# To my brother **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 28, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894 "2004-12-28T05:12:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/61 "2004-12-28T17:34:42Z")
> [@monica](#): > > Look, **flamingbananas** , I like you from what I’ve read of your posts around the board. But, although I believe that your brother could have been more discreet, I still think that you went a bit overboard. He needs to back off, and you need to back off. Yeah, I feel like an ass now. Last night I was just really mad that after I asked him to please tone it down or at least shut the door, he continued on with his girlfriend. I talked to him this morning, without his girlfriend over and he said he’d try to tone it down. I know it’ll still happen, but I’m gonna be more polite now. Still, I wish he would have at least shut the door. I did NOT want to see that. I feel like such a loser now. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/62 "2004-12-28T17:42:41Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > Yeah, I feel like an ass now. Last night I was just really mad that after I asked him to please tone it down or at least shut the door, he continued on with his girlfriend. I talked to him this morning, without his girlfriend over and he said he’d try to tone it down. I know it’ll still happen, but I’m gonna be more polite now. Still, I wish he would have at least shut the door. I did NOT want to see that. I feel like such a loser now. Don’t sweat it. Hey, I’m almost 30 and I do crap like that - it’s embarrassing:). But he’ll forget about it - my brother and I had so many stupid arguments as teenagers (like him chasing me around the house with a butcher knife, or me throwing a fit because he and his girlfriend were two hours late for my birthday and didn’t call). We get along really well now, but the teenage years are rough. At least he’s going to try to cool it for you. That’s a good sign. E. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/63 "2004-12-28T17:44:13Z")
I really like **flaming bananas** a lot, she sounds like one of the most mature 14-year olds I’ve ever met. Having said that, this sounds similar to the sister in Ferris Bueller’s Day Out. I think \*\*bananas \*\* needs to stop concerning herself with her brother and find her own interests. It’s not my place to say whether she’s too young to have a boyfriend or not, but other interests would be good. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/64 "2004-12-28T17:58:06Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I really like **flaming bananas** a lot, she sounds like one of the most mature 14-year olds I’ve ever met. 😃 Aw shucks. > [@Anaamika](#): > > Having said that, this sounds similar to the sister in Ferris Bueller’s Day Out. I think \*\*bananas \*\* needs to stop concerning herself with her brother and find her own interests. It’s not my place to say whether she’s too young to have a boyfriend or not, but other interests would be good. My parents aren’t around much and my brother is helpless even if he’s older then me. It’s his problem and with his grades I’ve stopped worrying about, it’s his problem if he can’t pass classes, but this just bothered me. Seeing my brother attached at the lips to some girl for hours while I’m not 10 feet away from them isn’t exactly how I like to spend my evening. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/65 "2004-12-28T18:02:29Z")
Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it **flamingbananas**. PDA’s still annoy me and I’m 42. Your reaction might have been a bit over the top (abstinence fliers?) but I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/66 "2004-12-28T18:02:50Z")
> [@Silver Fire](#): > > So Brother should have to move hell and earth to improve her comfort level, something she could very easily do all by herself? Easily? C’mon, she has to rearrange her life every time her brother wants to suck face? Turn up the radio, go for a walk, sing ‘lalala’, c’mon! How about Bro finding a more appropriate place? If I was your housemate and shit all over my floor, would you be fine with buying Glade products as the answer? > [@](#): > > I know, that’s a lot of assumptions, but the OP was pretty vague. Try having some patience. Sheesh, 7 posts in the 12 hours between the OP’s posts, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/67 "2004-12-28T18:06:00Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > (abstinence fliers?) Actually, he found those hilarious. He got mad at me for asking him to stop. Weird brother I’ve got. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/68 "2004-12-28T18:08:37Z")
What the hell? Maybe the flyers were misguided, but I disagree with the ‘butt the hell out’ sentiment. He’s your brother, you care about him and his future. Don’t be ashamed of that. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/69 "2004-12-28T18:43:42Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > Yeah, I feel like an ass now. Last night I was just really mad that after I asked him to please tone it down or at least shut the door, he continued on with his girlfriend. I talked to him this morning, without his girlfriend over and he said he’d try to tone it down. I know it’ll still happen, but I’m gonna be more polite now. Still, I wish he would have at least shut the door. I did NOT want to see that. I feel like such a loser now. Hon, don’t worry about it. We all do stupid stuff. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/70 "2004-12-28T19:08:34Z")
It would be better to be diplomatic about this. Trust me. Me and my younger brother had a couple of years of one-upmanship because of sibling interference in relationships, and it wasn’t pretty :eek: Just tell your brother to shut the door. Or…I dunno, talk to his girlfriend about how you feel about the whole thing :shrug: ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/71 "2004-12-28T19:27:17Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > You have your girlfriend in your room, on your bed. You expect our parents to just leave the house and let you guys do whatever? You expect me to just turn the other way while you two snuggle and make-out with the door right open, on the bed that is in the doorway. You cuss at me when I ask you to kindly pry your mouthes apart, I’m only 8 feet away and I’m your sister. I placed those abstinence and safe sex flyers in your room for a reason. I showed you the Craig the Cheerleader sketch where he chants, “Safe sex is in YOUR hands! Sex can wait! Masterbate!” for a reason. Okay, so what I’m getting is that instead of you walking by the room and catching him making out with his girlfriend you’d rather catch him jerking off? Pervert. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/72 "2004-12-28T20:47:37Z")
In the words of Harry Potter, poisonous toadstools don’t change their spots. Me: Why don’t you go downstairs in the family room where you won’t be disturbed and you can watch TV or something? Brother: Why don’t you shut the hell up? Me: Well I’m just saying. You could at least shut the door. I don’t really want to see that. Brother: Why don’t you leave us the fuck alone? Bitch. See what I’m against!? ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/73 "2004-12-28T22:06:14Z")
Your brother sounds like a difficult life waiting to happen. You (and he) have my sympathies, **flamingbananas**. Hang in there and hope for the best. Just know that if things continue on their present tack, you will have the better life. And in regard to the maturity you’ve shown here (and which has wrongly been alleged to be for effect), you are very much to be congratulated. If anyone has any doubt as to your maturity after seeing the graceful way you’ve tolerated some of the people in this thread, it should be erased by now. As has been said before, kudos to you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/74 "2004-12-28T22:25:06Z")
What I wonder, **flamingbananas** , is, what would the rules be for you and your BF (real or hypothetical)? Would he be allowed in your room? With or without the door open? With or without audible smooching? Somehow I have a feeling that the rules won’t be the same for you, even when you get to be the age your brother is now. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/75 "2004-12-28T22:26:32Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > …so I walk into his room one day when his GF is there and tell him that Julie was on the phone and she’d left her watch here the night before and wanted him to bring it to school the next day. The fight that ensued between them was great and amusing to me. > > … > > Most of you here are acting like douchebags about this. To quote another Will Ferrell line, “oh, sweet irony!” > [@flamingbananas](#): > > …while he could go to her house or even SHUT THE DOOR, he chooses not too. Well, I thought you went over the top originally, too, but it seems as if this could all be solved by him closing the door and putting on some music. Maybe you should invite yourself in, sit between them, and put in old home movies, preferably of him in the bathtub at 8 months. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/76 "2004-12-28T23:02:00Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > My brother seth was frequently doing this cutesy bullshit. Frankly I don’t find lovey-dovey to be endearing, it’s annoying to me. Completely annoying. It’s like someone sitting in a room with you and making fart noises or other ridiculously loud and annoying comedic exhortations. And when it came from a younger brother it fell under Martin’s Law, and thus had to be persecuted with extreme callousness. > > One time Seth pissed me off with his constant and public bullshit so I walk into his room one day when his GF is there and tell him that Julie was on the phone and she’d left her watch here the night before and wanted him to bring it to school the next day. > > The fight that ensued between them was great and amusing to me. Prince of a fellow, eh, **Martin**? Got a little problem with intimate relationships, do we? When I was 16 and my sister was 14 we used to double-date a lot. My car, and Mom cut Sis more slack if she was with me. Sometimes if it was raining we’d park with our dates and everybody’d stay in the car and you could hear lots of stuff coming from the front/back seat. Later after we got home we’d tease each other about which of us “did better” on a given night. You probably wouldn’t have wanted me or my sis in your family, Marty. Either one of us would have figured out a way to mess you up bad, if you actually pulled some crap like you posted above. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/77 "2004-12-28T23:32:59Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > Maybe you should invite yourself in, sit between them, and put in old home movies, preferably of him in the bathtub at 8 months. I **LIKE** this suggestion. Better still tell _her_ stories from his embarassing childhood, like the time he ran scared from the toy bear someone gave him as a tyke. 😃 More seriously, you have my sympathies, **flamingbananas** , it sounds like rather typical sibling rivalry getting out of hand - exacerbated by the fact that his use of his bedroom refuge is interfering with your own refuge. All I can really say is hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/78 "2004-12-29T00:20:20Z")
Perhaps you could give him pamphlets detailing the joys of anal sex, oral sex, and manual digital stimulation, so that you won’t have to be concerned so much about being an aunt. Or was that part hyperbole? ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/79 "2004-12-29T00:29:52Z")
Enjoy talking about such things with 14 year old girls, do we? Pretty pathetic, **Ellis**. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894/80 "2004-12-29T00:54:41Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Prince of a fellow, eh, **Martin**? Got a little problem with intimate relationships, do we? > > When I was 16 and my sister was 14 we used to double-date a lot. My car, and Mom cut Sis more slack if she was with me. > Sometimes if it was raining we’d park with our dates and everybody’d stay in the car and you could hear lots of stuff coming from the front/back seat. > > Later after we got home we’d tease each other about which of us “did better” on a given night. > > You probably wouldn’t have wanted me or my sis in your family, Marty. Either one of us would have figured out a way to mess you up bad, if you actually pulled some crap like you posted above. 😉 I have no problem with them as long as they aren’t over the top. I mean someone kissing, once, is no big deal. If someone makes out in front of my I find it unappealing and rude. It’s like uncooked tomoatoes, I don’t like them. I’m not making any sweeping moral judgment, I just dislike them, don’t like tasting them or having them on my food. It’s just a personal taste thing, and when someone is under my power they will respect my personal tastes or suffer the consequences. Also, you probably wouldn’t have pulled anything on me. You developed without the guiding influence of me as your big brother, if I had been there, you would have been raised to have a healthy degree of respect and fear towards me that would keep you from contemplating anything too drastic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-brother/281894.md?page=5)