# Tired of not getting good sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 27, 2012, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453 "2012-06-27T13:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/41 "2012-06-28T17:46:18Z")
Something like 65% of the human population has oral herpes (HSV-1) by the time they reach 40 (some studies have shown a % as high as 98%). It has historically been believed to be limited to sores in or around the mouth but more recently has been determined to be transmittable to the genitals. Genital herpes (HSV-2) is more severe and is typically passed genital to genital. If you have HSV-1 and you kiss your girlfriend, she’s gonna get it. ---
**Author:** ![heathen\_earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/13edae/32.png) [@heathen\_earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heathen_earthling)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/42 "2012-06-28T17:53:30Z")
Yeah, she more than likely has it in her lips without symptoms. The Yahoo page does say > [@](#): > > If you are one of the eight out of ten who is already infected with hsv-1 orally, and you have had the virus for a while, more than a few months, your chances of catching hsv-1 genitally through receiving oral sex from someone else who gets cold sores is virtually nil. I just have no _proof_ that she is already a carrier, so I’d really feel like a terrible person if she did catch genital herpes from me going down on her. Anyway, this is becoming a hijack. I just came in to offer one reason why a guy might suddenly stop going down on his wife. ---
**Author:** ![crazydoglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@crazydoglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazydoglady)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/43 "2012-06-28T18:35:37Z")
OP - I have a question. Please don’t be offended - I am just trying to gather more info. So far in this thread, you have not admitted any fault when it comes to your relationship - it seems as if you believe you don’t do anything wrong. Is this true? It could be, I was once in a relationship with a guy that was VERY one sided, and I know they can exist. So if this is the case, can you explain a little more? If we were to ask your husband who does things wrong in the relationship would he say himself? You? Would he refuse to talk about it? If it boiled down to “this guy is never going to go down on you again or show any real sexual passion for you no matter what you do” what would you do? Would you stick it out? Consider leaving? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/44 "2012-06-28T20:57:36Z")
> [@heathen\_earthling](#): > > I’m the guy with the virus in my lips, my girlfriend is the one who has never had either form of herpes. I’d like to keep it that way. [Dental dams](http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/std/oral/dentaldam.html). They give them away for free at Planned Parenthood and lots of other clinics. (They’re almost impossible to find in the store.) If you live in the Bible Belt, you can [make your own](http://std.about.com/od/prevention/ht/dentaldamhowto.htm)out of an unlubricated condom. Tell your girlfriend I said, “you’re welcome.” 😉 **honda1268** , could your husband be clinically depressed? Less interest in sex is one thing, and somewhat common after many years of marriage, but it sounds like he’s lost interest in a lot of the things he used to enjoy doing, and that’s a red flag for Depression. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/45 "2012-06-28T22:32:36Z")
Motels work wonders sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/46 "2012-06-28T22:44:08Z")
> [@honda1268](#): > > Actually I love cleaning and taking care of my home and family. I don’t want him to do those things. I love taking take of him. I have never refused having sex. I have always tried to give him what he needs sexually and/or emotionally. On the other side of things. I have been rejected. I have been the one that is call silly for wanting to try new things, I am the one who hide my tears after faking an orgasm for him and realizing that it will be like this forever. It’s not just not having the orgasm, it’s only having a few moments to be intimate with him. I’m thinking that will be the closest at i will get to him anymore. > I do feel that he is the one that has changed. He use to cuddle, he use to want to do foreplay and at least talk to me in a loving manner. Now its “I have an itch that I need scratched.” > That not all. He doesn’t want to go anywhere, do anything that i might enjoy. I love to walk. I love to fish, camp, bowl, play games, hike, golf, dance, socialize. He does none of that. He comes home eats, sits in his chair and falls a sleep with out a conversation. > > I am willing to work hard at him. After 24 years I have too much invested in this. But really how hard to you have to work in order to get payment?! > > And I do disagree with your last statement. Great sex for him is in my control. He thinks he gets that. Great sex for me is in his. A great marriage takes 2. I should know I use to have one. Thank you for opening up like this, it is really the only way to get to the root cause and I really want it to work out for you. There are some issues of note/concern in this post, how critical they are it’s really hard to tell from the posting here. But here is what I see: > [@](#): > > I love taking take of him. I’m not sure what you mean by this, but this could limit him and if he is limited he may start to shut down. You expressed many activities you would like to do but he does not, you may have fostered that by this. Then again is it very hard to tell what this entails. It is even possible that you have a need to take care of a child and have transfered that to him. > [@](#): > > On the other side of things. I have been rejected. This is how you are feeling and very real and gives a lot to work with. > [@](#): > > I have been the one that is call silly for wanting to try new things, This is a major problem and issue on his end, let me state you are not silly, he is wrong on this, though the goal is not to change him, but to make the changes in your life to prevent rejection. > [@](#): > > I’m thinking that will be the closest at i will get to him anymore. I don’t know this one way or another, but please understand this - You deserve Love, this involved closeness and yes great sex. > [@](#): > > I do feel that he is the one that has changed. He use to cuddle, he use to want to do foreplay and at least talk to me in a loving manner. I still believe that the lack of cuddling is a symptom of a root issue, there is something that happened to diminish the attraction between you. > [@](#): > > I love to walk. I love to fish, camp, bowl, play games, hike, golf, dance, socialize. He does none of that. He comes home eats, sits in his chair and falls a sleep with out a conversation. Please continue to do the things you love, you get love and life from them, don’t fall into the pit that he is in, that doesn’t help anyone. > [@](#): > > I am willing to work hard at him. After 24 years I have too much invested in this. But really how hard to you have to work in order to get payment?! This is a major red flag, you can’t force the issue, you need to be yourself, that’s who he hopefully fell in love with and the more you work at it, the less of the natural you is there and the less attractive you are to someone who loves you for who you are. > [@](#): > > And I do disagree with your last statement. And perhaps you are right, but the only one you should be changing is yourself, It may be the only one you can change, so why not believe that the answer is in you changing for the better you 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/47 "2012-06-28T23:37:03Z")
I started skimming, so apologies if this was addressed, but I have to second **WhyNot** ’s recommendation of bringing a vibrator to bed. It’s not a perfect solution, but if you warm yourself up, maybe even have an orgasm before it’s hubby’s turn to dive in, well, at least you’ll get something out of it. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/48 "2012-06-29T00:30:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > [Dental dams](http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/std/oral/dentaldam.html). They give them away for free at Planned Parenthood and lots of other clinics. (They’re almost impossible to find in the store.) If you live in the Bible Belt, you can [make your own](http://std.about.com/od/prevention/ht/dentaldamhowto.htm)out of an unlubricated condom. Or, just go into the kitchen and get some cling film. Both the dental dam and slit condem ideas produce something far too small to hold onto and fairly expensive too boot. A nice big sheet of cling film is easy to hold, plenty strong enough while being thin enough to convey sensation. I put some lube on one side, put that side to the parts to be licked and go to town. Very useful if you want to eat pussy and your partner is feeling “not so fresh” (as the old douche commercial put it). ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/49 "2012-06-29T01:17:22Z")
Back to the matter at hand, this does sound like a relationship problem. He used to put a lot of energy and empathy into making love; now he just basically masturbates into her. He knows what to do; he’s just not doing it. Old hat as it may sound, couples counseling is probably in order here. When someone who was an attentive lover regresses to that degree, there is something wrong. ---
**Author:** ![LegsAkimbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f1d935/32.png) [@LegsAkimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LegsAkimbo)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/50 "2012-06-29T02:51:43Z")
A friend of mine had a fairly long marriage before her husband finally accepted that he was gay. He just couldn’t do the deed with her any more I’m just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/51 "2013-10-30T19:45:14Z")
> [@LegsAkimbo](#): > > A friend of mine had a fairly long marriage before her husband finally accepted that he was gay. He just couldn’t do the deed with her any more I’m just sayin’. “Couldn’t” is a harsh word, but I see what you meant here, and I agree that is certainly a possibility. > [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > Moderator comment: > On the off-chance that this is a legit poster with an unusual first post, I’m moving the thread from Chicago-related (which explains some of the above comments) to MPSIMS forum. **honda1268** , assuming you’re an actual poster with a problem, you’ll get better responses in that forum. > > My guess is that it’s most likely that this is just trolling; if **honda1269** doesn’t return to post, please report this to the MPSIMS forum and we’ll disappear it. But, I thought I’d give her some benefit of doubt. I don’t think she was trolling since she never did end up banned. However, I cannot help but be intrigued by Dex’s (perhaps subliminal) fudging of the OP’s username. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453/52 "2013-10-30T21:27:19Z")
Oops, you married a poor lover and an inconsiderate person. I feel 0.00% sympathy for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-not-getting-good-sex/626453.md?page=2)