If you know someone who is going through a rough time, and you have extra cash on hand, send them a couple hundred bucks anonymously. That way you don’t have to mess with the awkwardness that stems from these informal “loans.” And since you KNOW that you won’t be getting the money back, you’ll lend only what you’re truly comfortable living without. As an added bonus, you can feel good about yourself because you’re not giving the money to show off or claim some sort of power over this person. You are giving it because someone could use a helping hand.
If you don’t have cash on hand, send her a nice card, or say a prayer for her if you feel so inspired.
No matter what, don’t ever lend people money. Doesn’t matter if they’re a grifter or a drifter. Lending money is what banks do.
So she has a partner, and between the TWO of them they can’t earn enough money to pay for a place to live? And you’re bedridden and you let this person roam around your house at will? And this is in Holland, whose government has good social policies? I smell something VERY fishy. Give your money to a legtimate charity.
Gum, I’ll be honest. This seems like a trainwreck to me. You seem to really want to give her the money - and want us to tell you it’s ok. Maybe you’re too nice, but let me just say again DO NOT GIVE HER THE MONEY!
Look, I know you know what it’s like to be poor - and you are a good person. But…
(1) She can turn to someone else - somebody who can afford to give her the money. There are other marks… er… people out there.
(2) Yes, she paid you back - and then squandered your generosity, by apparently getting BACK into debt.
(3) This whole Debt Sanitation thing? Sounds fishy - and sounds designed to keep you from checking up on the whole thing. Call Debt Sanitation directly and ask them. Then when/if they say “no she doesn’t owe us any money” you can call the police directly and talk about fraud.
(4) Save your damn interest in your savings account. What if something bad happens to you and you need the money? You must provide for yourself first - and you do not appear to be in a financial position to just give away thousands of dollars.
Finally, look - you’re probably going to give her the money. You seem to be leaning that way. But from the bottom of my heart, as a fellow Doper, please do NOT give her the money. Even if this may not be a scam, it has gross money mismanagement written all over it. You are not helping her by giving her the money, you are simply enabling her.
Unless she worked the first loan off with interest, she still owes you. It sounds to me like it is going to cost you money to loan her money, so if you do loan the money, loan it with the understanding that she will be paying you back the loan plus the interest you lost at the very least. I would be hesitant to loan a good friend 2k, let alone a business acquantance.
Also, like everyone else is saying, you screw up once and need to borrow money. Twice, and you just can’t handle money. Do you have a local charity that helps people keep their houses? Here we have a coalition of churches that work together to help people living on the margin of poverty with short term loans, grants, food and household goods, etc. Giving them her name and her their name would be a nice thing to do. If she will ask you for money, she can ask them for money.
Gotta join the pile-on here - giving her money isn’t nice, and it isn’t helping her - it’s enabling someone with a money management problem. I understand your wanting to help someone else, gum, but you could do that by referring her to friends so she gets more cleaning jobs, or something along those lines. Bailing her out to the tune of thousands of dollars every couple of months only teaches her that she doesn’t need to look after herself; someone else will do it.
I don’t know what things are like in Amsterdam, but I know that here in Calgary, if you’ve got two able-bodied adults who can clean and paint, you’ve got good earning potential. And rest assured, my husband and I WILL clean and paint if that’s what it takes to keep our house. Come to think of it, that’s exactly what we did do when we were both unemployed at the same time.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. After all, I have a functioning uterus, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a surrogate mother any time soon. I have a house, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to open it up to some stranger to crash on the couch.
Look, the fact that you’ve posted your question here means you have some reservations. Trust your instincts and keep that money in the bank earning interest.
I think you are all correct. Your posts make a lot of sense.
I’ll give it a few more days, but I do believe I’m leaning towards the ‘No’.
If she’s angry and decides to quit her job: she isn’t all that good, DMark. Average, at best.
Thank you guys, for all the good advice. I really appreciate it.
I would never extend a loan in a situation where I would not give the person the same amount as a gift. And I would fire the housekeeper immediately, and change my locks.
Nah, I need to think it over, I guess. I’ll see her on Friday. I’ll let you know what happened.
Vetbridge, I’m not in the habit of giving my cleaning ladies $2000.
I would, if I won the lottery.
I don’t think I need to change my locks. There isn’t an awful lot to steal, here.
If mood=feelings, then you’re not thinking clearly. It doesn’t matter how you feel about loaning her the money, it’s about whether it makes rational sense to you and your financial situation to loan her the money.
It sounds like you’re leaning toward telling her no. Keep leaning in that direction.
Thanks Zoe, I completely missed featherlou’s post.
My apologies, featherlou. You are so right. See below.
ivylass I know I wasn’t thinking clearly. I hope I am now.
I didn’t see her on Friday. I wasn’t feeling too well and was in bed.
My partner, who normally sees her before he’s off to work, said she didn’t say, or asked anything, but there was a letter from her, left for me.
In it, she more or less asked the same as in her e-mail.
She said she understood that ‘right now’ wouldn’t be a good time for us, what with the new bussiness and all.
She suggested that maybe we could get a loan at a bank and then lend the money to her.
That pissed me of.
I waited a while with e-mailing her, because I believe it’s not a good idea to write when you’re angry [see some of my postings in the pit. * ahem* ]
I just plainy told her ‘No’.
I offered to find more work for her, but no more loans.
I haven’t had an answer yet.
Thank you all again for the help. I am such a :wally
I believe you did the right thing. I am also stunned at the audacity of asking you to get a loan so that you can give her a loan. I think in your shoes I would start looking for a new cleaning lady - but that is just me.
You know, if my boss had gone above and beyond the call of duty or even friendship and lent me that kind of money, I would be the best damn cleaner she’d ever seen.
It’s this crazy little thing I have, called ‘gratitude’.
Wow. That takes a lot of nerve, to ask something like that. My response would be to very firmly tell her no, and please don’t ask any more. Any more asking, and it’s time to get a new housekeeper. Actually, now that I think of it, there seems to be something fishy going on here, and I’m not sure I would trust her enough to let her into my house any more. This is not normal behaviour.
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