# Tired of the same old insults? Try this! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2007, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084 "2007-05-07T12:11:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/1 "2007-05-07T12:11:59Z")
Are you tired of calling someone a goat-felcher, a mother-f—er, or even a warthogged-faced buffoon? You can now come up with creative ways to insult your foe, worthy of the Bard. [Ye Olde Official Shakespearan Insult Kit](http://petelevin.com/shakespeare.htm) I especially like “Kiss my cod-piece, thou bootless beef-witted pigeon egg.” There’s also “Swim with leeches, thou dankish, dizzy-eyed maggot pie.” They don’t swear like that anymore, do they? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/2 "2007-05-07T12:21:52Z")
“codpiece-sniffing”. BWA-HA-ha-ha! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/3 "2007-05-07T12:40:34Z")
Get thee hence, thou rump-fed unchin-snouted canker-blossom! I don’t know what an “unchin” is (typo for "urchin?), but it’s wonderfully euphonious, so I’m entering it into my common vocabulary of insults. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/4 "2007-05-07T13:34:08Z")
Do urchins even have snouts? ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/5 "2007-05-07T13:51:01Z")
I like the one I found in Ambrose Bierce’s **The Devil’s Dictionary** , under the entry for “scimetar”, which contains a long story that I won’t go into. Anyway, it’s: _“Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Millamant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@Mrs.Millamant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Millamant)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/6 "2007-05-07T15:39:27Z")
Or you could just memorize Act II, scene 2 of _Lear_. Namely, this bit: “A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deni’st the least syllable of thy addition.” “Whoreson cullionly barber-monger” is good, too. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/7 "2007-05-07T16:44:28Z")
We had a sheet of these to memorize in our Shakespeare boot camp up at the Stratford Festival. Good times. 😃 \*Grow unsightly warts, thou spleeny swag-belled maggot-pie! \* (_Yea, thy mother weareth army boots!_) ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2007, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tired-of-the-same-old-insults-try-this/403084/8 "2007-05-07T17:16:18Z")
Lovely. Lately, I’ve been fond of Mike’s attempt at buttering up Roz in **Monsters Inc.** … “Roz, my tender oozing blossom.” At one point he calls her a succulent garden snail, too. I like to try and work to the two in together. Kythereia, you succulent oozing blossom, you move like a tender garden snail! 😛