# Titles! Who Wants a Title? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 29, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881 "2008-11-29T03:38:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/1 "2008-11-29T03:38:49Z")
So say I’m your new Overlord (evil or not, depending on how you look at it) and I get to dispense titles to you commoners as I see fit. Who’d like to come and kneel before me, petitioning for titlehood? Or you can sum this thread up into “What would you like your title to be in the New Order?” Mine, if I wasn’t already your Overlord, would be as Secretary of Alice. All things Mr. Cooper would have to go through ( \< swoon \> ) me. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/2 "2008-11-29T04:09:37Z")
Duke of Cheese. I love cheese. Most varieties, I can eat large blocks of at a sitting. (Except Swiss and American. They’re only good alone in small chunks.) ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/3 "2008-11-29T04:14:06Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Or you can sum this thread up into “What would you like your title to be in the New Order?” “Overlord”, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/4 "2008-11-29T04:19:15Z")
I’d settle for having “Charter Member” back under my username. Failing that, I’d like to be the Undersecretary of Underpants. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/5 "2008-11-29T04:20:28Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Duke of Cheese. I love cheese. Most varieties, I can eat large blocks of at a sitting. (Except Swiss and American. They’re only good alone in small chunks.) I don’t know if I’d trust anyone who doesn’t like LARGE amounts of Swiss, but I guess I’ll give it a go if you promise to subsidize a division of Gorgonzola. > [@MEBuckner](#): > > “Overlord”, of course. You expect me to share? Hmmm. I’ll think it over if you can offer me a better Alice title. Hopefully one that’ll get me laid. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/6 "2008-11-29T04:21:30Z")
> [@Rhubarb](#): > > I’d settle for having “Charter Member” back under my username. > Failing that, I’d like to be the Undersecretary of Underpants. I can’t help with the Charter Member thingie, but I’d love for you to be Undersecretary of Underpants. That is, if I can have a pair of those tie-dyed long johns in return. ---
**Author:** ![dawson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@dawson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dawson)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/7 "2008-11-29T04:31:27Z")
Ooh-ooh-ooooh! Your Giantness, could I be "The Baron of all things beginning with B? I would be forever grateful. Your humble servant, \ ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/8 "2008-11-29T04:52:55Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Or you can sum this thread up into “What would you like your title to be in the New Order?” Lead singer. Bernard Sumner got a lot of ass. _Rereads OP_ Oh, that kind of New Order. Shah of Breakfast Foods! ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/9 "2008-11-29T04:54:21Z")
Secretary of Fire. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/10 "2008-11-29T04:55:58Z")
I would like to be…the Porn Czar. ---
**Author:** ![kitemaker\_chuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a88e4f/32.png) [@kitemaker\_chuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitemaker_chuck)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/11 "2008-11-29T05:07:35Z")
I think I’d kinda’ like a two-in-one title: **Minister of Kites** and **Commander of the Kite Corps** ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/12 "2008-11-29T05:08:32Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I can’t help with the Charter Member thingie, but I’d love for you to be Undersecretary of Underpants. That is, if I can have a pair of those tie-dyed long johns in return. One pair of psychedelic longhandles, coming up. One size fits none. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/13 "2008-11-29T06:07:48Z")
> [@dawson](#): > > Ooh-ooh-ooooh! Your Giantness, could I be "The Baron of all things beginning with B? I would be forever grateful. > > Your humble servant, > \ Bs huh? Let’s see what B you can do for me… I think if you can hook me up with some Billion Dollar Baby memorabilia and a hot air balloon, I’ll grant your wish. But ya better hurry. I might have a better deal on the back burner here. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Lead singer. Bernard Sumner got a lot of ass. > > _Rereads OP_ > > Oh, that kind of New Order. > > Shah of Breakfast Foods! I definitely will need a Shah of Breakfast Foods, but that person already should be getting a lot of ass. I don’t want anyone distracted from their duties. Besides, how well can you make praline pecan malted waffles? > [@cmyk](#): > > Secretary of Fire. Which kind? Applicants must not waste my time by being ambiguous. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/14 "2008-11-29T06:10:44Z")
> [@CaerieD](#): > > I would like to be…the Porn Czar. Can you special, for your master, in that which features skinny guys with long black hair circa the 70s? If so, email me and we’ll talk bonuses. > [@kitemaker\_chuck](#): > > I think I’d kinda’ like a two-in-one title: > > **Minister of Kites** > > and > > **Commander of the Kite Corps** You sire, shall be Ministry Commander of the Kite Corp. Now, please dazzle me with one of your creations. Preferably with a monkey and butterfly as an insignia. > [@Rhubarb](#): > > One pair of psychedelic longhandles, coming up. One size fits none. Oooh, pretty! Your Overlord improves of her lack-of-fit and you now shall be bequeathed. Please bow and no fiddling with my buttons! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/15 "2008-11-29T06:30:16Z")
Queen of No Pants. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/16 "2008-11-29T06:33:18Z")
Princess Bitchcakes, present and accounted for. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/17 "2008-11-29T06:35:18Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > You expect me to share? _Share_? I think you’re not getting the whole “Overlord” concept. 😛 > [@](#): > > Hmmm. I’ll think it over if you can offer me a better Alice title. Hopefully one that’ll get me laid. 🙂 People’s Commissar of Alice? Grand High Exalted Panjandrum of Alice? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/18 "2008-11-29T06:48:24Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#): > > Queen of No Pants. For this request, I’ll direct you to the Undersecretary of Underpants and I’m sure he’ll take it under advisement. > [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Princess Bitchcakes, present and accounted for. That has a very melodious lilt to it. Could I also interest you in a side of Snottiness in Waiting? We need someone to take care of the miscreants who always make the mess in aisle 7. > [@MEBuckner](#): > > _Share_? I think you’re not getting the whole “Overlord” concept. 😛 > > People’s Commissar of Alice? Grand High Exalted Panjandrum of Alice? What can I say, I _am_ new to this. Alright, you can be baby Overlord of most everything else as long as I’m still Overlord of Titles. Along with whatever anyone comes up for me that pays homage to my master Cooper. 😃 Although, Grand High Exalted Panjandrum makes me feel like I have rhthym. Good job baby O! Anyone else worthy? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/19 "2008-11-29T06:54:06Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > That has a very melodious lilt to it. Could I also interest you in a side of Snottiness in Waiting? We need someone to take care of the miscreants who always make the mess in aisle 7. Of course. In this world of political correctness, I believe the art of snotiness has fallen by the way. Tis a shame, really. ---
**Author:** ![yams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/848f3c/32.png) [@yams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yams)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/20 "2008-11-29T06:57:24Z")
I read this as “Titties! Who Wants Titties!” I already have two, so I’m not that disappointed. But this is not what I thought it would be. love yams!! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881.md?page=2)