# To Mods: Guidelines for having a thread closed if you are the OP **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 28, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471 "2003-01-28T14:16:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/181 "2003-01-31T21:05:38Z")
So this monkey is swinging through the jungle when he sees an elephant sitting down, crying copiously. An ant walks up to the elephant and says “What’s wrong?” The elephant says, “I’ve got this splinter in my foot.” And sure enough, a large splinter was stuck in the pad of the elephant’s foot. The ant looks at it, then says, “Tell you what. I can get that splinter out, but if I do, you have to do whatever I say.” The elephant figures it has nothing to lose, so it agrees. The ant quickly pulls out the splinter. “Oh, thank you,” said the elephant. “Now what can I do for you?” The ant says, “I’ve always wanted to screw an elephant.” The elephant is shocked, but after a moment’s thought, agrees. _After all_, it thinks, _how bad can this be?_ So the ant crawls up the elephant’s hind leg, moves the tail to one side, and starts pounding away. The monkey, who had witnessed all this, was convulsed with laughter at the sight of an ant schtupping an elephant. He’s rolling around in his tree, laughing away, when his elbow hits a coconut and knocks it loose. It falls directly onto the elephant’s head. The elephant says, “Ouch!” And the ant says, “That’s right – take it all, bitch!” ---
**Author:** ![ptr2void](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ptr2void/32/3406_2.png) [@ptr2void](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ptr2void)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/182 "2003-01-31T21:11:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > **one group has prehensile tails and the other doesn’t** Maybe the other has prehensile rectums (recta? rectii?) That would be one hell of a feces fete. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/183 "2003-01-31T21:17:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andros \* > \*\*Euell Gibbons was a vegetarian, wasn’t he? > > Shit. Wrong thread. \*\* But was he a cheese-eater? Shit. Wrong thread ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/184 "2003-01-31T21:28:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*I collect moose figurines and such. In fact I even have a pair of dice with moose on them! \*\* One X-mas, all the gifts I received from my mom were moose themed. Moose shirt, moose vest, moose scarf, moose hat, moose mits, moose socks, stuffed moose. It was a tad odd, given that while I certainly don’t have anything _against_ moose, I’m definantly more of a bunny collector. I must say though - that moose vest is damn warm. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/185 "2003-01-31T21:33:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\*Yeah, I’ve heard that moose bites kan be very nasti. \*\* Bruce the Wonder Llama never bit _me_! ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/186 "2003-01-31T21:39:08Z")
_Ralph_ the Wonder Llama. I’m still looking for a good moose that’s trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms. ---
**Author:** ![Mars\_Horizon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mars_horizon/32/2804_2.png) [@Mars\_Horizon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mars_Horizon)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/187 "2003-01-31T21:39:21Z")
¡Cuidado! ¡Las llamas! ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/188 "2003-01-31T21:40:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\*Yeah, I’ve heard that moose bites kan be very nasti. \*\* Moose bites aren’t the only [nasty thing](http://www.suntimes.co.za/2001/03/25/backpage/back05.htm) they do. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/189 "2003-01-31T21:41:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > I’m still looking for a good moose that’s trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms. I thought that was something else … an elk, mebbe? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/190 "2003-01-31T21:44:27Z")
Many parts of the moose are edible. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/191 "2003-01-31T21:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bren\_Cameron \* > \*\*Lemurs aren’t monkeys, but they are primates. > > The Monkees weren’t monkeys, either. But they were primates, too. \*\* The Monkees are the third chimpanzee, according to Jared Diamond. This late, stupid post brought to you by Cafe Society’s “Whatcha readin’” thread. All the news that fits, we print. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/192 "2003-01-31T21:46:45Z")
Ok, can we quit monkeying around now? I can’t cope with talk of this elk, yet you lot just keep rabbiting on! [sub]That was very poor, I apologise…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![light\_strand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a6a055/32.png) [@light\_strand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/light_strand)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/193 "2003-01-31T21:48:00Z")
From imthjckaz cite: > [@](#): > > Leif Borgersen, owner of the Ford Ka model, said that he found his car bathed in lick marks, saliva and moose excrement. The last was a token of the moose’s anger at the car’s standoffishness. [The Ford Ka](http://www.carsource.co.uk/ka): It’s moosealicious! ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/194 "2003-01-31T21:48:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\*One X-mas, all the gifts I received from my mom were moose themed. \*\* Last year, I gave one of my sisters a stuffed moose in a can. She thought it was canned moose meat at first, and was very disappointed with me. Given that I have six sisters, that’s been a common occurence, though. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/195 "2003-01-31T21:49:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\* > It was a tad odd, given that while I certainly don’t have anything _against_ moose, I’m definantly more of a bunny collector. > > \*\* Would you say you’re a serious bunny collector? This is real important, because my MIL is a bunny collector, and I have hard time finding gifts for her. Is there some sort of secret bunny cabal supply store on line? Any tips on where to find bunny stuff? I know the rest of you all are joking about monkeys and moose, but I SERIOUSLY NEED TO FIND A STORE THAT SELLS BUNNY CRAP. Errr, not to call what **alice\_in\_wonderland** collects is crap, of course (but you should see some of the crap I collect). It just feels like crap when someone’s birthday is in five days and you realize you’re as bunniless as Elmer Fudd. And maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll also find a store that sells bourgeois pig collectables. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/196 "2003-01-31T21:51:37Z")
If it’s bunny crap you want, I bet any pet shop can give you a real good deal on it in bulk. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/197 "2003-01-31T21:52:17Z")
> [@](#): > > The Ford Ka: It’s moosealicious! And actually a fine looking car. Huh. Wonder if they’ll ever be sold on the left side of the pond? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/198 "2003-01-31T21:54:58Z")
Moose suck at chess. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/199 "2003-01-31T21:59:17Z")
alice, if you ever need to get any of that moose crap off your hands…I’ll be at the next chidope 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471/200 "2003-01-31T22:04:22Z")
When I’m in the mood for a really good lay I go to the closet and get me some hay I go to the window and spread it around, 'Cause moose always… Oh, I’m sorry, were we talking about bunnies? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-mods-guidelines-for-having-a-thread-closed-if-you-are-the-op/151471.md?page=11)