# To All You Shmoes with Fat Dogs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918 "2001-05-19T18:15:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/1 "2001-05-19T18:15:45Z")
I know you love your animals. (And if you don’t, give them to someone who does!) My rant is not about the fact that being fat shortens their lives (although it certainly does!) It’s about how they \*\* feel \*\* . You \*\* think \*\* it makes your dogs happy to be given snacks all day long. You \*\* think \*\* your dogs don’t care that they are fat, and that they are happier to be snacking than they would be to be trim. Well, I’m telling you, you are wrong. How do I know? Two ways: 1) I understand dogs. 2) I understand what it is to be fat. Your tubby dogs that can barely waddle a block? They don’t feel good. They don’t feel lively and alive as a fit dog does. If they could articulate it, they would tell you that it bums them out to tire so easily, to do nothing but lay around all day. They would like it if they felt lighter and livelier, that life would have greater joy for them if they could use their bodies. Have you ever had a fit dog? Have you ever seen one? Ever seen dogs in agility trials, and if so, have ever seen a living thing more purely ecstatic at being alive? Your dogs would much rather run around the park, take a swim, go on a walk, play with other dogs, hang out with YOU, than eat all day long and end up so fat they find standing up a struggle. Look at your dogs the way you do your kids. Would you show your kids you love them by feeding them snacks all day? (Yeah, I know, lots of people do…but one hopes that none of you here are that foolish.) Do you really believe that allowing a creature that does not know any better or have any self control, human or canine, to gorge until it is obese is a loving act? It isn’t. Please stop it. Instead of turning your dogs into compulsive pigs, take them and yourself on a walk. Go to the park. Throw a ball. Play tug-o-war. Learn a new trick. Rub their belly and say nice things to them. But if you really need to give them food, reduce their meal sizes and use their chow as treats. Or use carrots (lots of dogs like carrots). Please. Your dogs don’t like being fat any more than you would or do. It isn’t loving or kind to facilitate their obesity. So stop it, and stop kidding yourself that there is anything nice about doing it. It’s your responsibility to care for their health. Making them fat is shirking that responsibility in a big way. Stoid ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/2 "2001-05-19T18:34:52Z")
Oh for the love of god… So now not only am I supposed to feel guilty because I’m fat, I should feel guilty for my PET??? FTR, my childhood dog weighed over 25 pounds, and she was a terrier. And lived a VERY happy life until she died at age 19. She ran around our yard until the week she died. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/3 "2001-05-19T18:45:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Falcon \* > \*\* > So now not only am I supposed to feel guilty because I’m fat, I should feel guilty for my PET??? > \*\* Why do you feel “guilty” for being fat? Don’t feel persecuted, just don’t kid yourself that it is loving to make your dog fat. You certainly didn’t make yourself fat out of love. (block) Which is not to say that you do or do not love yourself, only that obesity specifically is not the product of any act of self-love. (/block) (block) And if your fat is in no way a product of any action on your part (a rare but possible circumstance) then feeling guilty about it would be even more exceedingly strange. (/block) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/4 "2001-05-19T19:37:31Z")
Jesus, Stoid. Project much? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/5 "2001-05-19T19:48:59Z")
For god’s sake. Change your name to Anthropomorphizer, and shut the fuck up, you fucking jackass. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/6 "2001-05-19T20:39:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stoid \* > You \*\* think \*\* it makes your dogs happy to be given snacks all day long. Dogs love food, in my experience. The one exception I’ve seen was my german shepherd some years back, whose pyometria (an infection in her uterus) was pressing into her stomach so she felt full most of the time. She got to the point of not wanting to eat chicken. My rottweiler, on the other hand, seems to have some strong magnetic substance on the tip of her nose, because she is always rooting around on the ground for food:) She loves eating most anything except some vegetables (she’ll even eat them, because they are people food!). You know dogs are sick, in fact (in my experience and in my father’s experience, having dealt with dogs for some 40 years now and having been on various breeding lists for five or so), when they do not eat. Because they. love. to. eat. I know what makes her happy and how she looks/acts when she is happy. And damned if she doesn’t look/act happy when (on the rare occasion we do) we give her treats like pork fat or something. So unless you, Stoid, know a dog you’ve never met better than I do, having known her for some years now, kindly go the fuck away and preach to someone who is stupid enough to think you have any semblance what the fuck you’re talking about here. > [@](#): > > You \*\* think \*\* your dogs don’t care that they are fat, and that they are happier to be snacking than they would be to be trim. Question to my father: “Daddy, do dogs KNOW they’re fat, if they are?” Answer: “Of course not! They aren’t self-aware! That’s what makes them dogs!” So it would appear you’re wrong here too. Dogs are happy being dogs. Everything else is just icing. [/quote] Well, I’m telling you, you are wrong. [/quote] If you were right, I would be wrong. However, I’m right, ergo **you are wrong**. Got that? Maybe I should go through it slowly, so the big words (right and wrong) don’t trip you up? [/quote] How do I know? [/quote] You don’t. Very simple. Lots of us have known this for a while now. There’s a group of us. It’s called the SDMB. [/quote] Two ways: 1) I understand dogs. 2) I understand what it is to be fat. [/quote] Evidently you do not understand dogs. And since dogs are not self-aware in the area of “Oh, God, does this collar make my neck look fat”, you being fat has no bearing on anything else except that you are fat. > [@](#): > > Your tubby dogs that can barely waddle a block? They don’t feel good. I feel sure you don’t mean to suggest here that you know how dogs feel without ever having met them. Then I go back to your previous line “I understand dogs” and since I know THAT isn’t the case, I can only say this: You’re wrong. Does anyone else sense a pattern here? > [@](#): > > If they could articulate it, they would tell you that it bums them out to tire so easily, to do nothing but lay around all day. They would like it if they felt lighter and livelier, that life would have greater joy for them if they could use their bodies. I think they might actually say “I am a dog! Hey! It is so way cool to be a dog! Dude! _sniff sniff_” Or they might say “You will back the fuck off my property before I start exploring the contents of your large intestine.” Or “It is so hard to be a dog! You have to work . . . and run around, and play fetch, and make sure your master’s puppies aren’t chewing on crayons and . . . huh?” I very much doubt a dog would say “I need to go on a diet. I’m getting a second neck”. I also have a doberman who takes as much joy in life from laying down getting petted or sunbathing as he does running with all his might across our yard, barking at anything that moves and trying to have sex with our rottie. I would be surprised if he had any fat on his body. And yet . . . some days he’ll just lay around. Because it’s fun. Yes, that’s right, a dog who ISN’T fat lays around. This must come as a great shock to you, O Stoid, Speaker for Dogs. > [@](#): > > Have you ever had a fit dog? Have you ever seen one? Yes, and yes. Several times for both. Also seen fat dogs. > [@](#): > > Ever seen dogs in agility trials, and if so, have ever seen a living thing more purely ecstatic at being alive? Yes. Fat or skinny, both happy because they are dogs and they are alive. > [@](#): > > Your dogs would much rather run around the park, take a swim, go on a walk, play with other dogs, hang out with YOU, than eat all day long and end up so fat they find standing up a struggle. Stoid, unless you have been several fat dogs (must resist the urge . . . ), isn’t it somewhat . . . misrepresentative for you to say “this is how all dogs feel”, especially since we’ve established you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about? > [@](#): > > Learn a new trick. Take your own advice. > [@](#): > > Rub their belly and say nice things to them. Aw, Stoid, it’s okay that you’re an ignorant twit who doesn’t kow her elbow from her ass. It’s okay that you’re repeatedly proven to be a worthless pile of steaming pigshit and that you say things which not only don’t help your case but further others’. It’s okay that you rank up there in level of annoyance with hemmorhoids and backne. ::rubs Stoid’s belly:: ::sees little black spots beginning to jump onto his hand:: Holy fucking shit, woman, you got LICE! > [@](#): > > But if you really need to give them food, reduce their meal sizes and use their chow as treats. Or use carrots (lots of dogs like carrots). I said it before, and I will say it again: Dogs. Like. Food. Hell, they like antifreeze (though you shouldn’t let 'em have it). Dogs, in my experience (though I have never and don’t plan to be one), like food. We used to feed my german shepherd grapes. She liked them. They were cold and fun to play with. They rolled. They were like the ultimate toy: you could play with them AND eat them, and your master’s puppies would give you more. AND you were a dog! How cool was that! > [@](#): > > Please. Your dogs don’t like being fat any more than you would or do. Do they like being skinny any more than I don’t? Because I don’t like not being able to gain weight. Do you think my doberman shares my concerns about having to get food every few hours so he doesn’t get a headache? Please. Give us all a fucking break and go somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/7 "2001-05-19T21:13:11Z")
Jeez, people, calm down. Don’t you know that you’re supposed to have fat _cats_?!? ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/8 "2001-05-19T21:32:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Jeez, people, calm down. Don’t you know that you’re supposed to have fat _cats_?!? \*\* Precisely. 😉 stoid ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/9 "2001-05-19T22:19:13Z")
Excellent counter-rant, iampunha. I give it a 8.9. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/10 "2001-05-19T23:53:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nimune \* > Excellent counter-rant, iampunha. I give it a 8.9. Yay me:) I’m so pleased. I haven’t been like that for a while. Luckily my father was around to reasure me how ludicrous it was to say that dogs think they’re fat, or that they want to be skinny. I bet it was that Dutch judge who took off points for me not invoking one of the three: cum-licker, goat-felcher, or fuckdrop. Now let us observe the rituals of the _Stoida ignorama_ while she is under attack. She has said she doesn’t “do” the pit when “it doesn’t suit” her (read: she doesn’t respond in pit threads addressed to and attacking her). Now we see obviously she IS doing the pit (Viz her three posts in this thread), and she’s being attacked (thus this thread, despite being started by her and now ten posts old, doesn’t “suit” her). What will she do? What **will** she do? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2001, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/11 "2001-05-19T23:57:38Z")
I don’t know, but after your qoute at the end, I’m hoping it involves being shot in the knee by Keanu Reeves. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/12 "2001-05-20T00:57:38Z")
Stay tuned for **Stoid** s upcoming rant about _Parakeets That Are Fed Too Much Fiber, And The Schmucks That Own Them_. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/13 "2001-05-20T01:05:34Z")
While it is INDEED a health risk for animals to be obese… why must Stoid point this out so condescendingly? It’s true, that animals should not be obese-you should not have any trouble feeling an animal’s ribs. HOWEVER…Stoid-do you have always have to come off like a goddamn sanctimonious harpy? ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/14 "2001-05-20T01:06:27Z")
Here’s my two cents. I met **Falcon**. I think she’s wonderful, and sexy. And, I hate your fuckin’ healthy dog. :wally Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/15 "2001-05-20T01:13:29Z")
> [@](#): > > But if you really need to give them food, Yeah, I hate them sadistic bastards who feed their dogs. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/16 "2001-05-20T01:23:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*While it is INDEED a health risk for animals to be obese… > why must Stoid point this out so condescendingly? > > It’s true, that animals should not be obese-you should not have any trouble feeling an animal’s ribs. > HOWEVER…Stoid-do you have always have to come off like a goddamn sanctimonious harpy? > > \*\* I was going to say much the same thing. kudos **Guin**. yes, dogs shouldn’t be obese. It is unhealthy. But god damn, think of a better way to say it. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/17 "2001-05-20T01:39:49Z")
One of my dogs is overweight. I don’t give him scraps. He gets lots of exercise. Am I only a half a shmoe? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/18 "2001-05-20T01:45:09Z")
I dunno, andros. How’s your parakeet doing? ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/19 "2001-05-20T01:55:33Z")
Shit. I got troubles here. I got a fat cat who got put on a diet yesterday. it cost $20 for the bag of diet food. The cat is pissed off. Now Stoid tells me I need to worry about fat dogs but fat cats are OK. WTF do I do now? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/20 "2001-05-20T01:56:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nimune \* > I don’t know, but after your qoute at the end, I’m hoping it involves being shot in the knee by Keanu Reeves. But then she’d still be here to annoy us with "Schmoes with Fat Dogs who shoot . . . " Nah, too easy. [sub]Duuuude[/sub] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918.md?page=2)