# To All You Shmoes with Fat Dogs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918 "2001-05-19T18:15:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![\_Uigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/e9a140/32.png) [@\_Uigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Uigi)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/21 "2001-05-20T02:14:55Z")
Is this sorta like: Do you mean I shouldn’t feed my wife all the bon bons she wants, either? Yeah, she’d waddle if I did. On the other hand, it’s nice to be able to eat anything you want in any amount and not get fat…just like my Italian Greyhound does(not). Wish I could do the same. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/22 "2001-05-20T15:00:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I dunno, andros. How’s your parakeet doing? Oh, Sparky’s a tub of lard. But it’s genetic. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/23 "2001-05-20T15:19:16Z")
FWIW, my parents’ cat Rosie is a somnolent tub of lard. She’s 17, of course. However she’s always been quite big. Nevertheless, there was that time at the cottage where she scampered diagonally up one wall, dashed horizontally across the ceiling eaves, and diagonally back down the other wall. She had earlier made a break for freedom and ran some distance into the forest before deciding she missed her litter box and three squares and turning around and dashing back and hiding under the car. She also used to be a country mouser when we lived in the Eastern Townships. So tubby or not, Rosie was quite the athlete back in the day. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/24 "2001-05-20T21:53:11Z")
\<\<_brachy lies down on the doctor’s couch_\>\> Well, Doc, it started a while ago…Brat, my parakeet (I shit you not - see the bottom of my webpage) began acting, well, differently. He’s a year old, and recently, he’s begun to fly around the place and screeching more and more. He shits all the time (well, he always has) but now it’s like _he means it_. I swear he aims for me! He tries to put regurgitated food under my fingernail and he, um, _romances_ my hand. :eek: The worst is the abuse he flings at me. “You’re a brat…You’re a bad bad birdie!..Let me out!” _sob_ He KNOWS he’s hurting my feelings! _sniffle_ Yes, I do let him eat _ad libitum_. After all, he’s a free-flying bird. What?!, you mean he’s too FAT?? And he’s taking his anger out on ME? His rage at me is merely a redirection of the inner self-hatred he feels toward his less-than-svelte silhouette? Well, I don’t want him to explode in a psitticine snit so I’ll put him on a diet immediately. Why THANK YOU, I just thought he was entering into a reproductive cycle and uttering the only words he’s ever been known to speak. Thank you for telling me what he thinks. \<\<_slides off couch_\>\> Seriously, I agree with **Guinastasia** about our pets’ health. Stating it in the OP’s manner is about as reasonable as my above scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2001, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/25 "2001-05-20T23:54:20Z")
The dog equivalent of “Live fast, die young and leave a good-looking corpse” is “Eat a ton, raid the garbage, and die a blissful blimp on four paws.” I pity the Stoidian canine, working out on a Stairmaster, tongue lolling. But we should lay off Stoid. This stuff is infinitely preferable to the “Everything is beautiful, stop bitching” rants of yesteryear. \*\*ON SALE BY STOID PRODUCTIONS - “FAMOUS BLUES ARTISTS SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP WHINING” Now available on CDs, cassettes or 8-track tapes - award-winning performances of cheerful tunes by your favorite blues men and women! Hear John Lee Hooker perform the Carpenters’ “Top of The World”! B.B. King doing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”!! Brownie Terry and Sonny McGee with their unforgettable version of “The Rain, The Park and Other Things”!!! Send $19.95 or proof of similar donation to PETA to: Stoid Productions Box 666 Compton, CA \*\* Not available in stores. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2001, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/26 "2001-05-21T13:41:13Z")
I heartily disagree with the OP based on my dog, Yoda. Yoda is a purebred Shar-Pei that is “big boned” (fat). Why? Because even as a new, little puppy, he would NOT exercise. He’s lazy as can be, no matter what enticements you use. Chase a ball? You MUST be kidding. Run around the yard that we fenced in specifically for him? Never. Chase the other dog around the house for about 2 minutes? Occasionally. This dog LIVES to lay in the sun and sleep like a cat. He gets into bed and rolls around in absolute euphoria among the covers. If I am home sick, he will get up, pee outside, and come back in to get into bed for the entire day. He is not overfed- he eats twice a day, dry dog food. Occasional treats and NEVER any people food. (Keeps him from begging). He’s lazy and fat and the happiest dog I’ve ever met. I envy his lack of shame at his body appearence (he blames it on the wrinkles). My vet says that he could lose weight, but is otherwise healthy and happy. > [@](#): > > If they could articulate it, they would tell you that it bums them out to tire so easily, to do nothing but lay around all day. Not my dog, sorry. I guess you can’t speak for an entire species after all. If you see my fat Shar-Pei waddling by, don’t shed any tears for him. He’s the happiest creature I know. Zette (PS- for what it’s worth, my parrots are fat and happy too.) ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2001, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/27 "2001-05-21T13:41:53Z")
iampunha; Excellent! Now lie down while I rub your tummy and feed you some grapes… ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2001, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/28 "2001-05-21T13:42:19Z")
> [@](#): > > “I am a dog! Hey! It is so way cool to be a dog! Dude! _sniff sniff_” > “You will back the fuck off my property before I start exploring the contents of your large intestine.” > “It is so hard to be a dog! You have to work . . . and run around, and play fetch, and make sure your master’s puppies aren’t chewing on crayons and . . . huh?” > [snip] > We used to feed my german shepherd grapes. She liked them. They were cold and fun to play with. They rolled. They were like the ultimate toy: you could play with them AND eat them, and your master’s puppies would give you more. AND you were a dog! How cool was that! Somethin’ ‘bout **punha** channeling the Dogvoice[sup]TM[/sup] has just firkin’ made my morning. Thank you, sir. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/29 "2001-05-21T17:43:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by moi \* > Somethin’ ‘bout **punha** channeling the Dogvoice[sup]TM[/sup] has just firkin’ made my morning. Thank you, sir. Glad you enjoyed it, ma’am:) I have been waiting for a reason to channel that voice on this MB since June of last year. Who knew it would take a **Stoid rant** [sup]TM[/sup]? Vanilla: Oh, you wish, girlfriend;) I only let my best friends rub my tummy. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2001, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/30 "2001-05-21T18:56:25Z")
“Stoid—do you have always have to come off like a goddamn sanctimonious harpy?” Hey! I thought I was the goddamn sanctimonious harpy around here! One of my cats, Lillian, has only two brain cells. One is set on “must eat” and the other on “must be petted.” Being petted while eating is her version of Nirvana: she purrs so hard she nearly chokes. So yeah, she is rather tubby. But she also races around like a German bullet train, and if I am ONE MINUTE LATE with her food, she runs around in a panicked circle, like Edie in “Pink Flamingoes” when she thinks there’s no more eggs. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2001, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/31 "2001-05-21T20:04:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Stoid \* > > How do I know? > > You don’t. Very simple. Lots of us have known this for a while now. There’s a group of us. It’s called the SDMB. iampunha: you are now my hero. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2001, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/32 "2001-05-22T10:56:39Z")
Former cat owner here, daughter of dog owners. Uh, it sounds like there’s quite a few overweight pets out there. If your pet is “happy and healthy”, okay. I believe that, you guys should know. But the “dogs love food” biz, I just don’t buy. Yeah, dogs _do_ love food. They’re in the midst of human civilisation – look at all the wonderful opportunities for a pack animal who doesn’t need to run for miles to bring down the game anymore, or go for ages without proper food during winter! Their evolution dictates – where there’s food, eat. But this is no reason to just keep feeding your pet till they’re blimp-city. **Stoid’s** upset you a hell of a lot over this, but I can see her point. I’ve seen some really bad cases of pet over-feeding – wheezing bulldogs comes to mind. Correct me, please do, if I’m wrong – but I thought two of the main responsibilities of pet-ownership was “Feed properly” and “Provide exercise”? If I’ve come across as “preachy”, please accept my apologies for tone. I realise this is a sensitive topic for some, and I don’t want to come across as – well, a soap-boxer. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/33 "2001-05-22T13:57:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ice Wolf \* > **Stoid’s upset you a hell of a lot over this, but I can see her point. I’ve seen some really bad cases of pet over-feeding – wheezing bulldogs comes to mind.** No, I don’t think anyone’s challenging the idea that overfeeding pets is bad for them. What provoked many responses was the inane idea that allowing dogs to stuff themselves makes them _unhappy_, and that your poor canines are miserable because you aren’t a good dog-parent. This is sappy, totally misinformed tripe. ---
**Author:** ![Pyrrhonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pyrrhonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyrrhonist)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2001, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/34 "2001-05-22T14:08:14Z")
World famous poem by a dog: You gonna eat that? You gonna eat that? You gonna eat that? _I’ll eat that._ I have to agree that an grossly overweight pet (Cat, Dog, or Parakeet) should be monitored by their people in most circumstances for their health, but there is no unhappiness in a tubby dog that gets an occasional human food treat. I know dogs aren’t supposed to eat human food, but they do love it so. Cats aren’t supposed to eat human food either, but I’ve got a fat calico cat that loves BBQ potato chips. She has ripped open a bag in the pantry and chowed down before. Last time she was at the vet she got a clean bill of health, so I’m not too worried about he potato chip habit or fatness. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/35 "2001-05-23T04:52:45Z")
Okay, I’m really relieved that you guys know about the dangers of obesity in pets. And yes, to say that anyone can “know” what a dog or cat is thinking is not correct. BUT – I have also seen boredom in overweight pets. Kudos to those of you who love your pets, and help them feel part of the family, as active as possible. Had a neighbour once, though, who just fed his black lab-hunter cross but didn’t give the dog any exercise. Result: one fat, bored dog. I’ve seen dogs chew themselves nearly to pieces through boredom (not mange or allergies – these were otherwise healthy dogs). Boredom is psychological. I still think the OP’s message was partly correct, even if given in a way that’s upset people. Anyway – I’m glad you guys love your pets! Give 'em a pat from me. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2001, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/36 "2001-05-23T08:47:14Z")
I don’t think Stoid can hear us. It appears that her head is stuck up some dog’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/37 "2001-05-24T03:09:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silo \* > I don’t think Stoid can hear us. It appears that her head is stuck up some dog’s ass. Response 1: T’ain’t nothin’ an enema can’t fix. Response 2: So that’s why she always seems like she’s full of shit. Response 3: Poor dog. [sub]I’m in a generous mood . . . pick one:-)[/sub] Besides, Silo, don’t you know Stoid doesn’t “do” the pit when it’s “beneath” her? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2001, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/38 "2001-05-24T12:45:06Z")
I believe the word is “schmoes,” not “shmoes.” Friedo ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918/39 "2001-07-01T03:54:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Stay tuned for **Stoid** s upcoming rant about _Parakeets That Are Fed Too Much Fiber, And The Schmucks That Own Them_. \*\* BWWWWWWHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - wipes tears from eyes\* I used to be a Vet Tech so here is my semi professional opinion. Near as we could tell where I used to work this is how dogs look at food (with apologies to dave barry) ‘If it’s on the floor, eat it. If it’s not food you can always vomit it up later or get sent to the vet to have the bra removed from your abdomen’ It sounds like Stoid needs her anals expressed [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-all-you-shmoes-with-fat-dogs/65918.md?page=1)