# To-Day I Keyed Someone's Car **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 6, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528 "2003-03-06T17:29:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/41 "2003-03-08T03:12:29Z")
**booka** , if it’s any consolation, I am equally sick of these “Yea, verily” Pit posts that, if they were told in modern language and a straightforward manner, would be in MPSIMS with three replies. Yeah, yeah, I know: “If you don’t like them, Rilch, don’t read them.” I normally don’t. But in this instance, I just had to find out if anyone was able to see past the fake-ass Shakespearean prose to the dickhead action of keying a car. Yeah, I know: a 2mm tap. But if that’s all it was, why post an ode about it? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/42 "2003-03-08T03:14:07Z")
And **Fnoonf** , I don’t just mean you. ---
**Author:** ![Fnoonf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f6c823/32.png) [@Fnoonf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fnoonf)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/43 "2003-03-08T09:09:39Z")
**Rilchiam** : I don’t mind your criticism of my witterings, but on one point I want to be clear: my “ode” was not to the act itself, nor was it meant to justify or glorify it. My intention, as I tried to explain before, was to put a humorous spin on that feeling you get when you lash out at something in a moment of mindless frustration and then start to regret it mere fractions of a second later. I may have struck some wrong notes since it was so widely misinterpreted, and it’s entirely possible that the lack of backstory was a big factor (as an isolated incident and not part of an ongoing neighborly feud, that scratch would have been a thousand times more unwarranted than it already was), but despite how it may have come out to some people, my intention was never to endorse vandalism. If more people are gonna pop in here and make comments without reading my latter replies to the thread, I’m kinda tired of explaining. I’ll just plop down this lusciously crafted, attention-arresting marker here: _|_|_|\*\*|_|_|\*\*|_|_|\*\*|_|_|\*\*|_|_|_ and say: Hey! You there, scrolling through the thread on your way to a righteous ol’ snipe at that cheeky bastard of a vandal! Scroll back up just a bit for the all-you-can-eat rationalization buffet, then head on back down here and enjoy the dessert! And I’ll stop right there before the smugness leaks out of bounds. Thanks to all who’ve replied… this has been an interesting and edifying thread. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/44 "2003-03-08T11:16:21Z")
When I get frustrated with someone or something, I usually just spend a few minutes thinking about smashing him (or it) with a baseball bat. Always makes me feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/45 "2003-03-08T18:48:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cheesesteak \* > \*\*You didn’t “key” his car, you gave it the tiniest little kiss with your keys. If you ask my friend Marie, keying takes on a whole new meaning. If she were in your situation, she’d hold the key tight in her right hand, thrust it firmly into the door, and drag it along, keeping the pressure heavy, that way, she makes sure to “get right down to the metal, so it can’t be buffed out”. Actually, given the history you have with your neighbor, she’d probably slash his tires too! > > No, you don’t EVER want to block her in. \*\* I like her. She’s _fun_. ---
**Author:** ![JRootabega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@JRootabega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRootabega)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/46 "2003-03-08T19:34:23Z")
It’s not petty vandalism. It is deeply symbolic. Like when that guy from Oz cut his own face up, or like getting a piece of your wiener removed. By inflicting minor damage upon the car you evoke an image of the greater damage that would occur if you really needed to get your car out and had to slowly _scrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaape_ your way to freedom. ---
**Author:** ![yme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/35a633/32.png) [@yme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yme)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/47 "2003-03-08T21:14:11Z")
SSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH! RRRRRRRiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppp. \* That was the sound of Booka’s car getting scratched. ---
**Author:** ![SLASH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SLASH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SLASH)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/48 "2003-03-08T22:41:32Z")
Only a 2 mm mark? You loser, you shoulda keyed the whole damn side. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lone\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lone\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lone_Duck)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/49 "2003-03-09T00:11:27Z")
“That way I get to be a dick and have a clear concious at the same time.” That sounds like some church goers. The thinking is that if they are religious, then all is forgiven. Kinda like how the old Chicago Mafia was. ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/50 "2003-05-12T16:23:56Z")
Some people here are awfully defensive about revenge on bad parkers. I think the posters doth protest too much. **fnoonf** , I know exactly how you feel. Last year, I had a neighbor who constantly wedged her car between mine and the bushes (there was a wall on the other side). In her mind, she may have been thinking, “I have a 9:00 class, I’ll be out before her.” Wrong. I left the house promptly at 6:15 every morning, which meant I had to crawl through the trunk of my car to get inside on several occasions. Fucking pissed me off. She would also allow her friends to park in my spot, leaving me nowhere to park. I parked behind them on many occasions and then parked my ass on my porch, daring them to touch my car. I then lectured them on the rules of apartment parking before I let them leave. I hated that bitch. People of that nature do not get it. They are selfish and rude. Don’t scratch his car. Take his tires. Don’t slash them; just take them. He’ll be so fuckin’ confused he won’t know what to do. As I’ve said in other Pit threads, being an asshole is socially unacceptable, but breaking apartment parking rules is punishable by damage to said car. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/51 "2003-05-12T17:17:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NinetyWt \* > \*\*That’s beautiful, **Bipster**. May I use it for a sig? > > 90 \*\* No, silly, put the old one back on, please? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mallocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f4b2a3/32.png) [@mallocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mallocks)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528/52 "2003-05-12T21:01:13Z")
hmm, I suppose I’d be more outraged if I’d had my car keyed, closest I’ve got is where someone broke the lock to get the tax disc. That was annoying. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-day-i-keyed-someones-car/159528.md?page=2)