# To my brother **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 28, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894 "2004-12-28T05:12:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/41 "2004-12-28T09:33:43Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > I don’t think her goal is to be a preachy bitch, though she may sound that way. Yes and no… I don’t think her ultimate goal is to be a preachy bitch. But the way she went about it, or at least presented it in her OP, sure makes her look like a preachy bitch. She may very well have been worried, offended, annoyed, concerned, trying to be helpful, etc… she still ended up acting like a bitch. Just because you have certain emotions doesn’t mean you get to act like a bitch to the people who you care about. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/42 "2004-12-28T09:38:55Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > She may very well have been worried, offended, annoyed, concerned, trying to be helpful, etc… she still ended up acting like a bitch. > Just because you have certain emotions doesn’t mean you get to act like a bitch to the people who you care about. When emotions run high, that’s what happens. I am not excusing it, however. For one thing, it doesn’t work. I doubt that her behavior (if it is in the “preachy bitch” category) has changed her brother’s mind about _anything_. When emotions run high, when you’re upset, embarrassed, uncomfortable, and very young, it’s not difficult to slip into “preachy bitch” territory. We’ve all been there. Not to excuse it, but I think we’ve all been there. The best thing to do is to explain that such a reaction is not going to get positive results. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/43 "2004-12-28T09:42:59Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > When emotions run high, when you’re upset, embarrassed, uncomfortable, and very young, it’s not difficult to slip into “preachy bitch” territory. We’ve all been there. Not to excuse it, but I think we’ve all been there. The best thing to do is to explain that such a reaction is not going to get positive results. Well, that’s certainly a valid point. And I kinda tried to allude to the fact that her attitude wasn’t helping him. But, still, the tack I took and would probably take again is that it’s more important for her to learn not to act like a bitch than to understand how to effect her brother positively. As always, YMMV ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/44 "2004-12-28T09:43:49Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > I didn’t ask if it ‘would’ happen. > I’m asking, in a hypotehtical, if your sibling gave you flyers telling you not to have sex and to masturbate instead, wouldn’t that be bitchy and/or kinda weird? Ah, so now you add ‘kinda weird’ to the mix? Until you change it again, I might agree with kinda weird, but it depends on the context. Certainly if she was concerned that I was going to be some sort of baby-making factory 8 feet away, I could understand the point. If it was just out of the blue, ya, kinda weird. > [@FinnAgain](#): > > I’d also note, by the way, that the FDA burned Reich’s books and hacked his labratory to bits with axes. > I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I like to see peer review conducted. A joke about ‘Reich’ and ‘book burning’ is just waiting to me made. > [@Silver Fire](#): > > Even if their doors are ten feet apart, why can’t she close her own door? Or go to a different room? Or put her fingers in her ears and scream, “LALALA! I can’t HEAR YOU!!!”? She could, I presume, but certainly shouldn’t need to. Besides, if whatshername is 14, she shouldn’t have to deal with that stuff yet. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/45 "2004-12-28T09:52:01Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Ah, so now you add ‘kinda weird’ to the mix? Yeepers. I am involved in continual evolution (on good days), and reserve the right to change my ideas or come up with new 'uns 😃 > [@Brutus](#): > > Until you change it again, Careful, I’m feelin’ fickle! 😉 > [@Brutus](#): > > I might agree with kinda weird, but it depends on the context. How about the context of giving her brother a flyer which told him not to have sex and to masturbate instead. How exactly would you approach your sister about that if she was giving you those flyers? > [@Brutus](#): > > Certainly if she was concerned that I was going to be some sort of baby-making factory 8 feet away, I could understand the point. If it was just out of the blue, ya, kinda weird. I still think it’s kinda weird to tell one’s sibling to masturbate instead of having sex. Why not bring the problem of her brother getting too hot n’ heavy with his paramour to your parents’ attention and ask them to deal with it? Why tell your brother to masturbate instead of fucking? That’s just sorta weird the more I think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/46 "2004-12-28T10:03:04Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Yeepers. > …Why not bring the problem of her brother getting too hot n’ heavy with his paramour to your parents’ attention and ask them to deal with it? Why tell your brother to masturbate instead of fucking? That’s just sorta weird the more I think about it. Ya, when you put in the clinical setting of a BBS, it does all seem a bit off. But we don’t know what the parents response to all this is, other than a pissed-off mom. Is dad going to send the lad off to the Foreign Legion? Groundings? Simple talkings-to? Who knows. But if ol’ **flamingbananas** has to deal with the immediate consequences of this (listening to the sickly-sweet oooky-pooooky-talk and other sorts of interesting sounds, it isn’t suprising that she has taken a vested interest in seeing the situation resolved. Come to think of it, the parents deserve some ‘concern’. They should be taking more proactive steps to settle the matter. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/47 "2004-12-28T10:05:52Z")
P.S. No, that is pretty fucked up. Not ‘bitchy’, but pretty fucked up. I am 30, my sister is 31. I have _never_ heard her say ‘masturbate’, much less tell me to do so. Holy shit. **flamingbananas** , I’m in your corner overall, but for Pete’s sake, no more hinting to your brother that he should ‘take matters into his own hands’. That’s kinda fucked up. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/48 "2004-12-28T10:10:59Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > She could, I presume, but certainly shouldn’t need to. So Brother should have to move hell and earth to improve her comfort level, something she could very easily do all by herself? Seriously, I’m not following. You didn’t answer my “Which would be more sensible” question. > [@Brutus](#): > > Besides, if whatshername is 14, she shouldn’t have to deal with that stuff yet. As far as anyone knows, based on the OP herself, they were “making out”. This can mean anything from kissing a whole bunch, to groping and nudity and, umm… “manual stimulation” and stuff. Until we get clarification, I’m going to have to assume it wasn’t all that bad, as far as watching your brother make out with someone goes. I’ll assume they were fully clothed and that there just a whole bunch of tongue kissing. I know, that’s a lot of assumptions, but the OP was pretty vague. If that’s the case, what’s there to “deal with”? ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/49 "2004-12-28T10:23:03Z")
> [@Silver Fire](#): > > So Brother should have to move hell and earth to improve her comfort level, something she could very easily do all by herself? What the holy hell? Showing some simple consideration for others qualifies as ‘moving hell and earth’ to you? > [@](#): > > Seriously, I’m not following. You didn’t answer my “Which would be more sensible” question. Yep. It was far enough out there that I assumed it was rhetorical. You are obviously a well-trained Shaolin monk, with amazing mental powers. I certainly can’t ‘just ignore’ constant noise from a fairly short distance away. It bothers me. I presume that it bothers **fb** as well. How, without learning Amazing Shaolin Mental Powers! would you suggest that she ‘just ignore’ stuff she finds objectionable, when she is presumably just sitting around her room or the family room? I somehow managed to make it through life without having danced the fleshy mambo in close proximity to family members. Certainly her brother could be expected to do the same, at least. > [@](#): > > …I’ll assume they were fully clothed and that there just a whole bunch of tongue kissing. I know, that’s a lot of assumptions, but the OP was pretty vague. > > If that’s the case, what’s there to “deal with”? What the hell. I don’t want to watch my sister make out with someone now, much less when I was 14. Nor do I want said festivities taking place a few feet away. This is off the assumption that **fb** is 14, but lets even say 15. That’s still pretty young for some people to have to deal with in-your-face sexuality. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/50 "2004-12-28T10:30:40Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > But if ol’ **flamingbananas** has to deal with the immediate consequences of this (listening to the sickly-sweet oooky-pooooky-talk and other sorts of interesting sounds, it isn’t suprising that she has taken a vested interest in seeing the situation resolved. Well, I think we can all get together and heave a hearty sigh of relief since, hey, at least she didn’t see Janet Jackson’s nipple 😛 But, honestly, if she’s not able to deal with cutsey-talk, if that’s too traumatizing, well, I’d suggest that she attempt to mature much more quickly. Is cutsey-talk obnoxious and saccharine? In most cases, yeah. But it’s not exactly something to get bent out of shape over. As for other noises, judging from the OP all that was going on was kissing, in a bed. Just kissing. So, again, if she’s traumatized by some kissing noises… ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/51 "2004-12-28T10:45:50Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > As for other noises, judging from the OP all that was going on was kissing, in a bed. Just kissing. So, again, if she’s traumatized by some kissing noises… Who are you to judge if some kid should have to deal with some (possibly) sexual noises or not? Shouldn’t have to deal with it. Period. Regardless, if her brother was sitting in his room and singing Hava Nagila, it’s still pretty damned annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/52 "2004-12-28T10:52:29Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Come to think of it, the parents deserve some ‘concern’. They should be taking more proactive steps to settle the matter. Agreed. It is the parents’ job to educate this boy, not the OP’s. > [@Brutus](#): > > What the holy hell? Showing some simple consideration for others qualifies as ‘moving hell and earth’ to you? Like I already said, he’s in his own room. Without leaving the house completely, he can’t get more private than that. I used a bit of hyperbole, but why should he have to leave the house all together when all **she** would have to do is turn on a radio or go for a walk? > [@Brutus](#): > > You are obviously a well-trained Shaolin monk, with amazing mental powers. Not quite. I have legs though. > [@Brutus](#): > > I certainly can’t ‘just ignore’ constant noise from a fairly short distance away. It bothers me. I presume that it bothers fb as well. I said ignore AND avoid. This means slapping on a set of headphones and listening to music or using the pair of legs I assume she has to expand the distance between herself and the “constant noise”. > [@Brutus](#): > > This is off the assumption that fb is 14, but lets even say 15. That’s still pretty young for some people to have to deal with in-your-face sexuality. I agree. Unfortunately, that’s not the way the world as a whole works right now, but I certainly agree. However, this is “in the relative privacy of my own bedroom” sexuality and I happen to think that, if it’s that big of a deal, maybe she should move her face. I’m not saying that this boy is completely without fault; my posts so far haven’t taken into account house rules and how the parents might feel, because I’m of the opinion that the OP doesn’t really give a shit about specific rule violations anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/53 "2004-12-28T11:19:38Z")
This is retarded and the brother was way out of line. Why should someone have to listen to her brother make out, do the bullshit cutsey shit, even have sex while he’s in the next room and has the door WIDE OPEN. She shouldn’t have to barricade herself in her room and go “la la la” because he’s too damn inconsiderate to shut his door. And if he isn’t allowed to shut his door then he certainly isn’t allowed to make out in there and he should just keep it the hell out of the house. And if the parents have a no makeout rule that they refuse to enforce, then it falls to siblings to enforce it. A lot of you on this forum would not have enjoyed being my little brothers. I had a system of justice liked to call “Martin’s Law.” I was bigger, stronger, and older than my three younger brothers. They punch me? I punch them ten times. They annoy me? I annoy them ten times as much. They mess with my stuff? I mess with a _lot_ of their stuff. This was the pecking order and the order of the day. My brother seth was frequently doing this cutesy bullshit. Frankly I don’t find lovey-dovey to be endearing, it’s annoying to me. Completely annoying. It’s like someone sitting in a room with you and making fart noises or other ridiculously loud and annoying comedic exhortations. And when it came from a younger brother it fell under Martin’s Law, and thus had to be persecuted with extreme callousness. One time Seth pissed me off with his constant and public bullshit so I walk into his room one day when his GF is there and tell him that Julie was on the phone and she’d left her watch here the night before and wanted him to bring it to school the next day. The fight that ensued between them was great and amusing to me. Since the OP is a younger sister she has to resort to the younger sister methods of combat, annoying whining and bitching. My little brothers could win victories over me with enough whining, bitching, annoyance, and tattletales. I don’t blame them, they did what worked for them and I did what worked for me. Most of you here are acting like douchebags about this. I once kicked someone and his girl out of my car while we were 80 miles from home at a football game because they refused to stop making out, just to show you how inappropriate I think that shit is in front of others. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/54 "2004-12-28T13:50:00Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Who are you to judge if some kid should have to deal with some (possibly) sexual noises or not? Shouldn’t have to deal with it. Period. Regardless, if her brother was sitting in his room and singing Hava Nagila, it’s still pretty damned annoying. While I think **flamingbananas** did sound a bit preachy here, I agree with **Brutus** (cue apocalypse). If I’d been able to hear my brother making out with his girlfriend, I’d have been pretty damn uncomfortable, too. Although, I never would have passed him safe sex flyers. I might have bought him condoms or taken his girlfriend for birth control _if asked_ to help, but I was a cool older sister;). I just wouldn’t have wanted to be around him and his high school girlfriend (who, ten years later, is now his wife) while they were making out, nor would I have been comfortable hearing it in a different room. I’m uncomfortable with extreme PDA from anyone, to be honest. Hell, the most my husband and I ever do in public is a quick peck. My brother teased us at my cousin’s wedding in June because he caught us kissing for longer than two seconds on the dance floor. I can’t help that it makes me uncomfortable. And if **flamingbananas** has no choice but to be in the room with them (as in, the computer’s there or they’re in a shared rec room), then I don’t blame her for being uncomfortable. But seriously, **flamingbananas** , knock it off with the safe sex literature. Sometimes a simple “Would you MIND?” works just as well. E. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/55 "2004-12-28T17:02:33Z")
I agree the safe sex stuff were kinda far, it was sorta a joke that had lots of meaning. That was sort of me trying to show him to take a hint and to say I see them doing that and it’s not cool. It’s just that this happens almost daily. His room is about 6 feet away from this room, and to leave this room and to get to any other room I have to look straight into his room, on his bed, and onto them making out. It’s just how our house was built. I’ve tried ignoring them, asking them really politley if they could stop, being obnoxious about it, now I started to be preachy. I’m just sick of seeing my brother all over a girl, and while he could go to her house or even SHUT THE DOOR, he chooses not too. My parents really aren’t doing much about this because they don’t see what I do. They come upstairs to check on them and my brother and his girlfriend are apart and looking at magazines, not attached at the lips. I know they both really like eachother and I don’t want them to end up ruining their lives because they couldn’t keep their hands off eachother. Last night they were even in this room doing it. While I was here. That’s way too far, and I’m so sick of it. I don’t stare at them, but if I turn my head I end up looking at them! > [@](#): > > Sometimes a simple “Would you MIND?” works just as well. I tried that. They laughed at me. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/56 "2004-12-28T17:10:21Z")
> [@](#): > > I showed you the Craig the Cheerleader sketch where he chants, “Safe sex is in YOUR hands! Sex can wait! Masterbate!” I so want to see this, and get it on video for my next party! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/57 "2004-12-28T17:13:05Z")
I mean seriously. Is that a real video? It sounds like something out of _South Park_! ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/58 "2004-12-28T17:13:32Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > I so want to see this, and get it on video for my next party! 🆒 It’s on the Saturday Night Live Best of Will Ferrell DVD disc 1. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/59 "2004-12-28T17:15:11Z")
That explains it. Never mind then. ;j ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/60 "2004-12-28T17:24:41Z")
I’m a 17 (almost 18) year old teenage girl. I’ve had guys over to the house. But I have certainly had the decency to attempt to avoid making out with them while others were around. However, if my little brother had put abstinance info in my room, I would have been absolutely furious. It is _my_ life, _my_ decision, _my_ responsiblility, and none of his business. Look, **flamingbananas** , I like you from what I’ve read of your posts around the board. But, although I believe that your brother could have been more discreet, I still think that you went a bit overboard. He needs to back off, and you need to back off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894.md?page=4)