# To the boys in my dorm: **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 22, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465 "2006-03-22T18:48:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/21 "2006-03-22T20:38:16Z")
Gotta side with **Trunk** on this one. The OP sounds like a schoolmarm. If these guys party too hard for you, find a more sedate group of friends. That’s what college is for - finding a nitch where you fit in best. Unless of course, hand wringing and den mothering is your nitch. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/22 "2006-03-22T20:56:22Z")
At the end of the day, it isn’t your problem and it is none of your business. If they drop out of school because of it then maybe they will learn that the fucked up. If it is causing you that much grief, find another group to hang with. I had a bunch of friends in college like this, hell I was sorta like this as well. Maybe not to the extremes that they were, but I grew up and kind my life in order. Voice your opinion to them. If they don’t listen, then move on. Life is too short to be worrying about what you can’t control. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/23 "2006-03-22T21:01:03Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > Go figure. I went to college in the eighties, never heard of a co-ed dorm. Not saying its a bad idea, you learn something new everyday. We had co-ed bathrooms even. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/24 "2006-03-22T21:09:02Z")
Ah, freshmen… > [@E](#): > > monica, I’m sorry you don’t like my partying, but thanks for sleeping with me! ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/25 "2006-03-22T21:12:20Z")
> [@FWorld](#): > > Does your location say ‘drug school’? Yep. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/26 "2006-03-22T21:15:09Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > Which part of caring for her friends whose **abuse** is causing them problems don’t you understand. Which part of **none of her business** do you not understand? > [@](#): > > If some stranger abuses drugs up in North Dakota, it isn’t my business. Good > [@](#): > > If my best friend abuses drugs, it is my business, because I care for him and I’m going to want to help him. Nope. None of your business > [@](#): > > This isn’t talking about the guy smoking a joint every other week. Doesn’t matter. None of it is anybody else’s business. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/27 "2006-03-22T21:34:03Z")
Greathouse, what exactly is the OP doing wrong here? She genuinely cares about these guys, sees them acting in self-destructive ways, and is venting about it. > [@Trunk](#): > > Believe it or not, I turned out fine, and so did most of my pals. These guys she’s describing sound just like a million guys I knew at college. . .not the “average” ones for sure. But the ones who partied hard. And that’s what some guys do at college. Partying hard is one thing, but they’re all on academic probation. If her school is anything like mine, you get one term to get your act together when you’re on probation, and you’re out of the program if you don’t show improvement. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/28 "2006-03-22T21:35:56Z")
> [@Greathouse](#): > > Which part of **none of her business** do you not understand? > > Good > > Nope. None of your business > > Doesn’t matter. None of it is anybody else’s business. Spoken like a true druggie. I think it IS her business. Does she have no say about what goes on around her? Drugs = drug dealers. Drug dealers = low-life criminals. There’s gotta be a line somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/29 "2006-03-22T21:39:44Z")
> [@Rysto](#): > > Greathouse, what exactly is the OP doing wrong here? She genuinely cares about these guys, sees them acting in self-destructive ways, and is venting about it. I never said she was doing anything at all wrong. The only time I piped in was when someone suggested that she mention it to an RA. If she has a problem with what they are doing then she should distance herself from them. Anything beyond that is sticking her nose in where it doesn’t belong. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/30 "2006-03-22T21:40:56Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > There’s gotta be a line somewhere. There sure does. At her own dorm room door. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/31 "2006-03-22T21:42:09Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Spoken like a true druggie. Clearly > [@](#): > > I think it IS her business. And that is why you would be wrong. > [@](#): > > Does she have no say about what goes on around her? Drugs = drug dealers. Drug dealers = low-life criminals. There’s gotta be a line somewhere. Sure. The line is to stop hanging out with them. If it bothers her, then she only needs to remove herself from the situation. Anything beyond that is her not minding her own business. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/32 "2006-03-22T21:47:23Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > There sure does. > > At her own dorm room door. She’s expected to accept drugs on campus? Is that in the college brochures? I know it’s basically a given, but you don’t have to ACCEPT it. It’s illegal. It’s undoubtedly against school policy. I’m not saying all laws and rules are right, but I agree with the drug ones. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/33 "2006-03-22T21:49:07Z")
I don’t even go to a co-ed school. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/34 "2006-03-22T21:50:20Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > We had co-ed bathrooms even. :smack: This is the quote that was supposed to accompany my above post. Maybe the lack of women is getting to me. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/35 "2006-03-22T21:51:27Z")
For those telling the OP to cut and run, I’m glad you are not my friends. I expect my friends to get my back when I’m falling down, and my friends expect me to get their backs when they’re falling down. Getting booted from university is falling down. Smacking people in the face with a dose of reality is watching their back. You probably can’t cure someone who doesn’t want to be cured, but you don’t let your friend dance a jig on a ledge without putting out your hand to steady them. And you keep that hand out until they take it, or until they fall out of your reach. That is being a friend. Not an acquaintance…a **friend**. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/36 "2006-03-22T21:58:33Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > For those telling the OP to cut and run, I’m glad you are not my friends. I expect my friends to get my back when I’m falling down, and my friends expect me to get their backs when they’re falling down. > > Getting booted from university is falling down. Smacking people in the face with a dose of reality is watching their back. You probably can’t cure someone who doesn’t want to be cured, but you don’t let your friend dance a jig on a ledge without putting out your hand to steady them. And you keep that hand out until they take it, or until they fall out of your reach. > > That is being a friend. Not an acquaintance…a **friend**. Yes, by all means, she should tell them shouldn’t be getting high. I’m sure that will do the trick. They will see the error of their ways and drop the pipe like it was hot. Or she could tell them they shouldn’t be getting high and then watch as they tell her to go grow dick and suck it. They left their momma at home when they left for college and they really don’t need anyone else trying to step into the role. I think the second option is much more likely. Either way, the problem is solved. They will either jump right in line and stop getting high or they will tell her to go get bent and continue along as normal without her being around to have to worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/37 "2006-03-22T22:03:36Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > Roommates were always of the same sex, and usually there were different wings of each floor for men and women. That’s what we had, in the 80s. Separate bathrooms though. I worry about a friend of mine and his drug use too, because he has a really good job but they could drug test. He insists they won’t without warning, but can he really be sure? It’s none of my business since it doesn’t affect me, but I can still say I care if he loses his job and crashes and burns. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/38 "2006-03-22T22:06:33Z")
**monica** : If you don’t like the guys’ lifestyle, don’t hang out with them. But all this melodrama is rather absurd. Personally I’d rather hang out with druggies than someone who loves, say, singing opera. But that’s just me. Hang out with whoever you want, but get off that high horse and quit pretending that their personal recreational choices are any of your business. The only thing you mentioned that really sounds like it’s anybody else’s business is the DUI. Driving drunk can kill innocent people, and is totally wrong. But other than that, what the heck is the big deal? And, by the way, since you ‘slept with’ E but don’t seem to have been dating him, you’ve been engaging in your own non-risk free behavior. Do you need an intervention? > [@monica](#): > > But you know what? Now, this is the last straw. You’re doing cocaine. This isn’t just some college partying. This is serious shit that can mess you up for good. You can get a lifetime addiction, you can _die_. Actually, [last time I checked,](http://www.drugwarfacts.org/causes.htm) alcohol and/or tobacco kill more people than coke, heroin, meth, and crack combined, each year. Not that we should return to another era of the first wave of Prohibition. (And don’t kid yourself, we’re currently in the second wave). > [@monica](#): > > I don’t know what to do with you all. If I were smart, I’d just cut myself off from you and stop worrying. But I can’t. Somehow, I started caring about you. If you really care about them, get over your hangups and try to hang out with them when it’s fun for you. If you don’t like being around people tripping, and not everybody does, then fine, be somewhere else then. But if you don’t feel like it, ever, simply say so. Just don’t try to cop a moral trip. > [@monica](#): > > T, I was glad that you weren’t drinking yourself into oblivion every night, until I realized the extent of the drugs you’re doing. Seriously, dude, stop it. You’re going to kill yourself. Mmm hmmm. And what “extent” is that, exactly? > [@control-z](#): > > Spoken like a true druggie. Spoken like a true D.A.R.E.Bot > [@control-z](#): > > I think it IS her business. You’d be wrong. > [@control-z](#): > > Does she have no say about what goes on around her? Not if it means regulating what other people put in their own bodies as long as they’re not harming her or her property. > [@control-z](#): > > Drugs = drug dealers. Drug dealers = low-life criminals. There’s gotta be a line somewhere. Hah. How about drawing the line at silly gritty half-baked TeeVee steryotypes? There’s nothing inherently more “low lifey” about selling pot, or LSD for that matter than selling hamburgers. The only reason drug dealers are criminals is because we’ve criminilzed their bussiness. So these guys are buying drugs from ~gasp~ dealers. So what? ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/39 "2006-03-22T22:11:58Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I think most college kids experiement with drugs in their freshman year. Nobody _experiments_ with drugs; some people _take_ drugs. I hate that stupid euphemism: nobody ever “experiments” with beer or cigarettes. The purpose of this experiment was to see if skulling a dozen luke-warm Pabst in under 17 minutes would first cause the subject to slur, “You’re my best frien’, wanna fuck?”, upon rejection make a maudlin and teary declaration that no-one understood him, and then pass out on the bathroom floor in a puddle of his own urine and excrement. The results were a qualified success, but need to be repeated with a more rigorous experimental protocol. I propose to test the effects of smoking a fattie while listening to Led Zeppelin IV, with the hypothesis that it will cause the subject to mutter, “Shit, that’s deep”, giggle a lot, and then eat a packet of raw instant noodles. As a control, Subject A will be given nothing to smoke, while to institute a double-blind procedure, one subject will inhale nothing but hedge clippings, while another will toke on some juicy bud: naturally, the observer will be unaware of which subject smoked which until after the experiment. If my hypothesis is demonstrated, I propose to conduct further research into whether Speed makes the subject a paranoid twitchy arsehole who won’t shut up about his undergraduate philosophy course. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/40 "2006-03-22T22:15:30Z")
> [@Greathouse](#): > > …They left their momma at home when they left for college and they really don’t need anyone else trying to step into the role… I bet my stash ‘momma’ (and papa) are the assholes mailing in the tuition checks and replenishing the account tied to the debit card. If the boys were paying their own freight, they could only afford (and have the time) to get fucked up on Saturdays. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465.md?page=3)