# To provide a better service to our customers we........... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 1, 2004, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748 "2004-04-01T16:21:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/1 "2004-04-01T16:21:08Z")
Recently I’ve been getting a lot of this sort of letter - and they really piss me off. They always seem to entail more money and/or poorer service - but they’re worded as if they’re the ones doing you a favour. Am I the only person who gets fed up with this doubletalk??? A few examples From my dentist - “In order to provide a better service to our customers we will no longer treat NHS patients starting from [date]” This was followed by a lot of blurb about a private scheme they wanted me to sign up for … It meant that after 30 years with the same practice, I had to change my dentist - or pay up for private treatment. From my ISP - “In order to improve our broadband service, we will be closing down the service every Monday night from 11pm to 8am until further notice.” For a while they were shutting down at night 3 or 4 nights a week - now it seems to be just Mondays - but the service is now much slower than dial-up used to be - I can get washed and dressed, let the dogs out and make a cup of tea - and still get back to the computer before 40 odd e-mails are downloaded. When I phone about it they tell me in a condescending fashion that this is being done for my benefit - but it’s been going on for weeks now - without even a hint that we might get a refund for the times that we aren’t getting any internet service. Then this morning, from the Gas company, a letter informing me that prices were increasing by 20% from 1st April [today] so that they could provide a better service - and telling me to phone immediately to increase my direct debit payment. I wouldn’t mind so much if they just wrote to me about a price increase - I just hate it to be worded as if they were doing me a bloody favour by increasing the price!!! ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/2 "2004-04-01T16:49:04Z")
In order to provide better customer service, we ask that all our customers bend over at the waste and ignore us as we position ourselves behind them and “service their account.” ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/3 "2004-04-01T16:54:42Z")
Imagine getting this form letter: [http://www.salon.com/media/media970116.html](http://www.salon.com/media/media970116.html) > [@](#): > > Most importantly, your money is safe at Monolithic Bank. It’s federally insured by the FDIC for qualified customers. It’s also backed by the full faith and credit of the United States government — your money is legal tender for all debts public and private. > > And thanks to our recent mergers, Monolithic Bank is now officially Too Big To Fail. The feds couldn’t shut us down if they tried. Not even if all our investments suddenly went belly up and the Board of Directors fled to the Cayman Islands. Not that it’s going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/4 "2004-04-01T18:03:22Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > In order to provide better customer service, we ask that all our customers bend over at the **waste** and ignore us as we position ourselves behind them and “service their account.” That’s funny. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/5 "2004-04-01T19:26:35Z")
Here at the Straight Dope Message Board we are… …oh, right. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/6 "2004-04-01T19:30:54Z")
[“We want to keep this thing going. But we gotta pay the rent.”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=245825) **But for subscribing you get:** Posting privileges for one year. _As opposed to posting privileges for an indefinite period_ The title under your name says “charter member.” _Which will be useful for getting dates, federal grants, cheap car insurance, etc_ Post count (i.e., number of messages you’ve posted to date appears with your username) _Which you already had_ Ability to search the massive SDMB message database _Which you already had_ Ability to view member profiles _Which you already had_ Biographical info included with each post (optional) _Which you already had_ Other cool stuff that we throw in later, possibly including private messaging, SDMB calendar, custom signatures, and “who’s online” feature. _Ah! The MEAT of the benefit … is… what?_ Oh come on! Someone had to! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/7 "2004-04-01T19:58:34Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > [“We want to keep this thing going. But we gotta pay the rent.”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=245825) > > Oh come on! Someone had to! 😃 Yes, but the difference between that, and the gripe outlined in the OP, is that SD is HONEST about it. They stated upfront that it was due to needing money. The OP’s extremely valid gripe is that other companies try to word it so that it’s somehow on your behalf. Just tell the truth. For instance: Notice, we will be raising rates on such and such a date. Period. Saying “To provide you with better service” is both insulting and BS. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/8 "2004-04-01T20:05:16Z")
Damn you, **Bruce\_Daddy**. Now I have to say this: In order to provide a better service to our members, the SDMB will be forcing **Lord Ashtar** to read a 2nd grade spelling book. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/9 "2004-04-01T22:55:03Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > …The OP’s extremely valid gripe is that other companies try to word it so that it’s somehow on your behalf… Amen! Sort of like the signs at my local grocery telling me that they have equipped their carts with a device that will cause the wheels to lock if the cart is taken past the parking lot and that it was done _for my convenience_. Right, cuz having the cart lock up and slam into my crotch suddenly is convenient. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/10 "2004-04-01T23:17:08Z")
Perhaps not, **binarydrone** , but being able to find the shopping carts within a reasonable radius of the store, rather than in the laundry room at an apartment complex a mile away is legitimately a convenience. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/11 "2004-04-01T23:40:22Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Amen! Sort of like the signs at my local grocery telling me that they have equipped their carts with a device that will cause the wheels to lock if the cart is taken past the parking lot and that it was done _for my convenience_. Right, cuz having the cart lock up and slam into my crotch suddenly is convenient. I find it convenient to not subsidize shopping cart theft. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/12 "2004-04-02T00:24:17Z")
> [@The Long Road](#): > > I find it convenient to not subsidize shopping cart theft. I knew that this sort of post was going to come up as soon as I hit submit. Perhaps some clarification and a disclaimer. The disclaimer: I do not steal shopping carts. In fact, I am the kind of guy that if I come across a shopping cart while walking to the store that someone else has taken, I will wheel it back. The clarification: I am not super clear on the tech involved in this locking system, but it seems to have something to do with the cart detecting the bright yellow line that is painted around the parking lot. The problem is that the parking stalls are also marked with bright yellow lines and this seemed enough to trigger the wheel lock. This caused hilarity to ensue. More to the point, just tell the truth: Too many carts are being stolen so we are doing something about it. End of story. Also, it seems to me that we are trading subsidizing buying carts to replace stolen ones with subsidizing these anti-theft systems. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/13 "2004-04-02T07:31:50Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > More to the point, just tell the truth: Too many carts are being stolen so we are doing something about it. End of story. Also, it seems to me that we are trading subsidizing buying carts to replace stolen ones with subsidizing these anti-theft systems. The thing is-- For some reason, law-abiding customers get pissed-off when I tell 'em “We’re doing this so you can’t steal from us.” Why would they take it personally? ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/14 "2004-04-02T11:14:00Z")
To provide better service to my bank account and my ability to purchase food and pay rent, I am not going to subscribe to your ridiculously overpriced cable system no matter how much spam you send me, Comcast. I may miss “South Park” and Jon Stewart, but the satisfaction I have in spiting you almost makes up for it. ---
**Author:** ![Low\_Key\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@Low\_Key\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Low_Key_1)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/15 "2004-04-02T11:33:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Inigo Montoya > “We want to keep this thing going. But we gotta pay the rent.” > > Oh come on! Someone had to! > > > [@CanvasShoes](#): > > > > Yes, but the difference between that, and the gripe outlined in the OP, is that SD is HONEST about it. I don’t really want to continue this debate, because I certainly have seen quite enough debate about the subscription fee on SDMB, BUT… _“Excuse the spam, but we’ve got some good news for you: The Straight Dope Message Board has switched to paid subscriptions. …”_ certainly seemed like an odd way to phrase the e-mail telling us about their plans. Good news? Seems pretty similar to the examples mentioned in the OP to me… ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/16 "2004-04-02T11:45:00Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > More to the point, just tell the truth: Too many carts are being stolen so we are doing something about it. End of story. Also, it seems to me that we are trading subsidizing buying carts to replace stolen ones with subsidizing these anti-theft systems. And what the hell keeps people from just lifting the damn thing over the line? OTOH, I have car insurance and lock the doors because I don’t trust that everyone passing by will do as me and not break in. But, damn, those red plastic Target carts are pretty damn sexy. (starts scheming) ---
**Author:** ![Low\_Key\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@Low\_Key\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Low_Key_1)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/17 "2004-04-02T11:58:30Z")
> [@](#): > > But, damn, those red plastic Target carts are pretty damn sexy. Personally, I’m more of a classic metal carts man myself. Hmmm… wonder if maybe there’s a alt.sex.fetish.shoppingcart group out there where I could share my ‘experiences’ with other likeminded individuals who have realized just how sexy shopping carts are… ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/18 "2004-04-02T12:14:51Z")
> [@Low Key](#): > > Personally, I’m more of a classic metal carts man myself. Hmmm… wonder if maybe there’s a alt.sex.fetish.shoppingcart group out there where I could share my ‘experiences’ with other likeminded individuals who have realized just how sexy shopping carts are… If I could figure out how to into those newsgroup domains, I’d start one. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/19 "2004-04-02T13:25:49Z")
Well, I phoned the premium rate number on the gas company’s letter, listened through a few minutes of options before I could get to speak to a living, breathing person, told them why I was phoning, and, guess what … She told me that they had already gone ahead yesterday and more than doubled my direct debit - from £17 to £35 pounds a month - I said - well it would have been nice if you’d have told me first - why get me to phone if you were going to do it anyway?? She didn’t answer that - just said, “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to change it to £38 to be on the safe side?” I said “No Thanks - I think I’d rather live dangerously!!!” ---
**Author:** ![APOC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f8ce5/32.png) [@APOC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APOC)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748/20 "2004-04-02T15:16:22Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > Well, I phoned the premium rate number Stop Right There ! WHY WHY WHY ? Premium rate numbers to customer services for thing like banking and utilities are just fundamentally wrong. Is it not enough that I pay you ? that you hit me with charges ? that i remain a customer even though you treat me as though i am the one who should feel priveledged ? So when i agree to comply and want to set an transfer or to actually pay you , you decide to make some money off that transaction too ? gnarsh ! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-provide-a-better-service-to-our-customers-we/237748.md?page=2)