# TMI: My rectum is on fire (anal fissure) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 9, 2019, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485 "2019-01-09T19:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/21 "2019-01-10T01:45:50Z")
The good news, **Acsenray** , is that you’re eligible for a starring role in that classic Terrance and Phillip movie, _Asses of Fire._ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/22 "2019-01-10T02:19:47Z")
I recommend Vaseline. IANAD or any kind of health care pro. But Dr.Mom knows. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/23 "2019-01-10T02:32:08Z")
Obligatory link to “Bob, The Anal Fissure.” [https://groups.google.com/forum/m/#!msg/alt.tasteless/fDSWPbzj-7Y/AgT15nirVj4J](https://groups.google.com/forum/m/#!msg/alt.tasteless/fDSWPbzj-7Y/AgT15nirVj4J) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/24 "2019-01-10T03:35:30Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > for the burning you have to go to a homecare place and get the cream they use for bed ridden people that cant clean themselves its got vitamin e in it that will relieve the burning and itching from the place we used ot have to get it from : > > “Moisturizing Cream: This type of protective moisturizer is designed to protect skin from damage by urine or stool. It promotes comfort and healing for skin that is prone to irritation. Look for a moisturizing cream that is non-greasy, easy to apply, pH balanced, and gentle enough for pressure-sensitive areas on the skin. Some moisturizers are enriched with Vitamins A, D, and E for skin health.” > > every place that sells home health care stuff has their own brand ……. Are you talking about Calmoseptine? That’s for diaper rash in people of any age; I don’t think it’s supposed to be used internally. ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/25 "2019-01-10T03:38:34Z")
Good God! I’ve made it well over half a century without suffering a kidney stone, breaking a bone, or having my tonsils ripped out of my throat. Now, there is another malady that (hopefully) I will die before I get the chance to experience. Even at the outside limits of human existence, I am over half-way there! ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/26 "2019-01-10T03:54:49Z")
Sounds like a pain in the… er… Maybe listening to some [relaxing music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7107ELQvY) might help take your mind off things? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/27 "2019-01-10T04:21:57Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > They directed me to use a topical lidocaine ointment (Recticare), but it has only limited effect. It’ll help ease the pain after a bowel movement, but it doesn’t do much during. > > They also recommended soaking the rectum in hot water thrice a day in a Sitz bath to sooth it. That also has some effect but again doesn’t help during bowel movements. > > Happy Lendervedder, the keys to rectal health are: > > 1. Sufficient intake of dietary fiber > 2. Sufficient intake of fluids (essentially maintaining hydration, which also means limiting intake of diuretics like caffeine and alcohol) > 3. Sufficient sleep > 4. Don’t hold it when you have to go. > 5. Limit use of painkillers Well, thanks! I just went plant-based with my diet (haven’t had meat, cheese or egg in 9 days, and my bowels are now moving rapidly; I suppose this is a good start). ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/28 "2019-01-10T05:07:00Z")
You will remember this as your Kilauea moment. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/29 "2019-01-10T15:45:42Z")
Much less pain! Things are looking up. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/30 "2019-01-10T16:16:33Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > Maybe listening to some [relaxing music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7107ELQvY) might help take your mind off things? 🙂 I was sure that was going to be a link to this one. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/0o9N_voWegw/maxresdefault.jpg "Bowel Moves") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o9N_voWegw) ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/31 "2019-01-10T23:00:16Z")
Ow. My mother used to say I was born constipated. I know all the remedies well. Water-water-water-water! That, plus try to consume at least 40 grams of fiber a day. Any of those chewable fiber supplements are a complete waste of money and effort. Put wheat bran in everything. Meatloaf is a wonderful place to hide it. By all that is right and holy and good, stay far AWAY from a high protein/paleo diet! That will bind your guts up horribly! The latest bane of my bowel existence is the situation that landed me in Pain Management. Opiates practically close the colon for business! Fellow Pain Sufferers! Talk to your doctor if you aren’t “going” enough! I gotta refill my water glass… ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/32 "2019-01-10T23:25:37Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Much less pain! Things are looking up. Good news! Just keep on doing what you’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/33 "2019-01-10T23:43:25Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > They directed me to use a topical lidocaine ointment (Recticare), but it has only limited effect. It’ll help ease the pain after a bowel movement, but it doesn’t do much during. > > They also recommended soaking the rectum in hot water thrice a day in a Sitz bath to sooth it. That also has some effect but again doesn’t help during bowel movements. > > Happy Lendervedder, the keys to rectal health are: > > 1. Sufficient intake of dietary fiber > 2. Sufficient intake of fluids (essentially maintaining hydration, which also means limiting intake of diuretics like caffeine and alcohol) > 3. Sufficient sleep > 4. Don’t hold it when you have to go. > 5. Limit use of painkillers Also, 1. If you can, poop with your knees up (squatting position) ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2019, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/34 "2019-01-10T23:53:39Z")
Apparently, Shock Jock Howard Stern had this problem in the early 90s and recommends, instead of sitting on the toilet, to squat while defecating…Japanese style. [http://en.hitachikaihin.jp/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/washikibenki\_ok-300x300.png](http://en.hitachikaihin.jp/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/washikibenki_ok-300x300.png) Since you probably don’t have a Washiki…Japanese squat toilet… I’d reccomend squatting in the shower stall over a disposable aluminum pan. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2019, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/35 "2019-01-11T00:11:20Z")
> [@Enola\_Straight](#): > > Apparently, Shock Jock Howard Stern had this problem in the early 90s and recommends, instead of sitting on the toilet, to squat while defecating…Japanese style. > > [http://en.hitachikaihin.jp/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/washikibenki\_ok-300x300.png](http://en.hitachikaihin.jp/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/washikibenki_ok-300x300.png) > > Since you probably don’t have a Washiki…Japanese squat toilet… I’d reccomend squatting in the shower stall over a disposable aluminum pan. Ha! Ninja-d But I don’t know why you specifically identify Japan. Squat toilets are common all over Asia, Africa, and the Middle East, like in India – [http://www.shalusharma.com/how-to-use-the-indian-squat-toilet/](http://www.shalusharma.com/how-to-use-the-indian-squat-toilet/) – In fact, it’s so common that sit-down toilets are often also equipped with footrests if you prefer to climb up and perch – [The Tai Chi Companion: Lucy in India : Squatting (Toilets of the World)](http://taichicompanion.blogspot.com/2016/11/lucy-in-india-squatting-toilets-of-world.html) They also have them in France – [https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo-typical-french-squat-toilet-66520651.html](https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo-typical-french-squat-toilet-66520651.html) Unfortunately, squatting is not something I can do comfortably, so I might have to try one of those stools you can push up against the commode. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2019, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/36 "2019-01-11T00:12:02Z")
> [@Enola\_Straight](#): > > Since you probably don’t have a Washiki…Japanese squat toilet… I’d reccomend squatting in the shower stall over a disposable aluminum pan. I have friends who swear by the [Squatty Potty](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q) stool (pun sort-of intended), despite the crazy ads. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2019, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/37 "2019-01-11T00:23:13Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I might have to try one of those stools you can push up against the commode. I thought the point was to get your stool _into_ the commode. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2019, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/38 "2019-01-14T18:48:13Z")
Just had my follow-up appointment with a gastroenterologist. He also said: 1. If you have a stool lodged in your rectum, stool softeners or laxatives won’t help. 2. Don’t strain on the toiler. Just get up and walk around or do something else and try to get back to it again later. That would have been hard advice to follow in my situation, but I guess that’s what must be endured. ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2019, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/39 "2019-01-15T04:33:31Z")
Instead of squatting, I just bend forward at the waist until my chin touches my knees, which accomplishes the same thing, AFAICT. It certainly seems to have helped. I also will occasionally wake up with some kind of really painful muscle spasm back there, unless I take the fiber powder religiously (as in, I pray I don’t wake up in agony tonight), but it always passes within an hour. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2019, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485/40 "2019-01-15T05:56:44Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Ouch. My sympathies - I had one of those last year. The docs gave me a nitroglycerin gel that did wonders. Did it blow your ass off? 😛 Yeah, I had nasty hemorrhoids after my operation. Try hemorrhoid cream, and this is weird- wipe your ass using warm water. Yes, and this is nasty, after you take your dump, clean it in the shower. I cured mine by taking a big dose of that orange powder stuff every nite with a big glass of water. By Doctors orders. Helped with my colonoscopy, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tmi-my-rectum-is-on-fire-anal-fissure/827485.md?page=3)