# To cheat or not to cheat? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 12, 2004, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552 "2004-08-12T16:58:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/21 "2004-08-12T20:10:28Z")
I’ve already got an open relationship system; I don’t see any good reason to add lies and deception to my plate when I already have a structure built on honesty. I’m happy with my husband and my mate and not interested in lying to either of them, and besides, secrets tend to make me miserable. Especially not for some sort of fling; I’m a duration relationship kinda gal and “After this we’ll never see each other again” is pretty high on my list of extreme turn-offs. If someone’s not gonna be in my life for the long-term, they’re not gonna be in my bed in the short-term. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/22 "2004-08-12T20:14:41Z")
> [@Boy Scout11](#): > > Trust? Youi twist and turn peoples words and meanings on this board alot. “Alot” is two words. And you’re awfully new to be making broad generalizations about what I do “a lot”. > [@](#): > > You have had to learn that trait over many years… How many years? Seriously, can you guess how long it took me to learn this trait? > [@](#): > > …and trust will never fit into such factors. What on earth does **trust** have to do with **pointing out the inconsistencies in an argument**? And also, what does “fit into such factors” mean? That doesn’t even parse. Are you here to attack me personally, are you just practicing your English, or do you have something to contribute to the debate about cheating? **BoyScout11** , please answer the Original Poster’s question so we may debate the premise: if you could get away with it, would you cheat on your lover? ---
**Author:** ![jfortun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2acd7d/32.png) [@jfortun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jfortun)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/23 "2004-08-12T20:26:29Z")
I would not cheat. But in ideal circumstances we would consider a threesome (male or female). However, those circumstances are so unlikely that we have removed it from our To Do list. But cheat? no. I just couldn’t live with myself. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/24 "2004-08-12T20:36:17Z")
I couldn’t do it. Even though my b/f would never find out, I wouldn’t be able to keep from imagining the look on his face if he ever did, or even suspected. Any pleasure I got out of the sex would not be worth keeping a secret like that from the man I love for the rest of my life. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/25 "2004-08-13T03:52:48Z")
No way in hell would I do it. It doesn’t matter if he would ever know, because **I** would know. I would always have to live with the knowlege that I lied to him, that I betrayed his trust, and that it was all over something as stupid and trivial as one night of sex with someone who doesn’t know me or care about me as a human being at all. Besides, I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t know or care about me anyway, issues of cheating aside. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/26 "2004-08-13T05:11:14Z")
Female, and single, here, but I don’t think it matters. If I had an SO, I wouldn’t cheat on them. Because, as has been pointed out by others here, _I_ would know, even if no one else ever found out, and I couldn’t live with the knowledge that I’d broken that trust. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/27 "2004-08-13T05:21:54Z")
I would never cheat on my wife no matter what. It wouldn’t matter if she didn’t know. I would know and it would eat me alive. That bond could never be the same. Anyway, like **Bricker** said, my wife _is_ the woman of my dreams. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/28 "2004-08-13T08:02:08Z")
Wow! Not exactly getting swamped by potential cheaters in this thread, are we? Is anyone surprised that those who would take advantage of the opportunity might be a little reluctant to post such information on a public message board? FTR, I wouldn’t. I don’t think I could come home and face her and I couldn’t live with myself afterward. If ours was a crappy relationship my answer might be different. Someone posted above that making love is much better than just having sex. I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/29 "2004-08-13T08:19:34Z")
No, because when I promised ‘forsaking all others’, I meant it. If I were to go back on that, even if my wife never found out, I’d still be kicking myself for evermore. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/30 "2004-08-13T08:21:13Z")
> [@Logan84](#): > > I don’t think I would. If I was married (I think) it would tear me up to know my wife did the same. Ditto. The knowledge that I was unfaithful would eat me up inside. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/31 "2004-08-13T10:29:48Z")
Guy here, I hope I wouldn’t. Even with the guarantee that she would never find out, I think the deception would eat away at our relationship and our relationship is the most imporant thing in my life and the foundation upon which everything else is built. BUT, if we’re talking about total fantasy fling with Diana Rigg from the 60s as Mrs. Peel, then I’m glad I’ll never have to face that challenge. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/32 "2004-08-13T11:39:52Z")
I would not. I don’t think one should, even if one could “get away with it”. This assumes a consensual monogamous relationship, of course. I know, because I’ve had the opportunity to cheat on my then-fiancee with a woman I’d rate as hot as most celebs I fancy, and it turned out it wasn’t as hard as I thought to turn her down. OTOH, my wife already knows that there are two women that, if they were to come up to me together and say “Oh [**Dibble**], you’re the only man for us,” I will have to think hard and long before I turn them down, with many lifelong regrets. Which is why I will never be allowed backstage at a combined Dido concert / Nigella Lawson cooking demonstration 😉 . ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/33 "2004-08-13T12:38:42Z")
Female here, and I would not take advantage for the free pass for several reasons (not in any particular order). One reason is I love DH and simply wouldn’t cheat on him. Another one is that I promised my DH that I wouldn’t (we actually talked about this early on as his ex-wife cheated on him and he was devastated by the experience). Another reason is that a “one time deal” just doesn’t appeal to me. I like a relationship with my nookie. Another reason is that I can fantasize any relationship I want (if I want to) and I suspect my ideas may be better than real life. Also, I think I would feel guilty and sneaky about it and I don’t like feeling that way. Another reason is a fear of STD’s. Another reason is that I just don’t want to. Another reason is I get enough sex at home and don’t necessarily want anymore even with someone else. I guess that’s enough for now but if pressed could come up with some more! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/34 "2004-08-13T13:18:47Z")
This thread should be forwarded to the next person that makes sweeping claims about how “all men would cheat given the chance!” There is no way that I would cheat. It’s not even about _her_, really, it’s about _me_. If my moral framework says that an action is wrong, it remains wrong even if noone else ever finds out. Even if sticking to my morals is fruitless, even if I know that my spouse is cheating left, right and centre, I would still not do it because I couldn’t live with _myself_. If I want to sleep with other women, I need to inform my spouse of that fact first. If I know that my sleeping around will be anathema to her, then I need to do the right thing and split up if I am determined to do it. Sometimes there is no grey area. pan ---
**Author:** ![marky33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@marky33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marky33)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/35 "2004-08-13T13:25:54Z")
> [@Debaser](#): > > I don’t have a cite, but I do remember that it’s much higher than 15%, and men do cheat more often than women. I’m sure i remember seeing a study once (sorry, no cite) that found that, while attached men flirted a lot more than their female counterparts, the ladies were more likely to go the whole way into an affair than were their partners. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/36 "2004-08-13T13:29:59Z")
> [@kabbes](#): > > This thread should be forwarded to the next person that makes sweeping claims about how “all men would cheat given the chance!” Nice idea, but I expect it would only provoke the response that they would all lie about it too. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/37 "2004-08-13T13:43:18Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > This ain’t a GQ or a GD, it’s an IMHO. > Anyway, a married couple I know has a “list”. On this list are several celebrities that, if the opportunity arose, they could have consequence-free sex with. Such lists are cute, but IMO they only exist under the assumption that it would never happen. I once saw an interview with Paul Reiser, where he said that, before he hit it big, he and his wife had such a list. On his was Sigourney Weaver. Then, years later, he got the part in “Aliens”. He brought up the list to his wife. She said no f-ing way. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/38 "2004-08-13T14:32:46Z")
See, I can’t/don’t lie. So should I become married, I wouldn’t be able to cheat, since that would render my marital vows meaningless. Actually, and I sincerely am sorry for all the people I’m about to piss off, what’s so special about sex that people can’t wait to blow their marriages over cheap affairs? Its fun, but it ain’t that great… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/39 "2004-08-13T14:38:05Z")
> [@smiling bandit](#): > > See, I can’t/don’t lie. Is that true? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2004, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552/40 "2004-08-13T14:58:12Z")
Naw. If Allyson Hannigan isn’t interested in my wife, too, then she’s not getting any of me, either. We’ve already agreed on this. Daniel [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-cheat-or-not-to-cheat/259552.md?page=3)