# To All the Ladies on the Board **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 2, 2001, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516 "2001-03-02T16:35:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/22 "2001-03-03T01:40:39Z")
To all the MEN of the SDMB: \ I wanna li li li lick you from your head to your toes and I wanna move from the bed down to the down to the to the floor I wanna ah ah you make it so good I don’t wanna leave but I got to kn kn kn know what’s your fan-ta-sy [-Ludacris “What’s Your Fantasy”](http://www.lyrlr.4t.com/lr00/lr00f6.htm) (Heh, I’m not really the romantic type…) ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/23 "2001-03-03T01:46:07Z")
Hey, Black Knight, Arnold, and Fenris, there’s brown on your nose… (kiss ass) ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/24 "2001-03-03T02:09:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Attrayant \* > \*\*Oh wow, is it mating season _already_? \*\* Is it ever \*\* NOT??\*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/25 "2001-03-03T02:17:50Z")
Now THESE are the kinds of things that make my heart beat faster every time! Thank you, **BlackKnight** , **Arnold** , and **Fenris** for making my day. I really needed that! _smooch **BlackKnight** _ _smooch **Arnold** _ _smooch **Fenris** _ [sub]Now if I can find a guy to whisper poetry in my ear OFF the boards, I’ll be all set! ;)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/26 "2001-03-03T03:03:49Z")
Let’s see which ones I have memorized. Um … Those that have pow’r to hurt and will do none, That do not do the thing they most do show, Who, moving others, are themselves as stone, Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow; They rightly do inherit heaven’s graces And husband nature’s riches from expense; They are the lords and owners of their faces, Others but stewards of their excellence. The summer’s flow’r is to the summer sweet, Though to itself it only live and die; But if that flow’r with base infection meet, The basest weed outbraves its dignity: For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds; Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds. Wait, no, one doesn’t sweep a lady off of her feet by referring to oneself as a lily that festers. They want confidence, they don’t want a whiner. ‘Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed When not to be receives reproach of being, And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed Not by our feeling, but by others’ seeing. For why should others’ false adulterate eyes Give salutation to my sportive blood? Or on my frailties why are frailer spies, Which in their wills count bad what I think good? No, I am that I am, and they that level At my abuses reckon up their own; I may be straight though they themselves be bevel. By their rank thoughts my deeds must not be shown, Unless this general evil they maintain: All men are bad, and in their badness reign. Wait, no, again, women don’t swoon because you’ve resigned yourself to the belief that you’re a piece of crap. Damnit. So, hey, at least I don’t have any brown on my nose … ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/27 "2001-03-03T03:57:45Z")
Hmmm… poetry, eh? Why should **BlackKinght** have all the smooches? – They fuck you up your mom and dad, They do not mean to but they do. They fill you up with all their flaws, And add some new ones just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn, By fools in old style hats and coats. Who have the time were soppy stern, And half at one another’s throats. Man’s inhumanity to man, It deepens like a coastal shelf. But you can stop things in their turn, And don’t have any kids yourself. – Smooch time! Hey, come back, ladies! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/28 "2001-03-03T04:35:47Z")
Well **Silver Fire** I’m as straight a female as you can find, but. . . Li li lick me and make it so good! ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/29 "2001-03-03T06:55:07Z")
Well I for one am glad to be getting kisses. At first I thought I was going to be slapped because the Shakespeare sonnet I posted is sarcastic in tone and uncomplimentary to women. Or maybe women like hearing that their breath reeks? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/30 "2001-03-03T16:38:34Z")
Just goes to show you, **Arnie,** how the art of reading is in a serious decline. {ahem} “There was an old man from Nantucket…” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/31 "2001-03-03T23:51:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > \*\*Well I for one am glad to be getting kisses. At first I thought I was going to be slapped because the Shakespeare sonnet I posted is sarcastic in tone and uncomplimentary to women. Or maybe women like hearing that their breath reeks? 😕 \*\* :Breathing on hand then sniffing palm: Nope minty fresh here. But I can’t do a thing with these dun colored breasts.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/32 "2001-03-04T08:07:35Z")
Ukulele Ike, I like to think that Shakespeare’s use of the english language is so skillful and his imagery so poetic and beautiful that people enjoy even his less-than-complimentary comparisons. The Mermaid, there’s nothing wrong with dun-coloured breasts. P.S. I never thanked you for your kind words in a GQ thread the other day where you praised the good looks of my crustacean friend. Unfortunately the thread was closed before I had time to say anything. To the ladies of the straight dope - Of course you are the wisest and most beautiful ladies in all the land, second only to my beloved wife. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/33 "2001-03-04T08:15:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > \*\*To the ladies of the straight dope - Of course you are the wisest and most beautiful ladies in all the land, second only to my beloved wife. \*\* Now there’s a compliment I like to recieve! As for the poetry… [insert Madeline Cohn voice] Owh…poetwry… how owridiawry[uninsert Madeline Cohn voice] ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/34 "2001-03-04T08:38:43Z")
Hmmmm, how would I compare you to a summers day? Well, it would be last July 13th, slightly hot, with a cool breeze, some threatening clouds, and the sun was not to bright. ---
**Author:** ![SINsApple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SINsApple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SINsApple)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/35 "2001-03-04T08:50:07Z")
As an english major, perhaps I’m biased, but anyone even half paying attention while reading Arnold’s post should have caught that it was the exact opposite of the OP. But you get a hug from me anyway Arnold since for half the length of this thread I felt really smart for catching the meaning of your post while many others had not. So thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cyndar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cyndar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyndar)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/36 "2001-03-04T14:44:25Z")
I’d just like to say that I understood Arnold’s joke. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/37 "2001-03-04T19:27:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > > The Mermaid,…P.S. I never thanked you for your kind words in a GQ thread the other day where you praised the good looks of my crustacean friend. \*\* Arnold, surely you must realize that I was only using your good looking albeit crusty friend to get to you, you big charmer you. 😉 [sub]my brilliant little plan worked… he noticed me, he talked to me …sigh [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/38 "2001-03-04T21:07:34Z")
Charmed and put down all in one thread! What more could a lady ask for. Here I was floating on a cloud and then I read the next one and at first I had to read it a few times to make sure that I wasn’t miss reading from lack of sleep. Good show men! All of you. ::passing out hard candies to all the ladies:: Let’s see him mention our breath again! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/39 "2001-03-04T22:59:42Z")
I thought the whole point of Arnold’s Shakespear quote was this: > [@](#): > > I grant I never saw a goddess go; > My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground: > And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare > As any she belied with false compare. So, here’s Arnold, refusing to belie us with false compare, yet praising us all the same. Where’s the sarcasm in that? Anyways, it was a lovely thought, and much appreciated. _ **sssSSSMMOOOOOOOOCCCHHHhhhhh** _ ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/40 "2001-03-04T23:15:25Z")
You know, as much as I love Shakepeare, we have some really talented writers here on the boards. Something original in the same vein would be not unappreciated… What nice words do you have for us, guys? In your own words. ---
**Author:** ![Turbo\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@Turbo\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turbo_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516/41 "2001-03-04T23:52:31Z")
Blue is the violet, Red is the rose, Anyone out there wanna do the nasty? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-the-ladies-on-the-board/56516.md?page=3)