# to all you industrial engineers.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278 "2000-10-09T16:22:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/41 "2000-10-13T20:21:19Z")
Q: Why don’t the British build computers? A: Because they can’t figure out how to make them leak oil. I was just thinking, I could probably single-handedly keep this thread going for days. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/42 "2000-10-13T23:37:40Z")
Hope do you keep a Doper in suspense for 24 hours? I’ll tell you tomorrow… ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/43 "2000-10-14T01:38:46Z")
It had no point. ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/44 "2000-10-15T22:22:58Z")
What species of dinosaur was known to be gay? the Mega-Sore-Ass! ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/45 "2000-10-16T12:56:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > \*\*Hope do you keep a Doper in suspense for 24 hours? > > I’ll tell you tomorrow… \*\* I’m waiting… ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/46 "2000-10-16T15:02:56Z")
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging in your bathroom? Amir! okay, it’s funnier if you have islamic friends 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/47 "2000-10-16T16:05:39Z")
There are a lot of folks that can’t understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, here’s the answer: It’s very simple…nobody bothered to check the oil level. They didn’t know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. All the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma and Alaska. And all the dipsticks are in Washington, DC ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/48 "2000-10-16T20:41:26Z")
A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, “Cash or check?” and the duck says, “Just put it on my bill.” ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/49 "2000-10-16T20:57:02Z")
**Q:** Where does an ape sleep? **A:** In an apricot. **Q:** What sits on your shoulder and says PIECES-OF-SEVEN? **A:** A parroty error. ---
**Author:** ![jessicala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@jessicala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jessicala)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/50 "2000-10-16T22:12:30Z")
tee hee hee - I love bad jokes like these. 🙂 By the way … Why are mountains so bad at hide-and-seek? Because they always peak. ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/51 "2000-10-17T13:19:42Z")
Trying to keep this thread alive. Why? I don’t really know. What did the banana say to the elephant? Nothing, bananas can’t talk. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/52 "2000-10-17T15:31:17Z")
{hijack} **Imthecowgodmoo** , why haven’t you posted your picture on the Straight Dope People Pages yet? YOu need to be there!{/hijack} Esprix ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/53 "2000-10-17T16:56:20Z")
I agree, Esprix. Now back to the serious matter at hand: **Q:** How do you kill a circus? **A:** Go for the juggler. **Q:** How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? **A:** Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder. ---
**Author:** ![Bean\_Counter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/db5fbb/32.png) [@Bean\_Counter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bean_Counter)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/54 "2000-10-17T17:03:07Z")
Three old ladies are walking down the street. A flashed jumps out and opens a coat. The first lady has a stroke. The second lady has a stroke. The third lady kept her hands to herself. ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/55 "2000-10-18T04:48:22Z")
back to the really bad jokes… Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are always dying to get in! ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/56 "2000-10-18T05:35:21Z")
MUST…RESIST…URGE…TO…TELL…BAD…JOKES… One day, an old man is sitting on his front porch, like he always does, when a boy walks by holding a length of wire. The old man, being the cranky kind, yells out: “Hey, kid! Where are you going with that wire?” The kid says, “This isn’t just any ol’ wire. This is _chicken wire_, and I’m going to catch me a chicken.” The old man laughs and says “You can’t catch chickens with wire! Stupid kid.” So the kid walks away, and later he comes walking back past the old man’s house with a chicken, it’s feet bound by the wire. The next day, the old man sits outside again and the kid comes walking by again, this time holding a role of tape. Again the man shouts to the kid. “Hey, kid! Where are you going with that tape?” The kid answers, "This isn’t just any ol’ tape, this is _duck tape_, and I’m going to catch me a duck. “OK, first of all, it’s ‘duc **t** tape,’” the old man replies, “and second, you can’t catch ducks with tape! Stupid kid.” So the kid walks away, and later he comes walking back past the old man’s house with a duck wrapped up in the tape. The next day, the old man sits outside again and the kid comes walking by again, this time holding a stick. Once again, the old man heckles the boy. “Hey, kid! Where are you going with that stick?” “This isn’t just any ol’ stick, this is a _pussy willow_…” “Hold on, kid.” the old man interrupts, “Let me get my hat.” ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/57 "2000-10-18T13:01:05Z")
A general practitioner, an internist, and a surgeon go duck hunting. A duck flies overhead, and the GP says, “Gee, kinda looks like a duck,” and shoots it. Another duck flies overhead, and the internist sights it. “Rule out pheasant, rule out goose, must be duck” he says, and shoots it. A third bird flies overhead. The surgeon raises his gun. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Then he looks at the others. “What was that?” ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/58 "2000-10-18T16:58:24Z")
A biologist, a statistician and a mathematician are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars. _The biologist:_ “Look, a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle - A white zebra! Fantastic! There are white zebras! We’ll be famous!” _The statistician:_ “It’s not significant. We only know there’s one white zebra.” _The mathematician:_ “Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side.” **Q:** What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind as it hits the windshield? **A:** Its butt. ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/59 "2000-10-18T20:45:27Z")
Ok. I guess it’s time for bug jokes, then. What do you get if you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before eating your house. Why was the insect kicked out of the park? It was a litterbug. I keep seeing an insect spinning round. Don’t worry, it’s just a bug that’s going around. ---
**Author:** ![Phil\_15](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Phil\_15](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phil_15)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278/60 "2000-10-18T21:22:40Z")
How do you circumcise a whale? With 4 skin divers! 😃 Who says, “swimming is great excercise?” Have you ever noticed what whales look like. Wife to Jonah: Where have you been for the last three days? And I don’t wanna hear no fish stories either. Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? To hide in the strawberry patch. Ever see an elephant in the strawberry patch? See how good they hide! :::::Ducks and runs:::::::: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-industrial-engineers/36278.md?page=4)