# To the boys in my dorm: **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 22, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465 "2006-03-22T18:48:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/41 "2006-03-22T22:15:57Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Hang out with whoever you want, but get off that high horse and quit pretending that their personal recreational choices are any of your business. I know you have your little drug legalization arguments you need to get to, so I won’t keep you any longer than to point out that I took the OP more as a concern that they’re going to far, and not just their recreation use. I took the comment about cocaine being the “last straw”, not as the other things are fine, but cocaine is evil, but rather as yet the latest example of the abuse (not use) of both alcohol and drugs. She spoke of caring for these people, and not wanting them to hurt themselves, and although she did it in a “after school special” way, I think you’re way too harsh on her. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/42 "2006-03-22T22:20:18Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > I know you have your little drug legalization arguments you need to get to, Not really. People who want Prohibition have to make the argument for it. > [@Hamlet](#): > > so I won’t keep you any longer than to point out that I took the OP more as a concern that they’re going to far, and not just their recreation use. > [@monica](#): > > But then you all started the drugs. Constantly mushrooms, LSD, salvia, snorted Ritalin, prescription pain meds, Xanax, and who the hell knows what else. I watched as you all fucked yourselves up, tried to keep at least a bit of a watch on you all in case there was a medical emergency. There were no extremely negative consequences for you; although I almost wish there had been, to snap some sense into you. Mmmm hmmmm. No high horse there, **Hamlet**. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/43 "2006-03-22T22:24:21Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > …yet the latest example of the abuse (not use) of both alcohol and drugs. Any use of alcohol, drugs, tobacco and quite probably Advil is abuse to somebody somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/44 "2006-03-22T22:33:07Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Mmmm hmmmm. No high horse there, **Hamlet**. Good thing you got to look down from yours to see hers. > [@quicksilver](#): > > Any use of alcohol, drugs, tobacco and quite probably Advil is abuse to somebody somewhere. The OP points out that the use of alcohol and drugs have, in part, led to them being on academic probation, one of them flunking out, one with a DUI, and one constantly drunk. Seems to me that it’s become a serious problem. I don’t think the OP is one of those snotty people who look down on anyone who drinks or does drugs. Maybe she is. But the vibe I got from the OP was that she’s speaking out of concern for them, not conceit. As with most things, YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/45 "2006-03-22T22:35:18Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > For those telling the OP to cut and run, I’m glad you are not my friends. I expect my friends to get my back when I’m falling down, and my friends expect me to get their backs when they’re falling down. > > Getting booted from university is falling down. Smacking people in the face with a dose of reality is watching their back. You probably can’t cure someone who doesn’t want to be cured, but you don’t let your friend dance a jig on a ledge without putting out your hand to steady them. And you keep that hand out until they take it, or until they fall out of your reach. > > That is being a friend. Not an acquaintance…a **friend**. But she \*\*is \*\* just an acquaintance. She met them eight months ago, and hasn’t seen them sober for six of those. The very idea that she’s going on and on about how much she cares for these people who she’s known for less than a year and disapproved of almost the entire time is sort of ridiculous, no? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/46 "2006-03-22T22:37:57Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > Good thing you got to look down from yours to see hers. Hah. Care to spout any more meaningless drivel on how we’re supposed to be tollerant of intollerance and accepting of non-acceptance? If someone isn’t busy trying to play mom and moralizing at people, then I have no ‘high horse’, now do I? Telling someone that they don’t have the right to dictate the lives of other people, in response to them attempting to do that, is hardly having being on a high horse. ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/47 "2006-03-22T22:42:08Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > As a control, Subject A will be given nothing to smoke, while to institute a double-blind procedure, one subject will inhale nothing but hedge clippings, while another will toke on some juicy bud: naturally, the observer will be unaware of which subject smoked which until after the experiment. I believe what you actually need is oregano.\* \*According to my father, anyway. When he was in college, his fraternity conducted experiments on their pledge class-- let’s see how high people act when you give them “fake” pot. Apparently oregano is the most convincing substitute. When the PSA said “Parents, talk to you kids about drugs,” my father did just that. After all, they don’t specify _what_ to say about them. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/48 "2006-03-22T22:54:16Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > The OP points out that the use of alcohol and drugs have, in part, led to them being on academic probation, one of them flunking out, one with a DUI, and one constantly drunk. Seems to me that it’s become a serious problem. And yet, the majority of students somehow manage to balance their studies with some partying and the occasional bender of one kind or another. Some even don’t get wild at all. Just study. You see, people make choices and they are definitely old enough to make these choices,d pay for their mistakes and even learn from them. No matter how I try, and perhaps the failing is mine, I can’t seem to parse the OP any differently than, “Woe is me. Notice me, I’m a martyr trying to save these poor witless boys from themselves.” It’s the classic girl who like the bad boys but wants to save them too. ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/49 "2006-03-22T23:00:35Z")
> [@Greathouse](#): > > Yes, by all means, she should tell them shouldn’t be getting high. I’m sure that will do the trick. They will see the error of their ways and drop the pipe like it was hot. > > Or she could tell them they shouldn’t be getting high and then watch as they tell her to go grow dick and suck it. They left their momma at home when they left for college and they really don’t need anyone else trying to step into the role. > I think the second option is much more likely. Either way, the problem is solved. They will either jump right in line and stop getting high or they will tell her to go get bent and continue along as normal without her being around to have to worry about it. you’re a helluva friend bro. I’m mean minding your own business while your pal’s life spirals out of control – missing classes, failing out of school – what’s it matter to you, so long as he dies on Wednesday, you won’t have to miss work/class for the funeral. sounds to me like this is hittin’ a little close to home. somebody gotta a little monkey on his back? ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/50 "2006-03-22T23:00:52Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > I know you have your little drug legalization arguments you need to get to, so I won’t keep you any longer than to point out that I took the OP more as a concern that they’re going to far, and not just their recreation use. I took the comment about cocaine being the “last straw”, not as the other things are fine, but cocaine is evil, but rather as yet the latest example of the abuse (not use) of both alcohol and drugs. She spoke of caring for these people, and not wanting them to hurt themselves, and although she did it in a “after school special” way, I think you’re way too harsh on her. Thanks. You summed it up pretty well. > [@Hamlet](#): > > Good thing you got to look down from yours to see hers. > > The OP points out that the use of alcohol and drugs have, in part, led to them being on academic probation, one of them flunking out, one with a DUI, and one constantly drunk. Seems to me that it’s become a serious problem. > > I don’t think the OP is one of those snotty people who look down on anyone who drinks or does drugs. Maybe she is. But the vibe I got from the OP was that she’s speaking out of concern for them, not conceit. As with most things, YMMV. I am speaking out of concern, I don’t look down on people for drinking or doing drugs. Heck, as I mentioned in my OP, I’ll drink occasionally. I’ve gotten drunk. Not every night like they do, but I will do it. And I have no problem with the pot, either. I just see these guys fucking themselves up. And it bothers me. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it does. When you live with people, you get close to them really fast, and I’d really bonded with them before they started all this. Since then, I’ve withdrawn some, but I still do care about them quite a bit. I’m not going to go report them. Doing drugs is their decision to make, and while I certianly don’t approve of it, I’m not going to bust them for it, either. It’s their choice. I just kind of needed to vent a little, get some of this off my chest, which is why I came here. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/51 "2006-03-22T23:04:47Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > But she \*\*is \*\* just an acquaintance. She met them eight months ago, and hasn’t seen them sober for six of those. The very idea that she’s going on and on about how much she cares for these people who she’s known for less than a year and disapproved of almost the entire time is sort of ridiculous, no? This I’ll grant. I even had this percolating in the back of my head. On the other hand if one of the parties was me, and the other one of my best buds throughout middle and high school, I sure hope neither of us would turn our back on the other. Hell, if any of my close friends got booted from school, I would have been on their folks firing line right behind them. Same if it was me getting booted. We may be individuals, but we live in small, tightly-defined communities. Those communities should look out for each other. ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/52 "2006-03-22T23:12:51Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > Holy jizzmonkey Batman, these guys spew in such quantity as to **BLOCK THE SHOWERE DRAIN!!!** > > I am impressed. This is a prank. I’ve seen pictures of this with the exact same wording, on several different school’s letterhead, floating around on the 'net. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/53 "2006-03-22T23:16:45Z")
> [@Eleusis](#): > > This is a prank. I’ve seen pictures of this with the exact same wording, on several different school’s letterhead, floating around on the 'net. That does not mean it is a prank, maybe its just more prevalent than you thought… ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/54 "2006-03-22T23:17:58Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > That does not mean it is a prank, maybe its just more prevalent than you thought… That was supposed to include one of these: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/55 "2006-03-22T23:18:31Z")
> [@monica](#): > > I’m not going to go report them. Doing drugs is their decision to make, and while I certianly don’t approve of it, I’m not going to bust them for it, either. It’s their choice. I just kind of needed to vent a little, get some of this off my chest, which is why I came here. Well that is good. You report them and you’re delivering them to people who are definitely not their friends. Talk to the ones you think might possibly listen; try to cull them from the pack. Ultimately, though, they’ll decide if they want to stay in school. > [@DianaG](#): > > But she is just an acquaintance. She met them eight months ago, and hasn’t seen them sober for six of those. I’m assuming you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be eighteen. ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/56 "2006-03-22T23:20:24Z")
Look, I am not nuts about the “tone” of the OP either. Yeah, it sounds a little dramatic – but it was a written by a college freshman for Pete’s sake. What rattles me is this attitude that you should accept your friend’s recreational indulgences without intervening to the point that those indulgences threaten your friend’s well being – your option being to cut and run. This less than zero crowd attitude is repugnant - “I am your pal as long as you have an ounce, an eighth, a toke, a bump, a tab, a cap but as soon as you have a problem, well hey brother, you’re on your own.” It makes my fucking skin crawl. The holier than thou tone just puts it over the top – this whole “I’m cool, man – I mind my business, not like some fucking school marm who actually cares about her friend’s well being\*” - an let’s be real candind here, you cannot possibly argue that by failing out of school and running south of Johnny Law, these cats haven’t threatened there well being – least not till you have another swat, Smokey. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/57 "2006-03-22T23:22:33Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > There sure does. > > At her own dorm room door. Eh? Unless she can teleport from her dorm room to points unknown she’s got to face the possibility that she’ll encounter one of these bozos in a common area, and that such an encounter stands a pretty good chance of involving inebriation and generally impaired judgement of anindividual who is already demonstrating a deficit in this area. Ever done something…noncharacteristic…when you were under the influence? I know I have. OP’s got a right to be concerned I think, but just maybe not for the reasons she thinks she ought to be. Money is being paid for her dorm room and her education. She shouln’t have to wonder who and what she’ll encounter on the other side of her door. Wasted friends exercising their God-given right to vomit on themselves in a public venue are one thing; townies, dealers, collectors paying visits–stuff I’ve personally seen–she didn’t sign up for and shouldn’t have to deal with. It’s her business in that regard. Morally? Not so much. Some, but not so much. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/58 "2006-03-22T23:23:39Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > I’m assuming you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be eighteen. Not at all. I remember it very well, and I laugh, and laugh, and then laugh some more at the stupid shit I got myself all worked up over, and my complete inability to distinguish between \*actual \* intimacy and emotional involvment and simply inserting myself into whatever drama there was, because drama is fun. ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/59 "2006-03-22T23:27:25Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Wasted friends exercising their God-given right to vomit on themselves in a public venue are one thing; townies, dealers, collectors paying visits–stuff I’ve personally seen–she didn’t sign up for and shouldn’t have to deal with. but didn’t you hear man, they’re only criminals because their conduct was criminalized\* :rolleyes: otherwise, they’re fucking altar boys. the opportunity costs of living a life of crime have actually attracted the best and the brightest – or so I hear. \*seriously, one of the stupdest things I’ve seen written in a while --isn’t this rule universal to all criminal conduct or is there some way for conduct to be criminal without having first been criminalized? ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2006, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465/60 "2006-03-22T23:35:20Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > If someone isn’t busy trying to play mom and moralizing at people, then I have no ‘high horse’, now do I? Telling someone that they don’t have the right to dictate the lives of other people, in response to them attempting to do that, is hardly having being on a high horse. You misunderstand. I don’t much care what your views on the matter are, I just thought you misread her intentions, were being too harsh on her, and did so with the very high-handed, superior tone you accused her of. Not a big deal, but if you need to make it one, knock yourself out. > [@quicksilver](#): > > No matter how I try, and perhaps the failing is mine, I can’t seem to parse the OP any differently than, “Woe is me. Notice me, I’m a martyr trying to save these poor witless boys from themselves.” And I read it differently, especially in light of the extent of harm the boys seem to be doing to themselves. Almost everyone I know, myself included, had a period of overindulgence and abuse of substances. Most of the people mature beyond it, but some don’t. I just think you misread the tone and purpose of the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-boys-in-my-dorm/349465.md?page=4)