# To beard or not to beard. That is the question. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 27, 2002, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453 "2002-03-27T20:15:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jen\_Jen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eada6e/32.png) [@Jen\_Jen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jen_Jen)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/21 "2002-03-29T06:23:50Z")
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… A beard is the damn sexiext thing about a man. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/22 "2002-03-29T08:48:23Z")
I am shaved bald. I would look like a giant thumb were it not for my facial hair. I sport a long mustache and a soul patch… ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/23 "2002-03-29T09:03:07Z")
I HAVE to shave after it gets past a few days of growth. If I don’t I look like one of those “I’ve-got-spiders-on-my-face-and-I-must-scratch-them” crazy people. The longest I’ve lasted with face hair was just over 3 weeks. the last week I thought I was going to go mad. BTW: What’s a VanDyke? I can’t place it right now. Oh. Another question. What is it called when someone has the HUGE sideburns and they look like they have an anti-goatee? Does that have a name? ---
**Author:** ![heptapod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@heptapod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heptapod)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/24 "2002-03-29T09:04:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Wish I had your slow-growing hair, heptapod. I trim mine twice weekly–the only thing worse than no beard is an unruly one. It’s not that slow growing, just that my beard only becomes unmanageable when it hits a certain length. When I start worrying my beard with my hands in idle situations then I know that I’m past due for a trim. ---
**Author:** ![heptapod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@heptapod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heptapod)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/25 "2002-03-29T09:06:30Z")
It’s a short, pointed beard. Not a goatee though because it still covers the cheeks. Kinda like Shakespeare (in the few images that have him sporting facial hair). ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/26 "2002-03-29T14:42:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Seven \* > Oh. Another question. What is it called when someone has the HUGE sideburns and they look like they have an anti-goatee? Does that have a name? I think you are referring to “porkchops”, as may be seen in the movie [3000 Miles to Graceland](http://us.imdb.com/ImageView?u=http%3A//posters.imdb.com/Covers/23/31/42.jpg). Incidentally, luxurious, thick porkchops may be conveniently purchased [here](http://halloweenscene.safeshopper.com/7/226.htm?175), should you have neither the time nor the gender to grow them yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/27 "2002-03-29T15:03:54Z")
[Test your knowledge of beard types!](http://www.beardshampoo.com/BeardTypes1.html) This will also answer all of the beard-type questions asked above, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Geoduck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c37758/32.png) [@Geoduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geoduck)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/28 "2002-03-29T16:15:36Z")
> [@](#): > > I think you are referring to “porkchops”, Close, but the wrong animal metaphor, fat sideburns that men in the latter 19th century sported are called muttonchops. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/29 "2002-03-29T16:56:43Z")
With a shaved head, I _need_ to have a beard. Otherwise my head is just a big white bowling ball sitting on top of my torso. **Microbug** won’t let me shave it. I did once, and her immediate response was “Grow it back right now!” One thing to bear in mind- most women are used to clean-shaven men. I’ve run into a few women who don’t like kissing men with beards. Alternately, though, there are some women who WANT to kiss a man with a beard, as they’ve never done it before and wonder what it feels like. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/30 "2002-03-29T17:33:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yondan \* > \*\*[This will also answer all of the beard-type questions asked above, I think. \*\* They didn’t have my beard! So what do you call it, it’s a mustache that continues down along the sides of my mouth to join a chin tuft? It’s close to the goatee picture but they show the moustache not connecting to the chin hair on theirs. -B ---
**Author:** ![Wisest\_Novel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wisest_novel/32/13329_2.png) [@Wisest\_Novel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisest_Novel)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/31 "2002-03-29T17:42:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > **They didn’t have my beard!** I noticed that, too. If we’re talking about the same thing, the closest they came were the “Balbo” and the “Hollywoodian.” Seems that’s the most popular style lately: mustache and chin hair linked together. Guess I’ll have to remain low-class, and keep referring to it as a goatee. ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/32 "2002-03-29T18:04:31Z")
I like goatees but hate full beards and mustaches (alone). I especially hate unkempt full beards. You gotta shave your neck otherwise it’s just yucky. And for god’s sake, don’t have long hair with a beard, unless you’re _trying_ to go for the Jesus look. And if you are, just remember…Jesus wasn’t out there scoring with the women. The difference for me is that goatees look conservative but sexy…like the wearer has a bit of deviant side but is basically stable. Full beards and mustaches make me think you have something to hide…whether it be your weak chin, your weak personality or your unheated shack in the wilds of Montana. ---
**Author:** ![Wisest\_Novel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wisest_novel/32/13329_2.png) [@Wisest\_Novel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisest_Novel)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/33 "2002-03-29T18:36:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sue Duhnym \* > \*\*The difference for me is that goatees look conservative but sexy…like the wearer has a bit of deviant side but is basically stable. > > Full beards and mustaches make me think you have something to hide…whether it be your weak chin, your weak personality or your unheated shack in the wilds of Montana. \*\* I grew a full beard after leaving the military (because I finally _could_!). Because I wasn’t dating, there was no one to tell me how it looked. My daughter’s still too young to have much of an opinion on that stuff. I have a 20-something friend who was on me to get a goatee, but I’d always thought they were for young punks and drug dealers. Besides, what did she know about fossils like me? She came to visit us in Ohio last summer, and she wanted to take me somewhere nice for my birthday. Because we were dressing up, I decided on a whim to shave down to a goatee for the night just to appease her. I figured I’d lop off the chin hair after she left and grow my beard back in. When I came out, she gushed about how sexy I looked. Now, if a hot 22-yo telling a 38-yo how sexy he looks isn’t a clue, I don’t know what is. I kept the goatee, and when I went back to work, I started getting comments from female coworkers about how much they liked it. I definitely read as much “the old beard sucked” as “I like the new one better” in the comments, too. Gee, **Sue** , if you’d been around a couple of years ago, you could’ve saved me months of ugliness. ::checks mirror:: On second thought… ---
**Author:** ![Beardedcrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@Beardedcrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beardedcrow)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453/34 "2002-03-30T06:18:58Z")
It’s a weird time to have a beard in America, especially a grey one. The girl behind the counter at the middle eastern store keeps calling me “Brother”. One customer’s daughter said I looked like Bin Laden and one customer keeps calling me “Noah”! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-beard-or-not-to-beard-that-is-the-question/100453.md?page=1)