking, etc. I back off to a safe distance and bask in the satisfaction that I was the adult in the encounter. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/35 "2023-11-16T04:02:37Z")
I’m just not sure that being nonconfrontational is always or should always be the goal. I don’t want to be confrontational always, but, when I am, I’m usually doing it on purpose. I want to confront something someone said. The thing is, there are better and worse ways to do that, too. I’ve definitely learned to avoid some bad ways from this board. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/36 "2023-11-16T05:49:55Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > But some people dont know what “cite?” means, it appears. I agree, a terse, one-word demand may not be best. “What is your evidence or outside support for this assertion” seems fairly clear. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/37 "2023-11-16T13:15:11Z")
“Cite” seems to me to be a lot clearer. People have wildly differing ideas of what counts as “evidence or outside support”. You’re liable to get “my uncle says so”. Although I agree that occasionally somebody doesn’t know what “cite” means. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/38 "2023-11-16T15:14:15Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’m just not sure that being nonconfrontational is always or should always be the goal. Yeah, I’m not sure “nonconfrontational” was the best choice for the thread title. It’s not that being confrontational itself is a problem. I’m focused on unnecessarily dialing up animosity. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/39 "2023-11-16T15:18:15Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > You’re liable to get “my uncle says so”. Then you’ll know the basis of their argument, and you can respond appropriately. Anyway, a person not used to reasoned debate might give the same response to “cite?”. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2023, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198/40 "2023-11-16T15:31:38Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > It’s not that being confrontational itself is a problem. I’m focused on unnecessarily dialing up animosity. I think it’s also helpful to keep these tips in mind to prevent yourself from becoming confrontational when you aren’t trying to be. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tips-to-be-a-nonconfrontational-poster/993198.md?page=3)