# To the bitch/bastard who outed me... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 27, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051 "2001-09-27T03:13:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/21 "2001-09-27T04:27:42Z")
Owning a Billy Ray Cyrus CD doesn’t carry as big of a social stigma as you think. I’m sure your job is safe. ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/22 "2001-09-27T04:29:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Milossarian \* > \*\*Owning a Billy Ray Cyrus CD doesn’t carry as big of a social stigma as you think. I’m sure your job is safe. \*\* I’m not worried about my job. HR made that pretty clear up front when I first started there. But I have to ask: Who the hell is Billy Ray Cyrus? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/23 "2001-09-27T04:47:57Z")
“Don’t tell my heart, my achey-breaky heart…” ::kills herself:: ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/24 "2001-09-27T04:59:36Z")
Kelley, I think they’re just going out of their minds with unsatiated curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Nicklz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8baadc/32.png) [@Nicklz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicklz)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/25 "2001-09-27T05:03:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > \*\*Kelley, I think they’re just going out of their minds with unsatiated curiosity. \*\* Yep, that too. It’s not that we think your a bad person or anything. We just want to get the whole scoop. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/26 "2001-09-27T05:17:00Z")
**Kelly** , while I have the utmost sympathy with your situation you do need to take a lot more care of the stuff you have online. I just wish you well but I’d suggest you exercise a little more caution, or at least greater anonymity. My sympathies with this particular situation and the very best of luck for the future. ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/27 "2001-09-27T05:21:27Z")
Well, I don’t give much of a damn what potentially scandalous thing was outed, so long as it was nothing that involves actually hurting other people. Definitely a rude fuckhead, whoever’s responsible. However, I’ll just second **London\_Calling** ’s point–the internet isn’t quite the best place for private matters, to put it lightly. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/28 "2001-09-27T05:36:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KellyM \* > My web page is down due to Code Red and AT&T @Home’s overreaction to it (they blocked port 80 to all cable modem customers). But you wouldn’t have found out anything anyway, my home page is remarkably uninformative. I’m good but not great - it took, maybe, 30 seconds to find everything. Sorry, but I thought you ought to know. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/29 "2001-09-27T05:57:43Z")
Kelly, I’m guessing that this person outed you as transgender? If that’s the case, don’t you kind of have to be out as transgender while you’re transitioning? I don’t know if you’ve discussed here where you are in the process (although you have previously been open on the SDMB about your transgenderism). Or is the situation that you were openly transgender with management/HR but not with the rank and file? Milo, the term “outing” originated meaning the unwanted revelation of a closeted person’s homosexuality but has since generalized to apply to the unwanted revelation of many kinds of secrets. ---
**Author:** ![DPWhite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@DPWhite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPWhite)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/30 "2001-09-27T05:58:15Z")
KellyM: Not knowing what it is, I’ll take a stab anyway: your privacy has been invaded, and in many states that is a tort as serious as defamation. Take no retaliation at work, but you may want to contact a lawyer, who can subpoena the complaint and find out who the rat is. In my state, California, they cannot retaliate for subpoening the file. That way, you can know who it is, even if you don’t want to explain to a jury whatever the heck it is you got outed doing. As for everyone else, these posts last forever and you are hardly anonymous, some of us less than others. I don’t use a pseudonym because anyone intent on tracking you can, so I try to watch what I say. Besides, when I was a teenager some idiot with the very same damn name shot the mayor of SF and a supervisor, and if I didn’t change my name then, I wasn’t going to do it on the internet. And yes, I lived 20 miles from SF at the time. ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/31 "2001-09-27T06:23:08Z")
While outing has generally come to refer to sexual orientation, I have to agree with Kelly that it can be extended to other beliefs and activities that someone wishes to keep to oneself or a select group. Really, it amounts to gossip, which despite our lust for such watercooler chatter, has no place in a workplace. In other words: Don’t have anything nice to say? Then shut the fuck up. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/32 "2001-09-27T08:12:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by London\_Calling \* > \*\*I’m good but not great - it took, maybe, 30 seconds to find everything. Sorry, but I thought you ought to know. \*\* Yup, about the same for me. **KellyM** , if you do publish that sort of material about yourself on the web, can anyone else really “out you”? I mean no offence, but just wish to ask if you can complain about someone having “no respect for other people’s privacy” if all they’re doing is pointing out information you’ve made public? I mean, I use several aliases on the web, have only given out my real e-mail address to a handful of people, and generally take at least a little care to retain some anonymity, and even so I still would hesitate to publish information as potentially sensitive as that.[sup]\*[/sup] [sup]\*[/sup][sub]Hoping against hope that this doesn’t sound smug or preachy[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/33 "2001-09-27T10:48:15Z")
A guy you work with tried to kill a fellow co-worker and they didn’t fire him? Where the hell do you work, the state mental hospital? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/34 "2001-09-27T12:59:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*Kelly, I’m guessing that this person outed you as transgender? If that’s the case, don’t you kind of have to be out as transgender while you’re transitioning? I don’t know if you’ve discussed here where you are in the process (although you have previously been open on the SDMB about your transgenderism). Or is the situation that you were openly transgender with management/HR but not with the rank and file? > > Milo, the term “outing” originated meaning the unwanted revelation of a closeted person’s homosexuality but has since generalized to apply to the unwanted revelation of many kinds of secrets. \*\* Why would she need to be out to her co-workers if she has been living completely as a woman before she started this job? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/35 "2001-09-27T13:14:51Z")
KellyM–I don’t know your “story.” I recognize your name, I know that you are a regular poster. But I think it is kind of weird that you expect all of us to magically remember everything we need to know about you in order to understand what the hell you’re talking about. And no, I’m not going to “research” you. So, what were you “outed” as? ---
**Author:** ![Gomez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@Gomez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gomez)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/36 "2001-09-27T13:19:38Z")
Kelly, what did this other co-worker find out about you that you didn’t want spread around at work? Will we ever know? ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/37 "2001-09-27T13:32:52Z")
Am I to understand that the OPer put personal information on the Web, and now is complaining that her (his?) privacy is being violated? Yeah, it sucks that someone would attempt to use that information against you, but the person doing the outing is the person who put the information up for millions of people to see. If you want to maintain your privacy over a situation, then keep it private. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/38 "2001-09-27T13:51:21Z")
I have no idea what the OP is talking about and this peekaboo game of not stating what the “outing” is specifically for but complaining about it anyway, and then telling us we can search for it is getting a bit tedious, however, re divemaster and per the OP I think it behooves us to remember that whatever we put on the net can often be traced back to us depending on the amount of effort someone is willing to put into the search. To put anything on the net and expect strangers or enemies to have some sense of discretion or propriety in making use of it is an optimistic outlook to say the least. The tools that a serious net detective has at their disposal can easily pierce many of the veils we think are protecting us. If you want true privacy keep it off the net. ---
**Author:** ![ramesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d07c76/32.png) [@ramesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ramesh)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/39 "2001-09-27T15:36:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silver Fire \* > \*\*“Don’t tell my heart, my achey-breaky heart…” > > ::kills herself:: \*\* short, but the funniest thing I have read in weeks!! ---
**Author:** ![caircair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@caircair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caircair)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051/40 "2001-09-27T15:38:28Z")
KellyM: As a human being I am interested in the secret you’re hiding. As a CARING, RESPONSIBLE human being I know it’s none of my business. I’m intregued, but I’ll live, even without the knowledge, unless you choose to provide it. Either way, my sympathies are with you. Coworkers can be a pain! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-bitch-bastard-who-outed-me/84051.md?page=3)