# Tired of not getting good sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 27, 2012, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453 "2012-06-27T13:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![honda1268](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@honda1268](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/honda1268)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/1 "2012-06-27T13:32:45Z")
I have been married for 24 years. My husband and I use to have great sex. Now Well… He has refused to go down on me and His fingers have stopped working! It’s quick and to the point. I have tried many things; lotions, candy, ect. I am a very clean person. He just doesn’t want to do it! Help I need more than just 3-5 mins then “was that good for you?” or “man… you worn me out”. Really?! I have talked to him but it’s getting worst. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/2 "2012-06-27T13:38:48Z")
Reported. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/3 "2012-06-27T14:49:05Z")
You need a side piece. PM me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/4 "2012-06-27T15:04:11Z")
Time for his physical? Seriously could be medical. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/5 "2012-06-27T16:08:44Z")
Whatever the the problem is, I’m sure the answer will be found in Chicago. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/6 "2012-06-27T16:18:03Z")
its the Chicago water that changes the composition of your precious bodily fluids. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/7 "2012-06-27T16:22:35Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > Time for his physical? Seriously could be medical. Nah. Her complaint is that the man has basically cut out the foreplay. Unless he’s had a spinal injury, it’s unlikely to be medical. More likely, he needs some schooling on making love [Sean Connery]the Chicago way[/Sean Connery]. ---
**Author:** ![Silophant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Silophant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silophant)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/8 "2012-06-27T17:36:17Z")
I’m certainly glad this doesn’t happen in Minnesota. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/9 "2012-06-27T19:20:18Z")
Tie him up and sit on his face. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/10 "2012-06-28T01:42:24Z")
Moderator comment: On the off-chance that this is a legit poster with an unusual first post, I’m moving the thread from Chicago-related (which explains some of the above comments) to MPSIMS forum. **honda1268** , assuming you’re an actual poster with a problem, you’ll get better responses in that forum. My guess is that it’s most likely that this is just trolling; if **honda1269** doesn’t return to post, please report this to the MPSIMS forum and we’ll disappear it. But, I thought I’d give her some benefit of doubt. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/11 "2012-06-28T02:38:36Z")
I wonder if she’s quadriplegic? StG ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/12 "2012-06-28T06:11:18Z")
Maybe if you did the dishes once in a while. ---
**Author:** ![honda1268](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@honda1268](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/honda1268)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/13 "2012-06-28T09:16:45Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > Moderator comment: > On the off-chance that this is a legit poster with an unusual first post, I’m moving the thread from Chicago-related (which explains some of the above comments) to MPSIMS forum. **honda1268** , assuming you’re an actual poster with a problem, you’ll get better responses in that forum. > > My guess is that it’s most likely that this is just trolling; if **honda1269** doesn’t return to post, please report this to the MPSIMS forum and we’ll disappear it. But, I thought I’d give her some benefit of doubt. Yes, this is my first posting! Yes, I posted in the wrong forum. Truly sorry if I offended anyone. You guys are great though. My husband has no medical reason. except age. If I tied him up and sat on his face I would have to hear him gag the whole time. I love johnpost 's answer about the water. But I live in Amish country in Ohio. I think StusBlues has the right idea about him needing more schooling. But at his age and with his ego that wont happen. I will try to move the post. Thanks everyone. ---
**Author:** ![honda1268](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@honda1268](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/honda1268)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/14 "2012-06-28T09:20:08Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > Moderator comment: > On the off-chance that this is a legit poster with an unusual first post, I’m moving the thread from Chicago-related (which explains some of the above comments) to MPSIMS forum. **honda1268** , assuming you’re an actual poster with a problem, you’ll get better responses in that forum. > > My guess is that it’s most likely that this is just trolling; if **honda1269** doesn’t return to post, please report this to the MPSIMS forum and we’ll disappear it. But, I thought I’d give her some benefit of doubt. Thanks for moving my post! ---
**Author:** ![honda1268](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@honda1268](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/honda1268)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/15 "2012-06-28T09:23:09Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > I wonder if she’s quadriplegic? > > StG No! I am a very healthy, strong person that’s not too bad looking women. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![honda1268](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@honda1268](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/honda1268)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/16 "2012-06-28T09:29:16Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Maybe if you did the dishes once in a while. Ok That was uncalled for. I am a photographer with a small studio and I also work at a near by college. I work almost day and night. I take care of a 2 story home (4 bathrooms by the way). Cooking, laundry, and cleaning a little bit everyday. I have no help. All he cleans is the garage! He does work about 50 hours a week. I work about 70 hours. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/17 "2012-06-28T10:35:52Z")
Honda 1268, have you tried watching steamy movies together? ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/18 "2012-06-28T10:45:50Z")
When I read your post I knew the answer to the problem is not sexual, just the bad sex is a result of a breakdown in other areas in your marital life. > [@honda1268](#): > > Ok That was uncalled for. I am a photographer with a small studio and I also work at a near by college. I work almost day and night. > I take care of a 2 story home (4 bathrooms by the way). Cooking, laundry, and cleaning a little bit everyday. I have no help. All he cleans is the garage! He does work about 50 hours a week. I work about 70 hours. This was a defensive response designed to deflect one from looking there, which indicated to me it is a good place to start to look. This part in particular: > [@](#): > > I have no help. All he cleans is the garage! Is telling - victim mentality As well as: > [@](#): > > He does work about 50 hours a week. I work about 70 hours. Judgmental and keeping track Both are very bad for a relationship, and since these 2 came out so easily they are on your mind and will be effecting your togetherness and love life. In particular feeling judged and keeping track is a killer of sexual attraction. I can not state this enough, keeping track or score is a killer of sexual attraction. In my own belief you should not try to change anyone else (as that is doomed to fail), but you can change yourself - and by changing yourself you can always change and solve the problems in life you have been experiencing. In short your ability to get great sex is solely in your control, not his. You have to accept that he is where he is in his life and you need to improve yourself and your circumstances so you don’t feel the way expressed, now how you go about doing this depends a lot on you and your talents and desires. But try different things and see what works for you, it’s in your hands, not his. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/19 "2012-06-28T10:58:30Z")
Get a vibrator. Seriously. If you’re not going to seek a sex life outside of your marriage, and your husband’s not willing to improve your sex life within your marriage, then you’ll have to, uh, take matters into your own hands. My SO and I have a great sex life, and yet sometimes I will bring out BOB (Battery Opperated Boyfriend), just because I feel like having an(other) orgasm and he’s too tired/too busy/too distracted. Sometimes, even, I bring out BOB to join us in bed, which ensures that I can have as many orgasms as I want, and my SO gets to watch - and is often inspired to join in! I’m dead serious here. There’s absolutely no reason for a woman to have an unsatisfying sex life in this day and age when sex toys are available on line and even in drug stores (they’re by the condoms). Having a satisfying marriage is another question entirely. That \*does \*take two. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/20 "2012-06-28T12:55:29Z")
To the OP - try not to get offended by the odd comments here…we just went through a major trolling issue on the board and people are very quick to judge nowadays, and it is somewhat unusual for a first post to be on a subject that can be a hot button topic. (which has everyone’s ears pricking up in alarm). When you’ve talked to him, have you gone into how it makes you feel, and that you’re unsatisfied? Does he seem to care? Does he have a sex drive right now? If he just doesn’t have any sex drive and is just going through the motions to give you SOMETHING, then maybe look at what factors could be affecting his drive. Is he under a lot of stress? Are there possible medical issues? These are things that can potentially be solved and you’d go back to the great sex. It is understandable to have a reduced sex drive if one of you is stressed out all the time, or something else, and this will ebb and flow throughout the marriage as I’m sure you know. But, when you ARE both in the mood, it shouldn’t be a ‘going through the motions’ event. If, however, he’s horny, but just doesn’t want to do any work…well, that’s a different problem entirely, and may call for some couples counseling. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453.md?page=2)