# To the assholes trying to ruin golf for my wife..a big FUCK YOU! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 28, 2005, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664 "2005-07-28T22:56:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/41 "2005-07-29T14:51:56Z")
I’m only going to defend my time one last time. I should never have posted the 2:20 figure and expect some people to use their own brains to adjust for the fact that the fast players actually slowed _us_ down significantly when we let them play through. That’s apparently far too difficult a concept for a few here to grasp. The point is, we’d have finished in less than two hours if it weren’t for anyone else. And we were walking, not riding in a cart like a couple lazy SOBs. Pace for this course, according to the card, is 4:15. I assume this is for a walking foursome. It’s not a course where carts are required or even preferred. There are usually more walkers than riders…it’s a military course, whaddya expect? I don’t care where you’re playing…3:30 for 18 or 1:20 for 9 holes is fast, even in a cart. Not crazy fast…it’s certainly doable, but don’t delude yourself by thinking that’s normal. I’m not saying our “unmolested” pace of just under 2 hours for walking nine is fast at all, but it’s not slow, either. And, **Liberal** , I don’t know what led you to believe that she was in any was “unprepared” for a real round. It’s that snotty, elitist attitude that is precisely the problem. **BoD** aptly summed up that attitude when he said, “there was no room for anybody who wasn’t already a competent player.” She was not causing any undue slowness. Hell, she was probably the fast one of the two of us, since I had a bad round and spent too much time zig-zagging every hole. At least she spent the whole round in the fairways. I’ve been part of much slower groups when partnered with much “better” players. Don’t blame her, jackass. Also, I said nothing about being dressed like a slacker. I said I had on tennis shoes. Other than that, I was dressed more “appropriately” than is typical for this course, which has no dress code. You seem to think I was wearing a worn-out Iron Maiden T-shirt and holey jeans, and using the wrong end of all my clubs. Besides, dress has nothing to do with it unless it’s an expected rule of the course. If I spend an evening behind a guy who’s still wearing his BDU pants, I should’t feel too bad if I’m not wearing my finest apparel. As long as my caddy doesn’t out-dress me, I’ll be okay. :rolleyes: There you go again with your snobbery. Finally, I never excluded myself from the “shitty hacker” crowd. My only point in referring to all the others I usually see is that I’m used to being surrounded more “average” golfers. And the average golfer sucks, a lot. Instead, I picked the one day when everyone was a snobby, impatient prick. **BF** said, “No one cares if you suck, they care if you’re slow.” I counter thusly: “I don’t care if you’re faster than me, I care if you’re an asshole about it.” **irishgirl** , I really like your suggestion. Reward-based training and an outlet for pent-up rage all in one. Maybe we’ll do that tonight. She’s felling a little less pissed off now that a couple days has passed. But she still sounds reluctant to try the same course again, convinced that only dicks play there. What a shame. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/42 "2005-07-29T15:00:27Z")
> [@Debaser](#): > > People who play golf just tend to be assholes of the highest order. I don’t know why, but the game just attracts jerks. Cheap courses have t-shirt wearing lower class jerks. Expensive courses have silk shirt wearing upper class jerks. There’s no avoiding it! Of course you know the game originated in ancient Scotland, where the dominant mode of social interaction was beating the living shit out of one another. Golf arose as a way to put the ubiquitous clubs, and the nastiness behind them, to a more peaceful use. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/43 "2005-07-29T15:03:26Z")
I want to take up golf again and get my wife interested. I won’t get her out until the weather cools but I’m just going to get her a set of clubs and take the loss if she doesn’t like it. My mom is interested in getting back into it so if worse comes to worse I’ll give the clubs to her. I’ll probably take my wife to the driving range once or twice but I will follow the advice to let someone else teach her. I was never really good but competent enough I could play 18 in an equally bad foursome without too many people needing to play through. I try to never let assholes ruin my day. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/44 "2005-07-29T15:14:01Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > One can never be too sure when the B-word and/or the J-word are invoked… :rolleyes: Also, it’s the most pointedly offensive program on broadcast TV, pushing the envelope until it’s stretched all out of shape. If you don’t find a quote offensive it’s because you didn’t see the visuals that went with it. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/45 "2005-07-29T15:23:48Z")
Oddly, I’ve never really had this problem. I used to play on a semi-exclusive club (you didn’t have to be rich, but it was a very nice club in rural Indiana) and people there were really friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/46 "2005-07-29T15:37:02Z")
> [@Aerodave](#): > > There you go again with your snobbery. Maybe if you’re gonna call someone a snob, you shouldn’t lead with zoinkers like, “That’s apparently far too difficult a concept for a few here to grasp.” Look, I don’t mean to disparage either you or your wife, and I think you and I are just getting off on the wrong foot here. But I wonder whether you’d be willing to consider that maybe — just maybe is all I"m saying — golf isn’t the game for you. It really isn’t a game that was designed for the general riffraff to come out on a warm day and gawk at the hoity toity. That can only lead to class envy and petty jealousies. If I may make a suggestion, you might enjoy a fun and raucous game of pool. I’ve never seen a pool hall where sneakers weren’t welcome. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/47 "2005-07-29T15:42:06Z")
> [@Debaser](#): > > In the meantime, I’ve been loving archery. I’d recommend it to anyone. The startup costs are about the same as golf. It’s using muscle memory and distance estimation, just like golf. In New England, and probably the rest of the country, there are many active leagues. You go and shoot at 15 targets (like a front 9), head to the clubhouse to get a burger and a soda (no drinking, ever), then head out to shoot the next 15 targets (like a back 9). It takes about the same time as 18 holes of golf. You shoot in groups of 2-4, and there is sometimes a wait at each target. However, the key difference between archery and golf is that people aren’t total assholes about everything! Everybody gets along and enjoys the sport together. And you can even play [archery golf](http://www.ehow.com/how_11348_play-archery-golf.html)! I played in organized fun tournaments when I was an active archer (at CFB Petawawa in the 70’s), with mixed foursomes of two golfers and two archers. It’s particularly fun if you do a lot of field archery, and are already used to shooting at varying distances in a round. ---
**Author:** ![BF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5ac83/32.png) [@BF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BF)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/48 "2005-07-29T15:45:02Z")
The USGA defines an avid golfer as one who plays over 24 rounds a year. I average 110 rounds a year and I’ve been playing for a solid 10 years at that rate. I can assure you, **aerodave** , that there are number of assholes from every social strata in this country that play golf, thankfully they are a minority. Find another course. You’d be surprised at how attitudes are different with the regulars from course to course, including etiquette tolerances. As for speed, sorry, anything over an hour and a half for a walking twosome is considered dickin’ the dog, so to speak. I know that there are some courses around here that consider a pace of 4:15 or 4:30 for 18 holes ok. I don’t play those courses because that 4:30 easily can become 5:10. At my home course, the majority of players who tee off early are seniors (some as old as 80), and they’re all walking. And they finish 18 holes in less than four hours. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/49 "2005-07-29T15:49:28Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > I don’t play golf. Don’t care to play golf. The OP is part of the reason why. You can’t get good unless you practice yet no one wants you to play unless you’re good. This sounds a helluva lot like my feelings about 90% of sports. Pity a lot of people in hiring positions have the same attitude about tasks, too - if you can do 99% with your eyes closed but haven’t touched that other 1% they don’t want you. What, they were born knowing or something? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/50 "2005-07-29T16:05:10Z")
> [@BF](#): > > As for speed, sorry, anything over an hour and a half for a walking twosome is considered dickin’ the dog, so to speak. I know that there are some courses around here that consider a pace of 4:15 or 4:30 for 18 holes ok. On the public courses I played over the years, 4 to 4 and a half hours per 18 holes was a pretty standard time on a crowded course. The slowest players in my experience were the ones with the electric carts. They’d speed off to where their shots had entered the rough (or woods, or water) and then spend eons in a hopeless search for lost balls. Come to think of it, that last line could equally apply to over-aggressive golfers demanding to instantly play through. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/51 "2005-07-29T16:10:38Z")
I’ve never understood why everything outside of tee box, fairway, course hazard, and green isn’t out of bounds. I’ve seen a guy hunt down AND PLAY a ball out of the smoldering ashes of a burning log. He actually whacked at that imploded orb with its guts spilling out until he reached the green and exchanged it. ---
**Author:** ![BF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5ac83/32.png) [@BF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BF)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/52 "2005-07-29T16:11:34Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > The slowest players in my experience were the ones with the electric carts. They’d speed off to where their shots had entered the rough (or woods, or water) and then spend eons in a hopeless search for lost balls. Preach it, bro’. The purpose of the cart is to haul around all the beer they can drink in the three hours it takes for them to play nine holes. They are most prevalent in the spring and the fall, before the beaches open and when bowling gets back into the swing. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/53 "2005-07-29T16:17:18Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > I’ve seen a guy hunt down AND PLAY a ball out of the smoldering ashes of a burning log. Good lord, man, if the trees are on fire, slow golfers are the least of your worries! ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/54 "2005-07-29T16:20:05Z")
> [@Fear Itself](#): > > Good lord, man, if the trees are on fire, slow golfers are the least of your worries! Maybe he was playing it out of someone’s living room. I’ve had days that we’re about that bad. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/55 "2005-07-29T17:06:58Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > Maybe if you’re gonna call someone a snob, you shouldn’t lead with zoinkers like, “That’s apparently far too difficult a concept for a few here to grasp.” Look, I don’t mean to disparage either you or your wife, and I think you and I are just getting off on the wrong foot here. But I wonder whether you’d be willing to consider that maybe — just maybe is all I"m saying — golf isn’t the game for you. It really isn’t a game that was designed for the general riffraff to come out on a warm day and gawk at the hoity toity. That can only lead to class envy and petty jealousies. If I may make a suggestion, you might enjoy a fun and raucous game of pool. I’ve never seen a pool hall where sneakers weren’t welcome. 🙂 I am astounded at your cheek. Unless you were joking. Were you joking? ---
**Author:** ![threemae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f9b8f/32.png) [@threemae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threemae)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/56 "2005-07-29T17:07:38Z")
Yeah, the whole scene is a joke about golf’s rules, written and unwritten, suggesting that the founders/institution of golf actually have only two real main objectives. Not that I’m saying that’s true anymore, but I thought it was funny and this thread reminded me of it. ---
**Author:** ![Cemetery\_Savior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Cemetery\_Savior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cemetery_Savior)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/57 "2005-07-29T17:27:35Z")
I’m not sure where some of this anti-OP fervor is coming from! Three things stand out: The “hitting into” your twosome. Forget about being married, forget about trying to make a beginner feel comfortable on the course. I HATE when people hit into me. I would have made absolutely sure they saw me, and then kicked their ball into the first cut of rough (I’m not a monster, after all). The whole 1:20 for a 9-hole round? Geez…are you all Japanese power-golfers? Whane I play as a twosome, I’m usually constrained by the foursomes on either side of me. 2 hours seems about right. And maybe I’m reading too much into the assbag at the end of the round, but if some jackass came up to me and presumed to lecture me in front of my wife (or absent her presence, for that matter), I would be inclined to swat him around, too. Dress on a public golf course. Aero…maybe you shoudl have commented that he should have paid two greens fees, as his pendulous gut surely qualified as two individuals. I’mbehind you, Aero… and I’d like to play through! -Cem ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/58 "2005-07-29T18:41:54Z")
The best rule for all of us golfers to follow… > [@](#): > > Keep up with the group ahead of you. As they leave the green you should be ready to hit up to the green. Don’t worry about how far ahead you are of the group behind you, focus on staying a reasonable distance from the group ahead. **Aerodave** , if the teenagers didn’t say anything, then I think you did get your point across. As for the 2:20 for 9 holes and waiting for the playthroughs, I get it. Is there couples tournaments that you can participate in? They run a little slower, but nobody will rush you since they are probably playing with their wives as well; some who are new to the game. [Ready Golf googled.](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&q=ready+golf) For any golfer, use these links for ideas to speed up play, even if you shoot 120+ on 18. I have taken my eight year old out golfing with me now and we manage to keep pace on the course. I might have told him to pickup and hit from where I am (usually after a drive on a long par 5 or a lake shot) a couple of times…but other than that, he does pretty well playing ready golf. He’s got amazing swing mechanics for a kid, and sometimes he can hit a nice long and straight shot. ---
**Author:** ![BF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5ac83/32.png) [@BF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BF)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/59 "2005-07-29T18:46:30Z")
While we’re on the topic… Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. – George Carlin [Slow play on tour](http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/writers/rick_arnett/07/29/inside.golf/index.html) ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664/60 "2005-07-29T18:46:51Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > maybe…golf isn’t the game for you … riffraff … class envy > [@LaurAnge](#): > > I am astounded at your cheek. Unless you were joking. Were you joking? I pray that he isn’t joking. Because if he’s serious, he’s completely destroyed any hope that his statements should be given any value or respect. Negating the worth of all your opinions in a few short sentences…that’s marvelously efficient. This thread can run a lot smoother now that we’ve got reason to completely dismiss his arrogance. **Liberal** , are you sure you weren’t on my course on Wednesday? The recto-cranial inversion is curiously familiar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-assholes-trying-to-ruin-golf-for-my-wife-a-big-fuck-you/314664.md?page=4)