# Titles! Who Wants a Title? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 29, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881 "2008-11-29T03:38:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/41 "2008-11-30T01:05:16Z")
I am happy with **A** ll **S** eeing, **A** ll **K** nowing, **M** aster **O** f **T** ime, **S** pace, and **D** imension. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/42 "2008-11-30T01:39:55Z")
Chief inspector of hot new male recruits. ---
**Author:** ![ThisSpaceForRent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thisspaceforrent/32/345_2.png) [@ThisSpaceForRent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisSpaceForRent)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/43 "2008-11-30T01:48:13Z")
i AM the **eggman** … I would choose to rule over ALL dairy…Captain Carrot is OUT…doesn’t know gorgonzola…:rolleyes: coo coo cachooo ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/44 "2008-11-30T02:28:36Z")
I’d like the cabinet position of Secretary of Cruel and Unusual Punishment. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/45 "2008-11-30T02:36:28Z")
I want the unquestioned right to use each and every one of the British postnomal letters after my name. If that can’t be granted, I will take the titles of Scourge of the West, Keeper of the Annals, and Perpetually Unindicted Coconspirator. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/46 "2008-11-30T03:20:15Z")
Could I have **Quasi von Modem** , Sire? 😉 Q ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/47 "2008-11-30T03:31:34Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] I’ll allow you on the grounds of being Ooky, but Luftmenschen will have to be proven. Do you have any references? [/QUOTE] Only the _summa cum otio_ from the Society for Woolgathering. Which ought to be _bona fides_ enough for any sovereign, on accounta we been recognized by Elizabeth II in 1968. (We’re just getting the plaque nailed up this week. Really, we promise.) ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/48 "2008-11-30T04:01:41Z")
Catching up on my duties here. Please bear with me. To both **Influential Panda** , nee’ Executive Minister of Pony Husbandry, and **Bacon Salt** , nee’ High Chancellor of Puppies, Kittens, and Duckies, you both will now forever be known as same. Go forth and treat with loving kindness all the ponies, puppies, kitties and duckies of the realm. We are depending on you to continue your work well done. I much approve. > [@foolsguinea](#): > > :dubious: Interesting. So what title would you suggest for me? > > Oh, wait, I’m to name a title for myself. I see. > > I’ll get back to you. Well considering you’re in the same family of fools as I, shouldn’t a title for yourself be obvious? \< looms \> > [@CaerieD](#): > > Now what kind of Porn Czar would I be if I didn’t specialize in skinny guys with long black hair? Would the occasional appearance of eyeliner be allowable? See, I got so excited at the thought that I couldn’t spell “specialize.” Sigh. But anyway, of course, eyeliner is allowable. Hell, from the royal perspective, it’s an absolute must! > [@Sunspace](#): > > :: bows deeply :: > Why, think you, my lady. > _{purplety snippage}_ > Should you grace our fair city with your presence, we would be overjoyed to have a celebration in your honour. \< fans self \> Erm, I’ll be adding a trip to your fair city soon to, um, see how you’re handling your duties. Yeah, that’s it. Be ready, my good man! \< adjusts bosoms \> > [@ASAKMOTSD](#): > > I am happy with **A** ll **S** eeing, **A** ll **K** nowing, **M** aster **O** f **T** ime, **S** pace, and **D** imension. That’s quite a mouthful, so let’s dub you Master TSD, shall we? You’ll report to the baby Overlord of Everything Else and see what he’ll have you throw out of whack next. > [@Antinor01](#): > > Chief inspector of hot new male recruits. I honestly hadn’t thought of anyone else. Granted!! > [@ThisSpaceForRent](#): > > i AM the **eggman** … > > I would choose to rule over ALL dairy…Captain Carrot is OUT…doesn’t know gorgonzola…:rolleyes: > > coo coo cachooo eggman, you know the first rule of the dairy club. No one must speak of the dairy… Ah hell, you know the routine. I’m too tired from being so important. You get with all the other Important Cheeses and sort this thing out, then let me know the results. I swear, like I have time for such friviolities when there’s a Christmas Pudding to prepare for. > [@Lumpy](#): > > I’d like the cabinet position of Secretary of Cruel and Unusual Punishment. I don’t know. Can you demonstrate some examples of your past cruel punishments please? I certainly cannot appoint a poseur to this post. P.S. If you’re really good, perhaps you can come by my chambers later. I have some, erm, documents I need some assistance with. Yes, that’s the ticket! Documents, I say. > [@Governor\_Quinn](#): > > I want the unquestioned right to use each and every one of the British postnomal letters after my name. > > If that can’t be granted, I will take the titles of Scourge of the West, Keeper of the Annals, and Perpetually Unindicted Coconspirator. Say I give you this right, can you then take all of the British postnormal letters and use them to make Scourge of the West, Keeper of the Annals, and Perpetually Unindicted Coconspirator sound less stuffy? Really, we must appear to appeal to the common man somewhere within my regime and I suppose this is as good a place as any. > [@Quasimodem](#): > > Could I have **Quasi von Modem** , Sire? > > 😉 > > Q Madam. 🙂 Yes. But you shall be hence forth recognized as Exalted Baron Quasi von Modem, Beautiful Son. How is that? If there’s anything I can do for you further, please do not hesitate to make it known to one of my peon underling staff. Thank you. > [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Only the _summa cum otio_ from the Society for Woolgathering. Which ought to be _bona fides_ enough for any sovereign, on accounta we been recognized by Elizabeth II in 1968. (We’re just getting the plaque nailed up this week. Really, we promise.) Oy vey. Very well then, since I know longer remember what you’re even on about, just go ahead and do it. Whatever it is. Anything else you might need to add, take it up with Ruler of the Wasteland, Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-ah. ~ You’ve all been decent subjects so far, but I swear, everyone could damn well do a better job (except those animal people, they’re _real_ good) of bringing me [ALICE!] gifts. Just sayin’. Next! ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/49 "2008-11-30T04:29:52Z")
\ And I shall be **The Scullery Boy Who Moves Threads From One Forum To Another As He Sees Fit**. TSBWMTFOFTAAHSF reporting for duty, your Highness. Moved to MPSIMS. IMHO \> MPSIMS \ ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/50 "2008-11-30T04:39:57Z")
I’m humbled sir. I’m so sorry for your inconvenience. I thought I’d put it in MPSIMS to begin with. \< bows to our now beloved TSBWMTFOFTAAHSF \> Oops! Off with my own head? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/51 "2008-11-30T05:04:19Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > \< fans self \> Erm, I’ll be adding a trip to your fair city soon to, um, see how you’re handling your duties. Yeah, that’s it. Be ready, my good man! \< adjusts bosoms \> Until you sample the pleasures of our fair city, may I offer some home-made orange-pineapple-ginger ice cream? I, er, I mean, _my staff_, made it today. [sub]Even with the unavoidable absences of my duties, I do keep my hand in.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/52 "2008-11-30T05:11:29Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I honestly hadn’t thought of anyone else. Granted!! Woohoo! Chief Inspector Antinor01 all lubed up…I mean scrubbed up, scrubbed…and reporting for duty! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/53 "2008-11-30T05:18:10Z")
Well, I almost asked for Quasi _Van_ Modem (in honor of my favorite composer), but I thought it sounded too much like a car part. 😃 Thanks! QvM ---
**Author:** ![SpecialAgentJem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@SpecialAgentJem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpecialAgentJem)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/54 "2008-11-30T17:53:38Z")
> [@yams](#): > > I read this as “Titties! Who Wants Titties!” > > I already have two, so I’m not that disappointed. > > But this is not what I thought it would be. > love > yams!! Im so glad I wasnt the only one! I’d be happy to be Dame Jemma! ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/55 "2008-11-30T18:04:03Z")
I’d like either the Marquis of Mayo, or the Baron of Bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Fetchund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@Fetchund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fetchund)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/56 "2008-11-30T18:25:42Z")
Well, I’m trying to come up with a suitable Alice Cooper tribute to my title, but the only song titles that look appropriate would be “Public Animal #9” and “I Like Girls”. Both would be accepted, although my personal wish is not nearly so grandiose. I would be happy as General Dogsbody. [obligatory link to my in-home ruler](http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/orderpage.aspx?pi=02DS00CC0C0007&po=7) ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/57 "2008-12-01T16:01:31Z")
I quite fancy “Burner of Kitten photos,oppressor of the weak and despoiler of virgins” Which would I think show off my better side. ---
**Author:** ![footballisplayedwithyourfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9f8e36/32.png) [@footballisplayedwithyourfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/footballisplayedwithyourfeet)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2008, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/58 "2008-12-01T16:16:30Z")
master of puppets ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/59 "2008-12-01T23:27:05Z")
So at this point, it’s definitely titles for everyone! Especially **Fetchund** , who came up with the best Alice-related post. Now, do we all feel _entitled_? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![AllWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AllWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllWalker)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881/60 "2008-12-02T04:12:46Z")
Can I go for Imperial Promoter of the Weak Nuclear Force? WNF has had a bit of a bad run, and we often take it for granted. I feel it needs a splash of positive PR to reshape public perception on such an unfortunately named fundamental force. Also, if someone else, someone female and attractive, could take electromagnetism, we could spend our time _liasoning_ about the electroweak force. Tough job, but someone has to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/titles-who-wants-a-title/474881.md?page=4)