# To The Drunken Louts At The Fireworks Display: **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 5, 2001, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335 "2001-07-05T12:50:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/1 "2001-07-05T12:50:58Z")
I realize you were enjoying your day and the fireworks, but loud, drunken profanity in the presence of a couple dozen young children is uncalled-for. You are cordially invited to wash your mouths out with shitsoap. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/2 "2001-07-05T13:23:49Z")
“What’s the problem, Johnson?” “Well, sir, we’ve had, well, kind of a, well, _mishap_ down in Vat 3.” “A mishap?” “Yes sir.” _Awkward pause._ “Johnson, would you kindly tell me what _kind_ of mishap?” “Oh, right, sorry, yes. Um. Well. We had a bit of a problem with the pipes.” “The pipes?” “Um, yes.” “Didn’t we just replace the pipes for Vat 3?” “Well, yes, and see, that’s the problem. We told Mitchell to rehook the pipes.” “Mitchell? _Dave_ Mitchell?” “Yes, sir.” “What in God’s name were you thinking?” “Well, sir… I have no idea. I can’t believe I told _him_ to do that.” “How did he screw up _this_ time?” “Well, sir, he hooked up in the input pipe to the wrong line. So the vat wasn’t really getting rendered fat into it any more.” “The wrong line? Christ, the only pipes _near_ there are the rendered fat line and the… oh, dear sweet Jesus in heaven.” “Yes.” “The sewage pipes.” “Yes, sir.” “How bad _is_ it, Johnson?” “42,000 bars of shitsoap, sir.” “Dear God.” ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/3 "2001-07-05T13:28:07Z")
**Tranquilis** , I agree completely. That is uncalled for. But that’s not what I came in here for. Sweet Jesus, **John** , that’s absolutely hysterical! 😃 OK, I’m done now. Bye. _Still laughing_ ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/4 "2001-07-05T13:29:46Z")
A few years back, I cordially offered some over-modulated, trash-mouthed buffoon a “lesson in manners” during an Independence Day fireworks bash. He unashamedly told me that the loudmouth was, in fact, his not-yet-adult teenage brother. Ahhh… that’s the way to take it like a man! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/5 "2001-07-05T14:31:41Z")
I’ve got tears from laughing. Thank you, **John C** , that’s _precisely_ what I needed this morning! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/6 "2001-07-06T12:35:19Z")
Thank _you_, **Tranquilis**. The phrase “shit soap” just boggled my mind, and I felt a need to expound upon it. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/to-the-drunken-louts-at-the-fireworks-display/71335/7 "2001-07-06T12:41:50Z")
Nothing like a little ire to inspire a creative phrase.