# To my goddamned deadbeat uncle **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 9, 2009, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959 "2009-11-09T23:13:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/21 "2009-11-10T03:22:33Z")
Bullshit Sometimes you have to protect your immediate family from other family members. It’s sad, but this knucklehead systematically drained his relatives dry. Because they followed this “help your family at all costs” billshit. Now, if anything at all goes south with OP’s parents, the OP and other sibs will be at risk. All the knucklehead had to do was keep a job and health insurance. He sure as Hell had the energy to avoid self responsibilty. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/22 "2009-11-10T03:25:00Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Your unborn kid and your nieces and nephews are the future and an investment. This guy is the past and a no-return on investment money pit. That $450 put into a savings account now would probably draw enough in the next 18 years to pay for your kid’s flying car. (Our friend in Atlanta is in a similar situation with his mom incidentally; she only calls when she needs money but when she does she’s crying and pitiful and to salve his conscience he pays and never can save anything [or pay back certain other friends he owes money to that he lived with rent-free once in Georgia and once in Alabama but who would never ever complain about it because that’s not their way].) Yeah, I knew he was in the same basic position. His situation is so much worse, though. It’s his mother. What the hell is he supposed to do? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/23 "2009-11-10T03:26:38Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > Illness is when you need your family the most - both financially and in spirit. And this, boys and girls, is why it is a bad idea to tap out your family’s resources and good will for trivial crap… because then it’ll be gone when you seriously **need** it… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/24 "2009-11-10T03:33:29Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Yeah, I knew he was in the same basic position. His situation is so much worse, though. It’s his mother. What the hell is he supposed to do? Pretty much what I told him: “You owe her nothing, you do owe others, and yeah I’d do the exact same thing…”. (Crying melts me, particularly a woman’s.) ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/25 "2009-11-10T03:39:21Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > I have sympathy for the uncle. Illness is when you need your family the most - both financially and in spirit. It isn’t a time to remind the sick of their faults and shortcomings. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have people who love me enough to help me over some humps, and in turn I do the same. > > I sincerely hope the uncle recovers. He needs people around him now who will remind him they love him - not people ready to list their grievances. Uncle has bled them dry, over the years, with trivial shit that’s added up. If Uncle had not bled them dry, and into debt, possibly he would even now be getting transferred. And, let’s make it clear, this transfer is not medically necessary, he’s not happy with his current facility, and he won’t be happy with his new facility, so not only is the transfer unnecessary, it’s simply a waste of money. Uncle’s family members have to take care of themselves first. They do not really owe Uncle any more. He’s not entitled to resources that they just don’t have, especially since he’s apparently never been on the giving end of “helping family over lumps”, only on the receiving end. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/26 "2009-11-10T03:50:43Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > I have sympathy for the uncle. Illness is when you need your family the most - both financially and in spirit. It isn’t a time to remind the sick of their faults and shortcomings. I have been fortunate enough in my life to have people who love me enough to help me over some humps, and in turn I do the same. Clearly, you’re a much, much better person than all of us bastards. You should write the uncle a check to really drive it home. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/27 "2009-11-10T04:06:52Z")
How old is your uncle? Can he get Medicare/Medicaid? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/28 "2009-11-10T04:13:20Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > How old is your uncle? Can he get Medicare/Medicaid? He’s in his early 70’s. He’s getting help from both sources (from what I could gather on the phone with him). I don’t think they’ll pay for an elective ambulance ride. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/29 "2009-11-10T04:15:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > How old is your uncle? Can he get Medicare/Medicaid? Let’s assume that new daddy, grad student **Ogre** is at least 25 years old. He routinely beats his uncle at chess, but this detail is important only to the extent that when giving it, he revealed that the uncle has 40 years on him. This puts the uncle at age 65, so Medicare is probably picking up the tab on the rehab facility that he doesn’t like. If he’s indigent (or nearly so), he’s probably on Medi/Medi. ETA: Gah! Beaten to the punch with actual information. Oh, well. At least my surmises were correct.. ETA (again): What’s his geographical distance from you, **Ogre**? Are you able (and inclined) to go visit him? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/30 "2009-11-10T04:18:02Z")
Ah. So I figure, he’s obviously not destitute then. (I know he doesn’t need the ambulance ride or the ritzy rehab center) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/31 "2009-11-10T04:51:34Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Ah. So I figure, he’s obviously not destitute then. > (I know he doesn’t need the ambulance ride or the ritzy rehab center) Well, that’s the thing. He, according to him, has $100 in the bank. SocSec is his main income. This is not enough to cover his rent this month, not to mention utilities. Sooner or later, something has got to give, and it’s probably going to be sooner. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/32 "2009-11-10T05:10:56Z")
I do feel sorry for Uncle, in that I’m sure he’s not happy about his situation. However, he’s had about 40 years time in which to become financially stable, and he’s kept abusing the goodwill of his family. It’s Uncle’s bad luck that the family has run out of resources just when he really, really could use more help. But Uncle also helped ensure that the family kept spending money, instead of saving it for future need. ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/33 "2009-11-10T05:13:43Z")
Why are you posting this shit here? Haven’t you read Ivn118’s post??? Get with the program! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/34 "2009-11-10T05:29:57Z")
Is he a veteran by any chance? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/35 "2009-11-10T05:32:51Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Is he a veteran by any chance? I’m afraid not. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/36 "2009-11-10T06:37:12Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > You’re cute. You picked the perfect time to teach a man a lesson. Call him up and remind him of all his past failings, what a worthless fuck he is and how you aren’t going to help him. That will solve the situation once and for all and make everything better. So **Hero** , what do you propose? I wonder who is kicking who. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/37 "2009-11-10T13:19:18Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > You’re cute. You picked the perfect time to teach a man a lesson. Call him up and remind him of all his past failings, what a worthless fuck he is and how you aren’t going to help him. That will solve the situation once and for all and make everything better. Well, uncle’s gotta learn that maybe he ought to plan his sponging better. Soak 'em too early, too often, for trivial shit, and they won’t have anything left to share when it really hits the fan. Screw him. He can rot in a Medicaid nursing home. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/38 "2009-11-10T13:31:53Z")
It doesn’t sound like Uncle has planned anything well. And this often happens. A person is enabled by those who love him not to develop the skills they need. Then Mommy and Daddy retire and are living off social security and there isn’t the income to support him…so he moves into the basement at 40. Then Mommy and Daddy die and there isn’t a basement, so he drifts and makes due and siblings help out. But siblings have other priorities - children of their own. And when its $100 here and $500 there, its just a slight leak from the finances. Enough that the siblings or parents can’t really get ahead (unless they are wealthy) but not so much that they feel they can say no. Eventually though, the amount required is enough to give pause. Private rehab centers are expensive. If he wants something nicer than what medicare will pick up, its a rare family that can afford that. A guy like this - it isn’t the ambulance ride…how is he going to pay for a different center? Is it covered, or is he going to get there and then start asking his family to pick up the bills? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/39 "2009-11-10T13:42:18Z")
“Gosh, Uncle, I wish I could help you. But the well is tapped dry. Is there something of yours I can sell to help raise the cash?” Other than that, your obligation is done. He was born with a working brain and a healthy body. Making enough money to support ONE person – himself – should have been a cinch. Asking his own brother, who had a wife and kids of his own, to help him out financially once was pretty nervy. Asking his NEPHEWS for help is ludicrous. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959/40 "2009-11-10T14:22:38Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > You’re cute. You picked the perfect time to teach a man a lesson. Call him up and remind him of all his past failings, what a worthless fuck he is and how you aren’t going to help him. That will solve the situation once and for all and make everything better. Did you read the OP for comprehension? It isn’t like Ogre and his family have a ton of money and they’re just taking the opportunity to teach the Uncle a lesson. There is no spare money to give. In part because said Uncle was a mooch all his life. I suspect, that Ogre’s family, if they had the means, would help the Uncle anyway, despite everything Ogre wrote about. Further, while it seems like Ogre is just being a hard hearted meanie, it seems to me that he/she is pained by the situation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-my-goddamned-deadbeat-uncle/516959.md?page=3)