# To my brother **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 28, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894 "2004-12-28T05:12:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/21 "2004-12-28T08:21:41Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Hardly. For one, that would be nothing more than ‘damn preaching’ of a ‘sex is A-OK, who cares that you are a minor and are probably incapable of dealing with the potential consequences of your actions’ message. How is making sure her brother is educated and knowledgeable preaching anything? Education and preaching have profoundly different connotations. Furthermore, which would you rather have? Ignorant teenagers who are almost definitely going to experiment sexually. Or educated teenagers who are almost definitely going to experiment sexually? Moreover, children who are educated about the physical and emotional risks of sex would be more well prepared to deal with sex than those who have only ignorance and superstition. > [@Brutus](#): > > Not that I have a problem with teaching safe sex, but getting the hormonal little creatures to take it easy is even better. And how exactly does one get hormonal teenagers to take it easy? I’m not sure if you recall that age all that well, but it’s not the golden years for a love of authority. The human body is honed by many, many years of evolution. We become sexually mature at roughly 14 years of age. And goddamn if the teen years aren’t some very very frisky years. You think her brother and his girlfriend won’t find a place to park or hook up at a party or wander off together into the woods or… > [@Brutus](#): > > You leave the door wide open when holding court on the porcelain throne? At the very least, her brother could have closed the door. It was pretty rude of her brother to do that. But it was pretty bitchy and preachy of her to lecture him on abstinence. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/22 "2004-12-28T08:22:50Z")
Her brother may not be allowed to close the door with a girl in his room. Which probably means her parents are aware of the potential consequences and may actually be monitoring the situation and doing other things that are appropriate for _parents_ to do. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/23 "2004-12-28T08:24:36Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > If he and his girlfriend persist in doing it in front of her, then that’s just selfish and rude. Agreed. But was the substance of her OP "Hey guys, do it, but just don’t do it in public, mmm’ kay? " Or was it “Here are some pamplets so you know how to use your sexuality, oh, and masturbate instead of having sex, and don’t you fuck that girl who’s interested in you I don’t want to be an aunt, and mom and dad are going to be sooooo pissed at you and I’m telling!!!” ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/24 "2004-12-28T08:26:51Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > Her brother may not be allowed to close the door with a girl in his room. Which probably means her parents are aware of the potential consequences and may actually be monitoring the situation and doing other things that are appropriate for _parents_ to do. That was my take too. “Open-door” policies aren’t all that rare in my experience. But even if he’s not allowed to hook up with his girlfriend due to parental edict, does she still have to be a preachy bitch about it? I know she’s young and all, but acting like a bitch is acting like a bitch, and she should probably stop that sorta stuff. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/25 "2004-12-28T08:27:01Z")
Oh, yes. I almost forgot. It’s not just **FlamingBananas** either. If you read the whole post, you’ll see she mentions that their mom was mad about it too. Sorry folks, I think big brother was the one out of line here. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/26 "2004-12-28T08:37:40Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Kudos to **flamingbananas** for having a sense of decency. Some of the other posters here could certainly use a bit of that. :rolleyes: Yeah, littering your brother’s room with trite “abstinence and safe sex flyers”, bitching about how he chooses to spend time with his girlfriend (“stupid little games and endless ‘debates’ about whose cuter then whom”), and just generally being a huge pain in the ass is completely decent. Sure, they probably shouldn’t have sex but our young OP doesn’t even know that they **are**. Kissing, even if it takes place on a bed, isn’t sex. And anyway, I don’t think a sketch about masturbation, or an annoying little sister with too much time on her hands is really going to stop anyone, much less a “horny teenage boy”, from having sex, if that is his intention. I think I pretty much agree with Finn. > [@zoogirl](#): > > I wouldn’t have sex with Mr zoogirl in fornt of either of my sons. Why would it be okay for them to have sex with their girlfriends in front of each other? I missed the part in the OP where it says they were having sex in front of her. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/27 "2004-12-28T08:40:10Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > How is making sure her brother is educated and knowledgeable preaching anything? Education and preaching have profoundly different connotations. Nothing but a semantic difference. Besides which, the OP does say she placed ‘abstinence and safe sex flyers’ in his room. An approach, I might ad, that [seems to be working.](http://www.indystar.com/articles/6/201409-3346-010.html) Besides which, it’s just sort of odd that you guys flip the hell out when ‘abstinence’ is mentioned. Abstinence is much safer than ‘safe sex’, you must admit. So why not try to get both messages across? > [@](#): > > It was pretty rude of her brother to do that. But it was pretty bitchy and preachy of her to lecture him on abstinence. Preachy? _Perhaps_. Maybe. Tell you what, I will grant the possiblity. Bitchy? Not in the least. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/28 "2004-12-28T08:40:56Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > I think big brother was the one out of line here. Why can’t it be both? Her brother broke the parents’ rule. She was a bitch. Simple, no? ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/29 "2004-12-28T08:44:51Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Why can’t it be both? > Her brother broke the parents’ rule. > She was a bitch. > > Simple, no? There you go with the ‘bitch’ again. One day, you may understand the difference between ‘being annoyed’ and/or ‘being concerned’ and ‘being a bitch’. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/30 "2004-12-28T08:48:02Z")
> [@Silver Fire](#): > > I missed the part in the OP where it says they were having sex in front of her. I believe “making out” was the actual term used. That can cover a lot of ground and as I recall, can escalate pretty damn fast too. Anyway, the point is they were making her uncomfortable and given her earilier reactions, they _knew_ they were making her uncomfortable. Whether or not she was out of line with the pamphlets etc, they were definately out of line with the level of contact they were continuing in front of her. Apparently they had also crossed the mom’s boundries too. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/31 "2004-12-28T08:52:08Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Nothing but a semantic difference. Besides which, the OP does say she placed ‘abstinence and safe sex flyers’ in his room. A semantic difference is, by definition, one of meaning. > [@Brutus](#): > > An approach, I might ad, that [seems to be working.](http://www.indystar.com/articles/6/201409-3346-010.html) Okay, where in that article did it detail the scientific study which linked current trends directly to absinance only education? Or are you grasping at straws? Coincidence is not causation. > [@Brutus](#): > > Besides which, it’s just sort of odd that you guys flip the hell out when ‘abstinence’ is mentioned. ~unleashes Real Ultimate Power!~ ~flips out and kills shit~ Ahem. Abstinance … [according to at least one theory, sex is necessary for the proper functioning of the human organism](http://www.orgonomy.org/article_009.html) But I digress. Sure, teach that abstinance is the only 100% method, because it is. But also make sure that if kids let their hormones take over, they’re educated. It’s abstinance-only education that ruffles my feathers. (And it sure as hell didn’t seem like the OP was trying to educate/help her brother with birth control options) > [@Brutus](#): > > Bitchy? Not in the least. If you had a sister who was giving you flyers telling you to masturbate, that wouldn’t be bitchy? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/32 "2004-12-28T08:53:10Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > There you go with the ‘bitch’ again. One day, you may understand the difference between ‘being annoyed’ and/or ‘being concerned’ and ‘being a bitch’. False dichotomy. One can be concerned and annoyed and express that concern and annoyance by being a bitch. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/33 "2004-12-28T08:55:32Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > Anyway, the point is they were making her uncomfortable and given her earilier reactions, they _knew_ they were making her uncomfortable. Whether or not she was out of line with the pamphlets etc, they were definately out of line with the level of contact they were continuing in front of her. Apparently they had also crossed the mom’s boundries too. See, this is the thing though. If the OP had only been about how he had commited a private act in public thus making her uncomfortable, I would’ve been on her side. But quite frankly her preachy attitude and the bitchyness of the flyers lost whatever sympathy I’d had for her. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/34 "2004-12-28T08:59:34Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > It’s not just **FlamingBananas** either. If you read the whole post, you’ll see she mentions that their mom was mad about it too. Super. So maybe **flamingbananas** can let her mom do her job now, which is educating her son, rather than taking it upon herself to get in his business. That’s only going to piss him off anyway. > [@Brutus](#): > > Preachy? Perhaps. Maybe. Tell you what, I will grant the possiblity. Bitchy? Not in the least. Asking them to “kindly pry your mouthes apart”, even without the sarcastic tone and eye rollling I’m imagining, isn’t bitchy? I’m hoping her commentary on their “stupid debates” and whatnot was just fuel for the pit fire, and not something she’s actually said to her brother, especially in his girlfriend’s company, because that would most certainly fall squarely in the “bitchy” category. > [@zoogirl](#): > > Whether or not she was out of line with the pamphlets etc, they were definately out of line with the level of contact they were continuing in front of her. Right. Except they were in **his bedroom**. Unless they share a bedroom or have an exceptionally tiny house, she **chose** to make that “in front of her”. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/35 "2004-12-28T09:09:33Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Ahem. Abstinance … [according to at least one theory, sex is necessary for the proper functioning of the human organism](http://www.orgonomy.org/article_009.html) He won’t die if he doesn’t get any until later (thus sparing his parents the worry of being grandparents just yet). Nobody died from waiting until they were old enough to be responsible for whatever mistakes (i.e. unexpected pregnancies) might result from their choices. Birth control isn’t foolproof, either. The odds are good, but not 100%, even with more than one kind being used. Maybe the parents are not comfortable with less than 100% odds. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/36 "2004-12-28T09:10:39Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Ahem. Abstinance … [according to at least one theory, sex is necessary for the proper functioning of the human organism](http://www.orgonomy.org/article_009.html) > But I digress. Great Oogly Moogly! Orgonomy? What next, some Time-Cube action? At least have the decency to blush if you are going to whip out a cite from a proponent of ‘Orgone Energy’. > [@](#): > > (And it sure as hell didn’t seem like the OP was trying to educate/help her brother with birth control options) Dude, get off that horse. Unless your sister is Dr.Ruth, don’t expect detailed sex advice from her. > [@](#): > > If you had a sister who was giving you flyers telling you to masturbate, that wouldn’t be bitchy? Wouldn’t happen. Unlike her brother, at that age I was certainly bright enough to seek more secluded confines. Besides which (yes, I am abusing that phrase), nobody needed to tell me to masturbate at that age. > [@Silver Fire](#): > > Right. Except they were in **his bedroom**. Unless they share a bedroom or have an exceptionally tiny house, she **chose** to make that “in front of her”. How big of a house did you grow up in? The distance between our bedroom doors wasn’t that big in first house over here, certainly within 10 feet. And don’t be obtuse. You _know_ how damnably annoying that ‘My oogy-woogy little honey schnookums’ crap gets after a while. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/37 "2004-12-28T09:21:40Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > He won’t die if he doesn’t get any until later (thus sparing his parents the worry of being grandparents just yet). Nobody died from waiting until they were old enough to be responsible for whatever mistakes (i.e. unexpected pregnancies) might result from their choices. Agreed, it would be better to wait. But also better not to be a preachy bitch. > [@Brutus](#): > > Great Oogly Moogly! Orgonomy? What next, some Time-Cube action? At least have the decency to blush if you are going to whip out a cite from a proponent of ‘Orgone Energy’. Have you read _The function of orgasm_? There was a wealth of scientific data associated with the study, all of it obtained by a valid methedology. Perhaps Reich’s explenation of the phenomona (eg. by invoking orgone) was incorrect, but he **did** observe a fundamentally significant phenomon. > [@Brutus](#): > > Dude, get off that horse. Unless your sister is Dr.Ruth, don’t expect detailed sex advice from her. Dude, quit being dense. I’ve never said she should give him detailed sex advice. I’ve said her course of action was bitchy, and that a compassionate course of action would involve education, especially if she was acting out of concern for him. Moreoever, I don’t know just how low your comfort level with sex is, but, telling someone about birth control requires detailed Dr. Ruth style advice? "The pill prevents ovulation but not STD’s while condoms provide a shield against STD’s…) > [@Brutus](#): > > Wouldn’t happen. Unlike her brother, at that age I was certainly bright enough to seek more secluded confines. Besides which (yes, I am abusing that phrase), nobody needed to tell me to masturbate at that age. I didn’t ask if it ‘would’ happen. I’m asking, in a hypotehtical, if your sibling gave you flyers telling you not to have sex and to masturbate instead, wouldn’t that be bitchy and/or kinda weird? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/38 "2004-12-28T09:23:20Z")
I’d also note, by the way, that the FDA burned Reich’s books and hacked his labratory to bits with axes. I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I like to see peer review conducted. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/39 "2004-12-28T09:28:02Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Agreed, it would be better to wait. > But also better not to be a preachy bitch. I don’t think her goal is to be a preachy bitch, though she may sound that way. I think “worried, annoyed, and offended” might be closer. Were some of the actions (the pamphlets) over the line? Yeah, I guess so. At least I doubt that they did a bit of good. So if nothing else, they were a waste of time. The parents need to handle this. She has a right to expect that her brother will behave appropriately around her, but bottom line, it’s the parents’ job to tell him the rules of the house. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/40 "2004-12-28T09:32:52Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > How big of a house did you grow up in? The distance between our bedroom doors wasn’t that big in first house over here, certainly within 10 feet. And don’t be obtuse. You _know_ how damnably annoying that ‘My oogy-woogy little honey schnookums’ crap gets after a while. Even if their doors are ten feet apart, why can’t she close her own door? Or go to a different room? Or put her fingers in her ears and scream, “LALALA! I can’t HEAR YOU!!!”? I’ll admit to knowing just how annoying the lovey-dovey shit gets, but a boy can’t get more private than his own bedroom unless he leaves the house completely. What do you suppose would be more sensible, **flamingbananas** ignoring and avoiding the stuff that she finds objectionable, or her brother and his girlfriend leaving to go who knows where to do whatever the fuck they want? At least here they have some supervision (and I don’t mean **flamingbananas** ). As for the size of my own childhood home, I grew up the youngest of four in a technically 3 bedroom house; parents in one, two boys in another, myself and my sister in the third. Eventually I turned an oversized closet into my own room. Only my parents had a door, yet the rest of us somehow managed to avoid privacy conflicts and annoyances most of the time. (Back then, we even played **outside**. :eek: I know.) Until one of those bastards started being dumb just to get on my nerves. I really hated being the youngest sometimes. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894.md?page=3)