# To Mock A Killing Bird **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2005, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955 "2005-02-02T06:22:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/1 "2005-02-02T06:22:05Z")
Long, long ago, in a land far, far away I eked out a living at the periphery of Hollywood. I wrote screenplays; some of which were optioned, most of which went unnoticed, all of which went nowhere. But with the unrivaled smarts and talents of the members of the SDMB, I am sure that we can come up with STORIES based on movies mating with movies and other perversions of classics. I herewith submit a few of my own (weak as they are): GOYIM WITH THE WIND – “What? You want I should buy these smoking ruins? Are you meshugga?“ Don’t even talk to me about “TORAH, TORAH, TORAH!” CASABLAHBLAH – “Of all the gin joints in the world I had to come to the only one without an Internet hook-up.” STAR WARTS – “Luke, you have a fungus.” I know, I know – very insipid at best. I’ve been up here in the mountains too long. Please, save this thread – add your own STORIES based on movies mating with movies and other perversions of classics. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/2 "2005-02-02T06:50:56Z")
Okay, I’ll bite: [ul][li]Rebel without a Claus - a southern soldier spending Christmas on the frontlines.[/li] Avi ate her. (oops that’s a porno movie)[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/3 "2005-02-02T08:25:46Z")
**Tax Return of the Jedi** “Luke, I am your accountant.” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/4 "2005-02-02T12:08:08Z")
Hey, Pucker Lips Now!: it’s a remake of **Deliverance**. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/5 "2005-02-02T12:46:06Z")
Pulp Facts: A documentery about the wood pulp industry. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/6 "2005-02-02T14:07:06Z")
Fanny Hall: “Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and wander’d over my whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures, that rather warm’d and surpriz’d me with their novelty, than they either shock’d or alarm’d me, lah-di-dah, lah-di-dah.” ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/7 "2005-02-02T14:42:44Z")
Saturday Night Tai Chi Fever–it’s a visual; imagine Travolta doing that on the dance floor. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/8 "2005-02-02T15:19:12Z")
**Kill Bill Gates - Volume I** : Thousands of zombies with crashed hard drives converge on the Microsoft building with but one goal – to get their money back. ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/9 "2005-02-02T16:00:11Z")
**Lord of The Rinks** : Paul Newman returns as Reggie Dunlop to reinvigorate a failing hockey team, and finds himself doing battle with the first place _Sarumons_. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/10 "2005-02-02T16:15:09Z")
Ole Paul is in this one too: **Cool Hand Aluet** - an Eskimo tells the warden he’s lost one of his gloves. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/11 "2005-02-02T19:32:19Z")
**Tarzana of The Apes** : Lord Greystoke opens a Ford dealership with Cal Worthington. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/12 "2005-02-02T20:23:52Z")
Lord of the Ring Tones: Sauron goes into the mobile phone business. (Even he won’t touch telemarketing, though :eek: ) ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/13 "2005-02-02T20:25:36Z")
_The Unnatural_: The corpse of Roy Hobbs rises from the grave to play baseball. As the DH, he leads his Tampa Bay Devil Rays to their first World Series victory. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/14 "2005-02-02T20:31:20Z")
**Mommy Deer** - a sequel to Bambi. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/15 "2005-02-02T20:33:16Z")
Raiders of the Lost Arc de Triomphe (aka “Ocean’s thirteen”) A daring group of US film stars commit the ultimate heist in France. Julia Roberts is not nominated for an Oscar. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/16 "2005-02-02T20:39:43Z")
_Hied to Cafe Society_: What’s likely to happen to this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/17 "2005-02-02T20:41:15Z")
Don of the Dead: Ex-Eagle Henley plays guitar with Bobby weir and Mickey Hart The Skor: Robert DeNiro and Ed Norton shoplift a candy bar Meet me in Orange County: Bittersweet musical about a young man leaving home for college; great performances by Jack Black, Judy Garland. It’s a Wonderful Afterlife: Catholic commits suicide, gets to see how everyone’s life changes for the better now that he’s gone; he still goes to Hell, though. Young Franken: Gene Wilder in a hilarious send-up of left-wing comedy (“That’s Frahn-ken”). ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mock-a-killing-bird/287955/18 "2005-02-02T22:23:59Z")
**Die Hardly** : A man attends a Christmas party at his wife’s place of business, then they go home together and have dinner. **The Godmother** : Al Pacino is turned into a pumpkin at midnight.